'Wayland. Morgenstern. Lightwood. Or None of the above'
I let out a harsh laugh at all the last names I've had run through my mind. Why is it only he has to deal with this crap?
It wasn't supposed to go like this. After the event in Idris everyone went home and tried to move, but the Max shaped hole in our heart was impossible to ignore.
Today of all days. He would've been 11 years old. We should be waking him up to his favorite breakfast, taking him to the park to hang out, before coming back to the institute for dinner and cake.
Except Max will never turn 11 or have another birthday. He's gone the sweet boy who had the love of everyone around him is gone.
I shake my head to get rid of those depressing thoughts. If I let myself think about Max too much I'll be drowned in grief, and right now I have something else to worry about.
There's been no change in the Inquisitor, and I'm beginning to get impatient.
When I heard that Inquisitor Herondale wasn't really dead, just in a coma, an effect of the demon venom she got struck with. It was a surprise but a welcome relief.
No one knew more about Circle Members than her, and surely she'd be able to help me. Except to wake her we need to find the rare breed of demon that attacked her, and extract some of its venom for the antidote.
Before we left for Edom we were asked to look for the demon if we could and get some venom. It was surprisingly the easiest part of our trip to Edom.
Now that the antidote has been given to her we just have to wait for her to wake up, but I can't just keep waiting. I need to know which last name I should use.
Jace Wayland. The name I used for year, but the one I have the smallest claim to.
Jace Morgenstern. The name I hated using the most and was glad to be rid of.
Jace Lightwood. The name belonging to the family I love the most, and I would be proud to use, but…..
…..What if there's another one I need to use more?
'Are there people out there looking for me? Do I have more family out there?'
I've been plagued with questions like these for weeks now ever since that day in the park. It was right after we got back from Idris and we were hanging out in the park…
(Flashback)
I let out a laugh as another gust of wind comes blowing a huge part of Clary's unruly red hair in her face, and a little in her mouth.
I know its mean, but I laugh even harder watching her spit her own hair out of her mouth. Izzy laughs too, but it's cut off when her own hair slaps her in the face.
When I look over at Magnus I see he's out right laughing, while Alec at least pretends not to.
"Oh, laugh it up you guys. I swear you guys have no idea how lucky you are with your short hair. God out of all the things my mother passed down to me its was her crazy hair." Clary says while wrestling her hair into a ponytail.
"Ain't that the truth. Although at least mine also passed on the big boobs." Of course, that what Izzy says because her brother so want to hear this.
"Mine gave me her bad eyesight." Simon says. I roll my eyes at him as if anyone cares about that.
"Damn that sucks for you guys. Luckily, I got all the beautiful features of my parent which explain this beautiful face." Magnus brags with his usual sense of arrogance.
"Oh, Magnus if your head gets any bigger it'll explode." Alec complains.
"I thought you like my big head." Magnus taunts with a wiggle of his hips causing us all to groan in disgust.
"Seriously do you always need to be a pervert? They don't need to know about our uh private life." Alec is blushing so much its actually cute.
"Fine I'll be quiet on that subject. Let's return to our original topic. So, who's next Jace what about you what physical attributed did your parents give you?" Magnus asks, and I swear I've never seen a group of people get so quiet.
Alec slaps him on his shoulder and anger, and they seem to have some whisper fight before Magnus sheepishly apologizes.
Honestly, I just shrug it off and try to continue having a nice day, but for some reason everyone seems to be on edge. They keep looking at me in pity, and I can't figure out how.
After about an hour we all head our separate ways, and I decide to head out for a walk.
Except as I'm walking I weirdly find Magnus's words flying through my head repeatedly, and not just him either the other as well.
'Clary really does look like her mother with the red hair, and she even has some of Valentine in her as well. Alec and Izzy are carbon copies of their parent, and me…..'
I cant even finish that thought I mean I don't know-
Since I'm not paying attention it's no surprise when I trip over someone, and oh great it's a little girl.
"Oh, shit I'm so sorry. Are you ok?" Luckily, she doesn't seem hurt, but I see she her lip trembling and know she's about to start crying.
"Abby. Oh, there you are." I look up at the woman and the man following her, Abby's parent obviously, and I'm struck my what I see.
'Does every child look like their mother and father?'
"Its fine sweetie did you trip?" When her mother asks this Abby nods and cuddles up to her. I feel my heart clench when I see the way this women cradles her child, like she's the most precious thing.
'Did my mother ever hold me like this? Did my father? Did they love me?'
I quickly say goodbye to them and run off. I feel like my heart is about to burst and there's a damn behind my eyes about to break.
Finally, I collapse in some random alley, and as hard as I try to stop them, I know I'm failing to keep the tears from falling.
No matter how many deep breaths I take nothing is calming me down. I feel like my heart has been punctured, and all these buried emotions are spilling out.
The truth is I don't know what features my parent gave me. I have no idea whose eyes I have, or who's nose, because I don't know them.
When Jocelyn woke up and explained that I wasn't her son it was amazing. Me and Clary weren't brother and sister so we able to finally be together, but Jocelyn mention something else.
"Valentine said he was giving the potion to a trusted member of the Circle's wife. Whoever it is was very close to Valentine, and he was given access to his wife. I believe your father is dead he apparently betrayed Valentine, and your mother too. He never gave any names though, to afraid someone would overhear."
At the time I didn't care I was under Lilith's control then Sebastian, but now I'm free to have my own thoughts. What happens if when we fight Sebastian I die? What last name will be put on my gravestone, what family's name?
I always thought my family was dead, and I had no one. Except I do I had a family. A mother and a father, and who know who else, and I don't know who they are. I don't know where I came from.
At one point as I'm sitting out there it starts raining hard, and I look up to see its dark outside, so I've been sitting here for hours. Knowing the others are probably worried I get up and prepare to head to the Institute.
Walking back feels weird. I'm aware that I'm walking but my mind is still running wild. The walk takes longer than it should because I cant help stopping to look at myself in mirrors, trying to picture an older version of me.
'My father could've had these eyes or was it my mother.'
"YOU. Where the hell have you been? Clary and your friends have been looking for hours. You can't disappear with no word for hours with Sebastian on the loose." Jacelyn screams at me, and I freeze in my track. Looking around I see that somehow I walked all the way home without even meaning to.
She looks pissed staring me down with her usual hard eyes. Clary described her mother as a warm person, but she's always been to cold towards me, still seeing nothing but Valentine's son.
"Like do you have any idea how selfish you've been today. Clary called crying thinking Sebastian had kidnapped or killed you, and you couldn't call or anything-"
"Do I look like her?" I blurt out interrupting Jocelyn on her rant. She looks confused at me, obviously not knowing who I'm talking about.
"Who exactly are you supposed to look like?" She finally asks.
"My mother or maybe my father. I don't actually know who I'm supposed to look like. Do either of you know? Both of you were high-up in the Circle, and you know all the members. Please help me figure out who my parent were." I feel like an idiot hearing the desperation in my voice.
Both of them are staring at me first in shock, then I see it turn to pity.
Luke answer first. "Jace I don't know who they are, it was after my time. I don't know of any members who looked like you when I was there, and obviously I don't know anyone who joined afterward. I'm Sorry." It's not like I can be mad at him not when he looks so remorseful.
So, I turn to Jocelyn. "Jace I-I was depressed after Luke 'died', and Johnathan was born, and I could barely get out of bed. I lost so much time, days and even weeks went by without my notice. So, I have no idea who joined the circle. When I managed to get out of the depression, and actually went to a Circle meeting. It was crazy there were so many new people and I had no idea who they were. Plus, I know there were a few member who joined in secret. So, there's no way….." She trails off not wanting to say the rest.
'There's no way no to for sure who all the members were. We cant tell you who your parent are'
"Oh well its fine probably for the best anyway. Yeah well I'm gonna go inside now and call Clary I guess. Thanks anyway." I don't think I've ever walked away from anyone so fast.
Its wasn't too long before Clary and the others came rushing in. I felt a little bad seeing how worried they were about me. Jocelyn's right with Sebastian on the loose going missing for hours with no word probably freaked everyone out.
"Guys I'm sorry ok I had a little mental freak out and wasn't aware of how much time had passed. I wont do it again." I'm serious when I say this. No way do I want everyone freaking out over me.
I was kinda hoping we could just move on without talking about it, but I guess not.
"So, was this about earlier when we were talking about how we looked like our parents? I thought you said you didn't care which of your parents you looked like?" Izzy ask, and I kinds want to strangle her. How could no one get the bigger issue?
"I thought I didn't, but then I realized something. I don't even know who they are so how can I know who I look like. I mean what are their names. Do they have any family out there I should meet? How did they get involved with Valentine? Did my mother know what he was giving her in those potions or did my father? Were they good people who loved me, or am I better off without them?" I finish my rant with a harsh laugh.
'Why am I asking them? They don't know, no one does, and no one ever will probably.'
"Oh, Jace we can help you figure it out. I mean there must be someone who knows ever single Circle member. Lets think who knows everything about them?" I love the look on Clary's face as she thinks. The head tilt and how she bites her lip.
"Inquisitor Herondale. She knew everything. Remember she studied them for like 16 years and hunted down like all of them." Its Simon who deliver this useless piece of information.
"Um Simon she's kinds dead so we can't really talk to her." Izzy reminds him
"No, she's not. I mean she's in a coma, but she's not dead." He says casually like he didn't just drop this bombshell on me
'If what he says is true then I just found the person who can find my family. I mean she knew EVERY member'
"I don't understand why do people think she's dead." Clary ask.
"When I was in the prison I overheard some of the Clave members talking about it. Apparently the demon that attacked her had poisonous venom that puts you into a coma, but you can't make the antidote without the demon's venom. The demon is rare, and they know its hard to find so they said she was dead, because she'll die within 3 months if they cant save her." Simon says.
This is perfect all I have to do is find a rare demon, extract its venom , and then help save her. Oh yeah that'll be easy.
Over the next few weeks, I spend every free moment either trying to find Sebastian, not let the Heavenly Fire consume me, oh yeah and trying to find my family.
Which is turning out to be the hardest thing to do. Jocelyn and Luke help me go through the members they know about, just in case, but it's not helping. I mean we can look at pictures of past members to check for a resemblance, but how are we gonna ever really know.
Then our fight with Sebastian comes to its climax, and we decided to face off in Edom. Before we leave the leader of the Clave ask for our help saving the old Inquisitor and I feel hope for the first time.
(End Flashback)
Now here we are just waiting for her to wake up so she can help me.
Honestly I hate waiting, but I'm hating being stuck in Idris even more especially with all these people staring at me.
'Yeah I know right me Jace has an issue with people staring at me. Well I don't want attention like this'
When we came back after killing Sebastian, and the cure for the still alive Endarkened, well we became pretty popular.
See before he died Sebastian, well Johnathan at this point, told us how we could cure them. We just need to take the cup and have them drink a special mixture.
Blood of a person with Shadowhunter and Angel blood mixed in them, and that left two options: Me or Clary. I volunteered since I didn't want them touching her, and besides I helped him with this plan while under his control, and it's my job to put an end to this.
It feels rewarding seeing the number of people going back to normal and reuniting with their families. It makes spending days in the infirmary being bleed dry worth it.
Then on my last day there I was talking with Magnus about the antidote for the Inquisitor, and how hopeful I was that it'll work. When he asked why I cared so much I confessed my desire to find my family, and of course some nosey Shadowhunter overheard, and word spread like crazy.
Now that I'm out of the infirmary and in the view of everyone I catch them looking at me, and I hear the whispers.
'Poor boy after all he's done, and he has no one'
'I bet it Richard he was in the circle right'
'He has those weird golden eyes. I cant remember anyone with those'
'Does he really expect the Inquisitor to help? I heard she hated him'
'So sad that boy he's probably never gonna know who his real family is'
This is why I've been spending a lot of time at Amatis's home, helping her through her guilt over some of the things she did. I know what she went through, after getting rid of my connection with Sebastian I felt guilty to for what I did.
"Do you ever sleep?" I look over at Amatis standing at the bottom of the stair. I've been 'sleeping' on the couch, or really I sleep a little, then wake up and goes through the Inquisitors old files. A Calve member dropped them off, as a Thanks for helping save anyone, and I'm going through the files when Amatis catches me.
"Yes, I do, but I cant sleep when something is bothering me like this. It haunts me even in my dreams, and I have to figure it out." I tell her, and I'm surprised when she lets out an amused laugh.
"Oh God my ex-husband Stephen was like that to. He hated not knowing puzzles, always had to know the answer to things." Amatis says this with a fond smile.
Also, as much as I don't mean to be so selfish I have another reason for being here. Her husband Stephen was the Inquisitors son, and from what I heard she adored Amatis, and was sadden when her son left her. Over the years Amatis was the only person the Inquisitor talked to with any fondness. If anyone might know anything maybe she did.
"Go ahead and ask me I know your dying to ask me something. I feel it trying to burst out of you every time I'm near you." She says after a few minutes of silence.
Except when I tell her what I know she stares at me like I'm a puzzle she cant figure out. I tell her how my father was a high-up in Valentines group, his wife was 8-9 months pregnant, Valentine had been giving her a potion, my father died in a botched mission after Valentine figured out he was planning on leaving .
She's even more shook when I tell her how the Inquisitor saved me on the ship, and when I tell her how it was after she saw the scar on my shoulder.
When I mention this, her eyes widen. "No. It can't be. I mean you do you like him, but how can that be…" She trails off lost in thought while my heart start to beat erratically.
"Wait I look like who? Have you figured it out somehow? What does this birthmark have to do with anything? Wait don't go." Except it's too late she's run upstairs and for the next few days avoids me like the plague.
It sucks because while she won't talk to me alone I still catch her looking at me. Analyzing my features and everything about me.
She knows I can feel it in my bones that she's figured out who my parent are, and it pisses me off she won't tell me.
"Your being ridiculous if she knew why wouldn't she tell you." Is Clary's response when I explain why Amatis has been so weird to me lately. I guess Clary noticed how she's been avoiding me.
I'm cut off by Luke and Jocelyn coming in, and they stop short seeing us in the middle of an obvious argument.
"Will you tell him he's being crazy? He thinks Amatis has figured out who his parent are and is choosing not to tell him." Clary tells him. All while ignoring the glare I'm sending her.
"Uh ok I guess Clary's right I don't see why my sister would hide something like this from you Jace." Luke says, and I ignore the smug look Clary is shooting me.
"You weren't there when I spoke to her. She freaked out a ran away from me and has spent 3 days avoiding me. Explain that." Ha that sure wiped that look off Clary's face.
"She ran from you. Like actually ran away?" Clary asks, and it's amusing watching the confusion grow on her face.
"Why would she do that? What did you do to upset her so much?" Luke looks suspiciously at me ask he ask this, and I roll him eyes at hiss stupidity. Like I didn't do anything to her.
"Nothing we just talked about who my father could be, and she got uncomfortable for some reason. Then I mention how the Inquisitor saved me after seeing the birthmark on my shoulder, and Amatis freaked and ran. She kept saying 'You look like him, and no its not possible'. She knows I know she figured it out." I feel weird with how they're staring at me after I finish my rant.
I catch Jocelyn and Luke share and look, and I can see them having a silent conversation with their eyes. Its Luke who finally speaks. "Jace this birthmark its on your shoulder right? Can you show it to us?"
His request seems simple, but I find myself hesitating. "Valentine always said to keep it hidden from other Shadowhunter's. I never thought to ask why, but he said did seems uncomfortable talking about it. Honestly I forgot I even had it."
With a deep breath I prepare to answer I'm interrupted by Amatis rushing in followed closely by 2 Calve Members. "She's awake. I heard them talking about it Inquisitor Herondale is awake."
'She's awake I can finally get my answers' I feel myself being filled with excitement but also fear.
'What if she isn't able to help me find them?'
I feel Clary grab my hand in comfort as everyone turns to look at me. I know they're waiting for me to do something, probably expecting me to run down there and question her immediately.
I want to but God I'm so terrified about what I might find. This is it all my questions could finally be answered.
"Ok lets go talk to her. As long as she's able to be questioned right now. How long has she been awake?" I ask.
"She's been awake for 3 days now, but has been regaining her strength before speaking to anyone." Clave Member Mustache says, I should probably bother learning his name, he seems to hesitate like he's not sure if he should say something else.
"She's been asking about you. If you were ok after the attack and all." He finally says.
'Me why on earth would she ask about me' I'm so confused, but if she's asking about me then maybe she'd be open to helping me.
"Well lets not keep her waiting any longer." I finally say, and with a nod toward them I start walking towards the infirmary. Making sure to never let go of Clary's hand.
Word had apparently spread that she's awake, and that Calve members were seen coming towards me, because everyone is out watching us. It's nice to see many hopeful looks directed towards me, people have been extremely nice to me lately as I looked for my family.
Offering words of encouragement, some helping me look through records of Circle members, and being genuinely helpful. I've gotten so many people involved I think they're just as interested in finding out what family I belong to as I do.
When we walk into the infirmary I can hear the Inquisitor barking orders. " I've been patient enough already. I want to see him NOW. So, hurry up and bring him to see me already."
I scrunch my face up in confusion wondering who she's talking about before it hits me.
'Is she talking about me'
When I walk into her room I find her standing up facing off one of the nurses. She turns hearing the door open but stops dead at the sight of me.
"Jace you're alright. They told me you were Ok after fighting those creatures, but it's nice seeing it for myself." She seems nervous to see me, but eager somehow as well.
"Uh yeah I mean going to Edom wasn't exactly fun-."
"Edom the demon realm that's where you were. How could you guys let children go there?" She barks at Clave Mustache who looks like he's about to piss himself. She really can be scary when mad.
"Well they didn't really give us a choice in the matter they just left… You know what I have a meeting to get to." And then he's gone.
And I'm left under her intense stare.
"Look I still think you should rest. Your just woke up after being in a coma for over a month and poisoned by a demon. You should be resting." Her nurse insists as he tries, and fail, to push her back to bed.
"No, I've been resting enough. I need to speak to Jace here." Why does she keep staring at me?
"Or I could come back later." I offer. Ok yeah cowardly but my nerves are on edge right now, and I just want to head back and come back later.
"See he's fine with coming back. I really don't need you over doing it." I think her nurses name was Ben. He should stop talking before he's killed.
"No. Jace look I get it your freaking out right now, but you need to hear what she has to say." Luke has this way of speaking that makes you want to agree, so when he says this I can't help but nod.
" . It was supposed to be a joke. I was supposed to be wrong. How can his child still be alive?" Amatis mutters to herself.
"Ms. Graymark have you figured something out about young Jace here." What Clave Member is this one. Honestly why are they all here?
Amatis freezes once she realizes she's been heard. I see her calm someone once she catches the Inquisitor eyes. "I'm sorry. It's just been a roller-coaster of emotions these last few weeks, and this just threw me. Jace I should've told you the moment I realize who your father was."
'I should just slap everyone in here. Why do I feel like everyone knows this huge secret, and is deliberately keeping it from me'?
"Anytime now I've been waiting weeks for an answer." I exclaim.
"Show your birthmark it'll explain everything." Amatis says. I let out an annoyed sigh at this. I've had this birthmark for years, and all of a sudden its top news.
'Whatever if it's really that important' I think, and I take my jacket off to show my black tank top and bare shoulder.
Its really just a plain birthmark. Its shaped like a star, and its on my bare shoulder. Seems unimportant right well you'd think it was the key to curing cancer with the reactions I get.
Clary and the Calve member looked shocked, how does Clary recognize this? Luke, Jocelyn look resigned like they expected this, but are still shocked.
Amatis just smiles sadly. "I should've known you remind me so much of your father. Your like an exact copy of Stephen, except the eyes, those you get from your mother."
'Wait what. She can't mean…that's Impossible'
Except when I look towards the Inquisitor she's smiling, and then she pulls her shirt to the side so I can see her shoulder. Where an identical birthmark rest.
"All Herondale's have them. Some Angel touched one 100 years ago, and all his descendants have the same birthmark, in the same place. I saw an old picture of Stephen and Amatis told me about it." Clary says.
"This is some joke right. Like your son's baby died how would this even be possible?" I ask. Because I feel bad for the Inquisitor, but this can't be real.
"Maybe not." I turn towards Jocelyn at her words, and I can see she's thinking intently about something.
"I mean Valentine said that your mother got hurt towards the end of her pregnancy, and I assumed it was a complication with her pregnancy, but it could've been her suicide. We know he cut you out of her, and he wouldn't want to let his experiment die like that." She shrugs after she's done talking like everything makes sense and is that simple.
'No. This cant be I'm not a Herondale. Right?' I feel myself starting to believe when I catch another glimpse at Inqi- ,no I might as well call her Imogen right, the birthmark on her shoulder.
I'm not sure how to feel. I mean I finally found out who my family is, but they're all dead, well almost all of them.
Imogen is still smiling softly at me, and that's when I know 100% that this is true. She wouldn't look at me like that unless it was true, and suddenly I can't breathe.
"I'll talk to you guys later. I need to go." I don't give anyone time to say anything I just leave.
I end up on the edge of Lake Lyn thinking. Well I try to, all my thoughts are too jumbled for me to make sense of them, so I really am just avoiding everyone.
I'm sure by now everyone knows, word spreads fast hear, and when I left the infirmary I passed some noisy nurse eavesdropping.
Crunch
I whip my head around at the sound to see Imogen walking towards me. She stops right next to me before sitting down next to me.
We sit in silence for a few minutes. Her sneaking glances at me, while I ignore her.
Finally, after 10 minutes she speaks. "Your father used to come out here when he needed to think about something that was bothering him. I found him out here one day, and this is where I was told I was becoming a grandmother. I don't know how'd I knew I'd find you here."
"I just ran. I wasn't even aware of where I was going until I ended up here." I tell her, and its true I just needed to get away from everyone.
"I asked him once why he came so far from the city. He said he needed to get away from all the people in the city to be alone with his thoughts." I feel myself shudder when I realize how alike I am to this man.
I've never even meet him, and yet somehow I'm exactly like him.
"Jace I know this may be crazy, but I want you to know I'm extremely happy about this. Loosing Stephen was awful, but the idea that my grandchild died before he even got to live, was what bothered me the most. Now I see he not only lived, but he lived as a hero." Stupid allergies somehow making my eyes watery.
'Jace stop being a bitch. Your not gonna start crying In front of your newly discover grandmother'
"Oh Jace. You have no idea how grateful I am that you sitting here next to me." When I look over at her I see she's not even trying to stop the tears from falling, and I feel a few tears of my own slip from my eyes.
Imogen quickly pulls me into her arms, and I find myself clinging to her like a lifeline.
"I have some business here in Idris to take care of. Mainly fixing that fucked up deal with the Seeley people, and some other things. It'll take hopeful 2 weeks or so, and after I was thinking of coming to live in New York, maybe run the Institute there. I'd love to be near you so we can get to know each other better." Imogen tells me after we pull back.
I let out a little laugh. "Yeah I think I'd like that…. Can you um tell me about my parents? I'd like to know about them."
"Well your father was charming to everyone, while your mother was so nice and strong…."
We spend hours just talking. Her answering all my question about my parent, and me answering hers about my life.
I feel lighter in a way I haven't for weeks. Like I understand myself a little better.
I love the Lightwoods, but I think I always knew that name wasn't for me. I needed to find the one that was meant for me.
Jace Herondale somehow this name has a nice ring to it.
What do you think? I love the scene where we find out Jace is a Herondale, but I feel like more could've been done to expand on it.
I mean after that its not really mentioned enough for me. This is his family and I wish we could've seen more of the Herondale's. I don't know I just read a few fics where Jace finds out he's a Herondale in a different way than in the show or book, and this idea came to me.
Write you own version I'd love to read more like this.
Also sorry for an grammar mistakes. I tried to edit them all out, but I'm sure I missed a few of them.