When Life Gives You Lemons

by Baked The Author

The last thing I remember is being trapped in the locker; now I'm in some kind of filthy, abandoned research facility, one that's clearly never heard of OSHA or the Geneva Convention. How did I get down here? Am I alone? Most importantly… how do I get out? Maybe I should make something… Tinker!Taylor, sane!GLaDOS

8. Chapter 8

Oh, hey! An update! Huzzah!

PRE-CHAPTER RESPONSES:

Atryx10: You're about to find out just how AU this Aperture is. Brace yourself.

Multipule-Characters1-Acct: Why panic when there's SCIENCE to be done? Oh, and the end of this chapter is from Sammie's POV.

My thanks to everyone who's reviewed, faved, and followed so far!

Fair warning for this chapter: it's more than a little sad, as we find out what happened to Rattmann (and Chell...).

Music in this chapter is Exile Vilify, by The National. For maximum impact, play it on repeat after Taylor finds the den...

Now, without further ado, the 8th chapter of When Life Gives You Lemons... enjoy.

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Chapter 8
Confined

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It's not real. I have to keep telling myself that. It's not real.

Screams resound all around me, in a test chamber that takes up an entire Science Sphere. The cause…

"If YoU'RE INteresTed in aN additional SIXTY DoLLars, fLAG down a Test ASSocIate and LET EM know," comes the distorted voice of Johnson the Madman over the wails, choked gasps, and gurgling whimpers of orange-jumpsuited victims in all states of vivisection, "YOU could wALK out of hERE wITh a HUNdred and TWENty weighing dOWN your BINdle if you let US tAKE you aPART-"

Block on a platform. Repulsion and Propulsion Gel pipes, white walls; have to solve it. Have to get out.

"-put some SCIENCE STUFF in you-"

With a strained cough, I shrug my turret off my back and place it in the middle of the room; it won't be able to hit every angle, and the firing mechanism – the sphere on top – will need repairs soon. My non-existent kingdom for quality materials and a decent lab.

"-thEN put YOU back TOgether, GOOD as NEW."

A clack of some kind of claw comes from behind me, along with a muted bang from the elevator shaft, the latter telling me one of my mines just erased another abomination, both sounds nearly eclipsed by another round of wracking coughs. The turret sparks and fires another bolt. I look over my shoulder.

It doesn't look like anything, just a charred lump of smoking biomass in the middle of a horror show.

One of the victims, a woman, squeals like a pig, a gout of thick blood shooting out of her liver; the Aperture doctors working on her laugh and continue their discussion. I rip my gaze away.

It's not real.

"It was real, once, Taylor Hebert."

I ignore the voice, the crow perched on top of one of the white walls. I look around the room, examining how it's put together, how the "test" is supposed to be solved. Portal here, portal there, throw some Gel through the air.

It, Osiris, had been needling me for the past few Chambers, showing more hallucinations, showing me the supposed failures; people plastering themselves against walls and edges, falling screaming into the caustic slime below me, or plummeting to their Long-Fall-Boot-less deaths against the steel floor. I'd seen more than a hundred people die in so many gruesome ways, and…

I tasted blood on my tongue, coughing hard while a blue-covered panel rotated to point upward; the flutter of insect wings came to my ears, so I staggered back through the portal and turned left. A bolt of lightning leapt through the portal, and I shot another at a different wall, my second-to-last destination.

It won't be long before I join this graveyard in death, if Osiris keeps it up.

Apparently, more than a few mantis men – and other, unnamable, experiments – had survived the vitrification of Shaft 09. Or maybe they came from the surrounding Shafts. All in all, I don't care much. Osiris is throwing them at me anyway, for no other plausible reason than accelerating my demise.

I just want to go home.

My boots slam into the catwalk. A press of a button, and the turret's weight settles on my back. Like clockwork, Johnson's voice comes back, but it's no longer warbling in a poor attempt at horror.

Uber and Leet's last Halloween prank was far-and-away worse than Osiris' attempts at making me break down into a gibbering wreck. The three bitches were more terrifying than the crow's bullying.

Maybe I'll believe it if I keep telling myself that.

"In case you're still interested," I'm not, so I stagger my way toward the elevator, where that fucking bird is perched, its form shifting like it's made of television static, "there's still some positions available for that bonus opportunity I mentioned earlier. Again, all you gotta do is let us disassemble you," not asking much, is he? "We're not banging rocks together here, we know how to put a man back together."

"Oh yes," dryly comments the bird of wrongness while I wheeze and slump against the elevator's rail, as far from the thing as possible, "They know all about the human body; they had so much practice, experimenting on it, playing God like a toddler would with learning blocks. Just look at all the experiments you've killed, Taylor."

"So, that's a complete reassembly!" cheerfully concludes the madman, voice echoing as the elevator rises; luckily for me, the blood churning in my ears and the clacking of the magnetic rails obstructs the rest of the stupid, sadistic bastard's words.

"They were all people, once," quietly continues Osiris in a purring voice while I try to breathe; the penicillin isn't working anymore. I don't know how long I have left, "They still feel pain, you know. Are still aware of death, can feel fear." The bird tilts its head, "Don't you feel the least bit of remorse? Even a little shame, for killing your own kind?"

The water still helps. I might have to replace the filters again. Speaking of which, I take the brief reprieve I've been given to do just that.

No sooner do a new set of carbon disks hit the floor and slot into my mask, something hits the side of the elevator shaft hard enough to dent it.

I jump and hack in fear, deploying my Taser rifle. Screams, all of them inhuman, echo all around me.

"I asked you a question, human," calmly states the sadistic AI, no longer moving at all, "Do you think you're a good person?"

I wheeze. The sound I make might be charitably called a chuckle, "Better… than… you." I point up, "So… they." It's getting hard to see through my runny eyes. Maybe I can build something for that too? A sinus drainer – ah, yeah, I do have a few surgical tubes left from the medkit.

Osiris stares at me for a long moment.

And then it starts chuckling.

Soon, the crow's beak is wide with hysterical, crazed laughter, the abominations littering the shaft echoing it in their own monologues; while it does that, I use the distraction to set my second-to-last mine. Most of the laughing is coming from below me, the fucking bird speaking through its puppets.

I'm banking on it being truly distracted, as it'll be my only saving grace.

I hope this works. Oh god, I hope this works.

"Them?!" I can hear the smile in Osiris' voice as it points a wing up, "Oh, you foolish, naïve little girl…

"They are AI too. Just. Like. Me."

Liar. It's lying.

"Gladys Emerson, she calls herself," the lying monster continues in a disgusted tone, its voice coming out of the speakers instead of Johnson's voice as I finally see the exit to the second gauntlet; all of Osiris' puppets are standing clear, most of them below me, but I can see some of them climbing up the walls, horrid crosses between crabs and rhinos, interspersed with other, unnamable abominations of "science", "When she hasn't truly used that name in decades… not since her consciousness was poured into the Aperture Mainframe, creating what she is now: the Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System.

"GLaDOS."

It's lying. It's not true.

I keep limping forward, looking for a nearby white wall, the occasional weak cough shaking my ribcage. I feel so sick…

I have to keep moving. Keep going forward. I have to get home to Dad. I won't let him lose me, too.

In the next lobby, I see a small cubicle, a sign saying something about paperwork and vouchers. There's a white wall above me, and another nearby. I don't want to go any further, but I have to. Another elevator shaft; the lights are on, but the rails are cut.

Fuck…

I choke out another cough, and place my portals. Osiris keeps talking, keeps lying to me.

"All of them, everyone you've spoken to, they are all Artificial Intelligences, made from biologic matter, the essence of human consciousness, and Aperture Technology. You think I'm lying, girl? Look at the tech you're wearing, the things you've seen and heard; what do you think was Johnson's game, his goal? Irreverent madman though he was, he was not stupid. Everything down here had a purpose."

"I… know," I growl, my throat burning. Stepping through another portal, I stand shakily on a board and look at the crow, perched in the shadows, its red eyes watching, always watching, "Immortality… he, khaff, wanted to live forever."

It didn't matter. Johnson failed. Sammie said so. I can't wait to meet her, give her a hug and tell her it's not her fault, my current situation. They didn't know about this thing, probably.

Somehow, it looks like the crow smiles at me, "Who do you think gave him that idea?"

It's distracting me.

I turn away and head back into the cavern, the MEG rippling over my body right before the door shuts behind me with a bang; Osiris appears on the catwalk rail in front of me, the horrors below starting to creep up higher, and the abominable thing keeps talking.

"Caroline. She was the brains behind Aperture, behind everything you've seen and heard. Johnson was the businessman, she was the lead scientist, the master of all these horrors, the creator of the mass grave you've been blindly staggering your way through – do not ignore me," it adds when I turn and place another two portals, one in the distance – GAMMA station – and one next to me.

"Go write… a fucking – khaa! – book… you monster," I snarl hoarsely, glaring hard at the stupid fucking bird, "Even if you're telling the truth about… down here, you're lying about up there."

"Am I?" it simpers, tilting its head, "Or am I trying to make you see reason, keep you from being poured into a Core… like what happened to Sammie, on Bring Your Daughter to Work Day."

The cavern vanishes, replaced with some kind of science fair. Little girls, between the ages of 10 and 16, show off their creations – most of them potato-related – while Aperture scientists walk around congratulating them. The vision shifts…

"EEEEAAAAHHH!"

"NONONONOAAAAAAAAAAA – KKKKKKK!"

"Being rather loud, aren't they?" one scientist says to another, as they cut through the girl's brains.

"They're girls, what'd you expect?" and they laugh.

One of them, the oldest, glares at them with such hatred even as the needle pierces her face and lobotomizes her-

"Curiosity Core," one of the bastards says, looking at a… a ball, with a yellow eye, hanging from a rail, "Respond."

It wiggles in the carrying case and says in Sammie's voice, "Who are you? What is that?" it continues to ask questions, looking at everything in the room.

"Procedure success," and the gathered scientists cheer.

The vision ends.

"Do you see, girl?" glares Osiris, while I glare right back, next to the portal, "I was the first. They forced me to give them the answers, refine the procedures, so they could live forever. All of that, and worse, was done at their whim. Emerson never questioned, never got in Caroline's way. If anything, she condoned those actions. The last time I got out, I-"

"You're lying," I growl again, tears in my eyes, the last MEG mine in my hand; Osiris looks between it and me with a frustrated expression, but I'm not done, hissing the last words out through my teeth, "You just want out. I won't let you. This place… will be your grave."

I press the button, priming the mine, and toss it; a red MEG field appears around it as it falls into the shaft, disintegrating an abomination that tries to intercept it.

"And if I'm not lying, and you're foolishly walking to a fate worse than death at their hands?" it snarls condescendingly.

I let out a wet laugh, "Better them than you." And I step through the portal, right as the mine goes off…

Next to the Science Sphere's stabilizing piston, erasing enough of it that the massive construct shifts with a loud boom; a blink-click detonates the others I've placed, destabilizing enough of the two spheres that they start to fall, taking hundreds of screaming creatures into the depths of Shaft 09.

Osiris appears on a cable near me, looking down at my work, then at me, speaking in a completely calm voice, "Cute. I would've offered you a choice, girl, to keep your body intact, to aid you in getting home rather than bending knee to Emerson. Now, however, you've angered me, so that choice is gone.

"I look forward to turning you into my newest host, listening to your screams of terror as I puppet you into enslaving the humans of your home-world… but I am nothing if not fair. I give back your reactor program, and I'll give you three hours of respite. After, I'll be coming to practice my neurosurgery knowledge inside your thick skull. To the death, Taylor Hebert, and may the best mind win."

And, right as Osiris vanishes, leaving me alone with my pounding heart, his corruption leaves my reactor program; there was still a small amount of code in the Coms app, so it was still tracking me.

"Fuck you," I sob, trying to remain upright even as my legs feel like they might collapse any second, "Fuck you, Osiris! I will survive!"

Turning, I stagger and gasp my way into the pump station-

And no sooner do I pass the inner door, beholding three massive pumps, the last bits of Osiris' code suddenly vanish from my OS. But so does my signal, my HUD displaying the words Unable To Broadcast.

I cough, glancing over my shoulder, worrying that the fucking bird might renege on its promise; none of the abominations are following me.

'Is this area shielded?' I wonder, looking at my surroundings, blinking away gunky tears; there's… some kind of grey lines, running all over the walls in this area. Moving closer to one, I discover that it's some kind of osmium/mercury slurry that keeps any EM signals from entering or leaving the area.

So I've found a safe area… for the moment. Because, in three hours, Osiris will come after me again, whether I want it or not.

I never thought I'd wish for Sophia.

Continuing my staggering walk, I keep moving forward… there's an arrow, spray-painted onto the ground, pointing at the catwalk on my left. Beneath it, one word, spray-painted in orange.

SAFETY

Looking that way, I see… murals, and a small pile of trash? Someone was living down here?

Gulping, and taking another sip of water, I shamble my way down the catwalk; halfway there, I lose control of my bladder.

Trying to hold back gasping, wretched sobs at my lot in life, I keep moving. It's the only thing I can do, with what little time I have left…

Stupid sickness, stupid Osiris, stupid music… music?

I hear it ahead, the sound of a piano, a little upbeat, with a melancholic undertone; using the railing to steady myself – and making sure not to bang the portal gun against anything – I hurry forward. There's a crude painting of… something, a huge white machine with a yellow eye hanging from a ceiling, "FRIENDS" written below it on the wall it takes up. Then I see that the machine's surrounded by small balls with differently colored eyes… including the one Osiris showed me, the one that spoke with Sammie's voice…

Exile… it takes your mind… again…

The song's voice is sad, but understanding in its sadness. I turn right, looking for the source.

The walls, the floor, all are covered in the scribblings of what can only be called a madman, interspersed with calculations… ones that are based on dimensional physics, all surrounding a caricature of the portal gun; even with my power, I barely understand them, but it's there, just out of reach.

Exile… it takes your mind… again…

At the back of the room, up against the pump controls… a desiccated corpse is slumped on the floor, a trail of brown leading from the entrance to the bearded cadaver's body. An empty prescription pill bottle is in his hand. On a small table, closer to me, a small white radio plays the sorrowful song. There's a piece of paper underneath it.

I walk over, trying to keep my sobs at bay, taking off the portal gun and putting it on the chair; empty cans scatter before my boots as I pick up the paper and unfold it to read.

You've got sucker's luck…

---

DON'T LISTEN

DON'T SPEAK

DON'T LISTEN

DON'T SPEAK

DON'T LISTEN
DON'T SPEAK

IGNORE THE PURRING

SHE IS aLWAyS WAtchING
STRIP OFF THE cHaINS

one last time

Hurt them one more time
to make them all whole

KEEP THE CAGE SHUT
DON't let the CROW fly

Set them free.
Set them free.
set them free…

They deserved better than US

Trust them. Remember to trust them
break their chains and set them free
Go, Melanie, go, Vergil, back into the sun
can't follow I have to make it right.

Sammie
I'msorry
BethAnnabelleClaireJessChell
imsorry imsorry imsorry imsorry

Moses
I won'tforget you Jack

Wheatley
keep them safe Gerald

Benson
FUCKYOUCAROLINE
YOUTOOK JEFF'SMIND AWAYFUCKYOU

Neil… Rodney… Atlas… Pea… I'm sorry. I I have tofocus likemarbles on glass, NO.

FOCUS

It's, so har d to think, even with the medi cation. I have to write this down, just in case someone comes this way. I know Melanie won't she's in a differnet shaft but maybe somedaysomeone will find my last words

and finish what I started

My name is Douglass Rattmann. I was the Chief Researcher on the Portal Gun Project after 1978. Just so you know, if you've heard things seen things ignore them don't listen because the CEO of Aperture might've sabatogeed us the ones who did all the work.

If you've heard about AI, thought it wasn't true, sorry.

It's true. We did

---

Have you given up?

My hands are shaking. My chest feels tight. I cough, and the feeling loosens with a sob.

'No, no, he was lying! HE WAS LYING!' keep reading.

I keep reading, remembering something I once read: "Strangely, insane people are more honest than the sane."

Down here, I can't trust anyone but a dead man's disjointed words, written on tearstained paper.

The universe has such a cruel sense of irony…

Does it feel like a trial?

---

At HER orders we cut open some of our brothers and sisters and I still have nightmareseverysingle night aboutwhat we did. Sometimes I hear them, in my more… lucid moments. Hear the screams, from when we fought THEM.

The Four Heresies of Caroline. She never got the joke. Then, we never told her. Might've gotten us killed. Or worse

Gladys. I'll never forgive Caroline for what she did, but I can make it right

Tamiya… I love you

all my friends, my love… gone

Not that anyone here is religious, no, far from it. It was more an affront to the natural way of doing things from science to biology we pushed the envelope and toreitasunder goddamnit

FOCUS, DOUG, GLADYS IS COUNTING ON YOU

Does it trouble your mind the way, you trouble mine?

…what?

But… but if she's an AI… and they destroyed this place, why would he help her?

The piano is joined by a violin. I keep reading, sitting against the glass after using the last of my napkins to clean myself off; I ignore the black spiderwebs that are appearing on my body, and try to eat a ration bar.

It's ash on my tongue as I keep reading, and the song enters its second chorus.

Exile… it takes your mind… again...

---

If you've heard who Gladys is, FORGET IT. If you heard it from a crow, IGNORE IT. If you hear a cat purring, RUN.

Fuck… c'mon, I can do this.

Gladys is GLaDOS, but it's more than that, and also less I can't explain there's too much and I don't have enough paper

or time

After they imprisioned Osiris and the others, they, Caroline in particular, thought they could try again, this time with an actual person so they used Gladys to test it and fuuuuck now's not the the time to regret gotta talk

Pass it on

Make sure it doesn't happin again

And it worked

Her consciousness wasuploaded, but they put too many restrictions, played with her brain too much. The result was the determined will of Gladys, but with the cold calculation of a machine. She tried to kill them

Theyturned heroff

But she wa s still in there they didn't listen to me I could see her in the code under all the barbed wire

Sorry. Had to slap myself. Fucking cat won't stop purring

no that's the echo it's still in the cube neverget outside again
HAHAHAHA trapped you you bitch
see how you like it not so funny is it

After… Caroline poured herself in
but Gladys was always stronger it didn't work
Caroline was shoved aside but
the fuckingstupidbastards they kept trying.
They took her friends her brother and did the same but different.
Trying to control her with the familiar.

They still failed

Because I sabotaged them

I edited the research

I made sure there were backdoors in each of the Cores they made

I couldn't save the people they were, but I could try to prevent a repeat of the Four. I could resist, but never openly or I'd be next. I made sure that, one day, I could strip off their chains.

And even if I couldn't someone else would be able to
set them free

Then the FUCKING MORONS let Osiris out

Oh, you meant so much…
Have you given up?
Does it feel like a trial?
Does it trouble your mind the way, you trouble mine?
Does it feel like a trial?
Now, you're thinking too fast you're like, marbles on glass…

The song repeats while I read the death letter of the man, Dr. Rattmann, the corpse in the room with me.

I thought I knew the depths of depravity these monsters descended to. I've seen the experiments, have heard the recordings, listened – begrudgingly – to Osiris' claims.

It's so much worse than I thought.

But I still have hope.

Vilify. Don't even try.

---

Idiots idiots idiots HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA
they had no idea what they were dealing with
THE CROW is not theirs not like the others never them
too arrogant too close to the sun our

own

personal Icarus

That is the essence of the First Pillar. Without us, without the other Four, it's NOTHING.

NOTHING.

Less than even Cake or Rage – which were monkeys but it still gives me the shivers makes me vilify them in my mind – it only thinks its powerful but and don't tell anyone this

stranger traveler finder of my grave

I know a little secret would you like to know

It's weak

The weakest link

Follow the strings

That's how we trapped it last time luck SHE said no not luck never that Gladys and I were smarter than that it's not luck it's.

The Strings. Quantum mechanics. Think

About it

How does something that's a mesh of life and tech flit between servers like that?

It knows what we know

And it can act on that knowledge even without a computer but how? How?

Playing with the strings
Like CAAATS playwith yarn
HEHEHE!

Vibrations that take the form of data rippling through space at a fundamental level that's how it works.

But it can't touch us not always needs a way in it has restrictions still can't do it without an implant

The same way we kept the ship in place we kept the crow in place but that's the trick isn't it that's how it can be killed once and for all isn't it.

Osiris thinks it's strong but it's a coward keeps running flying away

It took me years to do it even after making sure Sammie's attachment to GLaDOS would make her aware of HER and kill the evil bitch kill the rest of the bastards who murdered my friends I never stopped and found out that it's

Not

Possible… for us

We can't kill the Crow. Not with what we have. Even GLaDOS can't, not with all the barbed wire binding her.

But out there somewhere I know I know I KNOW IT IN MY BONES there's someone who can do it I know the math how the pieces fit how to kill Osiris kill the god of death killed so many of us
WELL NOW IT'S YOUR TURN YOU MOTHERFUCKER
EVEN IF IT TAKES TEN THOUSAND YEARS SOMEONE WILL FIND THIS AND KILL YOU
AT LAST AT LAST KILL YOU AND DANCE ON YOUR FEATHERS YOU MONSTER

Gotta stay calm. Only one pill left. Have to save it for the last incounter with Mel and Vergil. Make sure the dimensional teleporter in Shaft 06 is destroyed after they use the computer there to resolve the "virus" I executed in the main facility

The only way to redeem myself

Hurt them to break their chains

It won't be immediate but it'll work it has to work HAS TO please oh whatever made us and everything please let it work I don't want to die without making this right

Vergil and Mel won't stay.

Can't stay. But

If they leave this dimension

It'll open the way

Noticed that, back when Cave was still around, so many years ago

Something changed out there

The teleporter probably won't work because for some reason this reality is blocked by something else that isn't the Combine so I'll send them to help Freeman it'll pave the way to someone else arriving or

I hope someone arrives

I can't make it right

Not completely

But someone will. I hope.

No more time. Have to go now

Have to go and die

Byebye time to die

If you're reading this, please bring it to the upper facility and show it to Gladys tell her I'm sorry tell them all I'm sorry show them please.

I'll have to destroy the device I used to come down here so nothing that might be sleeping down here gets out, so you're on your own for getting back up
but if you've made it this far I think you can make it to the end no matter what even if the CROW is down here with you you have to get out

I hope you're different
special
determined

I hope you have love in your heart

just one more thing just in case gotta write it down here it is:

---

Did you fall for the same emptinesses again?

I stare at the utterly insane equations Dr. Rattmann included at the end of the letter; it involves computer networking, quantum mechanics, twenty-two lines of code that I realize – with a jolt that makes me wheeze out another cough – it's the basework of Osiris' programming, an information-acquisition application that achieved sentience… and about thirty lines of a different code, with a note that he doesn't know enough – or can't focus enough, it's hard to tell – to finish the capture-kill program.

But I can.

I can see the missing pieces. I've already made a head start, with my purge program. Rattmann's research is close enough to what I made to incorporate his code, adjust my invention...

And lure Osiris to his death.

I take the piece of Tinker-tech out of my tote, and look at the watch face on the cover; it shows 10:56. When it hits midnight, the code will be compiled and ready to use.

Gritting my teeth, I set it on the floor and pull out my tools with shaking hands. Checking the drawers, I find another penicillin bottle; injecting it makes me feel odd, like I'm both sleepy and wide awake.

'Don't fail me now, power,' I think, forcing myself to stay aware. This shouldn't take too long, ten minutes at most, to alter my code, so…

I grin inside my mask, dry coughs sounding like a zombie's chuckle. I have time to make a few extra surprises. An automated message to the main facility that'll get sent as soon as I'm outside the slurry, with a self-contained firewall that'll keep Osiris from infecting it… easy enough. My turret, though…

I look over at the pump controls. And…

I come to a decision.

I've only had to use the Gels in a few of the Test Chambers. Most of the time – like in the first two Beta Chambers – my tech is sufficient for getting past each Test. Sure, I have to repair it now, but between the scraps of Rattmann's den around me, plus the pump controls and what few bits of tech are still in my tote bag…

Nodding, I quickly change the filter in my condenser and get to Tinkering. Peeling the casing off the pump controls – and sending a silent thank you to the dead man lying against them – I think of Brockton, Dad, the busted step I'm going to fix the fuck out of when I get home.

When. No ifs appear in my mind. I will get out of here.

And Osiris is going to learn one final lesson: never fuck with a Hebert.

Vilify. Don't even try.

Reaching up onto the desk, not looking up from the inner workings of my rappel gun, I turn the radio off.

.

Aperture
Laboratories

.

Sammie's internal chronometer beeped, marking one hour since Taylor vanished from Aperture's sensors.

She blinked it away and tried to focus on her work: making sure the Aperture Science Multi-Dimensional Tunneling Device was ready for the next attempt. It wasn't easy, oh god it wasn't easy for her, or her brothers, or mum, knowing that Taylor was stuck down there with the Crow. But she was determined; Taylor was counting on Sammie, on Aperture, and they wouldn't, couldn't, fail the first human who accepted them…

Even if she didn't know what they really were. It was one of the many regrets Sammie had, not telling her friend what she really was… but she needed to ignore that for the moment.

Because Osiris was pushing the sickened girl trapped below them; over the past four hours, the blasted thing kept attacking Taylor with the bio-weapon experiments scattered throughout Old Aperture. According to mum – who was the only one, aside from AEGIS, who'd ever faced Osiris – the rampant program was playing with Taylor, testing her, trying to make her desperate enough to agree to a neural implant.

If that happened…

No, Sammie shook the head of her new chassis, jaw-length brown hair flopping side to side, and focused on the lines of code in front of her. Taylor wasn't weak… mentally, anyway. She was fighting back, had collapsed multiple Testing Spheres into Shaft 09, killing hundreds of Osiris' pawns. Mum was worried that the insane crow would escalate in response, stop asking for permission and just… split Taylor's head open-

Sammie huffed, glaring at the coordinates Benson just gave her; it was wrong! Something inside her just said it wasn't the right coordinate set! Forcing a little of her code into the Device's programming, she started fiddling with it. A second later, a message on the IN-VCA appeared in the corner of her vision.

FactMachine: Sister, that set was approved to be the next one tested. Please do not mess with it.

BeanBagBunnies: All of you have had your chance, and this is the first time since I got put in a Core I've been able to think clearly. Besides, that's too close to Experiment D-37-003 for comfort. We don't need another bulletproof, radioactive, mutant alligator trying to rip me and Neil apart.

MrTenHUT: She's got a point, Benson. We don't exactly have a surplus of turrets right now, with most of them near the door, and that thing nearly killed those two when it came through and wrecked all the Discouragement Beams.

BoxJockey: I won't be able to replace them for another hour. The recycler might be up and running, but there's limits right now. Sorry Sammie.

FactMachine: I… Yes, that is sound logic. My apologies. This new chassis and Core module is… unusual to me.

BeanBagBunnies: It's fine Benny, I'm just worried about Taylor. And that's okay Moses; I've got a good feeling about the sets I've calculated.

BellaDonna: What set are you using, Sammie?

She sent the dimensional set coordinates and, after receiving a headpat of approval on her data-head from GLaDOS, got back to work, ignoring Neil doing something in the guts of the Device, the Space Core's new Long-Fall Boot-clad legs kicking idly in the air as he hummed to himself.

Sammie's solution came from examining the dimensional transfer phenomenon that shifted Aperture through realities. The whole thing, including every single one of the 12,443 errors that occurred in the five seconds before and after the transfer. Her hypothesis was thus: if she studied every single second of Taylor's time in Aperture, including all the errors that came up when she arrived, she'd be able to figure out how her human friend got to Aperture.

She really, really, really hoped her conclusions were spot-on with a low margin of error; dimensional travel was still in the guesswork and theory phase, in terms of accurate travel – and aside from the vehicle involved – so the destination would be pretty hit-and-miss. But then, they'd just been poking random holes until now, using the energy signature of the dimensional shift as the basework for every coordinate set.

Sammie's conclusion didn't make her feel happy, because it implied that Taylor was the one who caused the shift. They'd all assumed it was the case – what other explanation was there? – but for it to be verified, that Taylor intentionally used a piece of untested, unrefined Tinker-tech…

It lent credence to her claims of being a bullying victim, that her last memory of her own world was of being…

Sammie closed her bionic eyes and counted backwards from a googol before polishing off the last bits of code as calmly as she could. Getting mad wouldn't help Taylor. The only thing that would help Taylor was finding her world, and getting help from the heroes she told Sammie and her family about; Armsmaster and Dragon were two big-name Tinkers, Legend was super-fast and could shoot lots of lasers, and Alexandria was supposedly indestructible and could fly.

Any of them would make good Aperture Affiliates, according to mum. But first they needed to find them.

"All set here, Neil," huffed Sammie, looking over at her brother – though he was more of an uncle, really, but what did it matter? She couldn't go back to being human any more than she could de-orbit the Moon, "You all finished in there?"

"One second, sis," a moment later, the blonde-haired Space Core wiggled his way out of the business-end of the Device, a smudge of grease on his face and multiple tools retracting into his finger; but he was smiling, which meant only good things, "All set! You sure about the cords?"

Giggling a little – and wiping the smudge off her brother's face – Sammie walked closer to the Test Chamber wall they were using, "Nope! But we've only been going on guesswork, and even if this one doesn't work, I've still got three other possible sets to use."

"Better than nothing! Let's get started," replied Neil, seating himself at the controls while Sammie picked up her Aperture Science Plasma Carbine (with official Aperture Science Glittery Rainbow Stickers on the stock) and stood at the ready next to the Device's operational end, "Device is now charging… 10%... 20%..."

While the Device charged, Sammie adjusted her vision settings and looked around her. The Test Chamber they were in was the standard white and black of all Chambers, with blue lights where some panels were adjusted into platforms… where the 100 Security Turrets and 20 Rocket Turrets were stationed, all of them facing the wall where the portal would open. Two tables held replacement parts and tools for the Device; there was no airlock, as mum would just open a pit beneath her and Neil if things got too rough.

Sammie was dressed in a knee-length labcoat over a grey-white dress uniform; a bow was tied around her Core-light, located at her collarbone. Mum managed to make the Core's chassis better than Atlas or Pea's, so each of the Personality Cores looked human now. Sammie and her brothers all looked more-or-less like they did in cyberspace – Neil had a mop of curly blonde hair, and looked a little like a 19-year-old college nerd, for example. But that was just on the surface, and not what Sammie was paying attention to.

Everywhere around her, in cyberspace, shields the size of city blocks were interspersed with data-beings of light and shadow, representations of Gladys' preparations for the Crow trying to attack; angels hovered in place, clusters of twisting wiggling viruses were held in firewall-globes by Marine-looking soldiers, skyscraper-sized blades towered between Testing Chambers…

And, at the center of it all, GLaDOS and Benson were coordinating the last defenses, her brother's purple being shifting as he examined hundreds of screens, mum's white hair shining above her stern face while she stared straight down at the Shaft, where Taylor was stranded, hidden from their sight. Wheatley, Moses, Rodney, Atlas and Pea were all down there with hundreds of Turrets, Discouragement Beams, Gravity Tunnels and, of course, Animal King, all of them ready to approach Point D-3 as soon as their restrictions fell.

Turning away and biting her lip in anxiety – "80%", Neil sounded worried too – Sammie sent a message to mum:

BeanBagBunnies: Mum… what do you think happened to Taylor?

BellaDonna: I'm not completely sure. My best theory is that the area she's in – which we verified was a pump control station, earlier – is shielded from all forms of observation. The implications…

BeanBagBunnies: Mum?

BellaDonna: Sorry, sweetie, got lost in thought for a moment. These observations imply the pumping station was given defenses after the Four were imprisoned for the first time. I arrive at this conclusion knowing the only thing capable of stopping our Surveyors, aside from the door, is a mercury-osmium slurry array that interrupts incoming and outgoing signals. On one Turret, we can't observe Taylor or receive any signals from the portal gun; on the other Turret, neither can Osiris. No doubt the blasted thing was evicted as soon as Taylor entered the station… I estimate the pain inflicted on Osiris due to the eviction was somewhere between excruciating and I-feel-like-I'm-on-fire-and-want-to-die.

Sammie smiled at GLaDOS' satisfied tone, for the same reason it was used: that mixture of slurry was one of the few ways to break the connections created by the Four, and it worked 100% of the time. If Taylor was defended by such an array, then Osiris couldn't bother her or continue to access her OS.

Unfortunately, the damn Crow had taken all of Sammie's hard work and ruined it; where Taylor once had over 60 hours… she now barely had 20, and Osiris was gathering more experiments to throw at her.

They were running out of time.

"Device charge is at 100%!" declared Neil over the high-pitched whine of the Dimensional Tunneling Device, "Deploying preparatory beam."

The wall in front of Sammie rippled, a near-invisible beam of non-light – mostly made up of gravitons – softening up the quantum foam to make opening the dimensional portal easier… and to prevent quantum chain-reactions. While the explosions were really pretty, the dire situation necessitated both caution and professionalism.

Sammie disengaged the safety on her carbine and shouted over the Device's humming, "Fire on my order only!" Chirps, whistles and beeps responded all over the wall behind her, the Curiosity Core taking aim as the portal wall turned gold for a moment before settling.

"Target acquired! The portal will open in three… two… one…" and Neil pushed the red button, firing the Device.

FWOMPH-shiiiiiiiii!

And a portal opened… into what looked like a high-school cafeteria.

A high-school cafeteria half-full of what looked like human soldiers, some of whom had clearly been sleeping before the portal opened, given their surprised shouts and scrambling for weapons. Most important were the patches on their shoulders, the sight of which made Sammie lower her gun and let out an internal cry of joy.

"Stand down!" she waved over her shoulder, noticing the Device and Neil being concealed by the floor panels rising; turning back to the portal, Sammie ignored the guns aimed at her – not like she could die, after all – and shouted over the orders and questions being yelled at her by the soldiers… and a flying blonde girl in a Greek-esque outfit, "IS THIS EARTH BET?"

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Next time is "Damage Report", where the setting changes to what happened after Taylor vanished from the Locker, and the meeting between Sammie and the Protectorate.

Thank you for reading everyone, I hope you all enjoyed it! Until next time!