This Can't Be Real

Lightning was slow to awaken. She noticed things one at a time. A slim, female body was curled up against her. Soft hands traced the curve of her jaw and then drifted down to her breasts and belly. Full lips pressed a gentle kiss to her ear before they sought out and found her lips. The kiss was chaste at first, almost hesitant. Then it deepened, and Lightning moaned and parted her lips. She tasted sweetness and strawberries, and the bed creaked as Fang moved to straddle her. She kept her eyes closed, content to let Fang have her.

It was only then, as Fang pulled away, that Lightning realised something was wrong.

Fang's hands had calluses on them from years of using a spear. Fang was also taller than her. The person on top of her – a light, delicate weight – was shorter than her and had softer hands. She had smaller breasts than Fang too. Lightning had felt them pressed against her own only moments ago.

Lightning's eyes opened.

"Morning." Serah's cheeks were flushed, and her hair was adorably tousled. She was also completely naked. A small grin tugged at the corner of her lips, and she gave a playful growl before she leaned in to kiss Lightning again.

"Serah –" Lightning's words were lost in her sister's mouth. She should have been able to push Serah away, but her body seemed determined to ignore her. The younger woman pinned Lightning's wrists above her head with one hand as the other dipped down to stroke the tops of Lightning's thighs before it eased between them.

Lightning gasped and felt Serah chuckle into their kiss. One finger inside her became two, and a wave of heat rushed through her as Serah searched for that perfect place inside her. She had to stop this. She had to push Serah away and –

Oh.

Serah broke their kiss and leaned back to watch Lightning as she curled her fingers just so inside the older woman. There was no need to hold Lightning's wrists down with her other hand anymore. Instead, Serah had to brace her other hand against Lightning's hip as the soldier bucked shamelessly against the fingers buried deep inside her.

"You like that, do you?" Serah's eyes darkened. Her voice was rough, husky with desire. "Don't worry about a thing. Let me take care of you the way you always take care of me –"

"AHHH!"

Lightning tumbled out of bed. What the hell? She looked around. It wasn't morning. It was the middle of the night, and she didn't see Serah anywhere. It must have been a dream, a horrible, crazy dream. It definitely hadn't turned her on, not even a little. She pressed her face into the carpet and gave a sigh of relief. Of course it was dream. She'd never let Serah do anything like that to her, and she definitely wouldn't enjoy it.

"Lightning?" Fang yawned and leaned over the side of their bed to look down at her. It was impossible to make out Fang's expression in the twilight, but the amusement in her voice was easy to hear. "What are you doing on the floor, and what's with all the screaming?"

"I had a nightmare," Lightning said. "That's all." She pulled herself up onto the edge of the bed. After everything she'd experienced in her dream, she wasn't ready to go back to sleep yet.

Fang patted Lightning's back. "That so? Why don't you tell me about?"

"You'll think I'm crazy."

"Lightning, I already think you're crazy. Trust me, I'll love you no matter how weird your dreams are."

"Fine. But don't say I didn't warn you." Lightning explained her dream. By the end of it, Fang was laughing her ass off. Lightning stifled the urge to reach over and strangle her girlfriend. Honestly, what had she expected? At least Fang's laughter had taken her mind off the dream and the way Serah's fingers had –

No. Not going there.

"Oh come on." Fang snickered and pulled Lightning into her arms. "You have to admit, it is pretty funny. I mean you and Serah? We might tease you about that sometimes, but we all know you'd never go that far even if you are a tiny bit overprotective."

Trust Fang to make her feel better by teasing her. Lightning relaxed into Fang's embrace. The other woman cupped her cheek, and Lightning parted her lips as Fang kissed her and pressed her back onto the bed. She loved it when Fang took charge. The dark-haired woman nipped at Lightning's collarbone and pressed one thigh up into the damp heat that had begun to gather between Lightning's legs.

"You feel so good." The words slipped out of Fang's lips with a guttural groan as she rubbed her leg back and forth against the juncture of Lightning's thighs.

Lightning didn't bother to reply, choosing to lose herself in the familiar pleasure of Fang's touch. She was well on her way to climax when someone giggled from the other side of the bed.

"That's not very nice of you two, starting without me."

The bedside lamp turned on. Vanille was still shaking off the last vestiges of sleep. She was also naked. The redhead poked Fang in the shoulder.

"Come on, Fang, we're supposed to share."

"Brat." Fang smirked. "But you're right. It's fun to have Lightning to myself, but it's even more fun when we share."

With a quick twist of her hips, Fang rolled to put Lightning between her and Vanille. The Dia licked her lips. A second later, Fang's hands were joined by another, smaller and softer pair. Despite how bizarre the situation was, Lightning couldn't stop a wanton, little whimper from slipping out of her.

"Isn't she cute?" Vanille cupped one of Lightning's breasts and then leaned down to lick the tip of it with her tongue. "She makes the most adorable noises, don't you think?"

A harsh gasp escaped Lightning, and Fang threw a teasing look at Vanille. Fang eased Lightning's breast out of Vanille's mouth.

"Hey!" Vanille frowned cutely. "Stop hogging Lightning all to yourself, you meanie."

Lightning was certain she'd gone insane. This could not possibly be happening. There was no way Fang would share her with Vanille. And there was no way that she would enjoy it. But she was. Sweet Maker, she was.

Trapped between the two Oerbans, Lightning had no hope at all of forming a coherent thought. All she could think about was exquisite contrast between Vanille and Fang as the two other women pressed themselves against her. It was a competition between them to see who could pleasure Lightning more, and Lightning's mind ground to a halt as each of them laid claim to one breast. If that wasn't enough, she could feel their hands jockeying for position against her thighs.

"It looks like we broke her brain again." Vanille sat back and giggled. Lightning sighed and arched her back. Vanille's mouth might not be touching her anymore, but her hands still were.

"I think so." Fang sat back as well and tilted her head to one side. A predatory gleam filled her eyes. "But you have to admit, she looks nice all tired out like this."

"Definitely. But we're kind of getting in each other's way, Fang." Vanille stroked Lightning's hip. "Maybe we should, you know, decide who does what."

"We're having sex, Vanille, not giving out chores." Fang tapped her chin. "But you do have a point. So… do you want to go up, or do you want to go down?"

Vanille rolled her eyes. "Really? You're going to pull that old joke out. It wasn't funny the first time, and it's not funny now." She grinned evilly at Lightning. "I went up last time. This time, I'm going down."

Lightning hissed as the shorter woman did exactly that. Vanille chuckled against her thighs as her tongue delved deep into Lightning. She seemed to know precisely how Lightning wanted to be touched, and the drag of her tongue against Lightning's silky walls had the soldier's eyes rolling back into her head.

In the meantime, Fang continued to lavish attention upon Lightning's upper body. The huntress growled low in her throat as Lightning bucked upward, pressing her chest more firmly against Fang's mouth and hands.

"Having fun?"

Lightning tried to shake her head. This couldn't be happening. She refused to believe that she would ever let Fang and Vanille do this to her. She –

Lightning woke up. This time, she hurled herself out of bed and backed up against the bedroom door. She fumbled for her gun blade and levelled it at the bed. After the last two dreams she'd had, she wasn't about to take any chances.

"Lightning?" Fang sat up on their bed. She was the only one on it. "Is there a reason you're trying to shoot me at one o'clock in the morning? I don't think I've done anything to piss you off lately although I did burn your toast yesterday morning, so…"

Lightning threw herself at Fang. She wasn't one to go into hysterics, but she was perilously close to that now. Not only had she dreamed of being molested by her sister, she'd also dreamed of being accosted by Fang and Vanille at the same time. To make things worse, she'd actually enjoyed both encounters. Dear Maker, there had to be something wrong with her. Maybe there was something to all those jokes the others sent her way?

With her face buried in Fang's hair, Lightning mumbled out the story.

"Those were some scary dreams." Fang stroked Lightning's hair and made soft, soothing noises. "But really? Serah? Me and Vanille? That's crazy." She eased away from Lightning and frowned. "Are you sure you didn't eat something bad for dinner?"

"Yes." Lightning did her best to glare as she savoured the warm, familiar scent and feel of Fang. This was where she felt most at home. This was where she felt safest. "We made pasta, remember? There's no way we could have screwed that up."

"Pasta? I think your head must still be a little foggy from all those dreams. We had stir-fry for dinner. Vanille and Serah cooked. It was their turn. You had to run in with a fire extinguisher because Vanille thought she could "improve" the recipe by using a blowtorch."

"Stir-fry? Blowtorch? Vanille and Serah?" Lightning's mouth went dry. She would bet every gil she had that they'd had pasta the day before. But if that was true…

"Yeah," Fang said. "Why don't you ask them?"

The bathroom door opened and steam billowed out – Lightning hadn't even noticed it was closed. For the first time, Lightning realised how big the bed was. It was far, far too big for only two people. Her gut clenched. Her blood froze. And Vanille and Serah walked out of the bathroom without a stitch of clothing on.

"Is my sister freaking out again?" Serah sighed dramatically and hopped onto the bed next to them. She tugged Lightning over to her. "Are you sure you didn't breath in some of that stuff from the fire extinguisher?"

"I didn't use a fire extinguisher. We didn't have stir-fry." Lightning croaked. Her face was pressed into Serah's breasts.

"Memory loss too? Well, how about I kiss it better?" Serah grinned.

"How about we all kiss it better." Vanille cackled. "I totally call dibs on going first."

"You can't call dibs on Lightning." Fang's smile was remarkably toothy, sexy in the most terrifying way. "Besides, Serah has the right idea. We can all kiss it better."

Lightning tried to fight, she really did. But they were too much. She was lost in a pile of beautiful bodies and questing hands and lips. Serah's legs tangled with hers – or were those Fang's or were they Vanille's? They knew everything about her. Every secret desire, every buried fantasy, and every frantic plea was laid bare and answered. They took her without mercy, and it was only getting better, more intense.

They'd practiced how to work together. Teamwork… even in the bedroom… wonderful…

She lost all track of time. One moment, Vanille was behind her, stroking her hair, kissing her neck, and whispering all the things they were going to do into Lightning's ear. And then Serah was in front of her, tasting and touching, and smiling in way that somehow managed to mix pure innocence and raw sinfulness. And Fang… Fang was between her legs, teeth grazing her skin as Lightning thrashed about in a mix of horror and pleasure –

X X X

"AHHHHHHHHHH!"

Fang felt out of bed as Lightning shoved her out of the way and leapt into the bathroom. Hmm… that was odd, even for Lightning. Did she have to go to the toilet that badly? When her girlfriend still hadn't emerged from the bathroom after ten minutes, Fang knocked on the door.

"Lightning, are you okay?"

"Stay away!" Lightning screamed through the door. "I have a toothbrush in here, and I will stab you with it."

"Right…" Fang jimmied the door open and ducked under the toothbrush. She trapped Lightning in her arms. "Where the hell is wrong with you?"

"What did we have for dinner yesterday? Tell me, Fang! Tell me!"

"Pasta…" Fang tried to look into Lightning's eyes. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Oh, thank the Maker." Lightning slumped in Fang's arms. "Thank the Maker."

It took a few more minutes for Fang to cajole Lightning back into bed. The pink-haired woman insisted on looking under the bed, the blankets, and even the pillows. What was she afraid of? The answer came when she finally managed to pry the story out of Lightning. No wonder she was acting so crazy.

"I can see why you're worried, Lightning. But those were just dreams. You're awake now, okay? Nobody is going to burst in and try and have sex with you –"

Serah and Vanille bounded through the bedroom door.

"AHHHHHH!" Lightning locked herself in the bathroom again.

With a deep sigh, Fang turned to the other women. "Could you knock next time?"

"We thought we'd surprise you." Serah shrugged. "We made breakfast." She frowned. "Why did my sister scream and lock herself in the bathroom? Are you doing… weird things to her?"

It took ten minutes for them to remind Lightning that Serah had come over to spend the weekend since Snow was away on a mission. It took them another fifteen minutes to convince her that breakfast was real and that they weren't all involved in some horrible plan to have sex with her.

And it took another twenty years before they stopped teasing her about the whole thing.

X X X

Omake (You know, since it's Christmas and all)

Diana and Claire opened the door to Averia's bedroom. Both of them were careful to avert their eyes from the bed in case they happened to walk in on her with her girlfriend – again. Honestly, the door had locks. If Averia was going to get frisky with her girlfriend, she needed to start using them.

They had already mentally prepared themselves for at least fifteen different scenarios (four of which involved them running for their lives). What they weren't prepared for was Averia screaming her head off and locking herself in the bathroom.

"Well… that was weird." Diana looked at Claire. "You agree, right?"

"Oh yeah." Claire tried the bathroom door, but it was locked. Not a problem. She could always punch through it if she had to.

The young woman on the bed, Averia's girlfriend, yawned. "Morning, guys. Averia was muttering something about all of this being some kind of nightmare – she might also have said something about dreaming we were all having sex."

"Okay, I know I tease her all the time about having a sister fixation, but perhaps I should be worried." Diana cackled. "Maybe all that teasing permanently damaged her brain or something."

"You're horrible." Claire giggled. "But you might be right."

Diana snickered. "Hey, let's try something." She sidled up to the door and knocked. "Hey, Averia, come on out. We've got something to show you, if you know what I mean."

The response from her sister was a strangled wail. "Do not come through that door! I will shoot you!"

"Yep, we definitely must have broken her brain." Diana smirked. "All right, while Averia's freaking out in the bathroom, how about the three of us have pancakes? I call dibs on hers."

X X X

Author's Notes

As always, I neither own Final Fantasy, nor am I making any money off of this.

Someone once challenged me to write something with Lightning/Serah in it. I've also been challenged to write Neapolitan and Lightning/Serah/Fang/Vanille. Yesterday, I went for a walk, and it occurred to me that there was a way to satisfy all of these challenges at the same time while still continuing to ship Lightning/Fang.

You can think of this as my 'gag' present to all of you (kind of like a playful fake present). The real present (which I've mentioned elsewhere) should be forthcoming in the next couple of weeks. In the meantime, I hope you all enjoyed this bit of craziness. I often have the others tease Lightning about her sister fixation, so I thought I'd turn that up from one to a million and see what happened. Once I'd committed to the whole dream thing, I thought: why not throw in everything else too?

The bit at the end with Averia is icing on the cake since I've often directed a fair bit of teasing her way as well with regards to being overly protective of her sister. Diana, of course, finds the whole thing hilarious, and Claire is being the opposite of helpful. Don't worry, though, they'll save some pancakes for Averia… maybe.

Yep, I seem to have a knack for putting Lightning through the wringer.

Finally, if you like my writing… I have a new original story out! It's called The Fire Upon the Mountain. It is the third story in The Last Huntress Series (after The Last Huntress and The Lord of Dark Waters). It weighs in at a hefty 40,000 words making it as long as the previous two stories combined. It is now available on Amazon, and you can find a link to it in my profile. If you enjoy fantasy with a healthy dose of action, check it out (or pick up The Last Huntress and work your way up!). Here's the blurb (a link to a longer preview is also available in my profile), and you can rest assured that there's action aplenty:

Scarlett is the last of her line – a huntress sworn to kill all monsters.

Rose is a girl searching for the power to take back her homeland.

There are whispers of fire in the east, tales of titan wings and crimson scales. A dragon has come, a beast the likes of which the mountains have not seen since the days of Scarlett's grandmother.

Drawn to the east by rumours of dragon fire, Scarlett and Rose witness the fury of the dragon firsthand. One city already lies in ashes, and another may not be far behind. They have two weeks to prepare. But how do you kill a dragon? How do you kill a living inferno? Scarlett and Rose must find a way. If they cannot, another city will fall – and they will fall with it.

If you enjoy high fantasy, you might want to check out my other story The Burning Mountains. Alternatively, if a paranormal Western (with zombies, demons, and one tricky necromancer) is more your style, have a look at The Gunslinger and the Necromancer.

As always, I appreciate feedback. Reviews and comments are welcome.