Disclaimer: I own nothing in regard to GWTW
Author's Note: Scarlett goes in to a deep depression after her miscarriage while at Tara. She feels all the grief she has never let herself feel.
To suffer depression after a miscarriage is extremely common. Besides sadness women often feel anger and guilt. In addition to everything she is feeling in regard to the baby Scarlett has a lot of grief bottled up inside her from all her other losses. Once Scarlett goes into a depression and she feels her grief I think she would be overwhelmed by it all especially if she is in Clayton County where the loss of her childhood friends would be painfully obvious. She would not know how to cope with her emotions. I think she has a lot of anger and grief inside her directed at Ashley Wilkes also that she had been suppressing. I also think she is a prime candidate for PTSD. Rhett and Scarlett constantly fighting would mimic a war zone
PTSD is a serious condition. I am trying to treat the disorder with extreme respect. PTSD does not just occur in soldiers. It can happen to anyone.
Post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms:
· Nightmares of either frightening things or of the event.
· Loss of interest in life and daily activities
· Feeling emotionally numb and detached from other people
· Not having a positive outlook of one's future
· Avoiding certain activities, feelings, thoughts or places that remind one of the tragedy.
· Intense feelings of distress when reminded of a tragic event.
· Extreme physical reactions to reminders of trauma such as nausea, sweating or a pounding heart
· Invasive, upsetting memories of a tragedy
· Flashbacks (feeling like the trauma is happening again)
· Difficulty remembering important aspects of a tragic event.
Treatment: Talking Therapy
Restoring one's self-esteem
Learning skills to deal with the panicky feelings.
When Scarlett arrived at Tara a month after she fell down the stairs, she was very frail looking and there was an emptiness in her eyes that even Suellen noticed. After Scarlett got settled in her room, she asked Suellen to have Wade sleep in the guest bedroom because Wade was too old to be sleeping with all those girls. Suellen begrudgingly agreed. Scarlett had Ella make a pallet on the floor of her room. She didn't trust Suellen's daughters not to pick on Ella. If this had been a year ago Scarlett would have left Ella in the nursery thinking that Ella being picked on would toughen her up. Now she felt differently.
After the children were in bed on the first night, Scarlett said to Suellen, "You are fortunate because Will is a good man. Now I am going to retire. Good night."
Suellen smiled at Scarlett and said, "Yes he is."
Scarlett walked upstairs and went to bed. Scarlett had brought her brandy with her and she had a glass but only one glass and went to sleep. Too much alcohol would bring on a crying jag. She was so very tired. She was so very sad. She had a new nightmare her first night at Tara. She was reliving her fall down the stairs. Ella woke up and woke her mother up. Scarlett pulled her in the bed with her and both of them slept better. The entire time she was at Tara it happened every night. After the third night Scarlett let Ella sleep in the bed with her. Scarlett was happy to have that little body to hold in the night.
She could not ride a horse because of her injuries and Will needed the wagon to do the farm work so after three days she had Will drive her and her children into Jonesboro. She bought a buggy and a horse from the man at the livery stable. The buggy was used and the horse was about four or five years old but she was happy with her deal. She had decided to spend some of Rhett's money on creature comforts. Sue would be happy to have it when Scarlett was in Atlanta. For the next month Scarlett and her children drove all over the county. She sometimes left Wade with Will but Ella was with her always. She was not going to allow Suellen's daughters to pick on Ella.
She did a lot of thinking and visiting during the month. She did more thinking than visiting. She was thinking more than she had ever thought before. She was mad that so many young men had died in the war for nothing. She was finally allowing herself to feel all her losses; from her parents to her childhood friends. She spent a lot of time at the graves of her parents. She looked at the graves of her little brothers and wondered how her mother had stood the pain. She wondered if that was why her mother was always a little bit sad. She wished she had been with her mother when she died. She wished she had been able to say, 'Goodbye.' She was mad at God for having let her mother die right before she had gotten home from Atlanta. She was mad at Ashley for making her promise to stay in Atlanta with Melanie before Beau was born. She was mad at Dr. Meade for making them stay in Atlanta and then not being there to help deliver Beau. She was mad that Rhett had abandon her at Rough and Ready but she was glad he had gotten them out of Atlanta that night.
She wished her mother hadn't died. If her mother hadn't died her Pa wouldn't have lost his mind. If her parents had been alive, she wouldn't have done so many shameful things. She wouldn't have to because her parents would have taken care of everything. As she was thinking about her mother's death, she thought about what Dilcey had said was her mother's last word. Her mother had been calling for someone named 'Phillipe'. She wondered who that was.
She went to visit the Tarletons and looked at the gravestones. She now knew why they had spent the money on them. She went to the graves and cried for the Tarletons. She asked Mrs. Tarleton, "How did you go on? You lost all your sons."
Mrs. Tarleton looked at Scarlett and knew she was no longer the spoilt belle. She knew Scarlett truly wanted an answer. Beatrice said, "At first we were so busy just surviving that we could keep the pain at bay. After the war had been over for about eighteen months and we began to see a future for ourselves. we started talking about them. Actually, my daughters started talking about them. They would talk about the funny things they had done. One day I found that I was laughing at one of the memories then Jim and I joined in. I still miss them so badly. You know they never found Boyd's body and some days I find myself looking down the road wishing he would appear." Beatrice linked her arm with Scarlett's arm. "All I can tell you is one day it won't hurt as acutely. There will come a day that you don't think about your lost baby. The next day will kill you when you realize that you forgot about him."
Scarlett said, "It is not just my baby. It is my parents, my friends, and my dreams." And she thought, 'And all the things I did to survive that I am now being condemned for." It never ceased to not infuriate her that her aunts continued to berate her for her behavior but never refused her check which was a result of that behavior. Such damn hypocrites.
Beatrice said, "For me too."
Scarlett nodded her head and hugged the woman. They went home shortly after that.
A week later they went to Twelve Oaks and walked around. She remembered that last barbeque. She remembered how happy all the men had been that war had been declared. All but old Abe Wynder. He and Rhett had been the only two talking against going to war. They had been right. She wondered how many of those men and women would have been so gung-ho on going to war if they had known it would destroy the very thing they were fighting to preserve. She was mad at whoever had gotten them involved in the war. It had cost all of them so much especially her.
As she stood there looking at what was Twelve Oaks the symbolism hit her. Just like Twelve Oaks her dreams had been burned to the ground. There was nothing left of her dreams. There was only pain. She felt her heart pounding and she felt herself getting nauseated. She took deep breaths to calm herself down. She had learned this technique in the last month; that deep breathing usually resulted in her heart slowing down and the nausea going away. Almost as if she knew her mother needed her when she was having one of these attacks Ella would come to her and hold her hand. Surprisingly holding Ella's hand usually did calm Scarlett down.
She remembered her conversation with Ashley in the library and knew now he had lied out of kindness. He had done her wrong by not telling her he was engaged to Melanie Hamilton. He had called on her every week for two years. She had thought he was courting her. He had thought she was just a sixteen-year-old kid who would outgrow her crush on him. He had enjoyed the hero worship in her eyes. She probably would have forgotten about him if the war hadn't come but because of the war there weren't any young men around to make her forget about him. There hadn't been any men around except Rhett and all he had wanted was her to be his mistress. Although during the war she did forget about Ashley when Rhett was around. All the time she had been professing her love for Ashley he had not been strong enough to tell her the truth. The truth that he needed her to look after Melly. The truth that he needed her strength to survive. When she asked him to run away with her to Mexico in the orchard, he should have ended her infatuation with him right there but he was too weak to do it. Or had he been too selfish to do it. It angered her at Ashley that he had let her go to Atlanta to sell herself. If he had loved her, he would have stopped her. If he had even been her friend, he would have stopped her. If Melly had been wise enough to know what she was going to do Melly would have done everything in her power to stop Scarlett but Melly was too naïve to have figured out what she was going to do. She should have let him go to New York. She now understood what he meant about being able to be his own man in New York. She despised Ashley Wilkes now. His spell on her had finally been broken because of all of her grief and anger. His behavior since the incident at the mills had made her look so much worse. She wondered if he had behaved that way on purpose or if he was just weak. Was he so weak he couldn't shut his sister India down or had he not even tried?
Scarlett thought about all her choices she had made in her life. How many were because she thought she loved him? Most of them. She had made a lot of bad decisions in her life because of Ashley. Marrying Charles, going to Atlanta and staying in Atlanta, hiring him to run the lumber mill, kicking Rhett out of her bed and probably more that she couldn't think of right now. She had always blindly saw him as her golden knight but he was nobody's hero. He had destroyed her life and she had let him. Actually, she had destroyed her own life with her obsession with him. Her Pa told her about him, Miss Fontaine told her about him, and Rhett had constantly been telling her about him until Rhett gave up on her.
The only good decision she had made in the last ten years was marrying Frank to save Tara but she had also ended up exiling herself from Tara and ruining her relationship with Suellen. Starting the mills was a good decision also. The mills had supported her family. Was marrying Rhett a good decision or a bad decision? She didn't know.
She wondered if Rhett would let her move to Tara. They were two enemies living in the same house. When had they become enemies? When she kicked him out of her bedroom? Yes, but Rhett was already unhappy before she had done that. Could they be friends again or was it too late? She didn't know. She would think about it later when she had more energy. She was just going to float along for a little bit until she stopped hurting.
She thought about her lost baby and she thought about if there was any way to reach Bonnie. She knew Rhett would always be Bonnie's favorite but could she develop a relationship with her daughter. She was making progress with Wade and Ella. On the train ride down from Atlanta she didn't know what to say to them, she didn't know what they like or didn't like, she didn't know anything about her own children. With shame she had realized that she was a horrible mother. Rhett was right. An alley cat was a better mother than she was. She looked at them and was surprised to see the love in their eyes. In spite of everything they still loved her. With a pain so sharp and pure she realized in that moment that the only people in the entire city of Atlanta that wanted to spend time with her were Mammy, Wade, Ella and Melly. She resolved to be a better friend to Melly, a better mother to Wade and Ella, and a better person to Mammy.
The children weren't as scared of her as they had been before their arrival at Tara. Mainly, because she was not yelling at them. She was being nice to them. The more she worked at developing a relationship with them the easier it got. It was easier than before the fall because now she knew they were all she had. She thought about what Dr. Meade had told her and she didn't understand why it didn't make her happy.
She thought about all the people in Atlanta. The Scallawags; she wasn't going to see them anymore. She didn't like them and they didn't like her. The Old Guard; she didn't want to see them anymore either but sweet Melly would make her go calling again. Melly wasn't giving up on restoring Scarlett's reputation. Scarlett smiled to herself and thought, "With Melly by her side they could have licked the Yankees themselves.' Her employees; She was going to sell all her businesses especially the mills. When she thought about the mills, she got physically sick. She had not been able to go out there the entire time Rhett had been gone. She didn't want to do that anymore. All she wanted to do was sit and stare at the land that was Tara. She didn't want to ever see Ashley Wilkes again. She had let him ruin her life. She didn't want to ever see Rhett again either but he would be harder to avoid. She shouldn't have married him. She wondered if she should take him up on his offer of divorce. Mrs. Merriweather and Mammy had advised her not to marry him but she was too stubborn to listen and did it anyway. Why? For money. Yes. Her biggest complaint about him was that he had showed her how to live outside the boundaries of southern society and then abandoned her there when he became a hypocrite to restore his reputation for Bonnie's sake. She wished she could get mad but it took too much effort. She wished he had loved her. Rhett didn't even care about her. When she had called for him when she was sick, he couldn't be bothered to come to her. He had probably been at Belle's. She would think about it later that hurt too much to think about and she was too tired right now.
Scarlett telegraphed Rhett and asked him if she could stay at Tara another week. He telegraphed back that it was time for her to come home. Rhett wanted her home because he was worried about her health and he wanted to get the deal with the Wilkeses done before Mrs. Wilkes changed her mind. Scarlett telegraphed back they would return the next day. They would be arriving at ten AM.
As they were leaving Scarlett hugged Suellen and said, "Enjoy the buggy." Suellen smiled a real smile at Scarlett. Suellen had decided that her life wasn't that bad compared to Scarlett's life. Suellen knew all the goings on in Atlanta and knew India was trying to ostracize Scarlett from polite society and Melanie Wilkes was the only thing standing in the way of India accomplishing it. Suellen decided that Scarlett's life would have been better if she had met with some failures in her earlier life. Scarlett's life would have been better if she hadn't been Pa's favorite.