Chapter Eight - The Do-over

Remus opened the door to the Weasley's kitchen as quietly as he could. He crept slowly, so as not to wake any of the house's inhabitants. Though a grown man, he could admit to himself, the person he was most scared to wake was Molly. He was certain he'd get a telling off that would make him feel like a Weasley child if she caught him coming back so late on Christmas Eve – in fact, it was so late, it was now technically Christmas Day.

Remus opened the door that led to the living room and cringed as it creaked and squeaked; noises that would normally be lost in the Burrow, now seemed to bounce off the walls and reverberate around the house loudly.

Remus backed himself into the living room, both palms flat on the kitchen door, he tried to allow it to close slowly and quietly. As he turned around to walk across the living room to the stairs, he saw her.

Tonks was asleep, curled up in the corner of the sofa. A book sitting limply in her hand. He knew he should keep walking and just go to bed, but instead his legs carried him past the dining table, the Christmas tree and the coffee table to Tonks. Leaning over the sofa he pulled the blanket from the back and gently placed it over her. Taking the book from her hands slowly and carefully, he made a note of the page number and then closed it. Looking at the front cover, he smiled. 'Pride and Prejudice', he knew the muggle story well, his Mum used to read it every Christmas. One of the few muggle things her father had persuaded her was as good as magic. It was his mother who had instilled in Remus his love of reading, and of reading across genres. It was his mother who had taught him that when the world felt too scary or simply too real, he could always escape to anywhere he wanted through the pages of his favourite books. Turning to place the book on the coffee table, he misjudged his position and instead kicked it over.

"What do you want? Identify yourself immediately."

As he righted himself to find Tonk's wand pointing directly at his chest, Remus raised his hands. "Tonks, it's me, Remus." She was already lowering her wand. "I'm so sorry, I was just putting your book on… it was going to fall… and the blanket… didn't want you to get cold…"

Tonks looked around, slowly taking in her surroundings as the haze of sleep dissipated. "It's okay. Sorry, occupational hazard. Always constant vigilance."

Remus chuckled, "Alastor would be proud."

Tonks looked at the wand in her hand and hastily put it away. "Proud? I'm not sure about that. He'd probably give me a 20-minute lecture about falling asleep in an unlocked room, followed by another 20 minutes on how lucky I am not to be dead, followed by 3 seconds of well done for drawing your wand so quick."

Remus smiled, "Sounds like he hasn't changed one bit."

Tonks flopped back down onto the sofa, "You knew him well?"

Remus sat on the edge of the chair facing her, "We worked together, I guess you could say." Seeing the confused expression on Tonk's face, Remus added, "In the war."

Tonks looked down at the blanket she had pulled back over her crossed legs, "Oh. Sorry, I hadn't really thought about the fact that you would have been old enough to… well, that must have been hard."

Remus nodded, "We weren't really, old enough I mean. Not to be fighting in a war. We were barely out of Hogwarts when it started but it had to be done. Alastor saved my life more than once."

Tonks fiddled with a tassel on the corner of the blanket, looking at that rather than Remus. "I'm sorry about earlier too, with the twins, taking off like that…"

Remus shook his head, "Nothing to apologise for." His instincts told him to say goodnight and head to bed before Tonks could say what he knew she was going to say. But then Remus thought about Sirius, something that in the past 13 years he had tried desperately hard not to do. Whatever Sirius had become, his stance on Remus' love life, or lack thereof, what he'd said that night – he'd been right.

Remus usually played the slow game, but he hadn't with Tonks, he'd acted like any other man who fancied a woman. He'd almost kissed her numerous times within days of meeting her, though he supposed their time together had been quite concentrated. Of course, he'd felt an instant attraction with a woman before – but, the little voice in his head that sounded heart wrenchingly like Sirius, kept reminding him that he had never told a woman he was a werewolf so soon. It had taken him more than a decade after Sirius had given him the advice, but it seemed as though without really realising he was doing it, Remus had given Tonks a chance to get close enough to hurt him.

"I'd like to anyway." Tonks' voice broke through his thoughts. The delay to her reply made it clear that she'd been busy gathering her own. "It was such bad timing, the twins interrupting us after what you told me." Tonks looked over Remus' shoulder to the stairs. Checking they were alone.

"That you're a werewolf."

Remus nodded. "It's OK, Arthur and Molly know. The kids don't." He appreciated that she'd said the word werewolf. That was something Nina had never been able to do. She'd said she was okay with it, still wanted to be his friend, but she'd always referred to it as 'your problem' or 'your, well, you know'. Remus forced himself to meet Tonks' gaze. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

Tonks smiled, "Sooner than a week after meeting me? Remus, I understand it's something deeply personal. I've seen how people react when I tell them I'm a metamorphmagus, so it isn't something I really bring up until it comes up. I was so relieved when I didn't have to tell you, when you already knew, and you were so kind."

Remus didn't know what to say. Surely, she wasn't comparing the wonderful gift and abilities being a metamorphmagus afforded her, to being a werewolf? "Do people really not react well?"

Tonks laughed, "It varies, I've experienced a whole range of responses. One guy splashed water at me" seeing the confusion on Remus' face Tonks continued, "one of the oldest myths about metamorphmagus is that we melt on contact with holy water, though I'm pretty sure the water he used was just regular old tap. A woman on my Auror training programme fired a nasty hex at my back when she found out."

Remus recoiled, "unannounced and without warning? Tonks that's atrocious."

Tonks smiled, "Yeah, but it was fun seeing her hanging upside down as Mad Eye gave her the telling off of a lifetime. She left the programme a few days later. On the whole people don't react as extreme as those examples, mostly they just stop wanting to spend time with me or I can tell that they just don't trust me as much as they did before. Friendships, relationships, they usually just fizzle out."

Remus couldn't bring himself to look at Tonks any longer. How could anyone treat her in a such away. "There have been some nice reactions too I hope?"

Tonks smiled, "Oh absolutely. Mad Eye and Kingsley thought it was ace. Most of the Auror squad get a kick out of it, though some of them definitely don't fully trust me. I had a small group of friends at school that knew from early on who loved me anyway and never made me feel any different."

Remus' heart clenched. "I had the same."

Tonks' voice softened, "It makes all the difference doesn't it. Still, I don't think anyone has ever reacted to me as nicely as you did."

Remus looked up and the pair locked eyes. "Me?"

The smile on Tonks' face made Remus' pulse quicken, her pale face glowed red, green, blue, reflecting the twinkling Christmas tree lights, the only illumination in the room. "Yeah, you. No one has ever told me I'm… that being a metamorphmagus is wonderful before."

A comfortable silence lulled between them. Tonks stared at the lights on the tree and Remus stared at Tonks. How could anyone be so lovely? Was this it. Was this the person who for the first time in 20 plus years was going to react as his friends had when he was 11?

He'd met many wonderful people since then, people like the Weasley's, Arthur and Molly had known what he was during the war, though he'd never told them. It wasn't a discussion they'd had; he just knew that they knew and that he knew that they knew… or something like that. He could remember the first time he visited them and realised they had found out. He'd reached to take a tea tray from Molly and brushed her hand, she dropped the tea things and hurried to clean up the mess, avoiding his gaze. Arthur had clasped Remus on the shoulder and told him they all loved him, no matter what. They just needed time to digest the information. A few days later, when handing Remus a cup of tea, Molly had placed her hand on his a squeezed his shoulder, smiled at him and said "sorry" before shuffling off into the kitchen. That was that. They had never treated him any differently after that.

But at 11, James, Sirius, Peter – they hadn't needed time to digest anything. They had accepted him wholeheartedly exactly as he was, no reservations, no hesitation to touch him or be alone with him.

"That is why I wanted to apologise."

Remus tried to clear his thoughts and focus on Tonks. "I don't understand?"

Tonks moved and sat on the foot stool in front of Remus. "I know Remus. I know how it feels to have this thing, this thing that is part you, without it you'd be different, live a different life. I know how it feels to keep it hidden, to worry about when, if and how you should tell people and then worry about how they will react when you do. I of all people should have reacted with something more than 'oh'. I'm sorry." Tonk smiled suddenly and wriggled her eyebrows, "So, I want a do over."

"What?"

Tonks smiled and sat up straighter on the foot stool, "I want a do over. Tell me again."

Remus shook his head, "Tonks, honestly, it really isn't necessary. The fact that you're here now, talking to me, that you didn't throw anything at my head or run away screaming… well I guess you did run away screaming but I choose to believe that was because of the twins and not me…" Remus was shocked to find himself smiling.

Tonks shrugged, "Please Remus. Come on, it's past midnight, so technically it's Christmas and you can't refuse a reasonable request on Christmas day. It's like a rule."

"Says who?"

Tonks rolled her eyes, "Says me." She pinched his arm, "Now come on. Do-over. Please?"

Remus couldn't stop the smile that was plastered over his face. Of all the ways he had seen this going in his head, his imagination, vivid though it was, could never have created this scene.

"Okay. Tonks, there is something I should have told you, I'm sorry I didn't sooner…"

Tonks waved her hand manically, "No, no, no – don't apologise. You have nothing to apologise for, why are you putting blame on yourself for something you didn't ask for, something you have no control over."

"Because I should have told you sooner…"

Tonks shook her head, "No. You told me when you were ready, that's all anyone can ask for. I'm grateful you trusted me enough to tell me at all."

Remus felt like he must have fallen in the garden and hit his head, because this couldn't really be her reaction. "I wanted to tell you sooner. I tried a few times, but we kept getting interrupted. The first night we met in fact…"

Tonks looked at Remus very seriously, "Well, tell me now. No interruptions."

Remus cleared his throat, "Tonks, I have to tell you something…" Seeing the look on Tonks' face Remus corrected himself, "I want to tell you something. I'm a werewolf."

Tonks nodded and faked surprise, her eyebrows raising, "OK. Thanks for telling me." She lent forward and took both of Remus' hands in her own and squeezed them. "I'd like you to know that what you've just told me doesn't change how I think or feel about you – at all."

Remus tried to stop the tears that were pooling in his eyes, from falling down his cheeks. "It should though Tonks. I'm a dangerous, dark creature. It should very much change how you think about me. You just need time to digest what I've said." Sirius' voice was back in his head, louder than he'd ever heard it before 'what are you doing?! You really do push everyone away. She's here, holding your hands, accepting you as you are and you're still pushing!'

Tonks, still holding Remus' hands squeezed them again. "True, once a month your body transforms into a dark, dangerous creature. I'm an Auror Remus. I don't need time to digest anything. I've encountered Werewolves before. I know the dangers. But that isn't who you are and it's who you are the other 27 days of the month that I'm interested in. Very interested in."

Tonks lent up and brushed her fingers across Remus' face then cupped his cheek. Had his traitorous eyes allowed a tear to escape, was she brushing it away? He couldn't be sure. He placed a hand on top of hers, the feel of her soft cold skin against his warm cheek sent shivers down his spine. He closed his eyes, taking a moment to rejoice in all of this. Her reaction, her wonderful, careful, loving reaction to the piece of information that had plagued his life since he was four years old.

At the sound of a creak on the stairs, Tonks drew her hand back and Remus turned to see a dressing gown glad Molly heading their way.

"Remus? Tonks? What on earth are you two still doing up?"

Tonks fumbled as she moved from the foot stool back to the couch and began folding the blanket that had been covering her. "I fell asleep on the sofa, Remus just found me and and…"

Looking at Molly's face, Remus could see she really was waiting for an explanation, "It's my fault Molly, I woke Tonks up when I came in from a midnight stroll. We were just about to head to bed…"

Molly stood quietly and looked at them both for a moment before nodding and continuing her walk towards kitchen. "I should think so. I just woke up and realised I didn't give my Christmas pudding it's final soak of brandy. I suggest you both get to bed; don't imagine you'll be able to sleep in – Ginny will be up in a few hours and the whole house will know when she is. Come on, off to bed with you both."

Remus wanted to chuckle, but even as a 33-year-old man, he felt sure that Molly could some how ground him, or at the very least given him the worst chores the next day. Smiling at Tonks, who also looked like a teenager who had been caught staying up late, the pair stood and made their way to the stairs.

"Goodnight Mol. And Happy Christmas."

Molly turned and smiled at them both, "Goodnight dears. Merry Christmas."

AN - Hope you enjoyed Tonks' proper reaction. Let me know either way! As always, comments, reviews, favs and follows are always appreciated! :)