Jasper for the win! I highly urge each of you who have a major problem with Iris's behavior to look up the long-term effects of childhood trauma. Give her some grace, she's getting there...

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Ch. 55 Head Case

"So...You seem a little upset." Jasper smirked. What the fuck?!

Jasper didn't stop walking until we reached the woods at the edge of the property. I guess we were outside of ear shot of everyone. There would be no other reason to come out here. It was freezing cold outside. Alice met us with my sweater, and I had a flashback of a similar scene back in Forks. Oh how things had changed...She offered a small smile, pat my arm, and walked away.

I turned back to face him. "No shit."

"Well, time to get over it." He shrugged.

My eyes widened. "Excuse me? I'm a—"

"Nope. I ain't Edward. You can't pull your 'oh, woe is me' bullshit. Time to put on your big girl pants and really fix the problem." He smiled condescendingly.

"Who the fuck do you think you are? You don't even know me!" I was seething. What the hell? How was this going to help?!

Jasper shook his head and laughed. Oh now I'm really pissed. "You're just like him...Edward...you know that? Always thinkin' you're worse off than anyone else..." I opened my mouth, but Jasper cut me off. "I've lived long enough and seen enough to know exactly what I need to know about you. You seem like a good person, and Edward really loves you. And because he loves you, he coddles you. He's missed you, and he's tryin' to make up for lost time. I, however, will tell you how it is. No tricks. No lies. No bullshit."

"What are you talking about?" I scoffed.

"You're spendin' so much time and energy lost in your own brain that you can't see around you. You were absolutely correct when you said you were selfish."

"You—"

"I'm not done speakin'. So if you would kindly give me your full attention, I think you've said enough, and your squallin' ain't fixin' anything."

He waited until he knew I wouldn't interrupt before starting again.

"Edward has spent years goin' on and on 'bout you. He has placed you on this pedestal—which is right since you're his mate, but that also means that he can't tell you what you need to hear, the hard truth of things. You've got mama and deddy issues? We all do. Hell, we're all grown and living with people who weren't much older than us at the time of their change callin' them 'Mom' and 'Dad.' If that's not screwed up, I don't know what is, but I accept it. If us living like the fuckin' parasitic Brady Bunch together, pretendin' not to be Vampires and going to school over and over with these humans helps us get passed our issues, then great! Now, It's time for you to grow up. You're grown, but you're not grown up. Mama and deddy are gone. You say you did some bad stuff? We all did. Edward had to listen to every person's last thoughts as he drained them. I could literally feel the pain and fear of every human AND vampire I have killed over the years. If I sat around blubberin' 'bout it, I wouldn't get much else done. It's a viscous cycle you're startin' here."

"I keep hearing them scream, Jasper. I can't make it stop." I said in a low voice.

"So honor that. Let it motivate you to not make the same choice this go 'round. Your mate was right. You get the redo that we all wish we had. Not a single one of us besides Rose and Carlisle can say we're innocent. Even Esme has killed on more than one occasion, and I can't think of a person who would be less like likely to enjoy killing than her. Edward told me that Emmett used to sneak out any chance he got to go hunt humans for fun when he was first changed. 'Course that freak isn't bothered by much in life..." he chuckled. How was he being so nonchalant about this?!

"Look, you ran off on your parents thinkin' you had all the answers to life, but you needed someone to give you guidance which, I guess, they weren't very good at to begin with. You've been alone too long, and you need to start trusting us, your family. Anything you think that only you could possibly understand, one of us had probably seen it or done it ourselves a time or two. Get out of your head, say you're sorry, and move on."

"I..." Jasper finally was allowing me to speak, but there wasn't anything to say. He was right. I had done bad things, made horrible choices, but now I had the chance to change things. I had a good life, a really great chance at having a good eternity spread out before me. I was crying and complaining about things which hadn't happened here yet, and they wouldn't happen if I had anything to do with it. I had to fix this. I had to. There was no other answer.

"Good." Jasper must have noticed my attitude change. "Now shut up and go kiss your man. He's pretty messed up right now worrying 'bout you." He turned to leave, decidedly done with his latest mission.

"Jasper?" I called before he got too far away.

"Yes ma'am?" He replied with a smile.

"How did you know what to say?"

"Easy. I said the same stuff to Edward a while back. I swear he was worse than you with the guilt...still is." He rolled his eyes.

"He hides it well..." I said as I furrowed my brow.

"We're all real good actors, huh?" He winked and walked back to the house.

I stayed behind, and sat on the grass. I remembered the faces of some of my victims, but this time I took Jasper's advice. I apologized to each person I could remember, starting with John's wife. I know I had tried to save her and didn't really do anything wrong in her case, but I still had been holding myself responsible for her death for some reason. I continued my silent offers of remorse to each individual and finished with one long apology and moment of silence for those I couldn't reveal...which was too many to count. I couldn't keep up this pattern of negativity. I wouldn't survive it. I would keep making mistake after mistake until I finally did something to get myself or everyone else killed.

I laughed to myself when I randomly recalled the line from "Spider-Man" when Uncle Henry says, "With great power comes great responsibility." He was right. I wasn't normal. My abilities, my touch on this world, could affect others exponentially greater than other people's. I needed to forgive myself...come to terms with the things outside of my current control.

"I'm glad you're smiling again. Is it safe for me to enter?" Edward cut through my introspection.

"Yes. Sorry, apparently I'm a little crazy."

"A little?" Edward laughed at my face. "I'm kidding. I have been waiting for you to explode. You were holding so much back. You can't live that way."

"I know. I'm sorry." I repeated myself. I didn't know what else to say. I fought the urge to think poorly of myself again. No, Iris, you can't start this again. Say sorry and move on.

"Jasper is a smart man. He helped me get passed myself too." Edward sat in the grass beside me, pulling me to a side-lying position next to him.

"He told me. I'm glad you're ok. I'm getting there... it may take time, but I want to be better. I used to be better at this...being happy...I feel like something has happened along the way, and I was caught in so much drama that I got lost. I couldn't wade through all the clutter up there." I gestured to my head.

"In the future, can you please tell me if you get overwhelmed again? You really scared me back there. I thought you were about to leave me again." His voice broke, and I wanted to cry for all the unnecessary anguish I always seemed to put him through. He has enough problems without me making it worse. I lightly traced the point between his eyes where his skin pinched together as he frowned. "Iris, your problems are my problems. We're a team. Got it?"

"Aye aye, Captain." I said in jest, and he shook his head with a smile.

"You're utterly ridiculous sometimes."

"You love me." I bit my lip, catching Edward's full attention.

"Inexorably."

He pulled me closer to him and kissed me deeply the way two lovers do when they've got no other care in the world.

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