Chapter Six: The Feeling of Drowning

A/N – Merry Christmas to you all! Here's my gift to you. I hope you enjoy it. As always, your feedback is priceless – thank you.

"I'll…" Cho took a deep breath and let it out in a huff, "I'll see you around, Harry. Happy Christmas."

And with one more small smile, she left.

Harry sat there, among the fallen cushions, letting his mind go where it wanted, still breathing deeply.

In and out. In and out.

...

Draco sauntered into the Room of Requirement, thanking Merlin for the thousandth time that Potter had shown him how to get in. It was a useful little room, and it was one of the only places in the castle secure enough for him to do what he really wanted to do.

Talk with Potter. Not sneer at Potter or throw hexes at Potter, but simply have a conversation with him.

It had become a bit of a habit for the dark-skinned wizard to wait around after his "Dumbledore's Army" lessons, at which point Draco would happen to stroll in, and the two of them would pass the time together talking and dueling.

Draco didn't even care that he lost their duels more than half the time. There was just something about being here with the man…

Looking around the room, Draco was surprised when he didn't see the subject of his thoughts. He furrowed his brows. Had Potter forgotten? Had he had better things to do?

Draco fought down a wave of jealousy.

He was about to sit down on a pile of fallen cushions when something caught his eye in the far corner.

"What are you doing, Potter?" he drawled.

No response.

Draco walked forward to stand in front of the man, who was sitting on the floor, looking straight ahead.

"Potter?"

But he just kept staring forward, unseeing.

Fear spread through Draco's chest.

"Potter! Can you hear me?"

He knelt down, shaking the despondent man slightly by the shoulders.

"Harry! Harry, look at me!"

Green eyes locked on grey, and Potter made a sound that was half gasp, half yell.

He shoved Draco away and scrambled to his feet, looking around the room, panicked, as if he hadn't been in it a thousand times before. He took huge, gasping breaths, making his chest expand and deflate rapidly.

"Harry, it's all right! Look at me!"

Potter focused on him, eyes tracing his face.

"Malfoy?"

Draco nodded, taking a small step forward.

"Are you all right, Potter?"

"I- Where-" he stammered, chest heaving.

"Potter, it's okay. Take a deep breath," Draco commanded, trying not to let his own panic show.

The dark-skinned wizard attempted to draw in a steady breath, but it was no use. His frantic gasping resumed a moment later, and he squeezed his eyes shut.

Draco didn't remember moving forward. All of a sudden, he was holding Potter in his arms, pressing him against his chest. Potter, almost reflexively, clung to him like he was drowning. Draco suspected that drowning was exactly how he felt.

"It's all right, Harry," he whispered in the other man's ear, "It's all right."

Potter's shaking diminished slightly in Draco's embrace but still persisted.

"Match my breathing, Harry. Feel that rhythm?" Draco held him tighter to himself, breathing in and out in an exaggeratedly slow fashion.

Potter took a shaky breath in, then out.

After a minute, Draco felt him ease a bit. He still clung on, but instead of clenched fists, he pressed flat palms onto Draco's back.

Now that the other man was calming, Draco could feel his own heartbeat begin to slow to a normal pace. He had never been so close to Potter before. Secretly, he allowed himself to enjoy the nearness, memorizing the feeling of Potter's chest pressed against his own, the scent of windswept hair, the feeling of-

But he had to reign in his thoughts before they carried him much further.

Reluctantly, he pulled away.

Potter dropped his arms quickly. Taking a step back, he rubbed furiously at his face.

"I, er…" he began, "Thanks, Malfoy."

"Don't mention it," Draco responded, watching him out of the corner of his eye.

They both stood rather awkwardly for a moment. Potter, apparently needing something to do, straightened the stack of stray cushions before throwing two on the ground a short distance apart from one another. It was what he always did before sparring.

Draco raised an eyebrow, "Potter, are you sure you're up for dueling?"

He whipped around to face Draco, snapping, "I'm not weak, Malfoy!"

Draco dropped his expression, making his face blank, "I never said you were."

Potter didn't look mollified.

Draco didn't think it wise for Potter to exert himself too much after whatever episode he'd just had. However, if the stupid man wouldn't listen to reason, he'd just have to learn the hard way.

Draco sighed and took out his wand, squaring off as he usually did next to one of the cushions.

Potter mirrored his stance, and the two bowed to each other.

Draco waited for the other man to make the first move. It didn't take long.

"Expelliarmus!"

Draco blocked easily.

"Predictable, Potter!" Then he countered, "Tarantallegra!"

The spell hit Potter squarely in the chest, and immediately his legs began twitching and dancing uncontrollably. The wizard clenched his teeth in concentration, and he managed to shoot the body-bind curse at Draco despite the wild motion of his lower body.

Dodging the curse, Draco took advantage of his opponent's distraction.

"Stupefy!"

Potter attempted to put up a shield charm, but he was a split-second too late. He collapsed with a thwump onto the nearby cushion.

Draco lowered his wand with another sigh and knelt down beside the wizard. Even unconscious, Potter's dark brows were pulled together, as if he was still angry, as if he was still in pain.

Draco didn't know if he wanted to shake the stubborn man or embrace him again. He settled for whispering, "Rennervate."

There was a flash of light, followed by a pair of flashing green eyes as Potter sat up and glared at Draco.

"Again," he ordered.

Draco almost protested, but he saw the muscles moving in Potter's jaw, the clenching and unclenching of his fists, and the determined set of his shoulders. There would be no talking him out of this.

Draco returned to his usual place beside the cushion, and the two wizards bowed again.

Potter lasted a few more spells this time, and he even hit Draco with a well-placed Rictusempra charm. In the end though, Draco was able to gasp out a stunner through his laughter, and Potter went down once more.

"Again!" He demanded as soon as he was revived.

Draco raised an eyebrow, but complied. This time, Potter didn't even utter one spell before being hit by another Stupefy.

Normally, Draco would have loved to boast about his winning streak. He wasn't exactly what one would call humble. However, in that moment, he couldn't even bring himself to pull his lips into his usual smirk.

He knelt down next to Potter once more and revived him.

Potter blinked, gasping, "Again."

"No."

"Again!" He insisted, but Draco merely stowed his wand and sat gracefully on the other cushion a few feet away.

"Screech at me all you want, Potter, but neither of us is leaving this room until you tell me what happened before I arrived here tonight."

"Nothing happened!" Potter denied, scrambling to his feet, "Now stand up and face me, you cowardly snake!"

Draco rolled his eyes, "That's not a particularly clever insult. Not at all up to your usual standards. Now, tell me what happened before I hex you. Again."

Potter let out a frustrated yell, turning to kick viciously at the stack of cushions, sending them tumbling to the floor in a heap.

"I…. I can't explain it," he ground out.

"Sure you can; out with it."

Potter stood stone still.

He stayed that way, staring at the floor, for so long that Draco lost count of the seconds.

Finally, he croaked, "I have visions."

"Visions? Of the future?"

Potter shook his head, "Of the past."

Draco nodded in understanding, then guessed, "Of the end of last year?"

Potter didn't answer, and Draco assumed his guess was right.

"So that's what was happening earlier, when you were sitting in the corner? You were… reliving it?"

Potter gulped, then nodded.

Draco shuddered slightly. He'd heard enough from his father to understand what happened that night. The Dark Lord… torture… murder… a forced duel...

"Maybe this little club isn't good for you," Draco mused, "All that dueling, after…"

"No," Potter's nostrils flared, "The DA is one of the only good things about this year."

Draco arched an eyebrow, "Then why did you have that… that vision thing? What caused it?"

The dark-skinned man heaved a sigh, pressing his thumb and forefinger into his eyes before admitting, "Cho kissed me."

Draco tensed, blood going suddenly cold.

"Cheng?" he asked incredulously.

"Yeah…" Potter trailed off, looking extremely uncomfortable.

"I didn't know you fancy her," Draco said, attempting to affect an air of nonchalance.

"I don't," Potter stated quickly.

Draco, having just realized he'd been digging his nails into his palms, relaxed his hands.

"So why did a kiss from a pretty girl leave you having a flashback in the corner?"

Potter heaved a sigh and sat down heavily on a cushion next to Draco.

"They just happen sometimes," he explained, "Usually after something reminds me of… that night… it's like I get transported back there."

Draco let that sink in for a moment. It had to be awful, knowing that any moment, something could cause one to relive one's worst memory.

"What do Granger and Weasel think of all this?" Draco asked.

"They don't know about it."

Draco locked his eyes on Potter's.

"Why?"

The Gryffindor shrugged, "I haven't told them."

"Then why tell me?"

"Well for one," he responded, one corner of his lips curling up, "They didn't threaten to hex me if I didn't."

Draco mimicked his smirk, then pressed, "Really, Potter. Why tell me?"

Potter let the amused expression fall, replacing it with a seriousness that Draco had never seen in him before.

"Because you don't treat me like I'll break."

Draco considered this for a moment before scoffing, "Of course you won't break. You're-"

"I know, I know," his green eyes narrowed in spite, "I'm Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived."

"No," Draco said softly, shaking his head, "You're just… Harry."

Harry looked up at him, searching. For what, Draco didn't know.

In that moment, he realized how close they were. He could see tiny flecks of gold in Harry's inquisitive eyes. Had Draco unconsciously leaned in? He must have done, for they hadn't been this close moments ago.

Idiot, idiot, idiot! He scolded himself. Quickly getting to his feet with as much decorum as he could muster, he stood for a moment with his back to Harry. He had to put more distance between the two of them, or Harry - no, Potter - would undoubtedly see too much.

Schooling his features, Draco turned towards the wizard still sitting on the ground, looking slightly confused.

"Besides," Draco made his voice into the bored drawl that he usually adopted, "You don't expect me to fall for that Boy-Who-Lived nonsense, do you, Potter?"

Potter still looked a bit confused, and maybe a little… hurt? No, Draco must have been seeing things.

Still, he added a ghost of a smirk to his statement to take the sting out of it. They were friends, or whatever, after all.

Potter picked up on the expression immediately and shot him a grin.

"The Boy-Who-Lived doesn't even put any stock in all that Boy-Who-Lived nonsense."

Draco smiled, then caught himself and made his smile into a smirk instead.

"We should get back to our dormitories."

Potter nodded, "Yeah."

They walked towards the door. Draco kept his eyes resolutely forward. Potter glanced up nervously at the ceiling.

Draco reached for the door handle, but paused.

Turning towards him, Draco said in a low voice, "Happy Christmas, Potter."

The dark-skinned wizard focused his attention on Draco instead of the ceiling and smiled hesitantly.

"Happy Christmas, Malfoy."

Draco gave a small smile in return. Then he swept out of the Room of Requirement, never noticing the mistletoe that had been placed above the door.

His feet carried him automatically to his dormitory in the dungeons, allowing his conflicted mind to mull over the evening's events. He had gotten what he wanted - time talking with Potter. But this time was different. All of their previous interactions had been light-hearted, fun almost.

This one, though. This one had been very… real. Dangerous. Potter had been so open with him, so honest about his flashbacks. Not only that, but he'd only ever told Draco the truth about them. That had to be significant, didn't it? That had to say something important about what Draco meant to him?

No, Draco couldn't think like that. And he certainly couldn't let his guard down again the way he had that night.

But the way Potter had been looking at him, searching, almost as if trying to figure him out… It was unnerving. It had seemed as if he could see straight through Draco in that moment.

But that was impossible. And Draco would never let that happen - he couldn't ever let that happen.

Because Potter could never know.

No one could ever know...

His father had made it clear that in a few years, after Draco came of age, he would join the Death Eaters. It wasn't the least bit uncertain. In his father's mind, it was an inevitability; it might as well have already happened.

In a few years, Draco would be forced to oppose Harry Potter. To hate him as much as his father did. He had no choice in the matter.

Especially now, after the Dark Lord had returned.

Draco shuddered at the thought. He'd managed to avoid meeting his father's Master thus far, but he knew that he'd have to face him eventually.

A few years ago, he wouldn't have hesitated. He'd have been eager, even, to prove himself. To give himself completely to the Dark Lord.

But now…

Harry's smiling face flashed across his mind's eye.

Now, he could never hate Harry Potter.

He didn't know what he'd do when he was forced to join the Death Eater ranks. Luckily, he didn't have to think about that any time soon.

Until that day, he could carry on as he had been.

He could pretend for the world that he hated Potter.

He could pretend for Potter that he was his friend.

And when he was alone, when no one was around to see, only then could he admit the truth.

Draco was in love with Harry Potter.