Chapter 5

I'll make you feel pure
Trust me

- Muse, Undisclosed Desires

Edward had gone home that afternoon while Carlisle went to his meeting. The younger vampire was able to spend more time alone at the house now although he infinitely preferred being at the hospital. But Carlisle's meeting was at the dinner club and Edward had been around people and their mouth-watering aromas far too long that day already, so he opted to return on his own.

The walk home was uneventful but he made a large turn around the house's exterior before entering. Even after six weeks, he still wasn't comfortable with the environs to let his guard down completely. He tossed his bag on the floor and went to shower before finding an activity to while away the time until Carlisle returned.

He had just settled on the back porch with one of Carlisle's novels when he heard the man's thoughts nebulously forming in his head. He concentrated for a minute to gauge the distance and then relaxed, knowing Carlisle would be home soon, and pushed the humming to the far back corner of his brain so that he could focus on his book.

The Proposal

Carlisle placed his briefcase and hat in their proper places, picked up Edward's bag from the floor and laid it neatly alongside the other articles, and walked to the back porch. He knew Edward would be there, exactly as he knew Edward would be reading. He dropped down on the step beside him, leaning a little into the other man's shoulder. What are you reading?

Edward flashed the book cover at him, but didn't look up. Carlisle was used to his moods and chose not to take it as a rebuff. (It wasn't intended as one, so it was good Carlisle understood.)

"Edward," he began, "I've been thinking."

"About?" Not looking up.

"About… where we're going." That wasn't exactly what he meant, but close enough.

That did earn a look. A puzzled look.

"Sometimes I worry" worry sounds too strong "that you don't feel… comfortable… with our life here. That you aren't as involved in it as you" should "could be.

"I know how hard it is to have to make your way in this life. I didn't have anyone to help me when I was turned" no that is not a plea for pity "and I've tried very hard to be fair" or what I consider fair" to you and let you find your own path without my unduly influencing you, even as I have tried easing the way for you. If you feel at any time that I might do something more, or if you feel stifled, then you must tell me.

"The way that I have managed my life works for me, and I am happier" baffled flattered grateful thrilled! "than I can convey that you have chosen to stay with me. But I am, well, old, and very set in my ways. I have practiced medicine for more than a hundred years and it is now part and parcel of who and what I am.

"I felt the time we spent together the first year was important for your education so that you could find things that you enjoy, whether I cared for them or not. I wanted you to have the option to pursue your own interests, develop your own tastes."

He screwed his face up for a minute. That last part could be taken the wrong way... He obviously would have very strong feelings on the subject if Edward started eating people.

Best to think it, then, to avoid confusion.

Edward's brow was furrowed and he was very focused on Carlisle now, trying to sort out his words and thoughts.

What I mean to say is, if we are going to spend eternity together, you need to think of this - our life together - as yours as much as mine. I want you to remember that while we are, above all… together…in this, that your needs are equal to mine and that each of us has a say in whichever direction we choose to go as a couple.

Edward's attention was rapt.

I know at times it must feel as though I am dragging you along with no regard for your feelings, but that is not what I ever intended. Perhaps I was selfish in making the decision to return to work, but I never meant to hurt you! I knew that at some point we would settle down – we can't go on forever living in forests and hotels! – and I thought that stability would give you a chance to explore your options as well.

"I guess what I am trying to say" badly "is that I love you more than anything else and I would willingly give up all that we have here if you feel that you might be happier elsewhere.

"Edward," and he spoke out loud again, "Let's get married!"

Edward had been lingering over the words "eternity" and "love" and it took him a while longer to register the last sentence.

If Carlisle had anticipated a reaction, it was surely not the one he received, for Edward all but shouted, tossing his book aside and throwing himself at Carlisle hard enough to damage the wall behind him.

I'll take that as a 'yes'.

Planning

He took Edward to the jeweler (Edward was loath to allow his ring to leave his possession, in spite of Carlisle's protestations that he would have to part with it at least for a few hours prior to the ceremony). The man was delighted to have the commission, fussing over both of them as if they were royalty. He promised to care for the ring as if it were his own mother's (Edward still growled while Carlisle squeezed his hand, silently begging for cooperation).

For the first time since their arrival in Vermont, Edward was active, busily planning the ceremony – with the help of their new-found acquaintances in the community – rearranging the house (they decided they would be married at home), and endlessly consulting with Carlisle over the details.

"What shall I wear?" He was curled up against Carlisle on their bed, basking while the older vampire stroked his arm.

"Whatever you wish. I have no preference."

"But I want it to be memorable!"

"You're always beautiful to me, you know that." Carlisle chuckled. You could show up stark naked… Carlisle pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers and exhaled forcefully, trying to clear his mind of the image. No, that would not be helpful…

Edward laughed, freely, easily, and happily, something he hadn't done in forever. And, then, shocking both of them, he lifted his face and reached up to kiss Carlisle's lips. They both froze, not breathing, until Edward pressed further in and kissed him deeply. Carlisle groaned, starved for his touch, and before he could stop himself, embraced Edward, his mouth hungrily opening, seeking its forgotten half.

He rolled on top of the other man, pushing himself between his legs and moving his pelvis against him. It had been so long! Carlisle was almost writhing in anticipation.

He raised himself up on his forearms and began to rock steadily against Edward's loins, moaning softly in his mouth. One hand gripped Edward's side as his thrusts became more urgent. The contact alone almost made him come, and when he felt Edward's growing hardness against him, he screamed.

He withdrew abruptly, sitting back on the bed, shaking and trying to regain composure. Edward stared at him, momentarily confused and more than a little hurt.

No, Carlisle was panting too hard to speak, and the strength to suppress his urge took everything he had. No! He crawled backwards to the edge of the bed.

He dropped his head to his hands, indecision and sexual frustration gnawing at him. He wanted Edward so much, and there he was stretched out in front of him, his for the taking.

And why not? His less noble side exulted. You'll be married in two weeks, what's the difference? He's waiting for you. The thought of Edward's….

But given all that they had been through, he wanted Edward in a more meaningful, permanent way.

No! Carlisle buried his face in the covers, clawing at his head, groaning. I want to wait.

He wanted to save his reacquaintance with Edward's body for that moment when they would truly belong to one another; he wanted that moment to be something more than physical need.

Edward reached out his hand to touch him on the shoulder. Carlisle grasped it, still wrestling in physical pain with his need. I want you!

Edward gave him a moment to calm himself and then pulled him back to his chest and tenderly kissed his forehead.

He changed the subject. "Where shall we honeymoon?"

And Carlisle rested his head against him and willingly redirected his thoughts.

Travels

They chose Washington, west coast this time, and opted for the train to travel to Seattle. Carlisle hoped the noise of the train might drown out the sounds coming from their sleeper car room. He had difficulty controlling himself just thinking about it. He was absolutely positive he would not be able to control himself when the moment arrived.

They barely even made it to the room. Edward turned and threw himself against Carlisle, who almost broke the door when he slammed into it. Both men were panting heavily, gripping and groping one another. Carlisle pushed him back to the hide-away bed (which they had forgotten to open in their haste) and began shredding his shirt (how fortunate that they had thought to bring extra luggage). Edward's fingers scrambled down, yanking at Carlisle's shirttails until he freed them and then running his hands over his bare skin. Carlisle growled appreciatively and nipped his neck.

Carlisle reached out and jerked the hide-away bed down. It snapped and lay angled against the floor, but it was still softer than the bare wood. He forced Edward down on it and straddled him, thrusting uncontrollably and lavishing kisses on the boy's chest.

With what felt like superhuman self-control, Carlisle opened Edward's trousers and slid one hand down. Edward's eyes rolled back into his head as he grabbed wildly trying to anchor himself, writhing and bucking. Carlisle's hand stroked his length while his mouth moved down his torso, his other hand disposing of the remains of Edward's shirt. He took Edward in his mouth, burying his nose in his soft, sweet-smelling nest of hair and flesh. Edward thrust against him and Carlisle took him deeper in his throat. Edward's hands reached back to grasp anything and inadvertently snapped the last shards of metal that still held the hide-away bed to the wall. The bed collapsed, Oh well… jostling both of them when it hit the floor.

Edward did scream as he released into Carlisle's warm, wet mouth, but he made the effort to muffle it by shoving his fist all the way in his mouth and biting down hard.

Carlisle was sooo close, he almost touched himself just to end the unbearable pressure. But he wanted Edward badly. He moved up and hovered over him, balancing on his hands, breath ragged and shaking. His eyes were heavy and hooded, and he gripped Edward's side firmly with one hand. Edward slowly began to remove Carlisle's tie, then shirt, then belt…

Carlisle felt like he was having to relive eternity waiting.

He lifted Edward's legs up to position himself at his entrance, and pressed forward. "Mine!" He whispered fiercely, feeling the younger man envelop him.

XXXXXXXXXX

They relaxed against the broken bed. How am I going to explain this?

Laughter. "We could say it was defective and just ask for a new room."

Sigh.

Edward moved into him, laying his head against his shoulder and gazing up at him. "I love you."

I love you, too, you make me so happy! Carlisle kissed him, feeling light and peaceful and completely satisfied.

Edward turned very silent. And noticeably still. Carlisle cringed at the change in his mood.

Are you alright? Did I say something?

Edward nestled further into his shoulder, contemplating the other man's perfect jawline. "Was there ever anyone else, apart from me?"

Carlisle laughed, relieved. Oh that's what's worrying you. "No," he kissed the top of his head. "Never. You are my first and only love."

Edward's face brightened, but he was still thoughtful.

Why would you ask?

"Something she told me."

Carlisle inhaled sharply. Finally! What did she say?

Edward shook his head again. Carlisle felt his old frustration rear its ugly head, but swiftly quelled it. He was about to drop the matter when Edward surprised him, speaking again.

"It wasn't so much what she said as how she said it…."

Carlisle forced his mind to remain blank.

"She was… inside of me. Making me think and feel things." He closed his eyes. "I can't explain it."

"I know." Carlisle hugged him to comfort him. He did know; Jane's reputation was well-publicized.

"She made me believe things. About you. And me."

Carlisle strained not to mentally react.

"She showed me what you were, before. How you were. With Them." He shivered and drew closer to Carlisle. "She told me you could never love me. That all you wanted from me was the same thing They did, just to pleasure yourself. That you'd grow tired of me and move on. Again."

"Edward!" Carlisle said with more feeling than he could physically contain. His entire being ached at those words and the memory of finding Edward that day.

Edward, you know what They are and how They operate! How could you ever believe such a thing?

"I know. It was…" he shuddered. "How she did it. She was in my head, making me see things."

They were lies!

"I know that now." Said very quietly. "Carlisle?"

"Yes?" He held him very close.

"I love you."

"Oh, my Edward! As I will always love you!"

"Forever?" Edward managed an uncertain crooked smile.

"Forever!" Emphatically, and Carlisle bent to kiss him again.