I giggled the whole way to my room. It was good to let them feel confused for once. I'm always the one that's not sure of things, like for instance where I stand with the both of them and now they get a taste of it. You know, five years ago I would have never imagined myself in this situation. For one I figured Opie and I would be together by now and on our way to our happily ever after. Psshh yeah that is working out wonderful let me tell you. I'm pretty sure he's going to marry Donna. She is the one having his baby and she's a really nice girl. I really do like her. I am working on being okay with that I really am but then he pulls stunts like yesterday where he actually seems like he has feelings for me and I'm lost all over again. I need to distance myself from him, but can I do that? Can I let go of a man I've loved since I was 12 years old? Would it be weird between us if I let him go? I shook my head as I studied my reflection in the mirror and made myself smile. I need to do whats best for me, whatever that was. That brought me to my other confused set of feelings for my other best friend, of course there's Jax, I never imagained in my wildest dreams that I could actually see him as more than the goofy friend who used to try to flick his boogers on me. I shuddered as the memories came flooding back. Gross child! He's no longer that child anymore though, he's a man a damned good one too. He's always been wonderful to me and never made me feel out of place, regardless where we went. I always thought it was brotherly but now I'm not so sure. Maybe I'm blowing things out of proportion on his end. Maybe he does just see me as his sister. But being honest, I know I have some kind of feelings, even if they're not head over heels in love feelings. I do think I might have stronger feelings than just a friend and that scared the hell out of me. I can't lose another best friend, especially not one as good to me as Jax is. He's my best friend, my protector, annd the most stable thing in my life. That brought my thoughts back to Kyle. He scares the crap out of me. I shouldn't be, I know I can handle myself but look at yesterday. I was so intoxicated that I could have been seriously hurt. My senses were impaired and that would have worked to his advantage. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself. I can't believe Happy, mind you who barely knows me, went and beat some guy to a pulp because he scared me. It was kind of cute actually, in a weird way but it was the gesture that counted. That was one the best parts about the Sons. They stuck uip for one of their own, even if the particular brother didn't even know the person he was protecting. If only the whole town knew them that way. They wouldn't look down on them so much. Just for the record, Kyle should be happy it was Happy who brought me home and not Clay, because Clay would have killed him no question about it.

I heard a slight knock on my door and I creaked it open. Jax stood leaned against the wall. His face was full of an emotion I couldn't read. His eyes weren't bright and full of life like they normally were. He resembled a lost puppy. I walked over to my bed and sat down. I patted the spot next to me. He stepped closer inside the door but just enough to lean up against the doorframe. His eyes bore holes into me but I still kept pushing. I could tell he needed me even if he didn't want to say it. As many times as he allowed me to cry on his shoulder, it was my turn to give him mine. I opened my arms towards him and he rather jerked his head 'no'. I stretched my arms out farther and finally he shoved himself off of my doorframe and sat down next to me. He didn't lean into my arms, instead he stared off at the wall.

"She's gone isn't she Faith?" I wasn't sure what to say. Maybe I'm no good at comforting him. I screamed at my brain. Say something good damn it!

" I honestly don't know Jax, but what I do is this. If she did leave you, she doesn't deserve you. You don't deserve to be hurt like this and don't tell me you're not hurting. I know you Jax, I know you better than I know myself. You're crying on the inside. Don't bottle it up Jax, I'm your best friend and I am here for you. You're the most wonderful man that I know and anyone who doesn't see that is an idiot." He sighed and allowed me to take him in my arms. I just held him, silently urging him to let it out, but he was resilient and wouldn't let up. I started to rock him slightly and began to hum. The song I was humming, I had no idea but it just came to me and it felt right.

"She wanted me to go and I wouldn't go. Its all my fault she left. I should have left with her." My eyes started to water and I tried to shake them away to no avail. The wound up landing on his head. Thankfully he has a head full of hair so he didn't know.

"No, if she loved you she wouldn't have wanted you to change. Charming is your home Jackson. This is your family's home. I couldn't imagine you anywhere else. Besides she knows how much you love the club, how could she ask you to give that up? Its all you've ever wanted since you were a kid." He shrugged and pulled himself out of my arms. He stared at me for a few minutes, not saying anything at first.

"I should have loved her more." I rolled my eyes.

"No! She should have loved you more. Come on you don't have the hottest thing in Charming at your beck and call then just leave." His stare continued but I soon saw the traces of a smile that eventually led to a full blown smile.

"Did you just call me hot?" I found myself blushing. Really? He goes from an emotional puppy to the cocky Jax I knew. But of course out of everything I've said in the past few minutes that was what he was going to notice.

"Well, if the shoe fits..." He laughed and a smirk followed it.

"Oh it definitely fits."

"Then wear it." We both started to laugh. I knew it was only a temporary bandaid on the hurt and it was going to get a lot worse before it got better. But for not, I was satisfied.

"Thanks Faye, you always know what to say." I rolled my eyes.

"This is the first time I've had to console you. How are you even gonna go there?"

"You've helped me out a lot more than you've realized. You always say something crazy when I have a ton of shit on my mind and it goes away. Thanks for being here Luanne."

"Anytime Jax."

a\n: new chapter! Finally! My daughter busted my tablet after Christmas so I finally have a new one! So hopefully more chapters are on the way. This one's kinda sappy but enjoy anyway. I wanted to show a lil of how hurt Jax was when Tara left. Remember though this is the tip of the iceberg also, how do we fee! About Ope? Let me know :) until next time

- Shell