As Remus watched Tonks weave around the Wesley's garden, chasing the twins, he scoffed and looked at the waning the moon. He didn't yet know whether he wanted to curse at it – for he didn't really know what Tonks' reaction would be once the news had sunk in. He closed his eyes and begged whatever deity cared to listen that she would still accept his friendship. That was as much as he dared ask for.
Though she'd essentially jumped off a wall and ran away from him, he supposed it wasn't the worst reaction he'd ever had from a woman.
Still he knew the inevitable reaction, even from someone like Tonks, who he hoped might not be repulsed, was that she certainly wouldn't want a relationship with him. He had once again put an end to things, before he'd even allowed anything to start. Remus swung one leg over the wall and then the other and jumped down, pulling the collar up on his jacket to block out the chilly December air, he walked away from the Burrow. Away from the conversation he knew was to come.
As he walked, he tried to distract himself with other of the dinner he would get to enjoy tomorrow with the Weasley clan and... Tonks, who now knew the most private thing about him, the thing that he had only ever told a handful of people. Why had he told her? Never mind, he knew exactly why he'd told her. He wanted to kiss her, and it seemed, for some reason totally unfathomable to him that she wanted to kiss him too. Remus ran a hand through his hair as he walked. As other thoughts, older memories, flashed through his head, he tried desperately to go back to thinking of Tonks. The humiliation and awkwardness he knew he would have to face was better than the memories which were now flooding his brain.
"Mate, considering you're supposedly the 'clever' one of out little group of outlaws, you can be really idiotic at times."
Remus rolled his eyes, "Outlaws? Really? Sirius, we're 17 years old."
Sirius scoffed, "Exactly! You're 17 and you've never even been on a date Remus! And it isn't even because girls aren't interested in you – for some reason that I CANNOT figure out, girls really seem to dig the whole quiet, thoughtful, sensitive thing you have going on. I don't understand why you haven't capitalised on your popularity."
Remus wondered if McGonagall would really put him in detention if he hexed Sirius, or if she'd just give him a curt nod of understanding, the kind that said, I've wanted to hex Sirius for the past 7 years too; maybe she'd even give him house points for the deed. "Do you hear yourself? Capitalise on my popularity, what are you talking about? You Sirius, of all people, know exactly why I have never been on a date and the girls that like that I'm sensitive and quiet, if they also knew that I am a werewolf, they wouldn't like me anymore would they." It wasn't a question.
Remus left the empty common room and walked up the tower stairs to their dormitory. Sirius followed and, after checking they were alone, apart from Peter who was reading on his bed, Sirius continued, "That's just the thing though isn't it mate, you don't actually know that they wouldn't still like you because you've never given anyone a chance."
Remus sat on the edge of his bed and untied his shoes, "Because I already know what they will say. Besides I'd rather the whole school not know. I have you, James, Lily and Peter – that's enough for me, more than I ever expected."
Sirius sat on his own bed, across from Remus'. "It's not the same though is it Remus. I love you mate, but I'm sorry, I'm not gonna snog you for all the galleons in Gringotts. You said it yourself, you never expected that we'd react the way we did," Sirius waved his hand towards Peter, "it didn't change how we felt about you one bit. So why won't you give someone else that chance."
Remus couldn't bring himself to look at Sirius. He knew the answer and it wasn't one he was proud of. The truth was that had they not have worked it out on their own, Remus would have never told them. He'd never told anyone. The few people that knew had figured it out or been told (Lily, thanks very much James!)
"Because you didn't actually tell us. Mate I get it. Listen I don't mean to be like rude or anything. I know this stuff gets you down, I just don't want you to be 40 and single and alone because James will be married with like 4 kids, I'll probably be on wife number 3 and Peter…" Sirius looked at Peter and shrugged, "Who the hell knows. The point is, you deserve to be happy."
Remus looked at his friend and smiled, "I am happy Sirius, I promise. As long as I have the four of you, I've got all I need. Really."
Remus found himself following his footsteps from earlier that day, when he'd walked into the village with Tonks. Of course, things had changed a little since he was 17. He had now told a very select few people what he was. Including three women…four including Tonks, before anything could really happen, and all three women had reacted very differently.
"She threw pumpkin juice on you?" Sirius attempted to try hide how amusing he found Remus' situation, but he wasn't particularly successful.
Remus pulled out his wand and with a lazy flick the remaining remnants of juice disappeared. "Well I think the projectile she was going for was the silver goblet it was served in. Clearly her knowledge of werewolves is limited to muggle nonsense about silver, although even for muggles it's silver bullets! I'm not sure there are any legends that suggest throwing a silver goblet at a werewolf will do anything."
"Depends on the size of the goblet. In your wizard form you're pretty scrawny." The sound of Sirius' chuckle indicated that he had given up, however feebly, trying to hide just how hilarious he found Remus' plight. "Don't look at me like that, I'm sorry ok. But come on, Remus… this is funny!" Remus was not smiling. "Ok you can't see it now, but I promise in the not too distant future, you will be laughing with me about this."
Remus sat on the sofa opposite Sirius and placed his head in his hands. "I don't know how many more times I can keep going through this Sirius."
Sirius moved from his armchair to sit next to Remus and placed a hand on his friends' shoulder, "Oh come on, okay I'll admit, throwing a potentially dangerous object at you is extreme, but Nina was much nicer about it and Louise, well that wasn't so bad."
Remus scoffed, "Wasn't so bad? Sirius, she froze like a statue as though I was going to attack her and then when I stepped towards her, she ran away screaming."
Sirius' nose crinkled, "Ok fine, it wasn't ideal... but she didn't physically harm you in anyway."
Remus nodded his head mockingly, "Oh cause that's the bar every guy wants when trying to move things to the next level with a woman he likes by telling her something fundamental about himself – whether or not she replies with violence or not."
Sirius stood up and walking into the little kitchen that adjoined the living room he took two beers from the fridge, handing one to Remus he continued, "But Nina…"
Remus' sighed deeply. "I really liked her Sirius."
"I know you did mate and she really liked you too. Even after you told her…everything."
Remus nodded, "It was still a deal breaker for her though. She still walked away, and I don't blame her, it was the right decision. She just couldn't trust me in the same way."
Sirius snatched the beer from Remus' hand, "Give me that. If you're going to start chatting nonsense, then you don't deserve beer. Besides alcohol makes you all dramatic and melancholy."
Remus laughed, "Oh yes, it would be terrible to have someone dramatic around."
Sirius narrowed his eyes at Remus, "I may be occasionally dramatic, but I am never melancholy. That makes all the difference. I entertain people with my flair – you self-flagellate which isn't pretty for anyone to watch."
Remus reached over and took back his beer, "I do not self-flagellate. It's true, everything Nina said. She still cared for me, but once she'd had time to digest it all, it changed how she felt about us It was better that we ended it when we did."
"End what? You never even started anything. You never allow anything to start."
Remus shook his head emphatically, "That just isn't true. You know my situation Sirius, I have to be honest, have to let them know what they are getting themselves in for."
Sirius nodded, "I get that but that's not what I'm talking about. Whenever you meet someone, you decide immediately that they are going to react negatively to you, to what you are." As Remus' mouth opened, Sirius put his hand up, "No, let me finish. We've been living together since we graduated Remus and I've seen so many women both when we were in Hogwarts and since who I really think would have been willing, happy even to make things work with you, but you push them away so you don't have to get to a point where you need to tell them you're a werewolf, and the three you have told, you've done it when you wanted out."
Remus stood up, "That is not true!"
"Oh and I'm the dramatic one. Sit down." Sirius took a swig of his beer. "It is true, and you know it. You practically friend zone yourself with everyone you meet because God forbid you kiss a woman before she knows you're a werewolf! The ones that still seem interested, they are the ones you tell, after months of dating without any of the benefits, you tell them the one thing you're convinced will push them all away, so you can go back to living in this safe little world you've created for yourself where no one can hurt you because you don't let anyone in."
Remus sat back down next to one of his best friends, "We've lived together too long. How many beers did you drink before I got home by the way?"
Sirius smiled, "We've known each other for even longer! I've put up with your shit for too many years Remus not to know you. Let's see… I'm preachy drunk, so I'd say this is probably beer number 5."
Remus considered his friend, "I'm not saying I agree fully with what you're saying, but for arguments sake, let's say some of it rings true – how do I… break the cycle?"
Sirius looked thoughtfully at his beer bottle then up at Remus. "You tell her straight away. Next time you like a woman and I mean someone you can really see yourself with; you tell her within a few weeks of meeting her that you're a werewolf. No games, no pushing her away, no friend zoning yourself. Upfront, straight forward honesty."
Remus nodded and quietly looked at his own beer bottle before taking another swig. "Remind me again how many beers is it that you get grabby?"
Sirius dramatically placed his hand, fingers splayed, in the centre of his chest, "Moi? Grabby? I know not what you mean good sir!"
Remus raised his eyebrows and continued to look at Sirius.
"Ok, fine… 8 – after 8 I like to snuggle, there is nothing wrong with that. Everyone loves a good snuggle. Everyone. Don't deny it!" Sirius lent towards Remus, who shrugged out of his grasp and went to dispose of his own, now empty beer bottle.
"Yes, everyone does love to snuggle, just not with a drunk who tends to drool just as much as a drunk human as when he's a sober dog. I'm cutting you off at 7."
Sirius barked out a laugh, the sound of which helped push out the pain Remus felt, both physical and emotional, from having a silver goblet lobbed at his head.
"I don't know why you're complaining – I'm guessing goblet girl isn't coming back so a snuggle with me is the closest to action you're gonna be seeing this side of Christmas." Sirius wriggled his eyebrows at Remus, who summoned a piece of parchment and quill. "What on earth are you doing?"
Remus sat at the breakfast bar that partly separated the kitchen from the living room, "I thought I'd write to McGonagall, offer my serves as a guest speaker, you know, explain to her students that if they don't work hard, they too could end up being 20 and living with their crazy snuggle loving friend."
Sirius stretched out on the sofa and laughed, "Good idea. Don't forget to tell them the really depressing fact that, like you, they could end up swatting up for years and still be 20, living with their devilishly handsome best friend. Oh, and tell McGonagall that I'm still up for a little under the tartan action."
Now it was Remus' turn to laugh, "Wasn't the hex she hit you with when you propositioned her on our last day of school answer enough Sirius… give it up. It's never going to happen."
Sirius shuddered, "Mmm, maybe you're right – I couldn't sit comfortably for a week. Still, something about that tight bun makes me think she'd be a wild one. Know what I mean…"
Remus screwed up his face in disgust, "Thankfully no and I really don't want to."
AN - Something a little different! Hope you enjoyed the surprise appearance from Sirius. Thanks SO much for the reviews, favs and follows, it means so much! If you enjoy my stories, please do give me a follow - I have a few shorter Remus/Tonks fics I'll be posting in the next few weeks alongside this one. So what do we think? Do we want to hear more from Sirius? Is he right? His advice sound?