The New Otokage

by Haruno Val

I, a loyal follower and experiment of Orochimaru-sama, have been selected as the new Otokage. I have several problems with my new job, which include, but are not limited to: royals thinking they're better than I; citizens not listening to an experiment; and diplomats being idiots. Care to join me in this shitshow called being the new Otokage?

1. Chapter One: The Selection

"It was him!"

I looked over blankly at the other children as they pointed at me. I then looked back to the mess they caused. I knew I was going to be punished, but I just didn't care anymore.

"You! I told you to stay there today!" The man in charge of the horrid little shack they called an orphanage yelled furiously.

I just glanced at him before looking back down to the mess. I then blinked and muttered, "You brought a guest…"

The man froze as he glanced over at the door to the shack, which had a shadowed figure looming in the open frame. "Ah, Orochimaru-sama… You aren't going to wait outside?"

Someone stepped out of the shadows, a smile on their lips as they looked down at us. They wore a simple blue kimono as they looked down at us with yellow eyes.

I stared into their eyes for a while before someone smacked the back of my head.

"Bow down!" The man in charge of the orphanage demanded.

"Why?" I questioned, causing the man to grow fearful. I gave a wide grin. "Oh? You honestly expect me to be on my best behavior for this Orochimaru-sama after those monsters you call children ripped up my clothes?"

The fear radiating off of the man was so thick, one could almost taste it.

I felt the utmost glee as I saw my opening. I looked over at "Orochimaru-sama" and said, "Hey, he's a pedophile."

Everyone watched as the newcomer slowly turned their yellow eyes from me to the man. "Yes… I know."

I pursed my lips. "I didn't realize you liked damaged goods."

Now that got the newcomer's attention.

I felt my heart immediately speed up as the feeling of undeniable wrath filled the room.

"He's lying!" The man yelled immediately.

"To think that even a child could catch on to you…" The person looming in the doorway said with a surprising amount of calmness, though anger was still lacing his tone.

"O-Orochimaru-sama, I would never-"

I looked away with a grin. "Mhm, suuure-"

The man turned towards me. "I've had enough of you-"

I looked him dead in the eyes as my grin stayed in place. "Be a good boy, and be quiet, okay?"

Orochimaru-sama, or so they were called, stepped towards us, and something washed over everyone in the room.

I felt as if I was kept in place physically, but at the same time I was being torn apart and thrown around like a ragdoll. I blinked once, and I stared at the man in front of me, who was paralyzed with terror.

He was crying.

I felt angry, angry that the man that caused me nothing but harm was crying like a pathetic little baby when even I held my stuff together. I felt the words push up my throat and out of my mouth before I could stop it. "Stop crying, you pathetic excuse for a human being."

The feeling of dread and death stopped altogether.

I blinked once as the children all but collapsed. I stared blankly as a warm and red liquid splashed across my body before the man fell down. My body didn't quite register the weight of the man for the split second it was on me, and my mind failed to register the many people that suddenly came swarming into the shack called an orphanage.

Orochimaru-sama seemed careless as they picked the man off of my body and tossed him aside. They knelt down in front of me so they would almost be my height, but they were still looking down at me… expectantly at that.

I stared blankly before looking down at my body. "These were my only pair of clothes…"

The person gave a smile that was twisted and dark. Their eyes were filled with the utmost glee as they raked over my body, though not in the way that I was used to. "You're strong for your age."

I didn't know how to reply, so I just hummed.

"You're mature for your age too…" The human, presumably, noted aloud as they looked into my eyes. "What's your name?"

"I don't have one," I answered honestly.

"Do you want one?" They inquired.

"Only if it's not a girl name," I replied.

"Very well…" They stood up and offered a hand out to me. "Do you know what experiments are?"

"Yes," I answered right away, ignoring the person's hand. "I get in trouble for trying them."

The person paused a moment before giving a grin. "With me, you won't ever be in trouble for trying experiments. So, what do you say? Will you come with me?"

I looked at their hand for a long moment before shrugging. "Better than being here."

Amusement flickered in their eyes.

I wiped my hand off on my pants before grabbing their hand. I felt a prick in my hand, but didn't recoil since I was used to pain. "Where are we going, Orochimaru-sama?"

A dark chuckle came from their pale lips. "My lab, Experiment 139."

I couldn't even respond as my body began to fall to the floor-

The door slammed open, and my eyes shot open.

"It's awful! Orochimaru-sama has been killed!" Experiment 903-ab yelled as she came bursting into my room.

"Bitch, what have I told you about knocking?" I snapped at the asshole who refused to learn about proper edicate when dealing with her superiors, save if they were Orochimaru-sama, Kabuto-san, or Sasuke.

"Orochimaru-sama died!" Experiment 903-ab screeched.

"Yes, I heard you the first time," I said with a roll of my eyes. "You have a scroll in the bottom right hand drawer of your desk in your room holding procedures of what should happen if such a thing were to occur. Screaming like the unholy banshee you are is not a part of that procedure."

"Oh…" She stared blankly before asking hesitantly, "What's the procedure?"

I gave an annoyed sigh. "Read the damn scroll."

"But-"

"Get out of my office before I demote you to The Underground," I hissed, causing her to rush out of the room like her ass was on fire. "Close the door!"

She came running back, slammed my office door closed, and then ran off once more.

"Stupid cunt," I commented to myself before going back to my paperwork. I was diligently working for about five more minutes before that stupid asshole of an experiment came running back into my office without knocking.

"The procedure says jack shit! What am I supposed to do?!" Experiment 903-ab demanded to know.

I sighed. "You look to me for orders before Kabuto announces a new Otogake."

"Well, what should we do?! Should we hunt down Sasuke for killing Orochimaru?" Experiment 903-ab suggested like the moronic imbecile she was.

"That would be retarded," I said, causing her to puff up with anger.

"He killed our-"

"And you think we're strong enough to kill the one that could kill us with his pinky?" I interrupted as I glared at the girl.

She jolted back as if I had slapped her. "Shouldn't we at least try-"

"Don't forget that I have my own orders in case this situation would come to pass," I said as I stared down at the experiment. "Right now, I am following them. So, shut up and get back to work."

"What… should I tell the others?" She asked softly as she looked down at the floor nervously.

"This is Orochimaru-sama's will, so either shut up and deal with it or face my wrath," I demanded.

"Right!" Experiment 903-ab saluted before running out, slamming the door behind her.

I gave a smirk as she hurried off, getting back to my paperwork. I knew this day was coming, just as a few others had. I had been preparing for it since Orochimaru-sama left this base about two months ago. I hummed as I glanced at the clock. "Let's see… I'd give it half an hour before she comes back in with a riot."

They lasted five minutes and twenty-four seconds longer than I expected. That was a record.

Experiment 903-ab once again burst into my office. "They're starting a riot!"

"I know," I admitted as I looked up at her. "Who started the riot?"

She hesitated. "Erm… You know the guy that gets the messenger birds?"

"Experiment 56-xy," I provided for the moron that was clearly grasping for straws.

"Yeah, so, he started it," she stated.

"Why?" I pressed.

She licked her lips, a nervous habit of hers. "Kabuto-san is coming."

"Why would the riot be starting because of that?" I questioned.

She looked me dead in the eyes, her face serious. "He's picking up the new Otokage on the way."

I stared back blankly, waiting for her to crack and tell me the real reason why the riot was being started. I waited a full minute before the realization set in that she wasn't lying and that the new Otogake was going to be selected from this particular godforsaken hideout. I sighed as I set my pen down and stood up. "Very well. Let me take care of the riot."

She nodded and followed after me as I walked calmly down the hall to the cafeteria, where all riots got started for some supernatural reason.

I slammed the doors to the cafeteria open. "Shut up, maggots!"

Everyone in the cafeteria turned towards me, quieting down almost immediately.

"None of you fuckers are going to be the Otokage! You're clearly not mature enough, so kill that idea now!" I demanded, causing noise to start up once again. I glared at the loud crowd for a moment before suddenly smiling.

In one second, it became so quiet, one could hear a pin drop.

"Experiment 56-xy, you're demoted," I announced.

The crowd split apart like Experiment 56-xy had leprosy.

I began walking towards the man, my hands held behind my back. "Do you know why, Experiment 56-xy, you are being demoted?"

The man whimpered as he walked backwards towards the wall.

"Well?" I demanded, my smile growing.

"I… I started… th-the riot…" Experiment 56-xy stuttered out as his back hit the wall.

"Why, exactly, did you start it?" I demanded to know as I stopped a good arm's length away from him.

"W-well, I…" The fool trailed off as he looked away from me.

My smile widened, as did my eyes. My bloodlust exploded out of me as I stared down at my prey. "Why?"

Fear stuck him in place as his eyes remained fixated on the scroll that laid on a nearby table. "The… Otokage…"

I reigned in my bloodlust a bit as a reward. "That's no reason to start a riot," I then chided.

"But… you'll be-"

"That's like making Morino Ibiki the Hokage," I interrupted. "I highly doubt that I will be named Otokage."

Experiment 56-xy paused and thought about it before realizing I was right. Once realization set in, a new thought came bubbling to the surface - he was exceptionally fucked.

I allowed my smile to twist into something unnatural as I stepped forward. I grabbed his cheeks gently as I looked down at him. "Experiment 56-xy?"

"Y-yes?" The man stuttered out.

"You're being demoted," I stated.

The man whimpered.

"Not to The Underground," I said, causing curiosity to fill his eyes. "I'm demoting you to The Underground."

His shoulders sagged down as tears began to fill his eyes. "But I-"

"You not only started a riot, you dared to question me in the wake of Orochimaru-sama's final orders," I explained as I caressed his cheeks gently. "Do you know what that makes you in my eyes?"

The man was trembling. "A… a trai-aitor…"

I nodded as I wiped some tears from his face. "I'm very disappointed in you, Experiment 56-xy."

The man looked completely and utterly defeated as I said that.

I took note of how he seemed ready to accept his death, and allowed him to make a final statement. I waited patiently before the man opened his mouth.

"I'm… I'm so, terribly sorry, sir," Experiment 56-xy apologized.

I nodded, accepting his apology before my fingernails dug into his flesh. "Yes, but a traitor is never saved by an apology. Your punishment still stands."

The man collapsed to his hands and knees, causing me to step back and hold my hands behind my back. He released the scream of a wounded animal as his body began to violently tremble. A pink foam appeared at his mouth as he made choking noises.

I watched blankly as the man collapsed completely before falling silent. I pulled out a small handkerchief and leaned down to wipe away the tears he shed. I hated seeing people cry, even now after all these years. I then pocketed the handkerchief and turned to the rest of the cafeteria. "Now… Someone from this base will be elected Otokage. Whoever that is, we will support unconditionally - as is the will of Orochimaru-sama."

People looked at each other, throwing around glances to size each other up.

"Until the time Kabuto-san comes, we will go about as normal. When he comes and picks up the new Otokage, we will respect him and whoever he has selected. I will demote anyone who goes against my orders, understood?" I looked out at the crowd before narrowed in on someone. "Experiment L-82-J, is there something you'd like to say?"

The experiment in question tensed up before asking as soft as a mouse, "What happens if Sasuke comes here?"

I hummed before answering, "Well, you can either charge at him and die, or you can follow Evacuation Plan 012. The choice is up to you."

"Why evacuate?" Experiment 903-ab blurted out.

I sighed at her stupidity. "As I explained before, we cannot fight Sasuke head on. None of us are powerful enough to take on the one who killed Orochimaru-sama, who could undeniably kill us all without even using his jutsu. So, we shall evacuate while taking with us as much as possible from this base for the new Otokage."

They all looked at each other before nodding, accepting that as a pretty good way of dealing with the situation.

"Any more idiotic questions?" I asked.

"Do you know who the next Otogake will be?" Experiment 07-g questioned.

I looked at the person like they were high on Orochimaru-sama's truth serum. "Does it look like I'm Kabuto-san?"

"Okay, but do you have a guess?" They pressed.

I looked down at the disappointment of a human being before answering, "No. I honestly didn't expect this to happen. If anything, I should be asking Orochimaru-sama's spirit why he thought one of you miserable maggots would be suitable to lead an entire country."

Everyone glared at me.

I looked back blankly. "Now that we've got questions out of the way, I am going back to my office. Experiments L-82-J and 07-g, you two are on body disposal duty."

The two held in groans of displeasure as I walked by.

I returned to my office, glad that I could have peace and quiet for an hour or so. I worked away diligently for the next day and a half.

That's when Experiment 903-ab knocked politely on my door. She always knocked firmly, but not overly so.

"Enter," I commanded.

She opened the door, bowing someone into my office.

I stood up and bowed down as well before looking at the newcomer. I was slightly surprised to see Kabuto, who had a hood over his face. I smiled nonetheless and greeted, "Welcome, Kabuto-san-"

"Give me your best greeting," the boy with grey hair demanded, rather rudely if I may add.

I kept the same smile, and instead looked at the young man gently. "Welcome, Kabuto-san, to base 076. Please, take a seat. I'm sure your journey has been strenuous." I motioned for the right-hand man of Orochimaru-sama to sit down.

The man in his early twenties did so, but not without waving off Experiment 903-ab first.

The woman left, hesitated outside the door for a moment, and then ran down the hall to spread word about what had happened like the gossiping mole rat she was.

"I take it you know Orochimaru-sama has passed," Kabuto-san said, jumping straight into the mess of things.

I internally sighed at how he failed to ease into the conversation. "Yes, I do. I've been following his orders left behind."

Kabuto-san nodded. "I see that. He would be proud."

"He would be expectant of such things out of me. He would not be proud that I am merely following procedures," I corrected.

The boy smiled at me. "Correct."

I suddenly felt concerned as the boy took a scroll out of his sleeve and placed it on the desk between us. I maintained eye-contact with him as I inquired, "Are these new orders?"

"They are," Kabuto-san said as he motioned for me to look at the contents of the scroll.

I read over the first line of the scroll, paused, and then read it again. "Is this…? It's not April 1st…"

"Very good," Kabuto-san praised.

"I'm… not a 'beloved' anything," I hesitantly pointed out.

Kabuto-san paused and stared at me.

We maintained eye-contact for a long moment, a very awkward moment.

"Erm… Perhaps I delivered the wrong scroll…" Kabuto-san mumbled as he reached for the scroll.

As I began to hand it back, my eye caught a certain word, which was next to another few words. "Yes, I believe you have. I'm certainly not fit to be the Otokage."

Kabuto-san paused before withdrawing his hand. "It appears I gave you the right scroll after all."

I pulled the scroll back towards me and read it over as quickly as possible. "I apologize for this, but may you check my eyes again? I believe I am reading that I have been selected by Orochimaru-sama to be the Otokage. I must be having an eye problem and am reading this wrong."

Kabuto-san gave this stupid smirk before saying, "No, you're reading it correctly."

I pointedly looked down at the scroll. "I, Otogakure's Sadist, have been selected to become the new Otokage."

"Yes," the grey-haired man agreed.

I stared down at the scroll for a long moment before rolling it up. I looked up at Kabuto-san and saw that he was waiting for a response. I gave an internal sigh as I gave a smile. "If Orochimaru-sama wills it, I shall do my absolute best to complete these orders."

"Excellent. We're going to the capital tonight," Kabuto-san said as he stood up.

"I have one request," I said, causing the man to pause and look down at me. "We're taking Experiment 903-ab with us. You are going to say that one of us is the new Otokage while the other is the bodyguard. You will not specify who is who."

"Why?" He inquired.

"I… told my subordinates earlier that I wouldn't be chosen as the Otokage…" I mumbled.

Kabuto-san looked down at me with disappointment. "Why would Orochimaru-sama choose anyone else?"

I looked at the man incredulously. "Because I'm known as Otogakure's Sadist, not Orochimaru-sama's right-hand man."

"Yes, but out of everyone here, who is most likely to deal with diplomatic matters with an even head?" Kabuto-san asked.

I realized the boy had a point and nodded. "Fair enough. I shall get ready for departure."

"Good. You're dismissed," Kabuto-san said as he stood up.

I did as well, and walked towards the door since I was never one for using the body flicker jutsu unless in battle.

Kabuto suddenly grabbed my left arm, hard. He looked up at me, and I looked down at he who had a single yellow eye and scales forming around said yellow left eye. "I'm leaving everything to you. Do not fail me."

"Of course not," I said as I bowed my head down.

He released me and stepped away.

I took that as my chance to fix my sleeve before walking out of my office calmly. I walked to my room, calmly locked the door behind me, and then gave a massive sigh. I threw myself on my bed and closed my eyes for a long moment. I then got up and began to pack my stuff up because I was a man, and I would deal with the situation like a man would.

Experiment 903-ab was already at my office, looking giddy and positively ready to explode from excitement. "Oh, there you are! Are you packed?!"

"Yes, I am packed," I answered as I stared down at her blankly.

"Be more excited! You get to be the bodyguard of the new Otokage!" Experiment 903-ab chirped as she began to bounce around.

I barely held in my laughter while maintaining a straight face. I instead looked to Kabuto-san and asked, "Are we ready to go?"

"Yes, we are. Who will be taking care of this place while you're gone?" Kabuto-san inquired.

I thought about it for less than a second. "Experiment JP-36."

Kabuto-san looked at me strangely, but Experiment 903-ab nodded.

"Am I missing something?" Kabuto-san asked.

"Oh, so even though you dropped him off two months ago, Dual Eyes here managed to rehabilitate JP-36," Experiment 903-ab explained quickly.

Kabuto-san hummed, looking quite impressed.

"I'll summon him," I said as I set my bag down on the table. I sat down behind my desk for one last time and then patted my lap twice.

Kabuto-san stared for a second before opening his mouth.

Experiment JP-36 suddenly used the body flicker to appear in front of the desk. He rested his chin on the desk, his dog-like ears cocking from one side to the other. His smile was impossibly wide as his tail wagged excitedly. "You summoned?"

"While I'm gone, I want you to run this place for me," I said sternly.

"Yes, of course!" Experiment JP-36 exclaimed eagerly.

I smiled at the man who had gene splicing done to him, turning him into a rather excitable person with dog-like qualities. I motioned the man over and scratched behind his ears. "You'll be a good boy until I'm back, won't you? You don't want to disappoint me, do you?"

"Yes, I'll be a very good boy! I'd never disappoint you!" Experiment JP-36 chirped as he nuzzled into my hand.

"Good," I approved before standing up. I motioned for JP-36 to sit down in my seat and began to place papers in front of him. I then gave him a pen and said, "Just as I instructed you."

"Yes, sir!" JP-36 exclaimed while saluting before immediately diving into his work.

I nodded before picking up my bag. I then looked to the two I'd be traveling with for the next few days. "Shall we?"