Note: This is set in the Superhero universe. In terms of timing, it is set not long after Serah and Claire move to Eden City. However, whether or not it actually occurs in the official time line of the story is entirely up in the air. I still haven't decided yet.

X X X

Collectibles

Over the years, Fang had learned the hard way that flashing red lights generally meant trouble. More recently, she'd learned that was doubly true when Vanille's lab was involved. Fang might be almost invulnerable, but some of the things Vanille came up with just boggled the mind. Only last week, the other woman had gotten it into her head that Fang needed a new computer. The resulting robotic monstrosity had taken Fang the better part of an hour to put down, to say nothing of the amount of time it took to clean up the mess.

So it was with no small amount of trepidation that Fang noticed the flashing red light in the corner of the matron's living room. That light meant that down in Vanille's lab something had gone horribly wrong, something that would probably require a certain level of brute force to deal with. On the upside, at least the matron wasn't home. Instead, she was in town having lunch with a few of her friends.

"Just my luck," Fang muttered as she got up and made her way over to the barn built a reasonable distance from the matron's house. Inside the barn, she waited patiently for a few moments as several hidden sensors confirmed her identity. A few seconds later, there was a quiet hiss as a hatch in the floor swung open, revealing the secret elevator that led to Vanille's lab.

As the elevator began its long descent toward the lab, Fang consoled herself with the thought that maybe it was just a false alarm. Vanille had a habit of falling asleep down there, and maybe she'd simply slipped and pushed the alarm by accident. But knowing Fang's luck, there were probably at least a dozen things to deal with, all of them with lasers and missiles.

When the elevator finally reached the bottom, the doors swung open to reveal a long, drab corridor made of white material. All along the corridor were flashing red lights, and the air was filled with the horrible wail of sirens. With a scowl on her face, she strode down the corridor. Once all of this was over, she would be having a long, long talk with Vanille.

As she walked down the corridor, several blast doors rose to grant her passage. Each of the doors was strong enough to withstand almost anything short of a full-scale nuclear attack. Fang's lips curled. Vanille might enjoy playing around in her lab, but she would never risk anything getting out and hurting the matron. No, if anyone was going to get hurt cleaning up Vanille's mess, it would probably be Fang.

"What's all of this racket about?" Fang growled as she stepped past the last blast door and into Vanille's lab. Interestingly, nothing seemed to be on fire, and there didn't seem to be any killer robots around.

Vanille's voice came from around the corner, in one of the more secluded parts of the lab. "Come here, Fang!" A second later, the flashing lights and sirens stopped.

Fang ambled around the corner and then paused. Vanille was standing in front of what was likely the strongest door in the entire lab. It had taken the red head more than a month to put it together, and even Fang would be hard pressed to break through it in anything less than a few hours. Fang had never been through the door, and combined with the fact that the walls were equally tough and made of something she couldn't see through, she was more than a little curious to know what was inside. However, it looked like today would be the day she found out, because Vanille was standing right in front of the door, and the door was wide open.

"Well," Fang asked. "Are you going to tell me what this is all about?"

Vanille turned and sniffled pathetically. "Follow me." She stepped into the room and waved at the contents. "Take a look."

Fang looked.

Sweet Maker… was this some kind of crazy nightmare?

The entire room – which was easily larger than the matron's house – was filled with superhero collectibles. There were trading cards, posters, plush toys, and even models and statues, all of them kept in reinforced, climate controlled glass cabinets.

"What is all of this?" Fang took a slow step back. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw something and then hurried over to take a closer look. Superhuman vision or not, she could hardly believe what she saw. There, hidden away in a specially designed case, was an Ultrawoman trading card. It showed her with her fist buried in the gut of a robot, and below was a short, but exciting, description of the battle. The trading card was also holographic, all she had to do was tilt her head a little and the image would change. One moment, she would be punching the robot. The next, the robot would be exploding. "Vanille?"

Vanille walked over and reached out to wipe away the smudges that Fang's hands had left on the glass. "Is that what caught your eye? The picture is from your first battle." She grinned. "Let me tell you, getting that card was hard. I had to go to three conventions just to find it, and then I had to trade a heap of other cards to get it." She sighed happily. "But it was worth it. There are only fifteen in the world, and now I have one."

"Conventions…" Fang wasn't sure what to think. "Fifteen? What are you talking about?"

Vanille's voice took on a lecturing tone. "Really, Fang, you need to keep up with the times. Superhero collectibles are a big deal. The industry itself is worth billions of gil a year."

"Billions?" Fang gaped. "How? And why haven't we gotten any of that?"

Vanille smirked. "Video games, Fang. Trading cards. Toys. Comics. You name it, there's a superhero version of it for sale and with a substantial mark up too." Her smirk widened. "And as for getting a slice of the profits… well, who says we're not?"

Fang's eyes narrowed. "What did you do, Vanille?"

"Well, I may have sent a subtly threatening message to the makers of all these things that Ultrawoman and Ultragirl were not pleased by the shameless, unauthorised use of their likenesses." Vanille batted her eyelashes at Fang. "I may also have set up a certain, secret account where funds could be deposited to make up for this… unfortunate oversight."

Fang felt a headache coming on. "You hacked their systems didn't you? And then you extorted money out of them?"

"Technically, it isn't extortion. After all, they are making a lot of money from using our likenesses." She shrugged. "And don't worry, I'm not keeping much of it. Almost all of it goes to charity. The rest, I save in case the matron ever needs anything." She rolled her eyes. "And it's not like we need any more money. Between the things I can make, and what I've earned using the lab's computers to play the stock market, we're not exactly poor."

Fang sighed. There were times when she couldn't help but wonder if maybe Vanille wouldn't make a better super villain. Heck, give the red head a few years and she'd probably have enough money to be the legitimate ruler of the world. Fang shivered. Now that was a scary thought.

But there was still the matter of all the collectibles…

"Since when have you collected things like this?" Fang asked, gesturing vaguely at the room around them. Good grief, there was even a giant plush toy of Ultrawoman in the corner. "And why do you have it all in here?"

Vanille gave Fang a frown. "I've been collecting for ages," she replied. "And you have to admit, it is kind of cool. And as for why it's down here…" She grinned. "This is the safest place in the whole world. Not even you can just walk into this room, so there's absolutely no way that anything in here can get stolen."

"Stolen?" Fang shook her head. "People steal this stuff?"

Vanille nodded fiercely. "Of course they do, some of this stuff is really valuable." She grabbed Fang's hand and dragged her over to a display cabinet. Draped over a mannequin was an almost perfect copy of Fang's Ultrawoman costume. "See that? I picked that up at a convention last year. It's handmade. People would kill to have one of those." She pointed at the next cabinet over. "And I've even got the matching Ultragirl costume too!"

The gleam in Vanille's eyes was bright enough to convince Fang that it would be a bad, bad idea to point out that as Ultragirl, Vanille didn't need to buy an imitation costume from a convention. Time to move on to what would, hopefully, be a saner subject. "Right… now, about all the alarms, why exactly did you set them off?"

Vanille bit back a curse. "I got a little angry." She made a face. "There was something I really, really wanted, and I totally thought I was going to get it. But then I found out I wasn't."

"Oh?" Fang should've known better than to ask, but she just couldn't help herself. "What was it?"

"Here, I'll show you." Vanille reached over and tapped several buttons on the wall. Immediately, a large image appeared on the wall. Fang blinked and then almost tripped over.

The image on the wall was breathtaking in its realism and detail. It was a picture of Ultrawoman and Lady Lightning, the two of them floating through a dark, storm-tossed sky. Rain lashed their bodies, and the wind tugged at their clothes. But what truly caught Fang's attention was the pose that the two superheroes were in. The two women were locked in a firm, but tender, embrace, their faces half hidden in the shadow cast by a jagged bolt of lightning. What wasn't hidden, however, was the fact that the two were locking lips.

"What… is… that?" Fang croaked.

Vanille pointed at the image. "That, Fang, is the one of a kind Ultrawoman-Lady Lightning painting from the Super Heroic Love Collection." Vanille sighed dramatically. "And I was so sure I'd gotten it too. Damn it, I must have sent in a million of those stupid cereal box coupons."

"Super Heroic Love Collection?" Fang was unable to tear her eyes away from the image of the painting. It looked so real. "What is that?"

"Basically, it's quite popular to speculate about the romantic lives of superheroes. The Super Heroic Love Collection is a series of trading cards, posters, and art books that have been released to try and take advantage of that speculation." She pointed at the image on the wall. "I've already got all of the normal stuff, but I wanted that one. That's one of the original paintings that all of the cards and stuff are copies of."

"One of?" Fang asked, certain that she wasn't going to like what she was about to hear.

"Yes, there are others." Vanille pressed another button and part of the wall opened to reveal a painting kept behind several inches of reinforced glass. "Like this one."

Fang tore here eyes away from the image of her and Lady Lightning and then blinked as she took in the sight of the painting on the wall. It showed her and Vanille… in the midst of a torrid kiss, their capes flaring about them in dramatic fashion. "What is that?"

Vanille giggled at the look of horror on Fang's face. "Oh, don't be so upset. Not everyone knows that we're family, and we are both pretty awesome." She grinned. "And it wasn't like I could let just anyone else have it." She looked back at the image of Ultrawoman and Lady Lightning and then scowled. "But someone else won the competition to get that one. I've been trying to find out who it was, but no one seems to know. I even tried hacking their systems to find out!"

"I see." Fang really didn't. "But why exactly do people think that… that me and Lady Lightning have some kind of thing going on? We haven't even met."

"Well…" Vanille giggled and her voice took on a horribly mischievous tone. "Just think of how it must look to the rest of the world." She clasped her hands together and sighed dramatically. "On one side you have Ultrawoman, the dashing, fiery alien who wears her heart on her sleeve, and isn't afraid to throw in a quip or two. On the other side, you have Lady Lightning, a quiet woman known for her cool, icy demeanour. Yet surely beneath her cold exterior there must be a passionate heart just waiting for the right person to come along and set it ablaze with desire." Vanille chuckled at Fang's look of absolute horror. "Yet… despite their differences, these two superheroes are united by a shared sense of justice. Who better to understand their burdens than each other? Who better to seek comfort in?" She smirked. "Who better to walk the long and treacherous path of love with?"

Fang stifled the urge to punch Vanille through the wall. "Who comes up with stuff like that?"

Vanille shrugged. "The InfoNet."

"The InfoNet?" Fang twitched.

"And that's not even the best explanation for your torrid love affair." Vanille giggled. "Personally, I'm a fan of the idea that you two got into some kind of epic battle that turned into an epic battle of an altogether different kind."

Fang dragged in a deep, calming breath. She couldn't kill Vanille. She'd feel bad about it later, and the matron would scold her. "So… you called me down here because you got mad that you didn't get that painting you wanted?" Vanille nodded. "Fine. Good luck. I'm going back to watch some television."

"No!" Vanille wailed, grabbing at Fang's arm. "You can fly faster than me and your x-ray vision is better than mine. Please, Fang, you need to fly around the world and find that painting for me."

Fang pried Vanille's hands off her arm. "Nope, not a chance." She stomped out of the room. Honestly, her love life was nobody's business except hers. And really, people wanted her in a relationship with Lady Lightning? Like that would ever happen, although, Fang admitted, the other woman did have a killer pair of legs…

X X X

Claire was a little worried. A few hours ago, Serah had rushed into her room with a large package wrapped in brown paper. However, she had yet to emerge. Gingerly, Claire went over to Serah's room and knocked on the door.

"Serah, it's me," Claire said. "Are you okay?"

"I'm better than okay," Serah said. "Come in, I've got something I want to show you."

Claire opened the door and then jerked back as if burned. Hanging from the wall beside Serah's bed was a painting of Lady Lightning and Ultrawoman… and… and they were kissing.

Serah grinned. "Isn't it just the most romantic thing you've ever seen?"

"Where did you get that?" Claire breathed, doing her level best to look anywhere but the painting. Damn it, she was blushing, she just knew she was.

"In a competition." Serah giggled. "Can you believe it? I only sent in one coupon from a cereal box and I won."

X X X

Author's Notes

As always, I neither own Final Fantasy, nor am I making any money off of this.

I was sorely tempted to put this in Superhero, but luckily, common sense took hold of me. Not only is this quite whacky, but I'm not even sure where or how it fits into the timeline. That said, I've been wanting to do something like this for a long time, since I've always wondered just how superheroes react to all the merchandise. Not surprisingly, some people don't like it, whereas others love it.

I was also tempted to cross this over with Ordinary Heroes (like in Chapter 1 of the omake). The idea of Diana getting into a fight at school over which superhero is the best was quite tempting, especially since both her parents are superheroes, and she would, naturally, feel the need to defend their honour. That and can you imagine Averia and Claire getting into a brawl over whose parents are better (at the moment, I've got Averia in front…).

Also, I'd like to direct all of you toward RedKid11's profile on DeviantArt. She's got an excellent pic of Lady Lightning up. She should also have a pic of Ultrawoman up soon, and there's some good FLight stuff there too, for those of you so inclined. Head over there and show her some love. Just google "Lady Lightning RedKid11". I would post a link, but this website keeps screwing up the URL despite all my best efforts to get around the filter…

If anyone else has any artwork or anything, just drop me a link and I'll see if I can't do a bit of promotion.

As always, I appreciate feedback. Reviews and comments are welcome.