Disclaimer: I own nothing in regard to GWTW
Author's Notes: Thank you for the reviews. It always makes me happy to get a review. Thank you to all the people reading this story.
I do want to remind my readers that in the late 19th century a husband forcing his wife to have relations was not considered rape. This was also the era where people believed 'boys will be boys' was a valid excuse for bad behavior.
Like all emotional journeys Scarlett is going to take two steps forward and one step backwards. Rhett is finally growing up emotionally also.
Chapter Twelve
Her friend Cora May was the one who told Scarlett about the latest rumors. That the Old Guard now believed that Scarlett was innocent of any wrong doing at the mills. They now believe that while they were ignoring her husband's activities, she had really been the wronged party. That she had done what any self-respecting woman would have done by kicking her husband out of her bed after he had started using whores. They also now believed that Rhett had been the father of her baby and there was quite a bit of discussion on how that had happened. The Peahens also believed that Rhett had left Atlanta because of his own shame not hers. Scarlett was amazed. Who had started that rumor? It made Rhett look so bad. She was also amazed that despite these rumors the Peahens were still smitten with him and he was still received.
It made her really mad that the Old Guard knew Rhett was a womanizing whoremonger and they welcomed him with open arms because he doted on his daughter and he was charming but she had been caught with Ashley's arm around her and she was a whore who should be snubbed in the street. She hadn't been this mad in a long time. She ranted and raved to Cora May until she finally ran out of steam.
Cora May said, "There are two standards. One for men and one for women. We women have the harder standard to meet and we are judge more harshly by our own gender. You are beautiful and flamboyant and all their husbands want to be with you.
"What does flamboyant mean?"
"Showy, colorful, or glitzy"
Scarlett blushed and said, "Do you really think their husbands want to be with me? That way."
"Every single one of them."
Scarlett blushed but she was pleased.
"It is why none of them want to be your friend. I have no problem with you having relations with Franklin although you would be sadly disappointed."
Scarlett looked at Cora May with shock then burst out laughing. Cora May laughed with her. When they had sobered Cora May said, "It is the way the world is. Two standards. Be glad. If it wasn't that way your husband would not have started that rumor. He would not have thrown himself into the fire."
"You think Rhett started that rumor?"
"I know he started the rumor. You said he said he was going to fix your reputation."
Scarlett said, "Wow." She was pleased. It was the first really nice thing Rhett had done for her in a long while. It may be the first really nice thing that Rhett had done for her that didn't benefit him directly. It would take a lot more than that to repair her reputation but that was a big start.
She said, "If I don't ever do anything else wrong that is enough for me to continue being received by polite society.
Cora May said, "Yes, it is."
This pleased Scarlett more than she would have thought. She decided that she did want to continue being part of polite society not just for Wade and Ella but for herself also. She knew she would never have a pristine reputation but for now being 'received' was enough.
One morning as Scarlett was scooting out of the bed Rhett grabbed her hand and said, "Stay with me."
She said, "You can play by yourself." Just to see if Rhett did that too.
He paused for a long moment wondering if she meant what he thought she meant and he said, "Yes I can. Would you like to help me?"
She laid back down and said, "Help you?"
"Let me show you how you can help me?"
"You do that?"
He smiled and said, "All men do that." Scarlett giggled. "How do you think I was able to sleep next to you for so many nights without having relations?" He could tell that embarrassed her and he added. "Remember what I said about wanting you to want me not just accept me." She nodded her head. "I meant it. So, I had to relieve my need somehow since I promised you, I would never use whores again. And I won't." There was a long silence and Rhett leaned over and kissed her. He silkily said, "If you don't want to help me you don't have to but it can be fun too."
Scarlett found out she could play by herself also. She didn't think she would want to do that but it was nice to know she could if she wanted to. Scarlett didn't go for her walk that morning but she did get a lot of exercise.
Later Rhett decided that her friend Cora May must have told her about men doing that. He wasn't sure how he felt about Cora May educating his wife on sexual matters. Then he smiled and thought of how much fun they had and decided it was alright.
Several days later Rhett gave her a book and told her she could only read it in their bedroom. Rhett's request puzzled her. She had wondered, 'Why could she not read Fanny Hill outside their bedroom?' Once she opened the book she knew why and giggled. She was amazed. There was a whole world of pleasure for her and Rhett to share.
One night as Rhett was lying there smoking his cigar Scarlett said, "Let's buy a new home. A much smaller home. We can sell this one."
It took him a minute or two to respond. He said, "If that's what you want but I thought you loved this house."
"I did and I will always be grateful to you for giving it to me but I can't walk up or down the main staircase. The décor is so bright and brassy. It hurts my eyes especially at night."
"You could redecorate."
"This house is too big for just the five of us."
"Soon we will be six since you are so fertile."
They laid there for a few minutes without anyone saying anything. Rhett felt he had hurt Scarlett with his words but he didn't understand how so he just remained quiet. Finally, Scarlett said, "Do you want to go house hunting with me?"
"Yes. I want to have a say in the house we live in."
"You could have had a say in this house but when I asked you questions you just said, 'Whatever you want, it's your house.'
Rhett sighed and said, "You are right. I just didn't realize how awful your taste was." He had meant it as a joke but when Scarlett didn't answer he knew he had hurt her instead again. It was something that he had said without thinking about because he had said it so often. Always before when he had said it, he had not meant it as a joke even though he said it like a joke. He wasn't even trying and he was managing to hurt her feelings. They laid there for a few more minutes until Scarlett said, "I will get a listing of houses for sale from Uncle Henry, tomorrow. Good night."
She continued lying in his arms with her head on his chest and soon he felt her relax against him. Rhett thought maybe a new house would make her happy. She was not as morose has she had been last fall but she still had no fire in her. She was no longer having nightmares which he guessed was progress too. He really didn't know what to do. He was trying to be very nice to her. He was trying to engage her in conversation. He was trying to treat her with respect. He definitely was complimenting her more but when he did, she always looked a little bit warily until she knew there was no insult to follow. He was really trying to share his feelings and apologize for all the wrong he had done to her.
She was showing a little emotion. She showed it when she was with the children or when he took her dancing. She was happy when she was with Miss Melly. She was usually happy when she returned from visiting her friend Cora May. He really wanted to know what they did or talked about during her visits but she never shared what they talked about or did. She told him what she talked to Miss Melly about but she never shared what she talked to Cora May about. He thought they were talking about him. He then decided that he was being paranoid or vain. She was usually nicer to him when she came home from Cora May so they probably weren't talking about him.
Rhett knew he had not really loved Scarlett. He had been obsessed with having her, with her giving him her heart, with him winning the battle for domination between them. He now knew what love really was. He wanted her to be happy. If he thought her being with someone else would make her happy, he would let her go but he would have to be utterly convinced that was true before he let her go. She was absolutely correct when she had told him that he had never treated her like a man treats the woman he loves. Instead of being insulted that she didn't want to sleep with him because she didn't want to have any more children, he should have taken her feelings into consideration and offered a solution that both of them would be happy with. He had let his jealousy of Mr. Wilkes cloud the issue. Instead of insulting her taste every time she turned around, he should have guided her to making choices they both would be happy with and if that ugly divan made her happy, he should have bought her a hundred of them. As basic as this concept was, it really was true: When you love someone, you wanted to make them happy even if it was at your expense.
All that being said what he did know was that he was not going to willingly let her go, he was never going to sleep anywhere but with her ever again, he was never going to have relations with anyone but her for the rest of his life, and he was going to do everything in his power to make her happy. With that resolution he shut down his brain and went to sleep.
They went house hunting later that week. They found a fairly new home that was in the Queen Anne style. Scarlett liked it. She was actually smiling when she looked at it. It was flashier than Rhett would have liked but more tasteful than the swiss chalet they lived in right now. After over six months of rarely seeing a smile he was willing to buy the house just because she was smiling when she looked at it. It wasn't a happy smile or a flirtatious smile or a mischievous smile. It was an upturning of her lips but a smile none the less.
Rhett liked the color. It was a pretty teal color with brown trim. The house had seven bedrooms. The master bedroom was not as large as the one on Peachtree but they both thought it was large enough. It had a parlor, dining room, foyer, kitchen, library, family parlor and a room that Rhett could use as an office. Scarlett liked the fact the staircase was in two sections. It made her feel safer. The house had a turret which Scarlett loved. She was going to make that room downstairs her sitting room. Rhett mentioned that it wasn't very big. She said, "It only needs to hold me." Rhett replied, "And me." Scarlett smiled at him. Upstairs the turret was next to the master bedroom and Rhett said, "We can put the baby in the turret room. We can have a door installed for easier access." She smiled at him and said, "We will see. We can use it as a sitting room until I get pregnant." It had a veranda across the back of the house with a view of a beautiful garden. The servant's quarters were on the third floor. There was a room by the kitchen that Scarlett was going to turn into Mammy's room so Mammy didn't have to climb the stairs to the third floor.
They both agreed that they liked it and Rhett would make an offer.
The next day after Rhett visited his lawyer so his lawyer could tender his offer for the Queen Anne house, he ran into Dr. Meade on the sidewalk. Dr. Meade asked, "How is Scarlett doing?"
"She is not doing very well. She no longer has her healthy appetite. She eats like a bird. She is skin and bones."
"I'm sure it is because she is sad. Once she comes to terms with being barren her appetite will come back."
If it wasn't for all Rhett's years of being a poker player Rhett's face would have showed the shock he felt when he heard Dr. Meade say Scarlett was barren. Rhett talked a little more with the older man with Dr. Meade suggesting he take Scarlett on a trip.
Rhett rode to The Painted Lady and had a couple of drinks. The only baby she had ever wanted had been taken from her and left her barren. He sat there for a minute enjoying the irony of the entire situation then the guilt overwhelmed him. He had almost killed her, had killed their baby and had left her barren. Belle came by and asked him, "You alright, Rhett? You don't look good."
Rhett said, "Never better, Belle. The Butlers are happily sleeping together and they are trying to make a baby. Tell everyone that I am totally in love with my wife. Their relationship is on solid ground."
On his way home he accepted that he had been a bad husband. He had verbally abused her, abandoned her on more than one occasion, taken her children away from her, allowed and encouraged those old battle axes to talk badly about her, and he had emotionally abandoned her after their child was born. He had never given her a reason to love him. He had never shown her any love. The only thing he had ever given her were gifts. She was right to not believe him when he told her that he loved her.
He went home and played with the children and tried to think of what to do for Scarlett. Truth was he knew what to do about Scarlett. He needed to show her his emotions, tell her what he was feeling and treat her with love and respect. This was going to take some time to fix. It was going to take time to build trust between them.