Chapter 50
"No Refunds"
The morning had woken up with stark, disturbing nightmares. Lots of blood and guts, again, of course. Typical affair now, but it didn't feel that typical when she was in them, it felt new and terrifying. The rest of the day, however, was going well,...so far.
'It's good to see you standing, Stone!' Iida somehow still being so stiff, despite that he seemed genuinely surprised and pleased that she was actually standing; well walking anyway. She was leaning partially onto a crutch, but she could largely walk on her own. The joy on her face for that, was definitely overriding any sense of pain she was feeling.
"Hi everyone." she responded, easing herself onto a chair, on her own. She was wearing soft pants that hid how ugly the leg still looked, while it was healing. It was still tender to the touch in a great many places on it, and the scarring was going to be considerable, no matter what she did, at this point. Luckily, none of the group was going to be seeing it, at all. Alarice would make sure of that.
This group surprisingly had Kyoka, once more, Iida, Uraraka, Mina and surprisingly Shinso. Kyoka had brought more of Sato's Cookies with her, for Alarice, a gift warmly received from her friends. She had opened them already and had one in her hand, ready to chow down on it.
'How's it been going?' Uraraka asked, written of course, on one of the dry-erase boards from last time. She was chewing on acookie, since Alarice had not wanted to hoard all of them. Tempting as that was to do.
"It's alright, kinda boring, but I'm okay. I actually want to hear.. well, read what's been happening in the classes I've been missing, I'm really curious." Alarice responded, looking hopeful, before nibbling at her cookie, in order to savor it as long as possible.
Written stories began one after the other, the room of students being pretty patient with each other, like they were in a chat room. Alarice found it nice, and was happy to hear about a life outside of her own currently dreary and boring one. Eventually, it lead into them asking about how much sign language she had now picked up, and to share some of that knowledge with them. Which she did, to the mixed reaction of: who was picking it up first, or fastest... the few simple words she knew, anyway.
Topics shifted, as Mina recounted that she had gotten a chance to play with Hell-hound puppies, and that had actually been pretty fun. Goofy and kinda destructive that they could be, but Mina just found that to be the standard for kids and puppies, anyway, so what did it matter?
Shinso was the most silent, besides their teacher, who had accompanied them, , and then dropped-off to sleep, on the nearby bench. Alarice's claws came out a little bit, but she tried to not let it freak her out, more; calming herself down, enough, that nothing else showed. No one else seemed to notice or say anything either, so that helped a little.
000
Once her friends were gone, she was as usual, left alone with her thoughts.
She fiddled with her blanket from her dad, then fiddled with her hair, and then just felt genuinely anxious. There was nothing to really break-though, she had picked-at and picked holes in a lot of things around her, or that she was wearing. She had talked to her therapist about the negative and depressed thoughts being around her classmates had brought on.
She couldn't compare to their shine, their confidence, she just couldn't. Something was just missing from her now, she felt. Thinking about it, brought tears to Alarice's eyes. It wasn't fair, none of it was fair.
Life was never fair to her.
Still despite how upset she had gotten, and her agreement with the therapist's very reasonable suggestion. Confliction so tightened her rib cage, she thought she was going to stop breathing from the pressure. She practiced her breathing exercises and dreaded seeing Hizashi and her dad, a little later today.
She'd been able to hide the feelings, a bit, but once she had spoken about them to Bakugo, the cat had escaped the bag. Now, it was clawing endlessly at her thoughts and mind, and it was a force of will that her friends had only seen just her own claws.
Despite this, she didn't not want to see them, she wanted to see people very badly, in fact. Just, Alarice knew that she would have to say this terrible thing, very soon. How could someone, like her, someone weak enough to be a victim, and weak enough she killed her own sister, be a Hero to anyone. She wiped her face on her blanket before hobbling to the bathroom to wash it. Walking was getting easier, at least. The cane helped a lot.
Hizashi showed up, bright toothy smile, warm presence and everything. 'Hello' He signed, Alarice responded back, though with some hesitation. Though his thumbs-up that she was doing just fine brought a nervous smile out. Alarice let him just lead into showing her more sign language, even though she was increasingly distracted.
Hizashi apparently had caught-on, after a short bit. This wasn't any kind of official class, he didn't have a time frame, or an exact schedule. Alarice was picking it up pretty quickly, though her comfort in signing, herself wasn't very good. At the moment, she was only barely paying attention.
'What's on your mind?' He finally signed at her, she could reliably understand that much, though the tablet was right there, and he was prepared to use it. The gears slowly turned in Alarice's mind before she finally asked the question she should have asked before.
"Which sign Language am I learning, Hizashi-sensei?"
Hizashi paused for a second, looking confused, Alarice watching him carefully for response and trying not to look like a sad puppy.
'It's Japanese Sign Language,' was his signed response, looking a little concerned, himself now. Alarice was a little quietly proud of herself that she got that on the first try. Then saddened about it, just as quickly.
"But... I'm probably going to go back to the States. It won't be any good for me there, will it." She tried to keep the disappointment out of her expression and voice, and could tell by his face, she hadn't managed it. He looked like he'd just heard bad news about one of his cats. The cats she absolutely knew he kept with Shouta, having seen his lock-screen briefly. Then again, she had sort of known, for awhile, it was a nicer thought than the ones that plagued her constantly.
He seemed flustered and he immediately took to his tablet.
'What makes you think you're going back to the states?'
He looked very concerned; in fact, he looked like he was trying hide something. Alarice was very confused, not understanding. She'd not heard she was going to be expelled for losing control of her quirk. She'd continued to see her classmates even, but as the weeks were adding on, of her being at the hospital, she hadn't heard yay or nay on going back to UA. She'd heard absolutely nothing in fact, and really, until today, she had been too terrified to ask. She already was living a mountain of shame for the events on the island. With the added knowledge she was going to ask to drop the Hero course entirely, made it nearly impossible to deal with
Except, of course, now it was hard to get it out of herself. Instead, curling-up on herself, and letting it out in a little voice.
"I'd like to drop out of the Hero Course."
She let out a sniffle, a bit too scared to see what expression was there. IF she was simply calling-out a situation that was going to happen anyway, or if by some stretch of reality wasn't the case, and now she was killing her own career. She didn't know, she didn't want to know, either way was too painful. Instead, more words slipped out of her: "I'm sorry to disappoint you and everyone, I don't want to leave, but if I'm not here for that, then I have to go back with my dad. He'll need me back home, I wont be able to do this, anymore."
It wasn't really the reason, but it wasn't exactly a lie, either. She couldn't see or hear him tapping on the screen, and she barely responded to his gentle tap on her shoulder. Uncurling when the tapping became insistent.
'I'm not disappointed in you.'
"My dad will be."
'No, I don't think he will either' Hizashi typed out in a quick motion. Though Alarice noted the slight relief in his face. It wasn't enough to make her feel much better about what she was saying, if he knew the real reason, he wouldn't disagree. He added more. 'A lot of Heros, fully professional, stop being Pros for good reasons. You have several good reasons, and it doesn't have to be a forever choice.'
Alarice read it twice, looked at him, the wall, curled-up legs, tucking herself into a ball again. She shouldn't tell him. She couldn't tell him. He didn't need to know, he shouldn't know, not any of it. Except that it was eating her inside, the fear of her dad, her hero, her terrifying teacher finding out, Her friends, Kyoka. Only a tiny part of the demon that had settled in her heart had come out of her, when it had just been her and Bakugo, and she was sure he wouldn't tell anyone else.
"E-even if it's because I was too weak to save myself, and that I killed my sister?"
Alarice peeked over cautiously, to see him typing, erasing, then typing again, then with a sigh looked over at her, catching her peeping eyes from over her arm. The bright screen read words that no one had actually said to her, yet.
'You didn't kill your sister. She killed herself.'
Alarice read that, and looked at the words shocked, looking up at him, her eyes wide with surprise and shock. "like.. she ?" He rapid-fired out a response quickly, looking a bit anxious, himself.
'I don't know a lot about it, but she got loose when they were trying to transport her, and jumped into the water, where they lost track of her. Her body washed-up a few days later.' Alarice had to ponder that, her jump into ocean herself, had either encouraged her infection that took her other ear, or caused it. They'd both jumped off ships to escape, but one of them got to live, afterwards. He added more to his statement; ' We avoided telling you, to keep you from stressing yourself out'
"Oh."
'You're also not at fault, or weak, for the things she had done to you, either.' That line did catch her off-guard, and she looked at him very seriously. Trying to figure out how much he knew, was he referring to her ear, only? He put the tablet down with another message. 'You can talk about any of it, any time, just say so, but you're not weak.'
Alarice couldn't help it, sniffling back tears, and feeling her claws come out again. Resting her cheek on her folded arms. "Is it okay if I don't, right now?"
' of course (: '
She let out a wet snort of a laugh and hid the rest of her face. Going quiet for a moment, which she was sure was awkward for him, he never seemed comfortable in dead silence. Though maybe it wasn't as dead as it was for her. "Isn't that I'm... giving up a sign I was always too weak for it?"
He gave her a look that had her concerned for a moment, before his mouth sort of ticked upward in an expression that was like a disapproving smirk. 'No, it doesn't. It means you're strong enough to make these choices for yourself, you could have just let someone else decide for you.'
Alarice didn't know what to think about those words, recollecting herself then, in the reasonable next thoughts. Her new trajectory in life.
"I... I still have to go back to the states, if I'm not in UA.. But at least I'm not staying with Sunshine." Though staying with her dad for.. however long that would be wasn't thrilling thought, either. Nevermind how that would work, you needed to be able to drive, where they lived, and she didn't know how to drive, yet. It was going to be hard.
Hizashi looked uncomfortable, too. That made her even more sad, he was probably actually disappointed in her, too. Maybe it was pity, that would, sort of make sense, if he felt bad for her. She felt bad for herself, which only made her feel worse, of course. "Can you tell Aizawa-sensei I'm sorry? I know he's going to be disappointed in me, but I can't tell him in person, it's to m-"
She stopped speaking as he thrust the tablet at her with its fresh message on it. 'You aren't leaving! You can transfer to either General Studies or Support, if you want. There's an open seat in either department. Your grades are high enough for the Support dept.'
"I.. Uh.. what?" Alarice couldn't help looking at him blankly, like he had just offered her drugs instead of opportunities to stay at the school. He made a face at her, and Alarice found herself going back to her old habit of imitating a wooden statue. She.. could stay?
From the doorway came her father. He spoke to Hizashi, but all she could make out was that he was probably just greeting him. It was weird, actually, Hizashi and her dad were getting along really well? Perhaps it was their personalities complimented each other, and they were becoming friends? That was a little weird to think about, her dad becoming friends with her hero. As weird as it was realizing he was a friend, already, to her.
Her dad patted her head gently has he rolled up, looked at the tablet, and then smiled broadly at her. He added on his own message to the bottom. 'I've been talking with the principal about it, he's fine with whichever one you choose.'
"what like.. you guys knew this would happen?" Alarice, now was worried that it was 'acceptable' because literally someone had already made the decision and she just finalized it before someone told her. She looked at both of them fairly accusatory, the roller coaster of her day taking her right back down again. The two men looked at each other, one slightly more accusatory than the other but when Hizashi went for the tablet, Jonathan already had it and was typing away.
'It was being suggested that you should be advised to step away from the hero course, for awhile. These were the alternatives suggested, if you wished to stay.' was about what she read, before the poor tablet fell to the floor, when it slipped from her dad's fingers, her own, and Hizashi fumbled it. It recovered, but with a crack in the corner. She could see Hizashi mouth the word 'oops' and then just shrug before settling down.
"but... dad... How are you going to pay for it?" Alarice asked, while Hizashi busied himself with cleaning up his tablet, since it had fallen on the floor. Jonathan looked over at Hizashi suddenly with a serious, if slightly confused, look. Alarice looked to her Hero, and he looked down at her.
A Mexican stand-off of silence, and looks, at each other. Alarice being confused, Jonathan looking somewhat annoyed, and also confused, Hizashi looking like he wanted to bolt. His ears turned red, as he typed on the tablet, before showing her the good news.
'I'm legally your dad now.'
"you're what."