Note: This omake is set one week after the events of the first chapter of Ordinary Heroes (Giddy-up).

X X X

Once More With Feeling (Murderous Feeling)

Lightning stood up and stretched. After what felt like forever, she had finally managed to finish her paperwork. Now, she could go and spend some time with the girls, who had spent the last half an hour or so working on something in their bedroom.

"Averia, Diana," Lightning shouted. "Are you almost done up there? If you are, we can go outside and play in the yard."

The sounds of a scuffle came from upstairs followed by someone growling.

"Yes, mom, we're done," Diana shouted back. "Just wait at the stairs."

More than a little curious, Lightning made her way over to the stairs. Her eyes widened. Making their way down the stairs in extremely ponderous fashion were Averia and Diana. The elder of the two was dressed up in a reasonably good approximation of Odin. As for Diana, the little girl was perched on her sister's back, a rolled up magazine in each hand.

"Be careful," Lightning said as she moved to the bottom of the stairs, ready to spring into action. "You might fall."

"No, we won't." Diana waved her 'swords' around. "Averia never falls over." She jerked back and forth, but somehow Averia managed to continue down the stairs without missing a beat. "See?"

Lightning breathed a sigh of relief and smiled. "I see. You know, Averia, you have very good balance."

Averia poked her head out from beneath the white bed sheet that made up part of her Odin costume. She scowled. "Only because I'm always the one giving Diana a piggyback. One day, I'm going to make her give me a piggyback instead."

Diana whacked her sister over the head. "That's not fair! You're a lot bigger than me, so you have to be the one to give me a piggyback. I can't give you a piggyback until I'm bigger."

Averia's scowl deepened and she reached up to try and poke Diana in the cheek, but the little girl was quick to dodge, even going so far as to try and bite one of Averia's fingers. "You'll never be bigger than me."

"Yes, I will!" Diana shouted.

"So," Lightning said, cutting the pair off before their argument could really get going – Diana had always been a little touchy about her size, especially since both Lightning and Fang were reasonably tall for women. "Are you two playing Eidolon again?"

Diana glared down at her sister before nodding. "Yes. We had lots of fun playing last week, but then you and mommy got hurt, so we waited until you were better." She smiled sunnily. "Now, you can come play with us."

Lightning tried hard not to scowl. It wouldn't be fair to get annoyed with them. After all, it hadn't been Diana's fault that her demands for Lightning to ride Fang could be construed in other, less innocent terms. The girl had simply pointed out that in their game, Lightning was playing herself and Fang was playing Odin. Given that Lightning rode on top of Odin, it was only natural for Lightning to ride Fang during the game.

If anyone was to blame it was Fang. The other woman had teased Lightning mercilessly, and Lightning had felt compelled to get revenge – very pleasurable revenge. Unfortunately, that revenge had entailed a certain degree of… flexibility, and afterwards, both she and Fang had been forced to walk around like a pair of cripples. A week later, however, and she was fine.

"Okay," Lightning said. "Who will I be this time?"

"Mr Snaggles," Diana and Averia said together as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Bahamut?" Lightning pursed her lips. "I don't suppose you two have a costume for me."

Averia nodded. "It's upstairs in our room. It was a bit tricky to make since you're bigger than us, but it should fit." She plodded toward the door, Diana happily squirming the whole time. "We'll be outside."

Lightning went upstairs and took a moment or two to admire her children's handiwork. The 'costume' was a frightening mix of purple and black towels, cloths of the same shades, aluminium foil, and countless other things, like hangers. After a bit of fiddling – and a lot of help from a mirror – she finally managed to get the thing on. To her surprise though, she actually did look a bit like Fang's Eidolon.

By the time she got outside, Diana and Averia were already well into their game. Instead of bad guys, they were waging war on trees, shrubs, the front fence, and even the mailbox.

"Hey, mom," Diana said. "You look awesome."

Averia nodded. "I knew it would fit. Now, come play with us. We can see who's stronger, Mr Snaggles or Odin."

Personally, Lightning was absolutely sure that Odin was stronger, but she knew better than to say that out loud. The kids would tell Fang, and then she and Fang would argue, and then they'd probably have hot, angry, make up – wait… maybe she should tell the kids? She shook her head. No. Perhaps being married to Fang was beginning to get to her. Her mind had never wandered into the gutter that quickly before. "You know, this doesn't seem fair. It's you two against just me."

Diana frowned. "But you're our mom, so it's fair."

Lightning gave Diana a look. "Is that how it works?"

Averia nodded. "Well, you are sort of an adult, and you're a member of the Guardian Corps, and you have powers and stuff… maybe we should even get a few more kids on our team." She reached up to push Diana into a more comfortable position on her back. "But we're really brave, so we'll fight you – just the two of us." Her muscles tensed. "Get ready, mom. Here we come!"

X X X

Fang yawned. She'd never been a big fan of meeting, especially when she'd already covered everything in them before. Still, she was going to be leading another expedition into the mountains in a few weeks, so it was probably better to over prepare the people she'd be taking than under prepare them. The last thing she needed was for them to get lost, sick, or Maker forbid, eaten. She'd never had anyone eaten on one of her expeditions and she wasn't going to start now, not when there was so much paperwork involved.

As she got closer to her house, she paused. There was shouting coming from her front yard. She walked the rest of the way and then stopped to take a look. Diana and Averia were dressed as Lightning and Odin, and they seemed to be in the midst of an epic battle against a… small tree in the middle of the yard. The poor plant was taking a horrific beating from two rolled up magazines, the blows raining down as fast as Diana could swing her arms.

"Well, well, what are you two up to?" Fang drawled.

"Mommy!" Diana jabbed Averia in the side. "Go, Odin!"

Averia grumbled, but shambled over to Fang. "Hi, mommy."

"Playing Eidolon again?" Fang smirked as she remembered what had happened the last time the girls had played Eidolon. Teasing Lightning had been fun, but Lightning's revenge had been even better.

Diana grinned. "Yes. Do you want to play?"

Fang nodded, but Averia raised one hand to stop her. "Wait, you're late, mommy. You were supposed to be here for lunch."

Fang winced. Trust Averia to notice something like that. "Sorry about that."

Averia's eyes narrowed, but she nodded, and Fang winced again. Honestly, the girl could be a miniature Lightning sometimes. "I guess it's okay. But since you're late you have to be a bad guy." She looked up at Diana. "Get her!"

Fang's eyes widened before she was suddenly subjected to a barrage of magazine strikes. Quickly, she darted out of range, and studied her daughters closely. She hadn't expected Diana to be that fast with the rolled up magazines, and she definitely hadn't expected Averia to be so quick on her feet with Diana on her back.

"So… you two think you can beat your mommy, do you?" Fang smirked and beckoned them forward with one hand. "Bring it on!"

Diana smirked back. "We won't lose, mommy." She jabbed her loyal steed – sister – in the side. "Charge!"

But after a few minutes, it became obvious that despite their legendary skills, Diana and Averia were no match for Fang.

"You're too good, mommy." Averia frowned. "Diana, call for help."

Fang raised one eyebrow. "Help? Who exactly is your help?"

"You'll see, mommy." Diana reached into her pockets for a tennis ball and hurled it up into the air. "Mr Snaggles!"

It was a credit to Diana's enthusiasm that Fang half-expected to see her Eidolon materialise. However, she was very much not expecting confetti to rain down from a nearby tree as some weird purple, black, and silver thing flipped out of the branches. The thing spun through the air, twisting and turning, before finally landing on its feet. With a speed that Fang couldn't help but admire, the thing rounded on her and sprang forward.

"Get her, mom!" Diana shouted. "Uh, I mean, Mr Snaggles."

Fang stared. "Lightning?" she asked, not quite able to believe what she was seeing. "Is that you?"

There was a rustle from inside the mass of towels, cloth, and aluminium foil before Lightning's head poked out. "Yes, it's me."

"Mom!" Averia said. "Play properly." She pointed at Fang. "Mommy is one of the bad guys, we have to get her."

Lightning's eyes gleamed and she darted forward again. "With pleasure."

"Yeah!" Diana screamed at the top of her lungs. "Eat mommy, mom!"

Lightning tripped spectacularly, and it was only her incredible agility and reflexes that kept her from falling flat onto her face. Instead, she landed in a low crouch, her face bright red. Oh no, she thought, this was not happening again. This was not happening again.

But it was.

Fang's lips curved into a smirk and her eyes glittered. "What's the matter, Lightning? Don't you want to eat me?"

There was a pause. Lightning's eye twitched. With a roar, she leapt at Fang, and the two of them went down in a tangle of limbs.

"Cool!" Diana crowed as her Aunt Serah came out of her house next door to see what all the yelling was about. "I think mom is actually going to eat mommy right now!"

Averia tilted her head to one side. "No, I think she's going to strangle her."

And sure enough, Lightning had managed to get Fang into a chokehold. The dark haired woman's face had already begun to turn red.

"Do you think we should do something?" Diana asked. "Mommy's face is going all funny."

Averia shook her head and waved at her Aunt Serah, who gone back into her house and then come back out with a camera. "Mom's been teaching me about chokeholds. I don't think we need to do anything yet." Lightning's grip tightened and Fang's face turned an interesting shade of purple. "Okay… maybe we should do something."

X X X

The next morning, Fang hobbled down the stairs to eat breakfast with her family. Yesterday had been interesting, to say the least. Her meeting had been boring, but being strangled by Lightning was always interesting. Still, the highlight of her day had come later. The kids had pulled Lightning off her before she could do any real damage – not that Lightning would – and so the pink haired woman's anger had only continued to grow. An angry Lightning was always interesting to deal with, especially in the bedroom, and Fang had been more than happy to let her wife mete out whatever punishment she wanted.

She grinned. Lightning had practically attacked her the moment they were alone, and Fang had no problem letting the other woman take control. The only downside was how sore she was now, even if it was the best kind of sore.

"Hi, mommy," Diana said, barely looking up from the syrup encrusted pancake in front of her.

"Morning." Fang sat down and yawned, stretching to try and work some of the kinks out her back and neck.

Averia looked up from her pancake, a curious expression on her face. "Mommy, what's that on your neck?"

"My neck?" Fang reached down. Oh. If she remembered right, Lightning had bitten her. After all, an angry Lightning was a possessive Lightning, and a possessive Lightning was a very, very happy Fang. Heh. "Well…"

"It looks like someone bit you," Averia said. She put down her fork, a clear sign that she was curious. "Mommy?"

Fang grinned. Across the table, Lightning's face had first gone very pale before settling into what Fang liked to call Lightning-red. "Actually, it was your mom."

"Mom?" Diana put one more piece of pancake into her mouth and then looked at Lightning. "Did you really bite mommy?" Her eyes widened in horror. "Wait… did you try and eat her?"

Fang used Lightning's mortified silence to answer in her place. "Try? As a matter of fact –"

"Self-defence!" Lightning blurted, banging her mug of hot chocolate on the table. Her eyes blazed a warning at Fang: disagree and die. "Your mommy and I were sparring, and I bit her in self-defence."

Averia made a face. "That's weird."

Fang smirked. "Actually, it's not that strange. Let's say you're in a fight, and your arms and legs are pinned, sometimes, all you can do is bite. It's not exactly the most hygienic thing in the world, but it works." She shrugged. "Like if they've got you in arm bar, you could always just bite their leg."

"I guess." Averia gave Fang a sceptical look. "But what about there?" She pointed at Fang's collarbone where the shirt she was wearing had slipped down a little. "Did mom bite you there too?"

Fang met Lightning's eyes over the table. She loved to play with fire, and Lightning was as fiery as it got, even if on the outside, she could seem as cold as ice. "She may have."

"Wow." Diana climbed out of her chair to poke at Fang. "Did mom bite you anywhere else? Can you show me?"

Lightning reached over and put Diana back in her chair. "No is showing anyone anything." She glared at Fang. "And I'm not the only one biting people."

Averia looked at Lighting. Sure enough, her mom had some marks on her neck too. "You're right." She frowned. Her parents did this sometimes, usually her mommy. They'd talk and Averia was sure, really, really sure that she was missing something. Still, she knew better than to ask – she might find out, and knowing her mommy, it was probably something weird. Besides, she was pretty sure they weren't cannibals or anything, even if they did seem to like biting each other.

X X X

Author's Notes

As always, I neither own Final Fantasy, nor am I making any money off of this.

So, this is kind of a companion piece to Giddy-up (Chapter One of Ordinary Heroes). I'm a little torn between actually saying this exists in the Ordinary Heroes timeline, or simply writing it off as a completely separate omake. In the end, I'm still not sure – it kind of ended up here, because it's too short to go in Ordinary Heroes, and because it's it kind of pushes the line a little when it comes to characterisation (e.g., I'm not sure Lightning would go so far as to strangle Fang in front of the kids – she'd at least wait until they were out of the room).

On an unrelated note, I now have a blog. See the author's notes in chapter one for details. My next post on the blog is probably either going to be on humour or dialogue. Let me know which one you'd prefer.

As always, I appreciate feedback. Reviews and comments are welcome.