Chapter 7

Author's note: I have included the note from the original publication in 2009 at the end of this chapter as the backlash at that time was strong and I am fairly sure it will elicit the same response from today's readers.

Thanks for reading! - Pace is the trick

"I sat in the sun on a bench; the animal within me licking the chops of memory; the spiritual side a little drowsed, promising subsequent penitence, but not yet moved to begin."

Robert Louis Stevenson, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

Lament

Carlisle tried to imagine another time in his existence when he had been so utterly and completely happy. There simply wasn't anything that could compare to the present moment with Edward. Nothing he had ever seen or would see, nothing he had ever done or would do, would satiate his longing as completely as did Edward.

In the morning, they left their room for the breakfast car – an entertaining event since Edward still hadn't figured out how to swallow human food and gagged throughout the meal, grimacing and shuddering with every forkful. Carlisle thoroughly enjoyed the act, laughing at him as he tried to down eggs, a substance Edward could only describe as "nauseating", if he understood the word correctly. You are doing great, Edward! Just relax your throat a little bit, pretend it's me in there, and on the count of three, swallow. Ready? 1, 2,

Edward protested vehemently that no one really cared whether they ate or not, but Carlisle insisted they attempt to be like the other passengers. We are already questionable characters, my Edward. Two young men in one room, one broken bed, and the train does NOT drown out your enthusiastic moaning.

Edward pouted and reluctantly lifted a bite of bloodless, gray meat (Chew it first, it goes down easier. "Uuuuugh!") to his mouth. (Relax your throat…)

During one meal, Edward smirked at him, lowering his untouched forkful to the plate.

"What?" Carlisle was caught off-guard and immediately suspicious.

Edward looked like the proverbial cat that had swallowed the canary. He leaned forward conspiratorially, taking Carlisle's hand under the table and pulling it between his legs. The seat of his trousers was wet. Carlisle's mouth dropped open in shock.

"Did that just happen?" He hissed, very concerned that the surrounding diners might take notice of such utter and complete impropriety.

Edward gave him a lazy, lusty smile, his bright eyes scorching Carlisle's. "I've been keeping you inside of me," he said huskily. "I wanted to. It just came out."

Carlisle felt awkward realizing he was happier about that than he probably should be. I'm always inside of you, Edward, just as you are always in me. And the memory of injecting his venom into Edward and drinking his blood came back to him with such striking clarity that they both sat back, stunned, in uncomfortable silence.

It was almost as good as fucking you. Carlisle thought flippantly, trying to lighten the mood.

"You should have fucked me at the time and you could have had the whole experience." He wasn't quite sure if he was more irritated or amused by Carlisle's reaction.

"I did." Carlisle was very quiet and stared down at his plate, ashamed of his confession.

"You did?!" Now Edward's mouth was open.

"Shhhh! Not so loud!" He was still worried they had an audience. And then he looked down again, afraid to meet Edward's eyes. "Yes. I did. I couldn't stop myself." And the memory of holding Edward while pressing against him came back to him so strongly, they both gasped.

Carlisle hastened to explain. That was my first sexual experience. That's how I managed to stop feeding. I was so overwhelmed it actually helped me to regain control of myself.

Edward sat lost in Carlisle's thoughts, studying the older vampire across the table. "Show me," he said abruptly. "When you turned me."

Carlisle closed his eyes, shaking his head resolutely. No. Not here. Maybe... later. It's - a deep, ragged breath - a lot to take in.

"I'm not hungry anymore," Edward announced loudly for the benefit of the people across the way.

Carlisle choked on his wine, laughing despite the gravity of the moment, before delicately wiping his lips. "Alright, then. Shall we adjourn to the smoking car?" And he rose and led Edward back to their room.

Edward closed the door and walked quickly to him. "Show me!" he commanded, grabbing Carlisle by the shoulders.

Alright. Carlisle sighed wearily. Alright, you have every right to know. I should have told you before. And, very reluctantly, he opened his mind. Drifting back, he found he could vividly recall every detail, as if he were there in that very moment with Edward. He saw himself as he remembered - caring for Edward in the hospital; carrying him from the morgue; slinking through the shadows and across the rooftops; stealing a mattress from a nearby house to rest him on. And then - washing his hands and unbuttoning Edward's shirt in preparation; holding him tightly in his arms while his nose traced a path down his neck, following the flow of blood in the carotid artery just beneath the surface.

He had grown hard just touching Edward's warm flesh, the first time he had ever held a human being so close, and that sensation - combined with the fragrant smell of Edward's blood - was making him dizzy. Edward's dead weight pressed down on his erection and every iota of Carlisle was trembling with excitement.

With a silent prayer, PLEASE! GOD! he opened his mouth, bit down hard and began to feed.

He could feel Edward's heartbeat pulsing through every part of his body – even his brain! - as he sucked the rich, sweet blood in. He had never before tasted anything like it and knew in that instant he could never again live without it. His hands cradled Edward's head, pulling the boy closer to him. Edward moaned in pain, the first signs of life from his morphine-induced slumber.

Carlisle was so hard he ached and as Edward shifted in his arms - struggling to escape the pain - he inadvertently exacerbated the vampire's mounting desire. Carlisle began to rock his hips against the human form, growling and thrusting as he fed. Each heartbeat drove more blood to his mouth, and the harder he bit down in his haste to draw it faster, the harder Edward pressed down against his erection - sending Carlisle into a spiral of intensifying excitement. His mind was reeling, his senses animated, his every fiber pulsing with Edward's rapid heartbeat; he couldn't stop.

He had no volition to stop.

He shoved Edward back down on the bed, mouth still firmly attached, and straddled him, banging hard against him in desperation for relief from the building tension between his legs. But then, without warning, Edward erupted - screaming and writhing in agony, hands striking out to push Carlisle away.

Startled by the noise, Carlisle let go and jumped back, his mind still grappling with the roar so many tumultuous sensations. He fell down hard - dazed, staring across at Edward, who was clutching his neck and shrieking as the venom began its scorching leisurely descent through his veins.

The vampire licked the vestiges of blood from his own lips, keenly aware of the part of him that hungered to leap and attack the boy - to taste him and again feel the heady sensation of human blood coursing through his body. He bit down and sucked from his own hand, contemplating the frantic figure across from him, and reached down with the other hand to touch himself. He shivered with pleasure. The blood still wooed him, but the other drive was emerging stronger now. He remained crouched against the wall watching the boy, stroking himself, almost as a bystander would consider his options.

But very quickly he jumped again, scurrying back to his prey.

Edward's skin was slick with sweat and the play of his muscles while he writhed in agony mesmerized Carlisle, who reached out to place his hand on the boy's stomach, running it first across his chest, all the way up to his neck to finger the bleeding wound and then down down down to caress the soft trail of hairs that disappeared under his waistband. Carlisle leaned closer in, hypnotized by the sight and smell of the body spread out before him. Edward continued to struggle under the strong hand, and Carlisle pressed down effortlessly to restrain him. His hand had slipped lower and his focus shifted to Edward's sex, hidden under thick wool pants. He watched his own fingers as they lifted slightly and slid under the material to caress the boy. Frustrated, he pushed down and felt Edward's weak muscles tear under the sheer strength of his fingers. He stooped abruptly and made soothing circles on the surface, cooing at the softness of human skin.

Down further still his hand crept, pausing to dwell on the button of Edward's trousers. The garment was the only thing that stood between him and his desire. He ran his fingertips over the smooth metal before abruptly shredding the fabric, causing the boy even more pain as his weakened limbs were wrenched to and fro with the violent motion.

Carlisle's focus went back to the soft organ laying exposed before him and then, giving in completely to instinct, he lowered his mouth to claim it. He inhaled the intoxicating scents, in raptures over the smell of Edward. His tongue ventured to taste him and he groaned loudly. He began to lick Edward slowly, moving his coarse tongue across the mangled flesh, savoring the sensations permeating every fiber of his being.

The vampire lowered his head, almost lover-like, to plant feverish kisses up and down Edward's torso. The venom in his mouth pooled and overflowed, spilling onto Edward, forming rivulets that forked and spread. Carlisle followed the patterns with his eyes, fascinated by the body's curves that dictated the course.

Edward was still struggling, but he had quieted some at the vampire's touch, the coldness of death soothing his burning skin. He nestled further into the hard chest, and unconsciously arched up against the hand caressing him. The response only egged the vampire on.

He pulled Edward roughly back into his arms, his right hand roving the mangled body now fully his, searching for the entry he needed. He snarled in triumph when he found it and rammed his forefinger hard into the boy, eliciting more screams.

The creature tore at his own trousers, pulling his swollen length out to press it against the softness of his mate. He mounted Edward and began to thrust violently against the boy, trying to force his way in.

Never in all his hundreds of years had Carlisle ever imagined anything as intensely pleasurable as the feel of another body touching his hardness!

Falling completely now in his hedonistic descent, the vampire maneuvered Edward as if he were nothing more than a rag doll, gripping him with enough strength to break his bones. The boy shrieked in pain as he felt his limbs rotate unnaturally and then poke through the flesh. The bleeding from the puncture in his thigh might have captured Carlisle's attention had the primal urge to breed not been stronger still.

He licked Edward's neck seductively, moving his tongue slowly across his throat, savoring the taste of blood congealing on the wound. And then, without so much as another thought, Carlisle thrust into Edward's tight opening - plunging and ripping in total abandon; in and out, harder and faster; panting and whining, until he felt that he might well leave his own body beneath him, so fast and high was he climbing! The intensity of the pressure inside of him continued to build until just when he thought he could bear it no longer, something spiked within and then exploded, and he shuddered, flinging his head back and crying out while the orgasm racked his body. He stayed there, dazed, for a moment longer, until suddenly waking up, pulled himself out and jumped back against the wall, breathing hard as his mind and body continued to react to the new sensations.

Edward was crying even louder, curled into a ball and clutching his stomach as the fire within him raged from a new point of origin.

"Please!" The boy, now fully awake, was screaming. "Help me! Help me!" His eyes frantically fixed on the doctor.

Carlisle was still in the process of recovering himself and did not respond immediately. But as he slowly pulled himself from the fog, returning to his senses, he became acutely aware of all that had transpired. With dawning horror, he looked back at the battered body on the bed and recognized the damage as his.

What have I done? Dear God, what have I done? The vampire clawed his head, gnashing his teeth and howling in despair, his own mental agony echoing Edward's physical torment. He almost fled the room, so great was his remorse, until his eyes fell upon the contorted face of his victim - a hapless helpless mortal now in the throes of death itself.

Oh how he longed to take the boy in his arms and soothe him! To beg his forgiveness and wash away the blood that stained his lovely physique.

But he feared what might happen if he allowed himself to touch Edward again. The blood surging through his veins was still inexorable and he felt the safest thing to do was flee.

He almost jumped from the window to safety but Edward's screams increased until he could bear it no longer. And, casting aside his own personal demons, he reached out to gather the stricken boy in his arms to comfort him.

After

Edward stood thoughtfully, mulling over all he had seen. "Well," he exhaled loudly when at last he spoke. And then a sort of bitter laugh. "How ever did you manage not to touch me again for so long?"

Carlisle sighed and closed his eyes. "Edward, that was one of the most horrific moments of my existence. I wanted your blood and your body and I allowed myself to lose control. Despite my intentions and careful preparations, I attacked you with no regard for your well-being. I'm amazed you even lived through the experience. Everyday for a long time after that, I hated myself for succumbing to my base instincts. I loved you so much and was so grateful to have you in my life and I desperately wanted to be fair to you."

Edward nodded, still very quiet. And then he laughed again, harsher still. "Which was better, the blood or the sex?"

Carlisle smiled in spite of himself. "I should think that answer obvious."

His mate tensed his lips. "But is it true, then, what the scout said?"

Well. Shrug. "I don't know. A 'singer' is someone whose blood 'cries out' to a particular vampire, so to speak. Some believe that that person is actually the true mate of the vampire, though of course most don't survive the feeding frenzy to become the mate. I can truthfully say that as your doctor when you were human, I was completely uninterested in your blood for anything more than medical reasons. But I was very interested in you. You… captivated me. You were the worst patient I had ever had" and he couldn't help but chuckle at the memory – stubborn, unruly, uncooperative.

You were so intelligent and so different.

"I thought you were beautiful, though that wasn't the way I understood it at the time. I just knew I wanted to be near you; I would race through my rounds to come back to your bed, and, at night, when I wasn't on call, I would perch outside your window and watch over you. I was so afraid to lose you!

"When I touched you, to check your pulse or lungs, it felt… wonderful! I began to crave the feel of you. If I came by when you were sleeping, I would sit beside you and stroke your face and arms. I knew it was wrong! I had always been so careful not to form any attachment to humans. But I just couldn't help myself. I wanted so badly to be near you.

"When your mother asked me to care for you, I felt that God had answered my prayers. I wanted to believe that it was somehow predestined, my reward for all those long years of suffering. I wouldn't have done it if she hadn't asked – I would never do this to anyone. I still question whether it was right for you, but God help me I could never be without you!

"You were dying and I felt as though I might die, too, if I lost you.

"So I took you." He dropped his head, closing his eyes tight against the wrong and sighing again. "And here we are today."

Edward stood motionless, his mind shuffling and reshuffling all he had seen.. Finally, almost in pity for the broken man before him, he drew a deep breath to steady himself. "Here we are." He agreed quietly.

But he remained standing where he was, a good distance from his mate, despite Carlisle's mental plea.

Authors' Note from original publication: Carlisle supporters everywhere wrote to voice their strong objection to our portrayal of him in this last chapter. We hope that we have answered all of your questions, but please feel free to send us a private message if you have further doubts. We remind you that our depiction of Edward and Carlisle is of the individuals as vampires. Carlisle is first and foremost a creature, not Mother Theresa incarnate. We are interested in exploring that side of them that is not examined to our satisfaction in the Twilight series.