This is not an accurate description of childbirth. I've had two, natural, non-complicated deliveries myself, and I can look back on them with joyous memories. Please recognize that this is a dramatized version from Iris's perspective. If you're squeamish, look away. You've been forewarned.

Also, there has been a point to all these seemingly plotless chapters...it will come around all in due time. Thanks for sticking around guys!

Happy Reading...?

Ch. 68 Oh Baby

"See you're already doing so well!" Edward was being overly enthusiastic—AKA Fake— about the progress I had made in my blood drinking. Hell, I was just thankful that I could get through it without threatening anyone's life. By the way, if you're trying to keep a vampire on your side about being changed, don't tell them that you'll tear them to pieces the moment you open your eyes after the change. That won't keep them on your side...not that I know that from experience or anything. Ok, fine...I may have tossed around the idea when Emmett held me back from the main stock of blood when I found it...He still won't look me in the eyes, and it's been three days. What? It's the hormones...sure, Iris. Sure it is.

I took the last sip of blood, silently savoring it, and set the cup down slowly, my hand trembling as I fought the urge to bring it back to my lips and lick it clean. Edward kissed me chastely and returned the glass to the kitchen.

I only zoned out for about six minutes that time according to Edward, which meant that he had to hold me as tightly to his chest as he could without breaking my limbs while I kicked my feet out wildly fighting to get away in hunt of more blood. Overall, it was a success I'd say. Oh God, I'm so screwed...

Honestly, I think everyone was just surprised—including myself—that I had enough strength to do my restrained pregnant kung fu. I was in the middle of my fourth week, our little bundle of joy would be here soon enough. If our calculations and my measurements were correct, the baby could be here safely in as little as one day. Alice couldn't see my future at all, just like when Bella was pregnant, the useless psychic. Sorry, Alice. Love you lots.

Shit. Am I ok with this? Yes, of course you're ok with it. But what if I suck at being a mother? You won't suck. You're going to be fine. No I'm going to suck at it. Fuck. At least there's no werewolf drama this go around...

"You'll be wonderful. Everything will be wonderful." Wonderful. Yeah ok...Edward kissed my temple as he returned from the kitchen. He had been acting weirder and weirder the closer to baby's arrival we came. If he wasn't fighting off invisible threats to keep our baby and me safe, he was floating around on cloud nine and using the word "wonderful" way too often. He was the most attractive whipped person I had ever seen...

I hissed in pain suddenly when the baby shifted. "Shit!" I winced when I poked my side. That was probably another broken rib...that made two this week...and a bruised kidney, so I had a urinary catheter...this has been a really great experience. Wish I could write a yelp review on vampire-human pregnancy...It's for the baby. It's for the baby. It's for the baby.

"Iris?!...Carlisle!" Edward pulled me into his lap smoothly as if his touch would somehow heal the bones. He leaned over so that his mouth was level with my belly button. "Baby, be careful with your mother. She's not as strong as you right now. Please, it's just a few more days." We had been referring to our blessed invader affectionately as 'Baby' since we had yet to decide on a name for either gender. He quirked a brow, listening, and smiled when he heard what he liked. "Baby understands. He or she is just getting a little cramped in there." He rubbed my protruding belly delicately in circles. You and me both, baby.

Fuck! Don't breathe, Iris. Just don't breathe and everything feels fine. Hurry up, baby...

"What is it? Another rib?" Edward's brow knitted with concern.

Carlisle was already at my side and probing the side of my rib cage gently. "The baby is too strong for you, Iris. We're going to have to deliver soon."

"Great." I smiled weakly. I say weakly because everything I did lately when blood wasn't concerned—hey I just thought about blood without trying to bite anyone!—was done weakly.

Shit. Soon. As in tomorrow. Double shit. I'm not ready. Yes, you are. No, I'm not. Shut up. God, I've been cooped up too much lately. I'm talking to myself again. Wonderful.

•PTaT•

Well, it's tomorrow, and I guess our sweet baby got the message too.

This is it! The baby is coming. Our baby is coming! Oh shit. Our baby is coming...

"Ahhhhh!" My stomach clenched stronger than any of my previous contractions, and I curled into myself on the floor crumpled in pain. This was it. My time was up. I had been ignoring the pinching in my abdomen all day. Edward knew what was happening and told Carlisle and the rest of the Cullens to be prepared, of course, but I was stupid. I wanted to pretend that this was a normal delivery with no expectation of danger. So all day I felt the stirrings of contractions, first beginning low in my belly with just a bit of pressure, and had now progressed several hours later to what I could only imagine was some type torture used in hell.

I told everyone to act normally earlier in the day, and they were playing along so long as I was progressing normally. I even kicked everyone out of our room except Edward, but now I could hear the chatter in the hall. They were all out there...

"Iris?!" Edward entered the room looking first to the bed where he had left me mere seconds ago to get water, but found me instead on the floor. "Iris!" He swept me into his arms, and took me straight to Carlisle's office which was made up very similarly to an operating room currently.

When we got to the room, Carlisle, and Rosalie were already there, waiting. The rest of the Cullens left because of the possible blood. Rosalie begged to be present as long as she could, but she knew that she would have to leave soon too.

"Oh my God!" I screamed through another contraction. Bella's spine was snapped before she ever got to this point so she didn't get to feel any of this part, lucky Bitch.

I had gotten used to being in pain these last couple of weeks, but this pain, the pain of a solid stone uterus, made impenetrable by my amniotic venom, cramping down, forcing my hybrid baby into my very human pelvis? This pain was off-the-hook crazy. I would take being shot twenty time and dragged through the forest by James over this. I would allow Jane to trap me in an eternal prison of her pain if it meant that I didn't have to feel this now.

"Holy Fucking Shit!" I usually tried to keep most of my cussing to a bare minimum—out loud—but this was unbearable. Shit shit shit. Fucking fucking bullshit! Something was wrong.

"Let me try some morphine..." Carlisle murmured...Anything! Give me anything! Shining shitballs of pain I want it all!

"Breathe, Iris. Breathe, sweetheart." Edward smoothed back my hair, but his hand on my skin—which would usually be so comforting—felt like he was rubbing it raw. Oh my God! He yanked his hand away from me then.

"Break my spine! Please just make it...argh...stop!" I was bawling, begging, kicking my feet, thrashing on the table. Oh my God! This is why humans weren't meant to procreate with vampires. Oh my God. Oh. My. God.

"Iris?" It was Rosalie this time. "I know it hurts, but think of your baby! You'll get to see him or her soon. Who knows? You might survive this long enough to spend some time with the little sweetie." She was smiling at me and using her sing-song voice of optimism. This was soft Rosalie. She was imagining the baby, so perfect and lush in her arms. It was the face and voice she used when she talked about her grandchildren. Well...Fuck off. You got to birth a human baby. You don't know this pain. Ugh, that was harsh. Ok—Noooo! Fuck!

"Rosalie, You need to leave now. We're going to have to cut her and deliver via cesarean because she's not progressing properly. Iris? You're only three centimeters, but the baby's head is descending anyway. I'm sorry, darling, but we have to deliver. It's crushing your pelvis." I heard Carlisle address me as he came out from under the sheet which had been tossed over my knees. But it was hard to pay attention. I didn't even realize that my legs were up in stirrups until just now. What did he say? Cut? Cut what?!

"Ahhhhhhhhhh!" Who gives a damn?! Cut whatever you want...Please!

I was screeching, but I didn't give a flying rat's ass. It hurt. Oh God, did it hurt. Fuck fuck fuck! My eyes rolled back in my head. I fought to maintain consciousness, but things were getting hazy.

"Iris, I'm going to numb you, ok?" Carlisle was still speaking in a calm, controlled voice.

"Ehhhhhh!" It was the best I could do for an answer. Oh my God!

Edward was still right there, humming to me and kissing my forehead. He was trying anything to help me, but there was nothing to do. "It's alright, sweetheart. We're going to see our baby in just a few minutes. You've done so well, focus on me. Look, love, right here. It's just you and me." I was breathing through my lips pursed out in an "o" as I panted out a breath. Shit Fucking shit. Edward cupped my face in his hands as he stood by my head, garnering all my attention for a second. I tried to smile up at him, but I'm sure it looked more like a grimace. Our baby, focus on our baby, Iris. "Our baby." Edward nodded kissing my forehead softly. Shiiiiiiiiiiit! This pain was unbearable. What was the change going to feel like? Holy hell. The change. I might be changed soon. "Focus, Iris. You and me, love." Edward captured my gaze once more.

Carlisle was hanging a blue curtain between my upper and lower half. This was getting real.

Fuck! Another contraction began, and I cried out again. "Ohhhhhh!"

"Carlisle? Why isn't the medicine working?" Edward sounded a little panicked when he looked back to Carlisle. Not working?! No! I can't take anymore...please...

"I'm not sure. I've administered as much medication as I can safely for her and the baby. Anymore and it could harm one or both of them. Iris? I'm so sorry. I'll have to do this without any anesthetics." Oh shit...

"What?!" Edward growled and nearly threw himself over the table to stop Carlisle from touching me.

"I'll be fast, son. I'm ready to change her if anything at all happens." Carlisle sounded sure.

"Like hell you will!" I'd never heard Edward fight his father this way. This was a vampire fighting for the welfare of his mate.

Oh God. Oh God. I felt like I was hyperventilating. I cried out again through the pain, but it was just broken breathing. This was excruciating...sharp stabs all throughout my back, my abdomen, my pelvis. I felt like I was being squeezed and turned inside out. My lower half felt like it had been tossed in a fire and left to burn, like the baby was ripping his or her own way out of me. "Oh God!" It was too much, so much pain...I'm weak. I can't do this. I thought I was strong, but I was wrong. I'm not strong. I'm fucking weak. I'm like a—"ahhhhhh!"

"You can do this, Iris." He was trying to reassure me, but Edward looked helplessly to me, torn between protecting me and helping me. Anything! Anything to stop the pain! It's fine. Whatever! Please. Oh God!

"Do it." Edward took my hand and nodded in to his father in defeat. Carlisle moved to the side of the table he leaned over to where I could no longer see him. I felt him place his hands on me, preparing to bite through my skin, but it was too late.

With one final contraction, I couldn't even scream anymore. The pain silenced me, or maybe it deafened me. I was blinded in agony as I felt the baby rip through me without any assistance from Carlisle, a geizer of blood spewed out from behind the curtain, and it was done.

I threw my head back, mouth wide open to scream, but no sound escaped. My lungs were crying for oxygen, but I couldn't inhale. I laid there, back arched away from the table, arms thrown out to the side in shock.

My vision faded in and out, the silence turned to a slight ringing as if an explosion had occurred too closely to my ears.

All of a sudden, I felt like I was floating, living through an out-of-body experience. No one seemed to notice me leave, though. I watched from a few feet away as Edward grasped my blank face in his hands, his mouth moving to form my name over and over. He shook me, looked to Carlisle in horror, saying something, and back to me.

Esme appeared suddenly in the room with a small blanket to sweep our baby away. I could see that she—yes, it was a she—was crying, and I wanted desperately to take her into my arms, cradle her to me and tell her that it would be ok. I know it's cold, and bright, and loud. I know it's different from all you have known. I know it's a scary place out here, but in my arms you are warm. You are safe. You are loved.

But I couldn't do any of that. Instead, I continued to impassively float off on the sideline of the scene as I watched Edward and Carlisle work furiously to keep my body alive.

Carlisle was quickly sealing my wounds, working as fast and efficiently as possible to control my bleeding.

Edward grabbed the syringe filled with his venom just as I had told him to do weeks ago, stabbing me right at the apex of my heart. He then rushed around the table at lightening speed, biting through my skin, actively injecting my body with his fresh venom at each pulse point—my ankles, knees, groin, wrists, elbows, and either side of my neck...There was no movement or response from my body. I quirked a brow as I stared in fascination.

The scene was kind of beautiful in the most unexpected way...how they moved so oppositely but in synchrony. It was as if this had been rehearsed a hundred times before.

I saw Edward shake me roughly this time. He was panicking. I couldn't hear him, but his mouth almost looked like he was crying, "Come back! Come back!" Over and over again...it's alright my love. I'm here. I'm ok...I moved to place a hand on his face from where I hovered, and his head turned sharply toward me, his face a mixture of shock and awe.

...I was shocked too, because as my gauzy hand made contact with his skin, there was a flash of light, and I felt the familiar pull as I was drifting. This time I wasn't drifting away, though.

I opened my eyes, and I was still staring down at my body, but it was from a new perspective. My senses were heightened. I looked to my hand which was holding...my hand...and it was paper white, smooth, and masculine. I was inside of Edward.

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