I couldn't believe this shit. I finally start to even CONSIDER forgiving this asshole and what does he do?! The most dumbest thing possible! Why in the green hell would he kiss me? He knows I'm with someone. I feel him try to add pressure and his signature Jax Teller awesomeness to get me to kiss him back and I'm more disgusted than I was before. I shove him as hard as I can to remove him from me and then I slapped him with every thing in me. You know I actually thought we could have been on the way to reconnecting, to getting my other best friend back. Obviously I've never been more wrong in my life. He places a hand on his cheek and looks at me, I can read the uncertainty in his eyes. I feel like I'm on fire all over I'm that mad. I imagine I look like a fire dragon or maybe a harpy..I nod and fight to keep a smile of my face...I'm definitely a harpy; badass, warrior, fierce. I quickly get the smile off my face so he didn't think I changed my feelings for him.
"He's changed you." My blood runs cold at the even thought of Josh. Didn't Samtac come out this way. Oh my God please God say he didn't see him kiss me...or think I was kissing him back. I do a quick scan of the scenery outside to look for a familar style of blonde hair and let out a breath when I don't see him. Thank you God for being on my side. I couldn't lose Josh because Jax decided to get caught up in the romance of the wedding and kiss me again.
"He changed me because I didn't want you to kiss me?! He hasn't changed me. You did! You hurt me so much I didn't think I could ever recover. You were my other fucking half, my best friend in a way that Opie wasn't. I never ever imagined one day without you in it much less months! I was trying to become me again, the me I didn't know how to be because I always had you by my side. Then Josh came along. I built myself back up to be the person I am meant to be. You should thank him, oh and Ope too because without them I never would have realized that I could survive without you!" I scream the last part. Jax's face falls with the hurt I just laid on him and I'm glad for it. I'm feeling every bit of anger that I thought that I was over. My blood seemed to pump with the need to hurt him like he hurt me.
"You think it was fucking easy for me hurting you?! You've been attached to my side since forever. Even as you were running after Ope who was too goddamn blind to see that he had everything I ever wanted right in front of him. I had to! I had to hurt you for you to see that even though I thought I could do it; I'm no fucking good for you. None of us are." He stops yelling to run a ragged hand through his hair. He looks at me and to be honest I'm not sure what is about to come out of his mouth but I have a feeling it's going to hurt like a bitch.
" You want to know what was so fucking special about Tara? She was the first girl I looked at and didn't see you!" Now he was in my face yelling. I didn't even notice as the tears ran down my face. I barely noticed that he was being pulled away from me. I could barely see who was in front of me because my eyes were so blurry. I felt myself being pulled into a hug that was definitely familiar and I relaxed when I smelled my mom's perfume.
"Damn him for doing this to you. You want me to kill him? I'll kill him. Probably die myself but it will be worth it." Surprisingly enough that made me laugh hard actually. I hugged my mom a little tighter, secretly thankful for the one person who would always be on my side no matter what.
"I appreciate the offer mom. How'd you know to find me and who pulled Jax away from me?" She absently brushed my hair away from my face and planted a kiss on my forehead.
"Well actually there's something inside that's about to happen that I think you need to see and as I walked out here and seen you two yelling at each other I very discreetly got Opie." I sighed in relief that it wasn't Josh she ran too because I don't have it in me to break up a fight right now.
"Thanks Mom. I don't tell you enough but thank you for everything that you do for me and that you're always there for me. I don't know how I would have turned out if I had anyone else as a mother." I pull out of her arms just in time to see the tears escaping her eyes. She was the strongest woman I know and I'm proud to be her daughter. Growing up, I always admired Gemma; but I'm starting to see my mistake. The true pier of strength is standing in front of me. Before my mom could say anything Opie intervened.
"Hey guys, we're about to start the toasts. " He points to me. "first off you're lucky that I love you and Donna or there's no way in hell I would have put up with half of this shit. Secondly, you better make your speech fast because I'm ready to get home and fuck my wife." I gasp in fake surprise and it takes everything in me not to laugh at his words and what's about to come out of my mouth. Yes I laugh at my own jokes, we've already established that I talk to myself so what's something else on the crazy scale.
"You can't say that! It's supposed to be proper like you're supposed to say, 'you're ready to consummate the marriage', or something like that." He rolls his eyes and I bite my grin away even trying to imagine Opie saying 'consummate'.
"There's no way in hell I'm ever saying a word like that. By the way, everyone is doing drunk karaoke and I think lover boy is singing." I stop in my tracks and the smile disappears. First off, what the hell? Secondly, Josh is about to sing? How much has he had to drink since I've been outside? I shake my head.
"That wasn't on the program." He tilts his head back and laughs, as if I have said the most ridiculous thing in the world.
"Did you forget that you're at a samcro wedding? Programs dont mean shit." He was right about that.
I walked in and took notice of everyone. Donna was laughing and clapping as the last guy stepped off the stage. Gemma sat looking at her nails like she would rather be anywhere else. All the men looked bored, but were drinking and enjoying themselves. I looked for my man in particular and didn't see him anywhere. I looked towards the stage as mom lead me back to our seats, because apparently I was hogging up the entrance by leaning on the side of the door. One of the Samtac guys, he was about six foot I'm guessing, dark hair, I can't see eye color from here, he was either Hispanic or Italian decent. He's definitely good looking but I'm obviously attached. In my absence, I am willing to bet that he started the singing. He's standing in as announcer so either a. All of this was his idea or b. He was chosen as the lucky candidate to introduce everyone's probably terrible singing. I'm definitely not going up there to sing and if it's a requirement to do a speech then I will give them my speech after you know they "connsumate" and all.
"Next up and last up since obviously we all wanna go home some time, " he says with a laugh. "is my very best friend. I'm not sure why this crazy bastard is up here signing or why the hell he's singing this song but I'm pretty sure we all know why. Hell to be truthful I don't even know if he can sing. But hell he's trying to impress the girl he's with so we all gotta deal with it. Try not to boo him off the stage ladies and gentlemen, here is Josh." Josh puts his head down almost like he's embarrassed. Or maybe he's laughing I can't tell from here. Josh steps up to the stage and scans the crowd until he finds me and then gives me that mega watt smile that melts me so well.
"So even though I am not supposed to be doing a speech, I'm doing a small one. Don't look at me like that you bastard. I know you want to get home and..." I give him a death glare that he caught and smiled in my direction again. I swear to God if one of these men actually make a comment about Opie "fucking" Donna in front of her mother I will kill them all.
"Look what you did. Now you got me in trouble." That caused Ope to chuckle.
"Anyway Opie, I just wanted to say that I've known you a really long time. You're a really good dude and one I'm proud to call my brother. Donna, I don't know you very well but I think the world of you because of how happy you make my babydoll. I'm glad she has you. Plus not gonna lie, totally glad her best friend is now a girl." Which caused all of Samcro to laugh and me to blush like crazy. I can tell he's had a few drinks. He usually doesn't talk this much.
"Okay wrapping up now, I know you guys will spend the rest of your lives together. Throughout all of the fights just remember the love you two have for each other which is shining right now. I'm happy for you guys. Remember Donna if he messes up I'll kick his ass for you. Now start this damn song. So I can go find my woman. This one's for you sunshine."
The beginning ballads of "thank God for you" by Sawyer brown start to play and I can't help but laugh. He chose a country song , an old country song. He had to have practiced this because he was doing really was super into this and I'm guessing more than a little buzzed. He started the song out with some deep fake country twang which made me laugh then he started to get into his own groove. His voice became more like his own and I was honestly surprised at the effort into this. He wasn't even missing lines. Hell maybe he was a deep down country fan after all. When the last chorus came on, he turned directly to me and started to sing.
"I gotta thank mama for the cooking, daddy for the whoopings, the devil for the trouble that I get into. I got to give credit where credit is due, I thank the bank for the money and thank God for you."
"He walked over and handed the mic to the guy who had it previously and disappeared. That honestly kind of surprised me, I figured he would have came over here for a kiss or something but maybe he was embarrassed. I shrugged my shoulders, trying to ease off all of the tension that Jax created. I needed to get this speech over with so I can find Josh. No one was on the stage so I took that as my chance to get this speech done.
"Hey guys, maid of honor here." I smack myself in the forehead. I get nervous speaking in front of people, I'm not sure why because I'm good at it. But my nerves always get the best of me.
"Sorry I don't know why I'm nervous, I've known most of y'all for most of my life. Two people dear to my heart became one today. Two people who I love with all my heart and I'm proud to be both of your best friends. Ope, I've watched you grow from the punk ten year old kid into the grown man sitting here today and I just want to say how proud I am of you. You had a lot of odds against you but you've surpassed them all to be a decent human being. I'm so glad that I get to be one of your best friends and confindants. Also cool part about that is getting to tell you when things you do are bad or stuff you wear is ugly." He gave me a smile and raised his beer in my direction. I turn to face Donna.
"And Donna, you became my friend so fast I'm not even sure I knew what the hell was going on. You called my house that first time and my mom practically ran to get me to tell me it was a girl calling. You were my friend before I even realized I wanted one and now I don't know how I lived life without you. You make me laugh and cry and I'm so happy I get to be here today with you. Don't cry. This is your day remember, no tears. Just know that no matter what happens, nothing will ever come between us. Well or you and Ope cause that is what this toast is supposed to be about. So everyone raise your beers to the bride and groom who are two of the best, most in love people I have ever met."
I stepped down from the stage and walked to their table to hug them both. I felt the tears brim over and this time I let them fall. I never imagined that I would be as happy as I am about Ope getting married, but here I am maid of honor and all. Jax walked past me but downcast his eyes. Good I didn't want to look at him either. He went and sat by Opie but didn't say do a speech. I didn't think he would but he is the best man after all. I let my eyes wander for Josh but I didn't see him or his guys. Matter of fact a couple of our guys we're missing too. I did a quick search for who exactly were missing. Lee, Dog, two other dudes I didn't know sat at a table. So that left at least four of their guys that I knew of missing: Josh, announcer dude, happy, and donut. I looked through Samcro's guys and seen everyone accounted for but Tig, Chibs, and Bobby. Hmmm that's odd right? Where in the hell would they be? I sat back in my seat and continued to people watch.
"Donna's mom and mine did their small little speeches then it all started to wind down. I somehow missed them doing the wedding cake. Probably when I went outside or hell even when I discovered my mom had a hidden romance with a biker. That was still a shock to the system. Even more of a shock to the system is the way they keep staring at each other all night. I'm not sure if I ever want to go home . I don't want to risk hearing my mother have sex which may or may not happen . I shuddered again.
I need to change the topic before I have to bleach my brain .Donna and Ope are getting ready to leave. Opie has loaded up the minimal presents they recieved. Whe he returned I looked up to find Donna in front of me. Which that alone should have frightened me.
"We're about to do the bouquet toss." I shrug my shoulders but smile at her.
"Your point?" She grabs me up, surprisingly for her little frame. I am at least two inches taller than her, while it's not much it makes a difference.
"That you better catch this damn thing because I'll be damned if a croweater catches it." I laugh but at the same time feel a drop in my stomach. I get a bad feeling all around. Like something really bad is about to happen. I get a slight chill but I brush it off.
"Okay I'll catch it just so you can have it back." She laughed and pulled me into a hug.
"Thanks for being my best friend and helping make all my crazy ideas a reality. " I nod, trying to avoid crying again.
"Anything for you darlin'." She gave me a devious smile and I rolled my eyes already knowing what she was about to say.
"Who knows this might be you next."
So I ended up doing the stupid bouquet toss and felt like I was in a mosh pit over some damn flowers. Girls were pushing and pulling hair. Meanwhile I was cussing Donna while trying not to knock these broads out. When some hang around from the clubhouse grabbed my hair, I turned around and punched her as hard as I could and then leaned down and picked up these flowers that were dangerously close to being trampled. I hold them up victoriously and do a fake little dance. I turned towards Donna and Ope and took a bow with the flowers. Donna has her mouth hanging open while I looked at her like, 'what' . She wanted me to get her damn flowers right? What was I supposed to do? Let them pull my hair? Nah. I hate that girly shit. One thing about having boys for best friends is that when I fight, I fight for real. No hair pulling or biting from this girl. Donna pointed down to my dress so I glanced down. There was blood splatter across the side. Ew. Not only did that clubwhore pull my hair now she got her blood on my pretty dress.
Donna and Ope say their goodbyes so I turn to find Josh, and just so happen to find him face to face with Jax. Jax has a smirk on his face and Josh looks pissed. They both turn in my direction and that lead I feel in my stomach is back and is intensive. I want to run and grab Ope before he gets a chance to leave but I have a feeling he hightailed it out of here as fast as he could. I didn't even realize that I had turned to face the door he went out of. I turned back to face the boys and Jax has on his award winning smirk. He says something to Josh and not even a second later, Josh punches him. Just like that all hell breaks lose. Fists are flying. I look out for my mom and even though I want to gag, I see Lee has gotten mom and Donna's mom out. He rushes back in and ends up next to me. He puts his hand on my arm.
"Come on sweetheart, Josh wouldn't want you up there." I shake out of his grasp. There's no way I'm leaving. Someone has to break this shit up and those two knuckleheads will listen to me.
"I have a feeling this has something to do with me. Who's going to stop him if I don't?!" I practically scream out of panic as I try to make my way to him. Lee grabs me again.
"You're just as hard headed as Jo. If you're stubborn ass goes up there, you stand the chance of getting the hell knocked out of you. You think he will forgive himself if he is the cause of that. He fucking loves you."
"What?" Everything around me stops. He loves me? No that can't be what this is, is it? God I'm truly messed up I don't know how to be in a relationship that isn't one sided.
"You really can't tell? The man is here as much as he can. He is on that goddamn phone with you all day. Josh is like a son to me. I've watched him grow and after Tommy got locked up, I stepped in. If anyone knows the boys in love, it's me." My brain just seemed to turn off at everything he was saying. The noise is finally coming back to my ears.
"Come on sweetheart, do me this favor. Please. Trust me, once he's done he will be happy you weren't here and he will come find you." I turn to face the crowd as I see my family fighting with Josh's and for once I feel a strong divide. Is this how it would feel if I became Josh's old lady? Would I no longer be a part of samcro? Some guy from another charter starts heading towards Josh. So I do the only sensible thing I can think of. I scream for him as loud as I can.
"Josh behind you!" He turns and punches the guy hard then looks towards Lee.
"Get her outside now!" Was all he got out before Jax punched him right in the jaw.
A/n: okay so I had no idea why that happened. No matter how many times I've copy and pasted that has never happened. ahh so I know the karaoke thing is weird maybe but it was that scene that kept over and over in my head until I decided I was sitting down. I wrote this in like two hours surprised but once I started writing it all kept flowing. Big talk with Lee and Josh in the next chapter so until next time. Also if you see any errors, normally I got over the chapter over a course of two or three days today I didn't so don't give me too much shit lol
Until next time
Chelle