I sat there in shock as his lips were still pressed against mine. My best friend, well my actual best friend not the one I was in love with, had kissed me. He pulled away from me and stared at me, gauging my reaction and I just sat there. I placed my fingertips to my lips and just stared. I know, any woman in this clubhouse who was kissed by Jackson Teller would have jumped his bones but not me. This man was my best friend, the guy I called whenever Opie did something stupid. The man I called when I was pmsing and needed a chocolate fix like right then, and to his credit he never complained. This was the man I called whenever I wanted to talk- about anything in the world mind you, and he tried to kiss me. Actually tried to kiss me too, not like the kind of kiss you give relatives, I had felt him try to make it more than just you know a friendly peck. I'm rambling but I feel like my brain is a livewire. I just stared at him and I couldn't quite tell if I had hurt his feelings or not. Maybe he only kissed me because of the alcohol. You know people get drunk and get affectionate right? That happens right? That had to be all it was. He didn't actually want to kiss me, yeah I told myself. I just happened to be around and he was getting all tingly or whatever when he started talking about how great of a person I was.I thought back to what he said before he kissed me, Oh my god, what if it wasn't just the drunkness. What if he really wanted to kiss me? I scoffed which turned into a laugh, because out of all of the women in the clubhouse tonight he chose to kiss me, the one he looks at like a sister. Because that was so likely to be the truth. There's now way he had intentionally wanted to kiss me. He was my best friend he was supposed to say all of those nice things about me. It's in the job decscription. I did a quick scan of memories and none came to mind where he had been overly affectionate or even said anything that would make me think he was interested, just the normal best friend kind of things. Jax has always been so supportive of me, always there for me but never once had he ever insinuated that he was interested in me. You would think he would have said something if that were the case, I mean we've been friends since we were kids. In my silence, he leaned back on his bed. I stared at him as he stared at his ceiling.I wasn't quite sure what to say. I didn't know how to feel about it, it kind of crossed every line we had ever set as friends. Then again I had crossed all of those lines myself by falling in love with Opie but I didn't think that was the case here. But what would I do if it was? Could I really handle that? It had to be a misunderstanding, the really messed up part is I really wouldn't know anything until tomorrow and that's if I decided to bring it up. I sighed yeah I probably was never going to know.
I glanced over my shoulder at him and I couldn't tell if he was sleeping or not. I'm pretty sure I had hurt his feelings, if the situation was serious and not a misunderstanding. He had been eerily silent since he kissed me. I shrugged to myself. That could be a good thing it gave me a chance to really sneak a peek at him. I took advantage of the silence and really studied his features. His long blonde hair was smushed in between himself and the bed and strands of it were sticking up everywhere. His eyes were dropping and intensively focused on the ceiling. His lips were really defined and surprisingly soft, okay that was weird why was I paying attention to his lips like that? The light hightlighted the gold stubble that ran across his chin. I could admit it, he was really good looking but looking at him didn't send sparks shooting through me or make me crave to strip him of his clothes. When I looked at Opie, I felt so I don't know warm, tingly and just happy. I didn't feel that way with Jax, but maybe I could feel that way again. Jax was right. I needed to start trying to look at other people because I didn't see Opie making some kind of big revalation that it had been me this whole time. I thought back to my conversation and kiss with Jax, and realized that even if there was more there, I didn't want to pursue it right now. I had just been down that road and got my heart smashed so I needed time.
As I sat collecting my thoughts, I heard a slight snore. I looked over next to me and Jax had indeed fallen asleep. I sighed and stood up. I couldn't let him sleep like that. His feet were dangling in the floor and his upper half was twisted pretty awkwardly. I knew he would be in pain in the morning so I slowly removed his shoes and laid his feet softly on the floor. I unzipped his hoodie and eased it off of him along with his kutte, as I did so his t-shirt slid up and I turned fifty shades of cherry. He had a slight happy trail leading from his belly button..uhhhm into his pants. I didn't realize how long I had been standing there staring because the bedroom door opening kicked me out of my trance like state I was in. I cleared my throat and I started to kind of drag him further up the bed and as I was attempting I felt a bit of weight lift and there stood Ope. He ]helped me scoot Jax up and then he just stared at me. I felt myself getting warm all over. His gaze was making me nervous. I wondered if he had noticed me scoping out Jax's stomach and I rolled my eyes. What did it matter it wasn't like he wanted me. I was allowed to look. I shook my head. Why was I trying to justify staring at my other best friend? It was still wrong. I stared around Jax's room that was covered in half naked women. I guess it would be much less awkward to stare at Opie. I looked over at him. Yeah still awkward so I decided it would be better to stare at Jax's sleeping form.
"I see Jax passed our already, that's unlike him. He must have pregamed." I nodded, unsure of what to say.
"I'm not sure, he didn't seem drunk when he picked me up." Opie chuckled and looked me up and down.
"Well seeing you like that must have caused him to do himself in." I took a quick look up and down and smacked myself in the forehead. I had forgotten I had sexied myself up in order to show Opie what he was missing. Maybe that's why he kissed me. It would make sense. I looked so different.
"Why would the way I look affect Jax." Opie gave me a ,'you've got to be kidding me' look and my heart dropped to my stomach. An endless black hole and filled the place that once was my stomach. Did he really have feelings for me? Was I really that blinded by my love for Opie?
"You know how he gets when men oogle you. You pretty much gave them a reason too." He said as he motioned towards my outfit. The black pit feeling didn't go away like I thought it would. Something bad was going to come out of my mouth.
"Did you notice it Harry?" I asked, for the first time using his actual name in a very long time. He looked lost, almost the way I felt when Jax kissed me. The black hole in my stomach intensified. He didn't feel like that about me. Yes I had thought it, yes I had felt it was true. But it was completely different being smacked in the face with it.
"Of course I noticed Lu, but you're like my sister. You're damn good looking and any man who doesn't think so is a fucking liar. I wanted to be with you more than I wanted to breathe when we were younger but then I met Donna..." and he trailed off and my heart broke even more. I had a chance and I blew it without even knowing I blew it. I felt the tears well up in my eyes and I looked back down at Jax. His features were relaxed and it really took me back to the day he beat the shit out of Trent. In front of me laid that same kid and the tears spilled out from my eyes. I cried over Opie, I cried over Jax and in general I just cried. I noticed Ope didn't rush to scoop me up in his arms or anything he just let me cry it out. I was really starting to see the difference in his and Jax's friendship with me and I wasn't sure I was liking it. When I was done crying I finally heard his voice.
"Are you okay kid?" All the crying I had done should have worn me out but at that moment being called a kid really pissed me off.
"First off you need to quit calling me kid! I am not a damned kid!" I lifted my hand indicating my boobs, "Do these look kid like to you? No I didn't think so!" I said as I started to pace in a circle. I felt like I was on the verge of snapping his head off, not only for always calling me kid but for everything. Images of him and Donna flashed through my mind and I started to see red all over. Why was he so damn dumb? We would be perfect together! Why couldn't he see that? Oh yeah because he was so wrapped up in her! I wished he had never met her. Hell I wish he had spoken up back in the day! What the fuck was wrong with him? I pushed myself passed him and slammed the door. Forget him, forget his feelings I was so done!
a/n: I know it seems short but I did add a lot of information i hope that counts. Thank you to traceyklewis for always reviewing and loving it, Tisha24 you seem relatively new to the story but thank you so much for reviewing every chapter! you rock and thanks for the upbeat reviews, rosered88, and emmettluver2010 u have disappeared on me as of late but i still love your reviews lol