"(His) heart fainted at these words for he felt he had no strength left. And he writhed inside at what seemed the cruelty and unfairness of the demand. He had not yet learned that if you do one good deed your reward usually is to be set to do another and harder and better one."
The Horse and His Boy, C.S. Lewis
Chapter 24
Aro was furious. "Where are they?" He screamed, accosting Caius who had just entered the room. The court at large grew quiet, watching the commotion. "They have escaped! Just as I knew they would!"
"Really, Aro! Why are you shouting?" Caius asked in a low tone, looking uncomfortably around the room. "They most certainly have not escaped. They are downstairs feeding, as you instructed. I made the decision to corral the animals in an empty room to reduce damage to the historical pieces in the castle. Are you telling me you would rather have our heritage destroyed so that your pet can indulge his exotic tastes?"
"Why did you leave them alone?" He was still too agitated to think clearly, alternately flexing and clenching his hands.
"You wished me to remain there to supervise their feeding?" Caius asked quietly in astonishment, seemingly embarrassed by the scene. "I'm sorry, I assumed they knew how, since they have been doing it for a good while now –"
"Do not mock me, Caius, for I am in a foul humor!" His voice was several octaves higher and several decibels louder than normal and his eyes shifted about the room, searching for something that wasn't there.
"Indeed," the inferior man murmured, eyes averted. But a quick perusal of the crowd registered the alarm in the eyes of every person present. And the corners of his mouth tucked into an almost invisible smile as he took his seat behind Aro.
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Edward, I was the one who requested that Alec continue to sever your sense. I understand that that is hard for you to comprehend, and I appreciate that you are very angry, but I made the decision as I felt you were in no condition to deal with all the extra stimulation your brain would receive.
He gasped and his eyes reflected the shock and dismay he felt.
When you were assaulted, in Vermont, you had very brief lapses of consciousness from which Jane was able to revive you. But for days after that, you continued to have difficulty thinking coherently. Since that time, your condition has worsened, culminating to a point where you were all but lost to me just a few weeks ago. My concern is that you might hear things that will upset you and send you so far into your subconscious, I might not be able to draw you out.
Edward stared at the floor, mouth open. He was shaking. The unpleasant memory of Aro suddenly rang clear as a bell in his head ("It is true that I had your senses cut off, but only so that you wouldn't have to hear the horrible things they say about you! ... I thought it would be too much for you.").
He remembered what Aro had said about Carlisle justifying his own desires.
He looked up slowly, suspiciously, at his mate.
I know this is frustrating for you, he was pleading for understanding but please recognize that everything I do, I do for you, for us, for what is in our best interests. Edward, you have trusted me this far and I am asking you to continue to do so. It will not always be the case that I alone will make the decisions for us, and you have every right to be angry with me, but at this point in time, the most useful thing you can do is to accept that others are more experienced than you in these matters and simply follow orders, exactly as I accept that Caius is more experienced than I and follow his lead.
Edward was still twitching, grappling with all the emotions seething just under the surface. Carlisle tried to take him in his arms to placate him, but he was so furious, he pushed him away and went to lie down by himself on the couch, burying his face in a cushion. He heard the other man sigh, and was then overcome with indignation to realize that Carlisle's mind was already moving on to other problems.
It made him all the more upset to have his anger ignored.
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"Edward!" She called from a distance. She was bored tormenting the leftover deer downstairs and Chelsea didn't feel like having visitors.
He stiffened, glancing out from under half-lidded eyes across the room at Carlisle, who was, of course, reading. He knew it was wrong, but he was still furious and the rage clouded his judgment.
So he turned and walked out to meet her.
She was all the way down near the dungeons. It took her awhile to get back to his room.
"Hullo!" He gave her a big hug when she finally arrived. He was glad Jane understood how it felt to be young; to always be told how to behave, what to do, and that one was a problem rather than a help. "Did you want to play hide and seek?" He was lonely and so very amenable to doing whatever she wanted today.
"Hopscotch," she said in a blasé tone.
"I don't think I know that one," his brow furrowed. He was sifting rapid-fire through his memories, trying to find a reference to it.
"It's a girls' game, silly," she laughed at his perplexion. "But I'll teach you." And she took his hand to lead him further into the labyrinth.
He suddenly remembered that he wasn't supposed to travel away from the room, even when he was with Carlisle or the others. Only their quarters had been secured by the loyal Guard to protect them. He understood implicitly that at this critical point in time, it was very extremely dangerous for all of them - including Caius and Marcus - with so much at stake.
He turned back to look at Carlisle, and felt a twinge for having disobeyed. He was already starting to regret answering Jane. He admitted to himself that he had overreacted when Carlisle had told him why he was not being given his "hearing" back.
Why had he been so upset? He really couldn't remember. All he could think now was how thoughtful Carlisle had been to take care of him - he did find it very disturbing to be bombarded with others' thoughts all of the time, and it had been quite pleasant just having Carlisle, whose tone was so comfortably familiar, in his brain.
In fact, now that he reflected on the matter, it was rather nice having others in charge of things so that he didn't have to worry so much. What a tremendous responsibility it was making decisions for others in situations like this! He almost felt sorry for the ones having to do it...
He only had to be responsible for himself since Carlisle took care of everything else.
And Carlisle took care of him much of the time as well.
Why would anyone ever want to be completely independent?
Oof! His mood swings were making his head spin again. He wished he could just curl up in Carlisle's arms and not have to think for a while.
Jane tugged on his hand, wondering what was keeping him, and, reluctantly, knowing how frightening she was when he made her angry, he followed her deeper into the tunnel.
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From habit, Carlisle glanced up from his novel, and, noting that Edward seemed absorbed in his own thoughts, went back to reading. But the very next second, he looked up again and this time his gaze lingered on his mate's face, which displayed a series of emotions in rapid succession, almost as if the boy were having a conversation with himself: laughing; then frowning; then contemplating; then trying something he'd never done before so that he really had to concentrate, his face screwing up from the effort.
Carlisle's book dropped to his lap. Goddamnit!
He stood up quickly and moved to the couch to stand over the tense figure, his brain buzzing furiously.
Of course Edward would now go running off to Jane just to add to his stress! Honestly, there were times when he felt totally out of step with the boy! Things would be going along perfectly fine, and then something like this would happen to jolt him and he would have to remember to put Edward back in the newborn Edward category. It was really very hard to think of two people's interests simultaneously.
But how foolish he had been not to take the time to soften the blow. Of course Edward would feel betrayed that Carlisle and the others were making decisions for him without telling him. But, really, in a life and death situation, just how much consulting could one do? This was no time to worry about feelings when time was literally running out for them and he was trying so hard to limit Edward's involvement in all of it. Exactly how many times would he have to reassure Edward that he loved him and simply wanted to spare him any and all unnecessary duress? How could Edward be suspicious of his own mate? It wasn't as though he were Aro with nefarious schemes for the boy.
It was all very exasperating, trying to take care of someone who had such strong opinions!
Why couldn't Edward always be docile the way he was on his good days?
Because he was Edward and a newborn and it just wasn't going to be that way.
Carlisle sighed heavily and sat down beside the silent figure to address the serious problem of how best to draw him back.
It wouldn't do to infuriate Jane. That could be fatal.
And she had never taken him so far that he couldn't get back.
But there was always a first time and what if this turned out to be that time?
All of Carlisle's worst fears came into play at once.
He placed his hand alongside Edward's face and called softly to him. There was no response.
Edward was in too deep.
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He had followed her past the point where he usually had to stop; a barrier had always prevented him from going further. He frowned, wondering why it was different this time, but suddenly he was very curious as to what lay beyond. Pandora's box. He smiled in spite of himself, quivering with excitement.
But he had not gone far at all when he realized that he couldn't feel her anymore.
"Jane?" he called cautiously. He hoped she was hiding - hide and seek was her favorite game, after all. "Are we playing hide and seek now?" he called louder, growing nervous in the deafening silence.
No answer.
He screwed up his courage and turned to walk back the way they had come. But the passageway seemed different. Had he not been paying attention or had it changed somehow? He must have gotten turned around.
There was a corridor off to his right that looked familiar - he hoped - so he turned into it and started to walk in the direction back.
He had not gone very far when he realized that the corridor was much wider. In fact, it was cavernous. He couldn't feel the walls at all. He walked quite a distance first one way, then the other, then to the front, then to the back. Nothing. An enormous empty black space without containment.
He screamed out loud in fear, realizing he was lost.
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Marcus' arrival could not have come at a worse time. Carlisle was painstakingly trying to coax Edward back, but the boy was completely unresponsive.
"You have to flee. Now! There isn't any time to explain but your life is in danger. The Guard remains divided and Aro has issued a warrant for your arrest for conspiracy. Know that if it comes down to it, Caius will sacrifice your life to save his. I will try to reason with the court and see if I can isolate Aro, but once you are in his possession, you are a dead man."
"I can't leave," he sobbed, panic-stricken. "Edward -" he gestured frantically at the boy.
"He will have to go as he is. Aro sent Jane for him earlier and she must have done something. I can speak with Alec and see if he can help, but the situation for you remains critical. You must go now, Carlisle! Time is of the essence!
"I will try to hold the Guards for a short while, and if you hurry, you can make it out. But I cannot guarantee you much time at all so you will have to run fast. Can you run carrying?"
"I don't know. I've done it once, but I was slow! It will be hard to get out before -"
"You must try! Make for the coast. Just south of Marina di Cecina you will find Eleazar waiting. He has a boat ready to take you away from here. Now go, my friend. Godspeed!"
He allowed himself 3 seconds of self-pity (why does it always have to happen to me? what did I do to deserve this?) and 3 seconds of self-defeat (We will never make it!) and then gathered Edward into his arms to flee the fortress.
Behind him, he heard Aro calling his guard to formation.