The Ultimate Battle
Lightning was used to Diana stalking her around the house like some kind of little, hyperactive ninja. It was actually one of her younger daughter's favourite hobbies. Nothing would make Diana happier than finally catching Lightning off guard. Unfortunately for Diana, Lightning had spent years dealing with mischievous, sneaky people – Fang, Vanille, and Serah were more trouble than a barrel of monkeys with chainsaws and hand grenades.
What she wasn't used to was Diana staring at her. It was especially disturbing since Diana was sitting entirely still without making a single sound. Lightning was almost convinced that someone – probably Vanille – had replaced the little girl with a little robot. After another ten minutes of staring, Lightning couldn't take it anymore. She put her paperwork down on the coffee table.
"What are you doing, Diana?"
Diana's only response was to stare even harder. "I'm winning."
Okay… "Winning what, exactly?"
"Our staring contest."
"Really?" Lightning tilted her head to one side. It never ceased to amaze her how Diana's mind worked. It was a crazy, awesome thing. "I didn't know we were having a staring contest."
"Don't play around, mom! We were totally having a staring contest, and I was totally winning."
So that was how it was? Lightning wasn't normally one to indulge in silliness, but Diana had a way of bringing out that side of her. She folded her hands in her lap and leaned forward. A small smile crossed her lips. "How about we have another staring contest? If you're really better than me, you should win again."
Diana might have been young, but she was crafty. She knew her mom was tricky, but she was also confident that she could beat her again. With all the bravado that she could muster, she glared back at her mom. "Fine. Let's go again."
There was a moment of calm before the storm as Lightning settled into a more comfortable position on the couch while Diana stood to her full, not very imposing, height. Then the battle was on, mother against daughter in a no-holds-barred staring fight to the finish.
Diana stared.
Lightning stared back.
Diana stared with the fire of a thousand suns.
Lightning stared back with the fire a million suns.
As one minute turned into ten, Lightning had to admit that she was impressed. She would have expected Diana to crack within a minute or two, but her daughter was determined to win. Diana had devoted all of her energy to the task at hand. Beads of sweat ran down the girl's brow, and her face was screwed up into something that resembled a bizarre cross between a glare and a grimace. At this rate, Diana was going to give herself an aneurism.
So what was the best way to win? It took her a second to come up with the perfect idea. Lightning had to bite back a cackle. She knew exactly how to win this particular contest.
Diana stared.
Lightning stared back.
Diana stared with enough power to melt a lump of solid rock into molten slag. A vein popped out on her temple.
Lightning stared back – and then she pulled a face.
Diana's stare started to falter. Her lips began to curve up ever so slight at the edges.
Lightning stuck out her tongue and bulged out her eyes.
Diana tried to hold her stare – she really, really, really tried.
Lightning scrunched up her face and tried to touch her nose with her tongue.
Diana started to giggle. The giggling turned into laughter, which turned into rolling around on the floor.
"Mom!" It had taken Diana several minutes to regain her composure. She was incandescent with rage as she waved her small fists at her mother and stamped one foot. "You cheated! You totally cheated!"
"No, I didn't." The air of calm that Lightning projected was something she'd taken years to develop. However, the smirk she gave Diana was all Fang's. "I didn't touch you or saying anything. It wasn't my fault that you laughed."
"But… but…"
"And that means that I win." Lightning moved to pick up her paperwork. "Maybe next time, Diana."
Instinct prompted Lightning to keep one eye on Diana, and she didn't have to wait long. She'd hardly even glanced back at her paperwork when Diana let loose a piercing battle cry and leapt over the coffee table. Her daughter grabbed her by the shirt and snarled.
"Rematch, mom! Best two out of three!"
Someone else might have scolded Diana, but Lightning wasn't someone else. She met her daughter's gaze and bared her teeth. "All right. Best two out of three."
X X X
Fang carried Averia through the front door over her shoulder. In another display of infinite wisdom, her daughter had challenged her to a fight. Their impromptu death match had taken place on the front lawn, and Fang had won without breaking a sweat. Now she was carrying back the spoils of her victory – one grumpy pink-haired girl – slung over her shoulder.
"Put me down, mommy!" Averia tried to squirm free but failed miserably. This was so embarrassing! Her sister might not care about being carted around like a sack of potatoes, but she most definitely did. "Mommy, put me down now!"
"Nope, not happening." Fang put a skip in her step and headed toward the living room. It was quieter than she'd expected. Maybe Lightning and Diana had gone out – their ragamuffin might have been able to beg her way to some ice cream or pizza. "I won, so I get to carry around my prize, which happens to be you."
That was when she saw them. "Ah!" Fang jumped and nearly dropped Averia.
"What, mommy?" Averia managed to crane her head around to see what had startled Fang. "Ah!"
What had stopped both of them in their tracks was the pair on the couch: Diana and Lightning were staring at each other in absolute stillness and silence. It was creepy enough when Lightning stared at people, having Diana do it too was just downright terrifying.
Fang tightened her hold on Averia. Clearly, someone had replaced her wife and younger daughter with evil robots. "All right, where are the real Lightning and Diana?"
She didn't get a reply. Instead, Diana and Lightning both held up one hand for quiet. Then Lightning pulled a face. Diana tried to fight it – Fang could tell from the contortions the girl's face made – but it was all for nought. She burst into laughter.
"That's not fair, mom!" Diana huffed and puffed. "Rematch! You have to give me a rematch! Best ten out of nineteen!"
"Seriously?" Fang gave a sigh of relief and set Averia back on her feet. "What are you two doing, having a staring contest?"
"Yes." Diana cast her gaze to the heavens and shook both fists at the sky. "But mom keeps cheating." She darted over and latched onto Fang's leg. "You have to stop mom cheating, mommy! You have to!"
"Right…" Fang and Lightning shared another one of their looks. This one said: our children are crazy – now how about we make dinner? "Maybe later."
X X X
Dinner that night was pasta and homemade bread. However, Fang and Averia had a hard time enjoying it since Diana and Lightning spent the whole time staring at each other. The score when dinner was done? Lightning: 15 and Diana 1.
X X X
Omake #1: The Real Ultimate Battle
"You have to come look, mommy!" Diana grabbed Fang and dragged her into the living room. "It's totally awesome!"
The 'awesome' sight that Diana spoke of was not particularly awesome to Fang. It was actually something that Fang was used to seeing. Lightning and Serah had taken up spots on opposite ends of the couch. They glared at each other with the kind of cold fury that only a Farron could muster.
"How long have they been like this?" Fang nudged Vanille with her elbow.
The redhead hid a smile behind one hand and then ruined her attempt at politeness by grabbing a handful of popcorn out of a bowl on the coffee table. "They just started, so we've got plenty of time."
"What set them off this time?" The roll of Averia's eyes was a work of art – she'd certainly practiced it enough.
Vanille chomped on some more popcorn and then offered Averia a handful. "They were arguing over what flavour of ice cream we should get for desert. Lightning wants to get chocolate, but Serah wants to get vanilla."
"And they couldn't just buy one of each?" Fang shook her head. The two idiots on the couch hadn't stopped glaring at each other. "Oh wait – that would actually make sense."
There was enough butter on the popcorn to give a Behemoth King a heart attack. Vanille crammed her mouth full of popcorn until her cheeks bulged out like a squirrel's. "You know those two. They'll never learn." She waved at Diana. The little girl trotted over with her wooden practice sword. Vanille jabbed Serah with the weapon, but the pink-haired woman refused to look away from her sister. Instead, her glare only intensified.
"Cool." Diana's eyes lit up as Vanille continued to poke Serah. "Can I try poking her? Maybe I could even poke my mom!"
"Maybe later." The smile on Vanille's face promised nothing but trouble. "Let your mommy trying poking them first."
X X X
Omake #2: A Real Staring Contest
An explosion rocked the house. Claire Farron – also known as Lady Lightning – rushed back into the living room. "What was that?"
Oerba Yun Fang – also known as Ultrawoman – waved one hand. "Relax, Claire. The kids were just having another staring contest."
Claire stared at the massive hole that had been melted in the wall. Honestly, she loved her children, but children with superpowers could be quite a hassle. "I can see that." She pinned her two kids in place with a glare. "You two broke it, so I expect you to fix it. Now."
X X X
Author's Notes
As always, I neither own Final Fantasy, nor am I making any money off of this.
It's always fun to write Lightning messing around with the kids, especially Diana. There's just something about the dynamic between the two that leads to silliness. Lightning is a fairly serious person, but I can see her cutting her kids a little slack when she can. And Diana being Diana guarantees that something strange is going to happen. All things considered, a staring contest is actually not that weird.
And while Lightning would crush most people in a staring contest, I'm not sure she could beat Fang. The other woman knows her far too well, and she is virtually impervious to Lightning's death glare. However, I think that the eventual champion of any former l'Cie staring contest tournament would be Sazh. I just think he'd be good at it.
I also write original fiction. You can find links to it in my profile. If you enjoy fantasy, then you should check out The Last Huntress Series. I'm sure you'll love it. I've also recently released my first novel-length original story, Durendal. It's a coming-of-age story and a Western with elements of science fiction. It weighs in at ~80,000 words. Check it out – you'll love it!
As always I appreciate feedback. Reviews and comments are welcome.