CHAPTER 3

San rode one of the wolves and ran through the forest and upwards a hill with a rocky peak. Yakul struggled to keep up with Ashitaka weighing him down. "It's a good thing we're friends with those wolves. They would have run the both of us down, easy," Ashitaka said as he dismounted.

They stopped for a while when Yakul squirmed in pain. "It hasn't fully healed yet…" Ashitaka gave the big elk a massage on his calf. "I'm sorry I brought you there, my friend. You're a gentle creature; and being hit by an arrow was beyond the last thing I wished for you."

Ashitaka recalled the event like it was yesterday. He remembered seeing Yakul, lame from the arrow that pierced his thigh. Then everything went black, and the next thing he knew, three samurai were slain and the last one fell back. He gripped his sword so tight that his fingers went numb, and he was so consumed with rage that he could see the curse creeping through his skin.

Is there no other way to protect the people you love? Ashitaka thought deep in his mind.

He suddenly woke from his trance when Yakul nibbled on his hair. It was as if the elk was telling him something around the words like "That's all in the past. Let's hurry or we'll lose them."

With a long sigh, he started moving uphill with the horned beast. It cheered him to see Yakul still full of energy, so thoughts of a hopeful future came to mind. "You know, you can always choose to stay here," Ashitaka suggested. Yakul happily grunted in response and trotted ahead. The young man smiled. It's going to be lonely without you, my friend, but I'll carry on just fine knowing you'll be happy.

San reached the top of the hill much faster than the human and his great elk. "Poor Yakul. I did notice Ashitaka had put on some weight," she teased the air.

The wolves were silent and panting. Even before, they weren't really talkative. But they were the best at what they did, be it against humans, boars, or other creatures of the forest. "Both of you've gotten huge, too...! Just like mother," she awkwardly ended.

"Hmph. We're still growing. I expect we'll be even larger than her."

"Heh… I do, too." San gently scratched their big shoulders and fell silent.

"What is it, San?"

San looked in their big round eyes. They were the closest beings in her life - her family. "Mother's gone… So you don't need to force yourselves to tolerate me, anymore…"

"What makes you think we're tolerating you…?"

Their deep voices sometimes surprise her. They are naturally intimidating, after all. But this was different. She felt hot and cold at the same time. She couldn't tell if it was the scorching sun or the screeching wind, but it was just different. "I mean… uh… you're wolves… and I'm-"

"Don't waste your time thinking like that. Look there, they've finally caught up!"

And there they were. Yakul was hiking just alright. Beside him was Ashitaka wearing a clumsy, apologetic smile. "Sorry. I had to get off Yakul." San shook her head and rubbed the elk's chin.

"Don't get too carried away."

San's brothers glared at Ashitaka as they motioned to invite Yakul to scurry off.

"You guys can be really mean, y'know," San giggled. "You can trust Ashitaka."

"Heh. Not in a million years. San, don't push yourself too hard."

The wolves and their elk-friend descended and vanished again quickly into the trees.

As much as he thought just how threatening her brothers can be, Ashitaka felt reassured that San was loved by her family. And not only that, he was also reminded that he needed to treat her properly, as a true guardian of the forest, as a warrior, and as a woman.

"Your brothers really are amazing," he said happily and then sighed.

"They are, aren't they?" San said as she looked towards the direction they went.

Ashitaka felt something was wrong, "San...?"

"... Say, Ashitaka, do you think I'm strong?" She asked out of the blue.

For him, the answer was obvious. "Well, of course I do. I don't think I've met another person as strong as you. Well, there's Ebosh-"

Her cat eyes pierced through Ashitaka's soul. The mere mention of Eboshi's name still made her angry.

She sighed for a moment. "I meant as a guardian of this place. Do you think I'm capable of protecting it?"

"San, you just went to war and back to protect this place. I think we both know the answer to that."

She slowly curled up, like a flower deprived of sunlight. "It's just that... I'm not like my brothers. I don't have claws or fangs, and I can't run as fast as them, either."

"I see," Ashitaka said while listening intently.

"Maybe... maybe they'd do fine even without me, huh? I'm just slowing them down, aren't I? I have a human's body after all," San said in a sad voice.

Ashitaka thought that it was only natural to compare herself to her brothers who are nothing like her. Nevertheless, it made her feel insecure. It made her feel unneeded.

"I love them dearly. But with mother gone, would they leave me, eventually? They weren't the ones who chose to raise me as part of the Wolf Clan. Mother did that. They had no say..."

For San, the loss that she had to endure that fateful day made her fear losing everything altogether.

"I don't think there's anything to worry about, really," Ashitaka broke through San while admiring Moro's tree from where they were. "You never failed to protect this place. That, at the very least, makes you leagues better than Nago, or even Okkoto... both of whom turned into demons..."

"But that was only because my mother and brothers were there -"

"And isn't that what the Wolf Clan is supposed to be? You protect each other, and share the burden of defending the forest... all that for the good of the pack?"

San was speechless. She did not expect this to be coming from an outsider, let alone a human.

"Even your sister is doing her part, and beautifully so." He gently ran his fingers through San's soft wolven cloak. "She always protects you and keeps you warm." Ashitaka gave a heartfelt smile.

San gripped the fur tight. The forest beneath them whistled as she saw the sparkle in Ashitaka's eyes.

"As for me, I think you are the essence of this forest," he added while still mesmerized by the view. "I remember crying because I thought you'd kill me... but you saved me, fed me, and nursed me back to health. I could never repay that... not even with my life."

Ah, I did, she thought.

And then she realized.

I... I- I fed him! H- he remembers that!? She blushed as she recalled that experience in her head.

"I also remember this rocky hilltop… I woke to find you gone... thinking I'll never see you again… Hm? Are you alright, San?" Ashitaka seemed oblivious.

"O- of course I am!" She still couldn't believe it.

"But... I admit I'm surprised you remembered a- all that," she thought out loud.

"Well, naturally, I don't remember everything too well... I was brought back to life. But I do recall you feeding me something very delicious. I had a hard time swallowing anything, but for some reason, whatever you fed me wasn't."

The clueless man kept going, "If it's not too much trouble, I'd love to try it again!"

San's face turned beet red from embarrassment.

"Are you sure you're alright, San?" Ashitaka gently felt her forehead. "You didn't catch a fever, did you?"

She had to do something - anything, to make this strange feeling disappear! "W- What do you think I am, a human!?" San was desperate.

Ashitaka chuckled. "That, and a very capable guardian of the forest," he turned his eyes to the scenery once more. "I think you're a strong wolf, San, but I also think you're a compassionate human," he said unreservedly.

That caught her off guard... but what reason would he have to lie? She thought.

"... You mean it...?" San was still unsure, of course.

Ashitaka held both her hands and looked into her eyes, "I do."

From there, nothing was embarrassing, anymore. She felt his sincerity, through the tightness of his grip and the scar on his hand, where his demon mark once was. It was sad, in a way… because a part of her felt like he was going to leave her, too. "I'll always be near," she recalled Ashitaka saying when they parted.

Then she remembered her last conversation with her mother, "You know, that man wanted to share his life with you..." She remembered how she felt conflicted… and how she responded.

She pressed her head on his chest. She didn't want him to leave, and she didn't want him near, either... She wanted him close. "I don't know how many times I've said I hated you," she began.

"Ah, I never counted them, either." His heartbeat comforted her.

"Do you... hate me for that?" She asked.

He let go of her hands and wrapped his arms around her. "What do you think?"

Their eyes connected for a second. Then she hugged him back and pressed her head all the tighter.

"I hope you know I never really hated you," she spoke to his soul, through his heart. "But now... now, I feel something else, entirely... something on the other side of that… something more."

A maelstrom of colors entered Ashitaka's eyes as he lost his mind for a moment. A surge of energy thundered upwards from his stomach through his heart and to his brain... Was it fear…? Or was it courage? But, ah, when all things are said and done, he still was just a man.

"San."

He wasn't just calling her. He wanted the whole forest to see and to hear, atop this rocky hill.

"Hmm?" San and her bright brown eyes scintillated and outshined everything around them.

The trees were swaying, and the leaves danced in the air as they fell from their branches.

"I love you."

The new heart of the forest lit up, as if San's mother had finally ascended. From there, Moro's mound glowed as the Wolf God gave her blessing before passing into the afterlife. Seldom do the gods witness love, and ironically so. So they rewarded it with displays of power that seemed only magic to mortal eyes.

San's crystal necklace shimmered with the light of the sun, and the wind caressed it like a protective charm. Its bearer wore it like it was always meant for her - this precious reminder of an eastern memory.

San looked into the eyes of Ashitaka, the man in front of her, eager to accept this brand new feeling. It was her most human moment, and yet she didn't feel any less of a wolf. She felt secure. She felt needed... Then she smiled, as she entered a brave new world.

"I love you, too."

Author's Note

San coming to love both Ashitaka and her own human nature is the best ending I could think of. I thought that she couldn't even begin to love a human if she didn't start loving her human self first. A lot of problems may arise from them ending up together, but I've always believed that their characters would pull through and make things work… as they always have.

This last chapter of Episode: San marks my first completed fan fiction!

I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did making it! :)