I think I've forgotten how to breathe properly. I catch my reflection in a piece of metal; I've never been able to catch a break and get a good tan but now I'm whiter than the clouds out the window.

"This is never what I wanted for you; I know this isn't what your mum wanted for you. I want you to be able to have a good, fantastic life Rose, I just want you to be happy no matter what. I am so, so sorry."

"Are you saying that I can never die?"

"Well, I ran an additional test on the second vile and vaporized it, but it just… re-materialized. Perfectly healthy. Un-killable. I'd say that it was quite conclusive."

My mind is reeling, nearly as bad as when I consumed the time vortex. A million questions bubble to my lips, "Am I never going to age then? Like you?"

"Well, that's a complicated question. Like me, likely not, no. Whatever body I regenerate to is simply frozen, a temporary fixed point in time. Well, hang on, if you think of it like that, as in you have one body form that continually regenerates, then I suppose yes, it will be almost exactly like me. Each time you're close to death, your body will likely just re-heal, and you'll be back to who you were yesterday. Physically, at least. Based on yesterday's events it looks like you'll retain all neurological function and memories." Under different circumstances his musings would be highly endearing, but today with me as the focal point they're difficult to hear.

More questions pressure me to be asked, progressively getting more difficult. So much to take in, such a short amount of time. Seemingly the hardest hits me first:

"Doctor? Do you not want me here, on board with you? Sometimes it seems as though you only have your companions with you for such a short time, I never know what to think of it," In silent contemplation he sits. I eye my cup, twisting it in a circle and try not to let him see the panic bubbling over; I'm left in a paralyzing fear you only receive by thrusting yourself out into vulnerability. Unknowingly holding my breath, it comes out shaking. The doctor reaches for me and takes my hands off the cup. In one hand he holds both, and with the other he tilts my chin up so I meet his eyes before dropping his hand back down. Slowly, almost painfully, I get my answer:

"They all leave, Rose. Each adventure with you, well I can't stop myself from wondering if this will be our last. They stay for a bit, and then they get tired of it. Or tired of the danger. Or of me. I never really know. But they grow up, and they leave me. Take what they need to from the experience and move on. But I am always constant."

"But now I am, too, aren't I?"

"I... well, yes - I think. You won't be able to age. You'll always be re-preserved as you are now, as you were then each time you die."

"Doctor, you never truly answered my question. Do you want me to leave?" I look deeper into his eyes, willing for an honest answer from this complicated man; the eyes are weary, hesitant to give up their secrets. This may be the only day that I can say he looks nine hundred years old.

"Well Rose, how long do you want to stay?" I think of all my travels with the doctor. All along, I'd known in the back of my mind that someday they would have to end, I would get old, or he would grow tired of me and I would go home, back to London. At the time I'd just accepted it. But why? If I never went home, what exactly would I be missing? I think of my small, pokey room at my mum's flat in the middle of the city, think of working in the shop everyday of my utterly unremarkable life that I've never had a clue during. It never quite occurred to me that I could just refuse it.

"Forever. I want to stay with you, forever."

A hesitant smile begins to spread slowly on his face, gaining earnest strength. Morning cup of tea long forgotten, he cups my cheek in his hand, gazing at me, as if looking for an ounce of doubt in my features. His tongue licks his lips softly and his face is kind, inviting. Excited even. With a start I realise that this is the first time in over nine hundred years that someone in his life has been able to and has chosen him. My doctor, the last of the time lords, can finally have his happily ever after.

When he speaks his voice is choked with emotion, "I.. I would be honored to have you on board, Rose."

"Doctor?"

"Rose?"

"I have a question for you," biting my lip, I look up at him through my lashes.

"Alright, ask away," his million-dollar smile makes an appearance.

"Well, you see, I think since - well, since this is now a forever, permanent thing, well - I just really want to know what we are. It's so hard being in this grey area. I guess what I'm trying to ask is what are you wanting from me, from us?"

The air leaves his lungs and it's as if someone's pricked a balloon with a pin; he's just deflating. Abruptly he stands, dropping my hands and nearly sends the whole table, teacups and all, for a tumble. "Rose – I – You know I don't do well with labels – it's just, they leave, Rose, they - they always leave me in the end," with that, a wild fear re-inflates him, and I have a feeling that this may be the moment which I regret most in my life, however long it may be.

He doesn't leave me a moment to reply before turning on his heel and is out the thin door frame without a moment to spare. I open my mouth as if to cry out to the empty room before shutting it.

Without thinking I pick up my cup of tea and throw it against the bare wall, it smashes, tea flying everywhere, and makes a satisfactory crash. Tears openly flow down my cheeks and I run back to the hallway, towards my room. My feet pad softly but swiftly on the floor as I run, running away from the kitchen, away from the doctor, and away from yet another mess that I've seemed to create. I'm not sure how long I run for, through twisting and turning metal hallways, past the swimming pool and the library which is my normal escape. I find myself standing in front of the simulation room. The brilliant golden door stands out against the paint chipped metal door jam. I tentatively turn the handle, and the white room is bright on my eyes as I step in. I shut them, and picture it. A mountain top near the ocean, with a cool breeze and light fog coming to greet me as the sun fades over the horizon. Slowly I open my eyes and she's transported me here. I breathe deeply, the salty air cooling my lungs. This room moves, but it's never close by. To get to it, you must work for it, really want it. But the rewards are endless. Anywhere you want to go, limited only by your imagination.

I sit down in the golden field and hug my knees to my chest. Blonde hair falls over me and I image that it's hiding me and my feelings from the outside world. I am alone here, no one can enter another's simulation room time unless invited, which the Doctor most certainly is not today.

I sit, I cry, and eventually, I sleep.

What are you to do when the only true love you have ever known turns out to not be enough?

What do you do when the only man you could possibly build a life with has rejected you?