Tonks left with Hagrid just after dinner, who'd come to Headquarters so they could travel together. He'd had tears running down his face even before he saw me, pulling me into a bone-crushing hug despite the fact that I still barely reached his waist. It was impossible for me not to cry, seeing him so upset, so we stood in our miserable embrace for what felt like ages, unable to pull ourselves together at the sight of one another's tears. After we finally broke apart Hagrid broke down all other again upon reuniting with Buckbeak, sobbing to him about what a good Hippogriff he was and promising to bring fresh, juicy ferrets on his next visit.
I cooked for the first time since arriving at Grimmauld Place, scouring the kitchen and riffling through countless drawers looking for utensils and ingredients. Thanks to my experience being slave-driven by the Dursley's, I was able to quickly pull together a hearty stew and blackberry cobbler for dessert, which Hagrid ate three-fourths of all on his own. Tonks helped me clean up in the kitchen afterwards, passing along instructions from Sirius about the house since I'd be staying here on my own for a few days. She told me which rooms I should avoid since they hadn't been inspected for dark magic, to avoid Kreacher (a rarely-seen house elf) at all costs, and where the Floo Powder in each room with a fireplace was stored in case I needed to make a speedy escape to Hogwarts.
"Not that I would expect anything to happen, Rose. This place has more wards than Azkaban thanks to Mad-Eye and Dumbledore."
"Mad-Eye's in the order too?"
"Of course. Took Madame Pomfrey a bit of time to get him in working order after being locked away all of last year, but he's had worse."
I shuddered at her casual explanation, wondering if Tonks would be so placid had she been there to see the real Mad-Eye trapped in the bottom of that depthless trunk.
After another teary goodbye from Hagrid, he and Tonks were off and I was left on my own in the vast house. I wandered from place to place on the first floor, finding a plethora of interesting rooms: one covered with wallpaper of the Black family tree, a vast library full of hundreds of books (some of which growled if I peered too closely at their binding), and an ancient cloak closet full of furs from exotic animals I couldn't name. Apart from the Weasley's and Hogwarts of course, it was the only magical home I'd been able to freely explore, and I passed most of the evening in this way.
When I made my way upstairs to explore the third floor, I quickly identified Sirius's room from the black dog hairs that clung to the comforter thrown haphazardly across a canopied four-poster bed. I wanted to laugh at the combination of teenage-boy and grown man that the room reflected, realizing the reason for its decoration was because he'd been imprisoned for twelve long years. I hoped he wouldn't mind my snooping as I opened his closet door and riffled through the incredibly limited selection of robes he had, running my hand over the still slightly-dusty furniture in the room and the bat-mobile that hung from the ceiling. The lack of sleep from the night before was catching up to me, and I was letting out a drawn-out yawn when a framed photo on his bedside table caught my eye. It sat in a tiny silver frame, and the figures oscillated between looking at one another and the photographer with cheery smiles on their faces.
I squinted as I moved closer, quickly recognizing the photo. My parents: holding a drooling infant, standing in a lush garden and waving at the photographer. Hagrid had added an exact copy of this photo to the album he gave me after my first year; I wondered if the one Sirius had here on his bedside table was the original or another copy?
I gingerly lifted the photo, running my hand against the smooth frame and wishing for the hundredth time that my parents were here with me. They wouldn't leave me like everyone else if they were here now.
But they did leave you, a voice nagged in my head. Just like everyone else, they were the first to leave you.
A sob chocked its way out of my throat, and I fell onto Sirius's bed clutching the frame to my chest as visions of my parents swam in front of my eyes: their ghostly reappearance in the graveyard, their reflection in the Mirror of Erised, and the countless photos in the album Hagrid had given me. I knew I was a practical carbon copy of my mother, apart from my father's poor vision and propensity for messy hair. Yet the only memory I had of them was horrific, and not truly a memory as it was just a scream and flash of green light. What I wouldn't give to meet them just once: be it for a day, an hour, or a minute.
I felt an incessant need for contact, and I would've turned to Hedwig if she weren't out hunting. Instead, I dragged Sirius's comforter off his bed before heading upstairs to another landing. I opened the door to the room closest to the stairwell, the dull sunlight of a setting sun hitting my face as I entered. Sirius had charmed Buckbeak's room — creating a lush field of grass spotted with trees. Snow-tipped mountains were visible on the horizon and reflected in a small lake, near which Buckbeak was resting lazily. I bowed low to him before approaching, stroking his face before propping myself against his feathered body and lying down against him. Sirius's comforter was wrapped around me and I clutched the photo frame tightly in my hand. Buckbeak made no complaint at the arrangement, letting out a tired sigh and curling his head towards my toes so that he was wrapped around my body. The warmth from the sunlight above beat down on us and reflected in the lake, making me feel lethargic. I soon drifted off, feeling incredibly warm and cozy.
—
It was my first time entering Grimmauld Place when just Potter was living there, and though I'd initially been nervous about the arrangement Dumbledore had convinced me she'd only be on her own for a little while, just until the Weasley's could relocate. I hoped things wouldn't be too awkward between us; neither of us cherished spending a minute alone together let alone a morning.
I had to admit that, more than anything, I pitied the girl. Before seeing her life outside of Hogwarts I'd found her an intolerable brat, which wasn't unfounded and had little to do with my opinions on her pig-headed father. Being an orphan she was of course inherently a tragic case at Hogwarts, but her attitude and arrogance made it impossible for me to sympathize with her. My anger towards her mostly came from a place of protection, I'd realized. She was constantly getting into scraps and going off on adventures with her little friends — always playing the hero when it was so damned unnecessary.
But I'd been forced to rethink her behavior after realizing the reason for her stubborn independence. She'd grown up in a loveless household, caring for herself and developing so that she wasn't reliant on anyone. Even I'd had a mother to care for me, whereas she'd had no one. That didn't mean she wasn't one of the most annoying brats at Hogwarts, but after what she'd been through this past year I knew I needed to be kinder. I needed her to trust me in order to help her, which wouldn't be easy for a child who'd been their own sole caregiver their entire life.
I walked across the threshold into the dining room, calling out for her to announce myself and figuring she'd be in the kitchen making herself breakfast. All of the potions were exactly where I'd left them on the dining table, untouched apart from what I'd watched her take yesterday morning. My temper flared despite the resolve I'd initially made to try and be kinder, and I slammed my hands down on the table to let out my anger.
I rushed upstairs to her bedroom, potions in hand, but upon entering she was nowhere to be seen. I opened Tonks' door with the same result, beginning to panic. I went to the next landing and began yanking open doors rapidly, one after the other, noticing one of the rooms was missing a bedspread. My ring didn't flare at all last night, so surely she must be safe? I reasoned with myself. Unless she took the bracelet off, she must be safe!
"Arghhhh!" I exclaimed as I kept coming up empty-handed, then I drew my wand and said "Point me," following the arrow that would lead to Potter. I was stunned momentarily by the sunlight streaming from the charmed room that the arrow flashed to, and raised my hand to block the light from my face. My eyes adjusted quickly, and I soon spotted the Hippogriff curled around a figure that must be Potter.
I bowed low to the resting Hippogriff before approaching, though he snapped his beak viciously at me when I reached down to wake Potter up. I raised my hands and backed away slowly as the creature tilted his head from one side to the other, regarding me.
"Potter! Potter, wake up!" I yelled down at her. She was wrapped tightly in a down comforter, her head resting on Buckbeak's stomach for a pillow. "Potter, up!" I tried, but she failed to respond again.
I huffed before making eye contact with the Hippogriff again and taking deep breaths to calm myself.
"I won't hurt her, I promise." I knew the creature was probably reading my anger as a threat to both himself and Potter, though I'd never known Hippogriff's to be protective of anything apart from their young "I'm just going to wake her, okay?" I continued, moving forward once again. I knew if he wanted to kill me he could, and he'd probably injure Potter in the process. I slowly reached down to squeeze the girl's shoulder, unable to stop myself from moving the messy red hair that draped over half her face.
"Potter, time to get up" I tried again, gently shaking her.
She inhaled deeply, shoulders coming up to her ears as she stretched and her face scrunched into a yawn. I moved away when Buckbeak brought his head towards her, lightly bumping her face with his beak and demanding some attention. She'd chuckled, opening her eyes to give him a scratch before clutching a photo frame I hadn't noticed earlier close to her chest. She jumped slightly when she saw me standing slightly away, for a split second moving to reach for her wand before she recognized me.
"Oh, it's you" she said, rising awkwardly to her feet.
"What are you doing in here? Don't you know how dangerous that bird is, he could've killed you!"
"Okay Draco, calm down will you?" She said mockingly, clearly referencing when the creature had scratched Malfoy's arm during class in their third year.
"I was perfectly safe, he won't hurt me. He saved mine and Hermione's lives when Remus attacked us as a werewolf, remember?"
Of course I remembered. I'd been terrified watching Potter run after Black as Lupin attacked, trying to hold Granger back from following her friend into the forest as Potter ran to help the dog. I'd missed the entire explanation proving Black's innocence after the stupid girl had stunned me in the Shrieking Shack, so I couldn't fathom why she'd run after the animagus to protect him.
I'd been terrified that I was too late when the most impressive patronus I'd ever come across appeared later that night, repelling hundreds of dementors away. I'd revealed this to Dumbledore after bringing Potter to the hospital wing, telling him that only an incredibly powerful witch or wizard could've conjured it. He'd smiled, one of those self-satisfied smiles so I knew he was pleased with something, before launching into the explanation of the time turner and revealing that Rose herself must've cast the patronus. I'd been incredulous at first, but I couldn't doubt the Headmaster and there was no reason for him to lie to me. It was then that I knew Potter's power and potential, though it was never apparent in my classroom. Seeing how much her abilities had suffered since Voldemort's return was a blow; she needed to recover if she had any chance of surviving him.
"You shouldn't be in here" I said again "And you didn't take any of your potions yesterday! Do you think I spent the time to brew them for my own amusement?"
"Well, you are the Potions Master, that's kinda your thing" she replied cheekily. My eyebrows rose at that remark and I was tempted to leave her to care for herself at that point, damn whatever Dumbledore had asked of me.
"Wait, I'm sorry. That was ungrateful" She continued when I'd turned away and started walking back to the door. She surprised me when she put her hand on my arm to get me to turn around.
"Thank you. I honestly didn't mean to fall asleep as early as I did, I would've taken the potions if I hadn't"
"You're welcome" I replied, genuinely surprised by the gratitude she was showing. "Did you not even take the Dreamless Sleep? You said you feel asleep early."
"No, I didn't take anything last night."
"And you slept the whole night through until I woke you? No nightmares?" I questioned, curious if sleeping outside as she had with Buckbeak made a difference for her. If it did, weaning her off the sleeping draughts would be much easier than expected.
She bit her lip, avoiding eye contact and clearly embarrassed at the question.
"Miss Potter, I ask purely out of how this might affect what potions to give you going forward."
"No, no nightmares."
"Good. That's good" I replied, suddenly feeling awkward.
She nodded, still looking at the ground and biting her lip. I noticed her temple was still somewhat swollen from the day before, probably because she hadn't taken the anti-inflammatory like I'd asked her to.
"Come downstairs now and take these…please" I said, revealing the potions vials clutched in my hand. I'd tacked the "please" onto the end, remembering my resolve to be nicer to her.
"I'll just feed Buckbeak first if that's alright with you…Sir"
I sighed, somewhat annoyed she'd think to feed the creature before having breakfast herself, but waved my hand towards the locked cabinet where the creature's food was kept "Go ahead then."
She smiled softly before moving over to unlock the cabinet's drawers, Buckbeak chasing after her and nudging her with his beak as if to say "Hurry up!" She giggled as he did this, and I couldn't help but smile slightly at the sight of her trying to get the bird to back up far enough so she could open the cabinet; eager as he was for his breakfast his massive body was blocking the way.
She flung the dead ferrets high into the air for him to catch, clearly having done it before and making a game out of letting him chase his food this way and that. She wiped her hands on her thighs after she was done, patting Buckbeak before following me out the door and downstairs.
Initially, Potter came to the dining table with just a bowl of cereal for breakfast, and I quickly rose from my seat and went into the kitchen, reappearing with a bowl of fruit and plate of scrambled eggs which I set in front of her.
"Do you not know how to cook?" I questioned mockingly but also genuinely curious if that's why she'd gone for the cereal.
"No, I cook all the time at the Dursely's" She replied, looking somewhat offended. "I'm just not all that hungry."
"You'll need to eat better for these potions to get absorbed properly, and anyway you're looking…" I held my tongue, not wanting to comment on the fact that I could tell she'd lost a lot of weight.
"What? I know I look horrible, I don't need you to tell me that" She said stiffly, glaring at me but digging into the scrambled eggs I'd made all the same.
"Not horrible! Just peaky, a bit underweight, that's all I was going to say!" I replied, though it was true she looked a bit lackluster after everything she'd endured these past few weeks.
She finished quickly, certainly eating more eagerly than yesterday's miserable breakfast affair. She took the potions I presented without comment, not complaining even when I charmed a cooling and compression spell on her swollen temple that would last for a half-hour.
"Did Dumbledore send you to babysit me?" she questioned after cleaning up after herself and taking a seat near the ever-roaring fireplace, spitting out the word babysitting in annoyance.
I wanted to deny it, sheepish in admitting how I was so wholly at Dumbledore's beck and call, but of course I was. Though it would be easier to admit to that than the truth, for Dumbledore had only asked me to brew potions for Potter. I was checking on her of my own volition and to reassure myself that she was safe.
"In a manner of speaking, yes" I revealed, repeatedly clicking my fingernail against the coffee mug I loosely held in one hand as it rested on the table.
She didn't question me further, seeming to accept that fact and move on "You…you haven't heard anything about Sirius and Remus, have you?"
I gazed into her worried gaze, her hands clasped together tightly and resting in her lap "I haven't, no. But that's not unusual, no news is good news with these missions Potter"
She nodded, still looking worried, and I could tell her mind was starting to go to unhelpful places again.
"Now, in an effort to keep you distracted" I started, waiting for her head to rise before continuing "bring down your Potions essay for this summer and I'll correct it for you"
"What makes you think it needs correcting?"
"Because I've taught you for four years, Potter. Now go on, if you want to become an Auror you'll need an Outstanding to get into my seventh years N.E.W.T.s class"
"I don't want to be an Auror anymore…but I'll get the essay anyway" she went upstairs and quickly reappeared with the same stack of essays I'd gathered from her desk on Privet Drive, shuffling through the papers to hand me the right one.
"Why not?" I asked, taking the offered papers from her "I thought you still wanted to be an Auror."
McGonogall had revealed Potter's preferred career choice off-handedly to me last year after we'd completed the yearly progress meetings with our students. Potter's gifts in Defense were indisputable, but I cringed internally at the idea of how much danger she'd put herself in if she pursued an Auror's career.
"Just too much…fighting, I suppose. I like Defense when its for fun, or in a classroom. But in the real world it's different. You see a lot of pain and suffering and have to inflict it too. It's necessary, but I'd…well, I'd prefer to get away from it, if I can."
I nodded my head in understanding, impressed that she'd made the distinction. Though it wasn't that shocking considering the many real-life situations she'd been in where she needed to defend herself from dark magic. I only wished I could better protect her from the future dangers she would face, and I knew there would be many life or death situations that she'd need to defend herself in whether she became an Auror or not.