DISCLAIMER!
This series will contain spoilers for anime, many of which are so old that it's your own fault at this point! Donjusticia obviously has sole rights to ownership of all these works and the stuff you see on Crunchyroll and Funimation are CLEARLY just parodies of MY original work. GIVE ME YOUR MONEY!
A/N: This series actually came from a YouTube comment I made about a clip from "Black Clover." The joke I made was well-received, and, well I eventually decided the joke could be expanded to other animes.
Here's the link to the clip (hopefully it won't be censored into oblivion, but I'll chop the hyperlink up a little) in case anyone wants to check it out. Scroll to the comments and look for the one by Cameron Durrantcameron
www. Yout ube wat ch?v=v IpLRWBc UcY&lc= Ugy6z7Sgw gG_EIX2 Oyh4AaABA g.8qUxsY UDKKW9A RINuS 8SBl
SO to set things up! Ever wonder why there are so many clichés in anime? Ever wonder how things got so formulaic? Who the heck is even directing some of these shows? Well wonder no longer! Meet, the Anime Director!
The Anime Director
Chapter 1
Subaru and Rem's Meeting
Anime Director: *sitting at his desk while Subaru and Rem sit across from him* Subaru my man, Sub-Sub-Maru, what up home dawg! Listen, my favorite Isekai protag, I've got something I need to talk to you about.
Rem: Does it have to do with the way our relationship is progressing?
Anime Director: Woah! Who left a window open, 'cause I'm hearing a lot of air! Anyway, Subaru, Sub-dawg, I need to talk to you about this whole Subaru X Ram thing you've got going on.
Subaru: It's Rem, actually.
Anime Director: Potato pototo. We're both talking about the same red-haired chick. Anywhoo, the point is, I've been reviewing footage of your little interaction with our #maid #secretelyamonstergirl fanservice, and I've gotta say, you've been taking things in a direction I did not expect.
Subaru: Oh yeah, well, Rem and I were honestly surprised by the chemistry we developed. I mean, at first we played it off as a sort of "teenage boy is attracted to cute maid / maid doesn't really care" sort of interaction, but slowly, we just started working so well together that we decided to dig into that angle just a little.
Anime Director: Haw! Dig into! Like how she "dug into" you with that mace when she totes straight up murders you in that one timeline, thus setting up the idea that you could NEVER…develop…affection…for…her! You crack me up, Subs vs. Dubs.
Rem: That was definitely a dark moment. But it actually adds depth to the relationship. We actually start out as enemies, but in the second arc, our struggles eventually lead us to bonding together and we start supporting each other through…
Anime Director: Seriously! What IS this weird buzzing I keep hearing in my ear! It's almost like there's some side character WHO NOBODY CARES ABOUT in the same room!
Rem: Uhm, I'm right here you know.
Anime Director: Yeah, thanks Ram, your fanservice is very much appreciated in the background. Now, Subaru, you know I don't like to be that guy, but we've gotta talk about our show's ratings!
Subaru: You mean how good they are?
Anime Director: There's good, and then there's "Game of Thrones, oh my gosh I can't stop filling the Reddit boards with my posts about the last episode!" And with my expert guidance, you my man, Toyota and Subaru, are gonna be the center of the next greatest internet flame war!
Subaru: *Narrows eyes with skepticism* Uhm…what exactly do you have in mind?
Anime Director: Drama! Romance! Heartbreak! These are just some of the words I like to shout at random. But wait a minute, hold on! The anime director is getting himself an idea! You, Subaru, are gonna break up with Ram!
Rem: It's Rem. Also, WHAT!? *Pulls out her mace and chain*
Subaru: *restraining Rem* I…have to agree with Rem on this one. Seriously, what?
Anime Director: Oh, trust me Su-bar-u, it is going to be HYPE! The stage is set, the day is perfect, the two of you are alone on a rooftop, sharing each other's feelings. Ram comes up to you…
Subaru: It's Rem.
Anime Director: Rom comes up to you…
Subaru: *Sigh* close enough, I guess.
Anime Director: And that is when we have the EPIC CONFESSION! BOOM! POW! FIREWORKS! The fans are screaming!
Rem: Wait, you're going to have us confess! That's such a great idea! We can run off together and…
Anime Director: And that's when you smack her down by saying you're in love with someone else.
Rem: *growing a demonic horn* WHAT!?
Subaru: Who the heck am I going to say I'm in love with!?
Anime Director: I am glad you asked! *Pushes a button on his desk* Sebastian, my right hand butler, send in the LOVE INTEREST!
*A totally-not-demonic butler opens the door and Emilia walks in*
Rem: Who the frik is this!?
Anime Director: We polled various perverts in the anime audience to see what feminine traits they liked the best. This girl has got them all! White hair! Purple Eyes! Half Elf! Nice Bust! And Subaru is head-over-heels for her! OH YEAH!
Subaru: Why would I be attracted to her? It's not like we've even met before.
Anime Director: Love at first sight, my man! It patches over all that unnecessary paperwork like "character development" and "plot."
Subaru: So you're saying that you're replacing Rem with a character who has inferior development at best?
Anime Director: Oh trust me, Subs my man, this chick's got LOTS of "Character Development" in ALL the right places, if ya know what I mean.
Emilia: I am quite pretty.
Anime Director: And there you go! That's pretty much all we look for in female characters, so Emilia-my-girl, my number one waifu, you are OVERqualified! Emilia, pose for us so they can see what I mean.
Emilia: *Poses*
Subaru: *Staring at Emilia* Well, uhm, I mean…she is pretty.
Rem: Subaru, I swear to Petelgeuse if you make a move on her!
Subaru: *Signs the Anime Director's contract*
Rem: *Eyes glow red* AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
Anime Director: Sebastian, please escort Ram out the building.
*Sebastian carries Rem, kicking and screaming, out of the office*
Subaru: Well, I guess that's that then. Only I feel like I might have made the wrong choice.
Anime Director: Oh trust me, Subaru my man, after this episode, you are going to be the internet's most liked Isekai protagonist EVAR!
Ending A/N: And here we have the first chapter/skit! Short, sweet, and hopefully HILARIOUS! At least that's what the Anime Director assured me this would be. I've got one or two other skits coming after this one, and then GUESS WHAT!? YOU get to choose which anime character the Anime Director helps out next! Let me know in the reviews which anime moment you've been the most confused about, and we'll take you behind the scenes of what really happened when the Anime Director had a sudden EXPLOSION MAGIC of inspiration!
And as a final note. Remember that like a roast, just because I make fun of certain series and characters does not mean that I am "hating on" that series. Quite the contrary (most of the time). Remember that this is all in good fun.
Until next time! This is the fanfic director DON-HOO-STISS-EE-UH!