All in all, it seemed that the only cats happy about the fact that Snowfur was expecting Thistleclaw's kits were her and Thistleclaw. Moonflower and Sunstar were happy for Snowfur, but they were admittedly less than pleased about the fact that Thistleclaw was her mate. Bluefur had made no secret of her disgust on the situation, and Lilyspark was torn between being happy for her sister and wanting to vomit every piece of fresh-kill she had ever eaten. The rest of the Clan was just happy about having new kits on the way and didn't seem to care one way or another who the parents were.
"Isn't it wonderful?" Lilyspark heard Dappletail sighing to Stormtail one day.
Yeah, but it would be a lot more wonderful if my sister's mate wasn't a cross between a badger and a hedgehog, she scoffed silently.
"It is," Stormtail agreed gruffly. As if trying to give the pretty tortoiseshell a hint, he added, "You know, we could have a family of our own someday too. What do you think?"
At that, Dappletail looked away uncomfortably. Ever since the pair had become mates a few moons before Lilyspark was born, the Clan had been waiting for an announcement about kits. But none had ever come, and there were rumors flying around the camp now that Dappletail was barren. Lilyspark wasn't sure whether they were true herself, but neither Dappletail or Stormtail had ever said anything to dispel the mutterings.
"Yeah, I guess," the tortoiseshell molly muttered finally. Noticing Lilyspark, she waved her over. "Lilyspark, isn't it great? Your sister is going to have kits!"
"Yes, we're all very pleased for her," Lilyspark replied politely. In her head, she added, If only they weren't Thistleclaw's kits too.
Dappletail nodded. "She must be nervous–all queens are for their first litter," she meowed. "But I'm sure everything will go just fine. Featherwhisker will make sure the birth goes smoothly, and she'll have Thistleclaw and her family at her side."
"Will Thistleclaw even fit in the nursery?" Lilyspark asked jokingly. Unfortunately, Dappletail missed the humor in her voice and her eyes widened.
"Oh no, you're right! I should ask Sunstar to make the nursery entrance bigger so he'll be able to get inside," she exclaimed, leaping to her paws and sprinting off toward the Highrock. "Thanks, Lilyspark! You're a genius!"
"Dappletail, wait! I didn't actually mean that–oh, forget it," Lilyspark muttered, turning and padding away toward the camp entrance. "I swear, I'm losing my sanity just by being around these idiots."
Deciding to get some fresh air to escape the seemingly endless conversations about Snowfur's kits, she walked through the gorse tunnel and into the forest. Almost immediately, however, she wished she had just gone back to her nest instead. For standing outside the camp, clearly in the middle of an argument, were Bluefur and Snowfur. Lilyspark stood by awkwardly, but it didn't appear that either of her sisters had noticed her yet.
"Look, Bluefur, I know you don't like him, but he means a lot to me," Snowfur meowed, sounding as though she was barely holding her temper. "And I just wish that you could be happy for me too."
"I am happy for you, Snowfur," Bluefur snapped. "I never said I wasn't. But Thistleclaw? Really? Out of every cat you could have picked, why him?"
"Is this a bad time?" Lilyspark asked awkwardly. Both littermates spun around to face her.
"Lilyspark!" Bluefur purred, all annoyance vanishing instantly as she bounded over and touched noses with her younger sister. "How are you?"
"I'm alright. I've just accidentally sent Dappletail to demolish the entrance to the nursery," she answered.
Snowfur stared at her. "How do you accidentally send someone to demolish the entrance to the nursery?"
"It works best if the other cat is an idiot," Lilyspark grumbled.
Her sister stared at her for a few heartbeats longer, then shook her head. "Never mind. Anyway, Bluefur–"
"Oh, here we go again," Bluefur muttered.
"Anyway," Snowfur meowed firmly. "I know you and Thistleclaw don't get along, but I just need you to do this for me. He's overjoyed and I know he'll make a good father."
Bluefur didn't say anything to that, but Lilyspark could read the unspoken thoughts in her eyes. Well, if Thistleclaw is pleased, that's just fine.
"Lilyspark, what do you think about all of this?" Snowfur asked suddenly, turning to her instead.
"Oh–I, uh, well," Lilyspark meowed, trying to figure out how to answer her older sister's question. On the one hand, she was pleased that Snowfur was so happy and she didn't want to ruin that. On the other hand, she couldn't see any plausible scenario in which Thistleclaw would make a good father or why she should be happy that he was going to father her sister's kits. "I mean, I'm happy that you're having kits and all, Snowfur, I really am. But I don't like Thistleclaw any more than Bluefur does, you know that. I'm sorry, but I really don't understand what you see in him. He's never been remotely nice to anyone except you and he walks around acting like he's StarClan's greatest gift to the forest. How many times does he go on and on about how he's going to be Clan leader one day?"
"But I love him," Snowfur meowed simply. "Even though he is what you say, that doesn't change how I feel about him. And I'm not asking you to understand that. All I want is your word that you'll be supportive of us."
Lilyspark hesitated for a few heartbeats, then nodded. "Fine."
"Fine," Bluefur echoed. More hesitantly, she added, "It is great news, Snowfur, really. The Clan needs more kits. It's just–"
Snowfur laid her tail-tip against the blue-gray warrior's mouth. "I know," she murmured.
Well, I guess it's fine for me and Bluefur either way. We're not the ones having Thistleclaw's kits, Lilyspark thought.
Nodding to her sisters, she turned and walked deeper into the forest. Several flowers were beginning to bloom, signaling the arrival of newleaf. That was a good sign. At least Snowfur wouldn't have to give birth to her kits in the dead of leaf-bare. As she paused to sniff the air, a mouse scurried across her path. Quickly, she dropped into a hunting crouch and stalked forward. Once she was about a tail-length away, she pounced, nipping the back of the rodent's neck.
"Good catch!"
Lilyspark spun around to see Lionheart behind her. "Thanks."
"I've just been talking with Goldenflower," the golden-furred tom meowed. "Isn't it so great. Snowfur is–"
"–going to have kits, yes, I know," Lilyspark sighed, barely resisting the urge to snap in annoyance. "It's wonderful news. Absolutely thrilling. This is the best day in ThunderClan's history."
Lionheart looked rather taken aback. "Well, excuse me."
"You're excused," Lilyspark replied sarcastically.
"Come on, why are you being so hostile?" her friend pressed. "I would have thought that you'd be overjoyed, seeing as how these kits are going to be your kin."
To be honest, Lilyspark had forgotten that bit of information.
"I am happy, really. It's just that everyone seems to be talking about the kits and it just gets old hearing about them after a while," she meowed. Well, it wasn't entirely a lie.
"Why?" Lionheart asked curiously.
Lilyspark wasn't in the mood to get into another discussion about Thistleclaw again, so she decided to go with another lie and replied, "I guess I've just never really understood what's so exciting about having kits. Don't get me wrong, I know they're good for the Clan, but I just don't see the appeal otherwise."
"You'll understand when you're older," Lionheart meowed, flicking his tail against her shoulder.
"You're only two moons older than me, you know," Lilyspark pointed out, rolling her eyes.
"Two moons older is still older," the golden tom replied smugly.
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever, Lionheart," she chuckled, turning around and padding away. "I'll see you back at the camp."
She continued on her way, taking the path toward Fourtrees. A pigeon flew over her head and landed in a tree, but Lilyspark made no attempt to catch it. Her muscles were still aching from when she had fallen out of the tree during her warrior assessment two days ago. Part of her wished that she had fallen on Thistleclaw simply because she liked the idea of flattening him (however unintentionally).
It occurred to Lilyspark that she probably wasn't entirely right in the head.
Later that afternoon, Lilyspark returned to the camp with her mouse grasped firmly in her jaws. Unfortunately for her, the first cat she spotted upon her arrival in ThunderClan's camp was Thistleclaw. She walked past him, keeping her eyes averted as she headed for the fresh-kill pile, fervently praying that he wouldn't notice her or call her over. Despite her promise to Snowfur, there was no way she was going to start being friendly with Thistleclaw.
"Lilyspark! Over here!"
Why do you hate me, StarClan?
Gritting her teeth, she turned around and meowed tiredly, "Yes, Thistleclaw? What do you want?"
Thistleclaw bounded over to her, abandoning the thrush he had been eating. Instead of his usual scowl, however, there was an almost pleading look on his face. Lilyspark narrowed her eyes suspiciously; what was he trying to play at?
"I need your help," he meowed abruptly.
"You? You need my help?" Lilyspark didn't even bother trying to hide her astonishment. "Well, that's something new, I must say. What is it that you need?"
"Snowfur asked me to talk to Moonflower," Thistleclaw admitted. "She isn't too happy about me, and Snowfur said she wants us all to try to get along. But I'm not sure what to say to her, so I was hoping that maybe you had some ideas."
"Okay," Lilyspark replied slowly. "And is there any particular reason as to why you couldn't just ask her for advice instead?"
"She left before I had a chance," the spiky-furred warrior grumbled, and she laughed. "It's not funny, Lilyspark! I need this to work out."
"Okay, okay," she meowed, startled. "Let's just–"
"Are you bothering Lilyspark again, Thistleclaw?" Bluefur's voice growled from behind them.
"Hi, Bluefur!" Lilyspark greeted the blue-furred molly cheerfully while Thistleclaw grimaced.
"No, I'm not bothering her," he meowed irritably. "I needed advice, okay?"
"For what?" Bluefur asked skeptically, securing herself at Lilyspark's side protectively. Lilyspark could tell that she was just barely refraining from insulting him.
"He's supposed to talk to Moonflower and doesn't know what to say," she told her sister.
"Ah, I see," Bluefur meowed, her whiskers twitching.
"Yeah, I know," Lilyspark remarked. Turning back to Thistleclaw, she continued, "Okay, if you want to win our mother over, you need to do exactly as I say. Got it?"
"Of course," Thistleclaw meowed, nodding.
"Right," she meowed. "Remember, if you want her to believe you, body language is the key. Got it? Okay. The first thing you need to do is say, 'I know you don't like me, but I need to talk to you about me and Snowfur,' while waving your front paws from side to side like you're a tree. Next, you have to say, 'You probably already know this, but she's having my kits and we're both really excited,' while lying on your back and repeatedly thrusting your stomach in the air. Finally, you should say, 'I promise to take care of Snowfur and always treat her well,' while doing your best impression of a bird taking flight."
"Okay..." Thistleclaw meowed slowly, staring at her. "And you're positive this will work?"
"Positive," Lilyspark answered with an air of confidence, biting back the urge to laugh. "Come on, let's go. The sooner we do this, the better. You come too, Bluefur."
She spun around and led Thistleclaw and Bluefur over to where Moonflower was sharing tongues with Sunstar, a half-eaten squirrel between them. The two cats looked up as they approached and Lilyspark bounded over to greet her parents. Moonflower brushed her nose against her cheek before going over to Bluefur as well. She nodded to Thistleclaw, although her expression was rather guarded.
"Hello," Moonflower murmured. "Is there something the three of you needed?"
"Thistleclaw said he needed to talk to you," Lilyspark answered. She glanced over at the gray and white warrior and added, "Your show."
Thistleclaw nodded and stepped forward, taking a seat in front of Moonflower. Raising his front paws in the air above his head, he began waving them side to side and meowed, "I know you don't like me, but I need to talk to you about me and Snowfur."
Lilyspark stared at him in disbelief. Great StarClan, he actually did it.
"Er...well, alright," Moonflower agreed, clearly confused. Meanwhile, Sunstar looked torn between amusement and disapproval. "Go ahead."
"You probably already know this, but she's having my kits and we're both really excited," Thistleclaw continued, rolling over onto his back and thrusting his stomach in the air repeatedly.
By now, Lilyspark was fighting hard not to laugh. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Bluefur doubling over in silent hysterics. She sent a wordless prayer of thanks to StarClan that Snowfur wasn't there. Her white-furred sister definitely wouldn't have been pleased about her prank on Thistleclaw.
"And we're both very happy for you two," Moonflower replied politely.
Thistleclaw nodded and stood up. Bracing his shoulders, he crouched down and leaped high into the air, nearly shouting, "I promise to take care of Snowfur and always treat her well!"
He crashed to the ground again, letting out a grunt as he landed. Fortunately, the sound of his fall was enough to muffle the snort of laughter that came out of Lilyspark's mouth. She looked around the clearing to see that several other warriors were staring at them now. As Thistleclaw struggled back to his paws, Moonflower walked over to him with an unusually serious expression on her face.
"Thistleclaw," she began. "Do you mean that. Are you really going to treat Snowfur well and take care of her no matter what?"
"Yes, yes, I will," the spiky-furred warrior meowed, nodding fervently. Lilyspark was startled at the conviction in his voice.
"Good. Then you have my approval," Moonflower replied, her gaze softening.
Thistleclaw let out a sigh of relief. Turning to Lilyspark, he meowed, "Thanks for your help."
"No problem," she replied, still trying to suppress her snickers.
"Yeah, she'll help you anytime," Bluefur added, doing a much less successful job of hiding her own.
"I do have one question, though," Thistleclaw meowed. "What exactly was the meaning behind all of those weird stretches you were making me do?"
"Well, nothing really," Lilyspark answered, flicking her tail dismissively.
"WHAT?" Thistleclaw yowled, staring at her in disbelief. "Lilyspark, you traitor! Why did you make me do them if they didn't mean anything?"
At that point, Lilyspark couldn't hold in herself together any longer. She doubled over, her sides splitting as she nearly collapsed in a fit of laughter. Bluefur joined her as well, while Thistleclaw merely sank onto his side in embarrassment. Meanwhile, Moonflower and Sunstar just stared at them, clearly bewildered as to what was going on.
"Well, I had to have some fun," Lilyspark meowed finally, gasping as she tried to catch her breath.
Thistleclaw just grumbled.
Who else enjoyed the Clannad reference I added in the story?
Lilyspark is also going to be a massive troll in this fanfic.