Birthday

Izzie made good on her promise to not allow any Organization member back in Blackfoot Creek. Somehow, she managed to convince Xemnas to simply allow her there to obtain the blood packs she and Iris needed. Saix had a feeling Iris played a big part in that-somehow she had figured out how to get into the most secure parts of the castle, areas only Xemnas had access to. And he knew Xemnas would do anything to keep her out.

The last time anyone stepped foot in Blackfoot Creek was November twenty-third, and it was now January third. On December twenty-fifth, the girls exchanged these words, "Merry Christmas". According to Izzie, Christmas was a holiday celebrated throughout her entire world. Humans decorated their houses with fir, pine, or spruce trees covered in festive lights and ornaments, got weeks off school and days off work, gathered with their families, and exchanged gifts. Saix didn't understand it all, but apparently it was done to celebrate the birth of some guy named Jesus Christ who lived millennia ago. It all only told him humans were weird. Who celebrates some dude they never even knew?

Saix didn't see the need to celebrate birthdays, anyway. What was there to celebrate? Another year closer to death. Another year and nothing to show for it. Another year being stuck as this.

Everyone else seemed to love it, though. Especially Xigbar and Demyx. Xigbar just saw it as another excuse to get shitfaced, and Demyx loved the idea of putting a bunch of gaudy decorations all over the Grey Area. Of course Axel jumped on board, and Iris helped them. They even roped in Xaldin and Lexaeus to help. Then after that? New Year's. Same story, different day. The only members who didn't seem to care for this were Saix and Xemnas. Xemnas didn't even know there was a celebration, and all they were for Saix was another headache.

As the days and weeks passed, the injuries he had healed completely. A couple days after the attack, the Moogle got in a new shipment of Potions, so he was able to use a few to heal his ribs. He tried to use some on his wrist, but it seemed the wound there was resistant to it. If anything, the Potions seemed to make it hurt even more. Today, after Vexen returned from his mission, Saix went down to his lab to get the stitches on his head removed. As Vexen clipped the threads and pulled them out, he accidentally nicked Saix.

"Ow," He growled, leaning away.

"Sorry," Vexen mumbled, gripping his shoulder and yanking him back into position.

"You know your bedside manner is lacking."

"I'm more of a scientist than a doctor, you know that. Now hush and let me work."

"I think out of every injury everyone here has ever had, that was the worst," Zexion remarked as he carried some materials from one end of the lab to the other. "Vampires are no joke. I can't look at Izzie the same way anymore."

Saix's eye twitched. "She's not dangerous."

Zexion lifted his head. "I didn't say she was. I'm just saying that it's easy to underestimate her when she's even smaller than I am. She could probably kill any one of us with just a flick of her wrist."

Saix's mouth twitched into a small smile, which quickly morphed into a scowl when Vexen nicked him again. "Do that one more time." He snarled.

"I'm not used to the things I work on being alive. I'm almost done, just relax." Saix's head turned a fraction of an inch to the side, and Vexen's hand clamped down on the top of his head and jerked it to face back front. Saix sneered, Zexion snickered.

"So what did it feel like? You know, when you were bitten." Zexion asked.

"Inject acid into your bloodstream and you might get a feeling parallel to it." Saix replied dryly. He pulled up his sleeve and showed the teenager the still healing bite marks. The bruises were either yellowed or completely gone, but the two large circular wounds were still scabbed over, now a dark purple color. The black lines left over from the venom had somehow managed to turn darker, making his skin look even paler than it really was.

"Wo-ow," Zexion drew out the word, his eyebrows high on his forehead.

"It somehow looks worse than it did when you first got it." Vexen mumbled as he continued working. "I wonder if those black veins still have stagnant venom in them."

"You're not sticking any needles in me." Saix told him, shoving his sleeve back into place.

"Baby." There were a couple more pulls at his scalp, and then there was the sound of Vexen putting the little scissors down. "There, you're done. Now, you can use a Potion to clear up the remaining cut."

"Alright." Saix stood and walked toward the door. Vexen crossed his arms.

"You're welcome!" Saix flipped his hand and rounded the corner, out of sight. Vexen shook his head. "Youth these days." Zexion gave him a look.

"You sound like someone's grandpa."

…

The next morning at five-thirty, Izzie was sitting beside Saix as he slept. Like always, he didn't know that she was there, and any time she brought it up so he would know, she was thoroughly shut down. So, she continued on without his knowledge.

As she flipped a page in her book, Saix stirred, and she looked down at him. There was a frown on his face, but his heart rate and breathing still indicated he was asleep. Izzie flared out her shield, adding another layer to it, and soon, his face relaxed, and he rolled onto his stomach. She smiled. The way his face smooshed into his pillow, the small snores he let out, and the way he mumbled in his sleep were all so cute. If he knew she thought he was cute, she knew he'd have some complaints.

"Is…bella," He rumbled, his voice rough and hard to understand. Though, she perfectly understood what he just said.

She looked back down to him, eyes wide. Had he woken up and she not realized it? No, his face was still buried in his pillow. Beside his head, the fingers of his right hand twitched, extending out, then curling back in, as if he was grabbing at something. He said her name. Izzie sat, not breathing, wondering if he was going to wake up. He was seeming to get restless. She hoped he wasn't having a nightmare. Saix rolled back to his side, humming a bit. He mumbled again, but didn't say anything intelligible, and then rolled to his back, quieting and remaining still. In that moment, something beyond the pain and agony Izzie always channeled from him flowed into her. It was very weak, nothing but a whisper compared to the cacophony of the screams and wails, but it was loud enough that she could recognize it. It was peace. Somehow, it wasn't fleeting, like the peace most people felt when they were sleeping, but instead it was deeper, rooted not in his body, but in his soul. Izzie stared at him, unable to understand it.

This was a complete oxymoron. Saix shouldn't have been able to feel any kind of peace this deeply while he was still in a swirling torrent of misery, even if said peace was tiny. But he was doing a lot of things that didn't make sense, as far as him being a Nobody went. Axel and Demyx were nice, but Izzie had the feeling that if it came down to it, neither of them would sacrifice themselves for another person. Saix did. He acted like he didn't care, to keep up his reputation with the rest of the Organization, but he did care. He trusted her with the story about his past, he let her see him weak-his words, not hers-he worried about her being in pain, and at his expense…

And then, when he thought she wasn't paying attention, she knew about the little things he did. Not just for her, but for Iris as well. He noticed when they were starting to get thirsty, and he'd leave two blood packs for each of them in their room, even though they knew where they were. Izzie had seen him stocking the library with books he thought they'd like. She heard him getting after Larxene for being mean to Iris. And Izzie had seen the way he looked at her. She could glance quicker than he could keep up with, so when he thought she wasn't paying attention, he'd stare at her. His eyes would be soft. The constant scowl he wore would disappear. His expression would no longer be empty or irritated, but gentle. Sometimes he looked to be awestruck, and other times he looked conflicted, like he was thinking "why would she want me?".

Izzie reached down, stroking her fingertips across Saix's cheek, and, like before, he turned into her touch. "I love you." She told him. The little sliver of peace she felt within him responded to her words, pulsing with a burst of strength. In the next heartbeat-

Saix opened his eyes.

Crap! Izzie inhaled sharply, quickly pulling her shield back into her; hopefully he hadn't seen it. But she knew it was too late for her to leave the room as the moment his eyes opened, he was staring at her. She sucked her lips in, preparing for the storm that was sure to come. Saix sat up slowly, his eyes trained on her the whole time.

"Why are you in here?" He asked after about thirty seconds, his voice thick with sleep.

"Um…"

"Were you shielding me?"

"No,"

"Isabella."

"I'm sorry!" She jumped to her feet, rocking back on her heels as she lifted her hands to her face. "I really am! It's just…Saix, I don't want you to have nightmares. I don't want you to suffer."

"You have gone against what I wanted," He told her disapprovingly. She lowered her head, biting on the inside of her lip.

"I'm sorry. I can't help it. I just want five hours where you're not in under any kind of stress." Saix took a deep breath, not happy about the look on Izzie's face. It bothered him more than the fact that she did what he explicitly told her not to do. He supposed he could understand why she was doing it-to see someone you care about in constant pain isn't the most fun thing in the world. He sighed.

"I'll tell you what," Izzie frowned, lifting her eyes to look at him. "No more shielding me. But…if you really want to, I guess…you can…stay in here while I sleep."

She perked up immediately, a look of immense joy taking her features, and she hopped over to him, settling on her hands and knees beside him. "Really?" Even her voice was elated.

Saix started a bit, his eyes wide in his head. "Settle down, will you? I can practically see your tail wagging."

Izzie smiled brightly at him, her eyes squinting attractively. "Sorry. I'm just really happy."

"Mm." Saix shifted around uncomfortably, then laid down on his back, sighing deeply. This chick was really messing with his head.

…

Saix wasn't sure if Izzie was waiting until after he fell asleep to shield him, but unless he set up a camera in his room, he wouldn't really know. He wasn't sure he wanted to know. It would just lead to another argument, and trying to get her to listen to him was like pulling teeth. He was willing to bet she felt the same way about him.

Twelve days passed since then, and admittedly, he was in a much better mood now. It wasn't like he was skipping around singing songs all day, but he was less likely to be a jerk for no reason now.

However, when Saix woke up this morning, even after sleeping deeply and dreamlessly all night, he was in an extremely foul mood. He didn't say a word beyond what was necessary, and got after everyone for the littlest things. It confused Izzie to no end. And Iris noticed it, too.

"What's wrong with him today?" She asked Izzie shortly after lunch. Izzie shook her head helplessly.

"I don't know. He was fine yesterday and the day before that. It's like a switch flipped."

"His mood swings are gonna end up giving you whiplash." Iris said, picking up one of the books Saix had put in the library. As she flipped it open, Izzie looked over where Saix was. He stopped Demyx before he could leave for his mission.

"What, man?"

"Don't be so casual. Look at this," He yanked a piece of paper from his clipboard and held it up for Demyx to look at.

"My report from yesterday? What about it?"

"As if you don't know. Look at it! A Dusk could've done a better job! When asked which world you went to, you answered, "uhh…a lot of places"." Saix said this with a higher voice, imitating Demyx's…but it was heavy with mockery. Demyx moved his hands to his hips, his lips thinning. When Saix spoke again, his voice was back to normal. "You're supposed to name each world, you know that! We need your reports to be as detailed as possible for us to run things the right way. This is the sixth time this month I've gotten after you for this! Fix it!"

With "yikes" written all over his face, Demyx hastily snatched the report from Saix's hand and spun, scrambling away.

"Jeez, what's up his butt?" Izzie heard Xigbar mumble from his spot on the couch across the room. Axel, who was sitting next to Izzie, turned as Saix made to go past them.

"Hey, man, um…remember what today-"

"Don't." Saix interrupted him, his feet slowing, and he turned to look at him. His irritated expression was completely gone, leaving behind nothing. The color in his eyes, green to Izzie, gold to Axel, seemed to have dulled to grey, turning glassy and vacant. Even his voice was different, hollow, vapid…dead, even more than it usually was, making Izzie frown. She looked to Axel, who had a weird look on his usually cheerful face. It was defeated, disappointed, but also with a twinge of acceptance and a little guilt. She watched as he slowly slumped back onto the couch, and without another word, Saix continued on, but his shoulders were tensed, his left hand in a tight fist at his side.

Izzie and Iris exchanged looks, utterly confused.

"Uh…what was that about?" Izzie asked, looking over to Axel; he was staring blankly at the wall.

"Today is January fifteenth," He replied. Izzie tilted her head.

"And…?" He blinked, then shook his head a little.

"I guess I can see why he wouldn't tell you…But, today is Saix's birthday."

"Really?" Iris gasped. Axel nodded.

"Yep. The big two-five."

Izzie looked perplexed, her eyes wide. "Forgive me if I'm out of touch, but I thought birthdays were a happy occasion? He didn't seem very happy at all. Plus, no one else has said anything to him. I thought birthdays were celebrated."

Axel shifted his shoulders, a wistful look on his face. "Well, most of us here do celebrate our birthdays, with the exception of Saix and a couple others. But as the years pass, he gets angrier and angrier if I mention it." He turned his eyes back to Izzie. "I still make an effort to try and wish him a happy birthday, but, like you just saw, he doesn't take too kindly to it. Honestly, I think he's ignoring his birthdays until he's human again. He doesn't want these to count."

Hearing that made Izzie's heart ache. Yeah, knowing Saix, he wouldn't see any reason to celebrate anything as he is right now, let alone his birthday. But on the other hand, she wanted to at least wish him a happy birthday. It felt obligatory. Axel seemed to guess what she was thinking, and said, "You might wanna give him a little space. He's already pissed, and I don't want him going off on you." She looked at him, startled for a moment, then smiled.

"What a nice big brother you are."

She watched as Axel stared, his cheeks slowly turning a dull shade of red. He crossed his arms and slumped further down into the couch, letting out a small "hmph" sound. "You knock that off." He grumbled.

…

Later that evening, Izzie tracked Saix down; he was in his office, where he usually was at the end of the day. He barely spared her a glance when she entered, and she had to fight a sigh. She knew he wasn't in a good mood, but it always felt like when she got under his hard shell, there was another, harder layer beneath it.

"Burning the midnight oil?" She asked, making an effort to sound cheery. Saix pointedly flipped a paper he was writing on over.

"It's only eleven."

"Eleven fifty-eight," Izzie corrected, perching herself on a filing cabinet to his immediate right.

"Don't sit on that,"

"Put another chair in here." Izzie retorted.

"Somehow I don't think that would stop you."

The room fell silent for a few moments after that, and when Izzie glanced back to the clock over his desk, she saw it was now eleven fifty-nine. If she was going to do this, she had to do it now.

"It's still today," She murmured. Saix's hand paused as he wrote, and he inclined his head a little toward her, but not enough that she could see his face. She took a breath, and when her voice came out again, it was barely anything but a whisper. "Happy birthday, Saix." She saw the minute contractions in the hand that was curled around the pencil, and the faintest twitch in his shoulders.

"Axel," He growled.

"Don't be mad at him," Izzie rushed out. Saix pushed away from his desk, finally turning to look at her. A scowl was fixed on his face, his scar darkening his brow as he glowered.

"I don't want to acknowledge it," He told her, his voice low. "He knows that. There was no reason for him to tell you."

"Why shouldn't I know your birthday?" Izzie shot back, jumping onto her feet. "Your birth is definitely something to celebrate, or at the very least, acknowledge!" Saix had his mouth open to rebuke her, but when she said that, it made him come up short. Having no words to hurl at her, he settled for closing his mouth slowly and giving her a piercing glare. She turned her eyes to the ground, her eyebrows furrowing a little, and Saix felt something ache in his chest. He hated seeing that look on her face.

He balled his hands into fists on the arms of his chair, and swiveled it around so he was facing his desk again, so he didn't have to look at her.

"Saix," He turned his head away, willing himself to ignore her. "Saix." He didn't respond.

After one or two heartbeats, his chair suddenly swung around, so quickly it squealed in protest, and he blinked, looking up at Izzie as she leaned forward, one of her hands resting on the back of the chair, the other on one of its arms, covering his hand. Her perfect, angelic face was inches from his.

"I don't want you mad at me," She breathed. Oh man, she smelled good. It took him a moment to find his words, but when he did, they were just as snarky as usual.

"Then stop doing shit to make me mad."

"Instead of getting so cross over the most normal things, explain to me why you don't like them. Tell me why you don't like your birthday being acknowledged. Help me understand your thought process, because I simply cannot fathom why you would hate that you were born so much."

Saix shook his head a little. "I don't hate the fact that I was born. What I don't like is that…I've been here since I was fifteen. Ten years. Ten years, Isabella. Each year, each month, each day, each second, I lose more of my life. I lose time that I could be spending human, doing more important things, and I will never get any of that back. Do you have any idea what I could've done in these ten years? I technically haven't even finished high school!" Once he started, he became unable to stop, the words tumbling out. "When I came to the Organization, I looked so much different. As the years passed, I changed-and changed way too much. I'm turning into someone else, someone that I don't like. I don't even recognize my own reflection anymore. What I hate is that I've changed. I hate that I'm so angry and miserable all the time. I hate the man I've become."

That last sentence broke the dam in Izzie. She threw her arms around him, climbing onto his lap. She felt his body stiffen, but only for a brief moment before he went slack, a long breath escaping him.

"I'm sorry," She whispered. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Saix." He didn't move for a long second, unsure of what she was doing.

Oh yeah. This is a hug. She's hugging me.

"What are you sorry for?" Then with a cheerless smile, he added, "Besides being so pushy." Izzie let out a sound, something like a mix between a laugh and a sob, and pulled back to look at him. Some tears were running down her cheeks, her big eyes glassy. Saix swallowed. "You're such a crybaby," He mumbled, though, it didn't seem like he was putting her down for it. She smiled at him.

"Sorry. I know that I push too much, but I haven't cared about someone so much before. I just wanna understand you."

Saix tilted his head a little. "I thought you cared about Iris and your kids and your husband."

She gave him a look. "Of course I care about them. But I cared about my kids and I care about Iris in a maternal way. I'm their mother. And my husband…well, yes, I cared about him. I loved him." She reached a hand out and stroked a strand of hair from Saix's face. "But with you, it's like…I've taken how much I cared for him and multiplied that by a billion. I didn't know I had that much space in my heart for someone."

Saix picked up on the way she skirted around a certain word, and he was grateful she did that. He couldn't return feelings so strong-he just wasn't capable of it. But, on the other hand, he understood what Izzie meant when she said she didn't know her heart was big enough for such affection. He didn't have a heart, but over the past few weeks, something had been filling the empty cavity in his chest. It was weird and it was warm and it was light. And it was because of her.

Izzie sniffed, lowering her gaze to the chain on his coat, tracing the pattern on it. "I want to know you. And, more than what you show anyone else. I know you don't understand it and I know that it makes you uncomfortable, and I'm not asking for everything all at once, but that…" She lifted her eyes back to his. "Is what this is. You said before that you're too broken for me to fit into you, but you never said anything about you fitting into me. And I think you fit perfectly." As she spoke, she moved her hand, stroking the tips of her fingers across his cheek, then leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead.

Saix's hands clenched on the arms of the chair. He had exactly zero idea how to respond to this. He knew he didn't hate the feeling of her lips against his skin…Maybe that was enough for now. She pulled back a little, gauging his reaction. His heart rate was up, and his cheeks had more color to them than they usually did. He looked unsure and oddly innocent. Izzie smiled a little. He was so cute.

She cupped his head more securely, slowly closing the distance between them. Saix made no move to resist. The closer she got, the faster his heart beat. Izzie paused, stopped maybe one inch before her lips touched his, and then she smiled.

"What?" Saix murmured. Suddenly she was gone. He started, and looked around frantically to find her sitting perched on the file cabinet she'd been sitting on earlier. Before he could ask her why she stopped, there were a couple knocks on the door. He had only two seconds to fix his face before it opened and Axel poked his head in.

"Hey, Saix. Um, about earlier…Oh. Hi, Izzie." She smiled sweetly at him.

"What did you need, Axel?" Saix asked, clearing his throat after he heard how weird his voice sounded.

"Oh. Uh…well I was gonna tell you to go easy on Izzie, but if you already talked…" Axel fidgeted around as if uncomfortable, his cheeks a light pink. Izzie giggled.

"Thank you, Axel. You're very sweet."

"What'd I tell you about that?" He grumbled, spinning around and slamming the door shut. Izzie giggled again.

…