"Can I join you guys?"
The palace's kitchen was a mess, the servants completely giving it up to the small but frightening earth bender; Toph. They were in the process of baking Uncle Iroh a cake and cooking all his favorite delicacies. It was his birthday tomorrow, after all.
Sokka's expression is stern, "Absolutely-"
"Sure thing!" Suki cuts in brightly, hands him a mixing bowl and spoon. "We could use the extra pair of hands."
He's only a little relieved, all that pacing and stressing outside of the kitchen doors counted for something, right? He hasn't seen much of Team Avatar in days, feels like it's been forever since talking with Katara. Forever as in not even nearly a week. When he was with Mai, he left for months at a time.
He takes the bowl awkwardly, tries to ignore the feeling of Katara ignoring him. Should be easy as the rest of them attempt some form of normalcy. Katara isn't exactly private about the way she feels and they're trying their best not to play favorites. Just like when he tried joining their group a long time ago. He sighs, back to square one.
Right now, she's in the middle of marinating Komodo chicken, laser focused on measuring out the cooking oils. He hasn't had the chance to explain himself. She always turns the other way when he walks toward her, heads straight back inside the palace when he strolls through the garden. She's refused to speak to him for days, since the hallway with Mai, and he's convinced she's nearly halfway there to getting her memories back.
"So," Aang says, sidles right next to Zuko. He's been in a better mood as of late. "You excited for your uncle's birthday tomorrow? Did you get him anything?"
"Oh, uh, yeah."
It's quiet, minus the whisking of batter. Zuko didn't think to tell them what it was. Coughs. "I got him a dragon tea set to replace the one I cracked. Not the same one, but a better one. Not to say that his wasn't good, but it's… this one has dragons."
Everyone stares at him except for one. Toph slaps him on the back, hard. "Well! I think that's pretty neat of you!"
"Why would your uncle need more tea sets?" Sokka asks, flippantly. Specks of frosting are on both of his cheeks, and even his chin. "He's got like, a gazillion of them. In fact, he owns a tea shop. Numerous tea shops mean numerous tea sets!"
Zuko looks down at the goopy cake batter. "His name is engraved on this one."
Sokka waves the spatula in his hand around. "Whoop-de-doo. He could easily write his name down on all of the other ones."
Suki pinches his arm. "Ow!" He cries out. "What's that for?"
"Be nice," she scolds. Smiles at Zuko, warmly. Suki's been the only friend of his, other than Toph, who's been the most understanding, even welcoming of him. He forces a smile back.
They work diligently on the snacks, baked goods, and entrees until night falls. Powder coats their clothes, and their hands feel grimy with hard work, sugar, and dough. Toph ate a handful of dumplings in the process, only held the responsibility of making sure nothing fell and spilled on the ground. Oh, and taste testing, she said. Wanted to make sure everything was up to the quality of a noble's food, since she came from royalty, and technically still is.
She loves Iroh, almost as much as Zuko does.
"Well, I'm pooped," Aang stretches, Sokka yawning beside him.
"Same," Sokka wraps an arm around Suki. "Think we're gonna hit the sack, it's almost midnight."
Katara steps in front of her brother, speaking for once. She'd been quiet most of the night, except to mutter a thanks to Zuko, for telling her she wasn't putting enough spices into the Komodo chicken. It was enough to make his heart pound. "We can't just leave the kitchen a mess."
Suki backs her. "She's right. We should stay and clean."
"What?" Sokka drawls out. "But that's what the servants are for, right?"
Katara fixes Sokka with a look. "We're the ones who made the mess, so we should clean it up. You don't just go into someone's kitchen, make a mess, and then leave it for them to take care of."
"No," Aang pipes in, a big smile on his face. "But that's why we go to a palace's kitchen where they have people who do the cleaning for us! We're guests, Katara!"
Sokka tiptoes past her while she's not paying attention, pulling Suki along with him, her face an apology. Toph is already nowhere to be found. Katara, distracted, says, "No, Aang, just because we're guests doesn't mean we're not responsible for our actions!"
Aang gives her a final smile, before saying, "Unfortunately, I have to fly out early tomorrow with Appa for a mission, I'd really love to help but, you know, Avatar duty calls! Thanks, Katara!"
Leaving only Zuko and Katara in a very messy kitchen.
She's tempted to leave; like they said, it was the servants' jobs to clean up. But her mom raised her right even if Sokka can be a poor example of that sometimes, and she starts to place the dishes into the sink slowly, wipes remnants of flour off the countertops. Ignores Zuko's silent but pleading eyes on her back.
"Are you just going to keep standing there, or are you going to help?" she snaps, putting soap onto the sponge.
"Right," he says. He grabs the rest of the bowls and sneaks them underneath Katara's arm into the sink. She hands him the wet silverware and he dries them off with a towel, places them neatly onto the rack. Good thing he worked at a tea shop with his uncle. He would have never understood the basics of household chores.
"Look, I'm-"
"Save it," she shoves a plate at him. "I don't want to hear your apologies."
"I wasn't going to apologize."
"Really? What were you going to say then?"
Okay, he was going to apologize, but he didn't want her to feel like she was in the right, even if she was. "I'm excited for my uncle's birthday feast tomorrow?"
Their fingers brush when she hands him a plate, and she frowns. She won't last much longer holding her tongue. It's just not in her. Sure, she did well when everyone else was around, but that was because there's a time and a place for everything. There's no way of getting out of it now. Zuko waits. They'll be here the whole night cleaning up.
She breaks pretty fast. "Why did you lie to me? To everyone? Or rather," she corrects herself, already predicting what he'll say. "Why didn't you tell them what really happened? That it was you?"
Zuko sighs and Katara's quick to say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was such a difficult thing for you. The fact that I only remember bits and pieces of my home, and who I am, can't possibly compare to what you went through, covering for yourself. I woke up to strangers."
The spoons clatter in the sink and her hands grip the edge of the counter so tight. Zuko puts the towel down and says, "No, it's not that. I've been wanting to tell you, since the first night we went to the beach." Remembers the shooting star that interrupted him, and what he wished for. Maybe he was finally getting it. "It was just hard to admit because I was ashamed. They said things, about my sister, and my temper got the best of me. I was going to help you get your memories back."
"You didn't think to tell me over the past few months we've spent together? I had to hear it from Mai. I told her I trusted you, I feel like an idiot!" The water in the sink ripples a little bit. She runs her hand through her hair, doesn't care that they're still wet. There's some flour on her cheek from earlier.
"You have-" Zuko gestures to his own cheek.
"And she still wants you, you know. It's not that she didn't care about the breakup, you just don't know how to read women."
Zuko cringes. "I've only been with one girl."
Katara feels a twinge of guilt and wants to take that part back. Goes back to silently washing the dishes, the pots and pans clanking between them.
Finally, Zuko says, "I felt really bad about it. There's no excuse. I hit the ledge, causing you to get hurt in the process. When we came back, and you still weren't awake…" The memory haunts him, Suki and Toph fighting their way out of that cave, Zuko holding desperately onto her as they barely made it out alive. Willing her to open her eyes. But she never did. "I explained, really vaguely, what happened, and one thing led to another. I didn't want to keep reliving my mistake. I just wanted to make it better."
"You could have at least told me," she says, quiet.
"Mai is right," he clenches his teeth. "I am a coward. I should have looked you in the face and told you the truth. It was me, all me. My anger, my fire. You deserve to hate me the most, and so should everyone else."
Katara hands him the last bowl to dry and leans her back against the counter, arms crossed. Zuko places his own hands on the counter, braces himself for anything she throws at him.
"No one else knows it was you."
"You didn't tell them?" Zuko's surprised. Thought they would have known, but he figures Sokka would have strangled him by now, Fire Lord or not.
She purses her lips. "I couldn't exactly tell them why Mai was the one who told me."
"Oh." That would have probably given themselves away, not that they're anything now, but Zuko remembers the feel of her body underneath his, soft yet durable, the marks he placed on her underneath her clothes. His face heats up.
Hers does too but she frowns, pulls the robe tight around her, quick to say, "I don't hate you, but I'm still upset over it."
That's a start.
The next hour is spent wiping down the counters and putting away all the ingredients. She doesn't shy away from him, not like before. But she doesn't exactly welcome his small talk, still not over what happened. This, he thinks, is some semblance of how they were before she lost her memory. He laughs a little to himself, at how it feels a lot like their first time being forced to get along when he joined the gang.
Their last task is to mop the floor. She slips a little, and Zuko's right there, having caught her by the waist. It's electric through her veins, and she pushes him off, says she's fine. Moves a few feet away, hides the embarrassment on her face. Zuko takes that as a thank you.
Out of nowhere, she asks, "What else is… not the truth, but not a lie?"
"I don't know what you mean by that," he says, genuinely confused. They're finished, and he places the mops outside to dry off, lets in some cold night air to whisk away the smell of cleaning detergents.
Katara hops onto the counter, avoids leaving shoe prints on their hard work. Doesn't really meet his gaze. "What else wasn't entirely the truth?"
"That's a very broad question, Katara. I've told you pretty much everything."
"Nevermind," she mutters. And Zuko doesn't understand why she's so agitated.
"I can't read minds," he says, exasperated, refusing to let it go. Sure, she could be mad at him for something that was sincerely his fault, but what now? "And you even said it yourself; I can't read women."
"I was just saying that to be cruel. I take it back."
"But you weren't wrong."
They face each other, almost like a challenge. Zuko tries to read her expression, the lines on her forehead, and Katara tries to hide it. Finally, he says, "Just tell me what's on your mind."
She takes a deep breath in. "Aang."
"This again?"
She looks almost amused. "You always make that face when I bring him up."
"Yeah, well." He doesn't exactly know what to say to that. Closes the door behind him just to make busy work.
"You didn't approve of us being together." Says it more like a statement than a question.
It's true. Sure, they were cute together and held a solid foundation, more than she and Zuko did, but it was hard to watch the girl he had feelings for be with someone he couldn't hold a candle to. And it wasn't even much of a competition in the first place, not against the Avatar. He decides to be open with her. "No."
"Why?" She asks, a little too assertive, and that's when it slowly dawns on him. Did she want him to spell it out for her?
He blinks at her. She struggles to maintain her stubborn composure, and Zuko crosses over, a little cautious, wipes away the flour on her cheek with his thumb. She lets him touch her and that's all the permission he needs. "It was the truth."
"You're trailing dirt in," she says, not as resolute as she was before. He doesn't care, just wants to make sure she understands.
"If you're asking me if my feelings were true, I've had feelings for you for a long time, even before you lost your memories." There's warmth in his eyes, and Katara almost shivers.
"But Mai said I would have never…" she trails off. Zuko frowns a little. Maybe Mai was right about that too, but maybe there just wasn't ever an opportunity to try.
"Mai's always been the most skeptical of you," he says. And she was. For someone who wasn't into politics, his Fire Lord duties were more important to her than him, more than the missions Team Avatar went on. If they were in a room together, Mai placed herself squarely beside him and she was the one who made open remarks about Katara being the "Avatar's," diminishing her individuality in front of Zuko. Mai must have known how he felt long before he did, tried her best to keep them away.
"I feel bad for her," Katara says, sincere because that's all she knows how to be, despite Mai's recent attempt to pit them against each other. Mai loved Zuko, and she was just afraid to lose him again. They were each other's first love. "She had such strong feelings for you."
Zuko's brows knit together, and without a word, he pulls Katara to him close. Wraps his arms around her, his face deep into the crook of her neck. "I know," he whispers. It's not hard to see. Because after all those years, he was glad to have somebody who still loved him, betrayed Azula even, even after he dumped her. And just because Mai's done some horrible things, it was out of love. The way his father loved Azula, threatening to burn her feet as a child if she didn't get her stances correct. The way Azula loved his father, when she conquered Ba Sing Se in his name, and killed her own people, not even hesitating to kill the Avatar. The way his mother loved him, abandoning him to a home full of abusive manipulators and liars. Maybe even the way his own father loved him by placing him in exile because of Zuko speaking out of turn, and maybe the generals would look down on him even more. At least, that's what Zuko had tried to tell himself, for years now, when he saw the permanent scar on his face.
Maybe that was how he managed to make it with Mai all those years. That was how his people showed love, through evil deeds and bad choices. The more someone loved him, the more willing they were to do things, even bad things, right?
So, a long time ago, when he saw Katara give bigger portions of food to her brother, Aang, Suki, and them despite the rumbling of her stomach later that night, it didn't make sense to him.
"Why would you give them most of what you had?" He had whispered when they were the only two on night duty at the time. They were hiding out in an old Air Temple, before the official war started.
"Because they were hungry," she whispered back, like it was obvious.
"But aren't you?"
"Zuko," she stated, tired of his questioning. And he always believed he had never received a true answer from her.
The following days, Katara had more food to hand out, and for herself, surprised at how many leftovers they had. Zuko didn't say anything when she whispered to Suki that she thought it was Haru choosing to eat less, and how kind of him to do that. He also didn't say a word when she hugged Aang for finding more grains for them to cook with, even though he only tagged along to watch Zuko's back from wild bears. Every single night, Zuko had muffled the grumble of his stomach with his bag, tossed and turned so nobody would hear it.
And maybe he didn't realize it then, but he does now. To give is to love. And to watch Katara give so freely, without having to hurt anyone in the process except maybe herself, was something he didn't know was possible. And he wants to give her the world.