Author's Note: Entry to IchiRuki Month 2020 day 24, prompt: I love you. This might be my first ever non-AU IchiRuki fic lol. I would like to thank Ariadne Kurosaki (PallasAriadne) for correcting my mistakes and being an awesome beta reader for this story - if not the BEST. I learned so much more from spending an hour talking with her compared to my entire life in English class. All hail Ari-senpai for her sacrifice.
For as long as Rukia could remember, she had always lived precariously – without a roof over her head or enough food to eat. Then, she was found and adopted to the Kuchiki Clan, one of the four great noble families in Soul Society. Whether it was pure luck, or maybe fate, she did not know – for her sister had been married to Kuchiki Byakuya, the head of Kuchiki Clan and captain of the Gotei 13.
As such, she had never been one to dwell on her emotions. Living outdoors required wits and agility to survive; she was too busy trying to sustain herself to actually reflect on her emotions and feelings. Once she was adopted, she was too busy trying to adapt to the new environment and live up to the expectations of the clan. She had dedicated her whole life to have the perfect posture worthy of the Kuchiki name and to honing her skill with her zanpakutō. Living as Kuchiki Rukia meant throwing away everything that made up Rukia of Inuzuri.
"What is your relationship with Kurosaki-kun?"
The first time that question was asked, she had no idea how to respond. She was playing a part in the Living World, pretending to be a normal human high school student, and was having a nice lunch with other girls. Now, she wasn't oblivious. Ichigo was pretty well-known among the school with his above-average grades and skill with sports. Although he always scowled, he was charming and attractive. A pang of guilt crept through her as she acknowledged the fact that she had taken away his prospects because of an instant decision, one he would never able to turn back from.
"Kuchiki-san?"
Once she heard her surname called, her train of thought was halted as she replied with the sweetest smile she could muster. "Ah, right," she laughed, "Kurosaki-kun is…." She began to ponder. He is an unfortunate boy who wound up in a matter of life and death and took on a responsibility he had no reason to bear - all because of me. How could she explain this relationship?
"He is just a friend," Rukia decided to reply, her smile never faltering despite her contemplation and bitter embarrassment.
I have no right to call him that.
The topic shifted after her anti-climactic answer. Since it was a golden opportunity for girls' talk, if the guidebook was right about what to call it, Rukia shrugged and never brought up the discussion again. She thought the subject was only a passing question – a normal conversation girls around their age would usually engage in and then forget as they moved on to other topics. Certainly, that was not the case, as she got the same exact question right the very next day while on her way to the girls' restroom.
"Are you sure you two are just friends?"
She had blinked at the curious looks they gave her. Now she was cornered by the wall, her line of sight swarmed with inquisitive girls who apparently knew about her latest answer regarding the issue. The guidebook was right – words spread fast among girls.
"Indeed, we are," she said with a sing-song voice, not showing a hint of hesitation in her tone. She hoped she looked easygoing enough to convince them that she was honest because truthfully, that was the best answer she could come up with.
"But someone saw you on the rooftop with him," one of the girls inquired, "and Kurosaki-kun bought you a juice box – he even opened it for you!"
Ah, she thought, classic human teenagers.
She spent her whole time as Shinigami in the human world observing the daily lives of humans. It seemed common for girls around their age to get all giddy about romantic approach – they tended to analyze every behavior and made assumptions about what even the smallest action meant.
Rukia cleared her throat. "Kurosaki-kun is such a gentleman, isn't he?" she said approvingly. "I was having a little trouble opening it and he offered to help!"
The squeal of the girls showed that she had won them over. She managed to change the topic and now they would be too focused gushing about Ichigo to interrogate her any further, thank Chappy for that.
"Do you like him, Kuchiki-san?"
Her smile faltered a bit towards the unexpected question. "Huh?"
"He is so different from the usual guys, isn't he?" Another girl chimed in. "I would totally swoon if he approached me the same way he did to you!"
"Oh." Rukia swayed, her mind trying hard to figure a way out. "As much as I'd like to continue, I have been in the restroom too long." She chuckled, hoping she did not sound too urgent. "My friends might be wondering where I've been so I should get going."
She excused herself to go outside. Thank the heavens above she could finally breathe – but then that thought did not last long as she bumped onto something, or someone, she didn't know – she looked up and saw the worst possible scenario she could ever expected. Rukia frowned. Not everyone had orange-colored hair now, did they?
"Hey," Ichigo grunted, "watch where you're going, midget."
He was the last person she wanted to meet right now.
The sounds of gasps from her back made her grimace at her miscalculation. Her escape was an absolute failure. She could never get out of this now, couldn't she?
"Well then, excuse me, Kurosaki-kun." Rukia walked away after sending him one of her fake smiles that he hated. The least she could do was minimize the damage, and that was exactly what she was aiming to do – until she felt her wrist being grabbed by his hand, halting her movements and causing her head to turn and look at him.
The grip on her wrist was firm. "I need to talk to you about something," he said, voice serious and eyes determined. She knew it was something related to hollows once she heard that tone – and as a result, her focus promptly switched to an entirely different matter. To hell with damage control, now she was the one leading as she gripped his arm with her other hand, rushing to find a silent place so they could talk.
Thankfully, the staircase was empty, so Rukia quickly dragged her companion to the stairs. "Talk," she demanded authoritatively, all humor and friendly, gentle expressions she usually faked gone in an instant.
"Ah, well," Ichigo scratched the back of his neck, "do you think Karin might end up being like me? I don't know," he cleared his throat, "she always had strong reiatsu and I saw her talking to a ghost yesterday in the kitchen, so I was wondering."
Rukia's eyes softened. Was he worried that his sister might suffer the same fate as him? "You have nothing to worry about," she assured him, "what I did to you was against the rules. I doubt any Shinigami would have done the same thing; most of us would never break the law of Soul Society."
He fidgeted, "Yeah, but what if she can see you guys or hollows one day? She doesn't have any power to fight."
"What you did was something of impossibility. Although she is your sister, I doubt it came from some genetic factor –" Rukia truthfully answered. "It isn't rare for humans to see dead spirits, but seeing Shinigami and hollows is an entirely different matter."
"I see," Ichigo did not sound too convinced, but the tension of his tone faded a little with her explanation. She supposed that was the best she could do to calm his uneasiness.
"Don't worry, if something actually happened, I would save your sister – even if it costs my own life," Rukia promised. After all, it was her fault from the beginning everything happened - the least she could do was make amends.
However, contrary to what she expected, Ichigo's expression hardened at her declaration. "Don't."
Rukia arched an eyebrow, "What do you mean?"
"Don't you dare sacrifice yourself, for anything," something about his tone made her shudder involuntarily, "not even to save someone else."
Rukia deadpanned, "That is a very difficult request. After all, it is my duty to protect humans, even if it means I need to forfeit my life."
It was kind of ironic for him to say that, Rukia thought. His life had changed completely after she attempted to save him and his family. At first, Rukia didn't understand the meaning of his words. Perhaps he said it because the consequences of her undoing had been so dire for the both of them, and maybe he regretted becoming a Shinigami and did not want anyone else to experience the same thing.
That was the most believable answer, or maybe the only answer she wanted to believe – that the reason he did not want her to sacrifice herself was to avoid creating another victim. She assumed that was the end of their argument, but then she took a look at his face.
He was glaring at her; she would have thought he was just angry if she had not picked up the concern in his eyes. His lips were pressed into a thin line, obviously displeased with her response but unable to order her to say otherwise because it was her life, her decisions to make. He had no right to pick her battles and override her judgements.
Her eyes trailed down to his jaw, then his shoulders. They were rigid, his arms tense and his hands fisted. "If that is the case," he began, "I will save you each time you plan on sacrificing yourself, since I am your substitute," he decided, eyes determined. "I swear to my soul."
Was it his need to protect, or resolve to fulfill his duty? Rukia wished she could have concluded things that easily, but she was no fool. It was something much more than that, something entirely the same but with additional vehemence and a twist of affection. He showed her the most intense wave of emotions, something she had never seen or felt, not in the hundreds of years she had lived. Her lips automatically parted on a small exhale, a staggering realization dawning on her as she understood what he was trying to do.
He was asking for the start of something – silently, but tangibly.
She knew what this was, and he knew she understood; through the way she hugged herself with her arms and kept her eyes averted from his gaze.
Do I love him?
She wavered. Was there even enough time for them to think this through?
They had a lot on their plates. There were many things she needed to handle, and the Gotei 13 will try to track her down soon. Time was not a luxury she possessed. She had to figure out a way to get her powers back, before they found out about Ichigo and possibly involved him along this mess.
Whether I like him, whether I hate him, it's just all so troublesome, Rukia reminded herself. Love, companionship, and friendship… It is nothing but trouble.
Her eyelids fluttered shut, she should break whatever spark this was. He was a human. Nothing should ever start between them, not even across five lifetimes. Once her power came back, she would have to leave him, and might even make him forget everything about her.
But then again, she couldn't finish something that hadn't started yet, couldn't she?
So she decided not to answer – not yet. They had a lot to go through – such a fickle thing as love could wait.
"We should get going," she croaked, "everyone else must be waiting."
He looked taken aback, as if he did not expect her to avoid giving a certain answer. She had always been decisive; for her to dither was proof enough of how serious this conversation might be – for her, and for him.
Yet she did not reject the idea entirely, and it meant she considered the possibility too; something that might redefine their relationship. The realization flickered in him; she could see that plain as day. There was a new sentiment emerging in his eyes – one that she might regret ever giving him.
Hope for the future. And damn, was she screwed because she actually felt the same way too.
Author's Note: Comments are highlight appreciated! Seriously I wouldn't have finished this in time if Ari had not stepped in and proofread the whole thing to the point of perfection. Give her works some loves.