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Just a reminder that it was quite shameful to be barren in the late 19th century. Most women would not have felt like a real woman if they couldn't have children.

Chapter Thirteen

Rhett took her out to supper several days later continuing to behave like a loving husband. It didn't matter where they were that was the way he behaved. He tried to not hide his feelings but some habits were hard to break. They talked about the decorating style they wanted in their new home. Rhett said, "I would like something more classic in our new home."

"Alright."

"Maybe the main colors are brown and beige or black and gray. And no red!

Scarlett smiled and said, "Alright, no red. I think brown and beige with some accent colors. The accent colors need to be soothing though. I want our home to be soothing not brassy."

"I agree. After we get moved into the house let's take a trip. Now that you don't have those businesses tying you to Atlanta, I can finally take you to Paris. Would you like that?"

Scarlett said with a rare truly happy smile, "Yes. I would."

"I have traveled quite a lot but you are the only person who made me want to stay in one place. The only reason I came to Atlanta after we danced at the hospital bazaar was to see you. Don't get me wrong. I made money on my visits but my primary reason for coming to Atlanta was to see you."

Scarlett shyly smiled at him and said, "Really?"

"Really."

"You must promise to never lie to me again." She had not planned to say anything to him about him lying to her but the words just popped out of her mouth.

Scarlett was looking at Rhett and he looked stunned. To Scarlett's amazement he didn't deny that he had ever lied to her but instead he said, "I will never lie to you again. I may refuse to answer but I will never lie to you. I don't need to lie to you. You already know my darkest secret, that I love you. I have loved you since we danced at the hospital bazaar together."

They were quiet for a long time and finally Scarlett said, "Tell me about Paris."

Rhett started talking about Paris and other European cities. Scarlett seemed to be more interested in their conversation than she had been in a long time. Rhett was an optimistic man.

Once Rhett had the deed in his pocket, he took everyone over to the new house. The children were very excited, the servants were quietly excited, and Scarlett was somberly excited. Rhett was excited because Scarlett was happier than she had been in over six months. She was not happier than she had been before the Wilkes party but she was happy with her new home. Rhett viewed it as progress. When she had come back from Tara after her fall she was in deep melancholy. Now she was just melancholic.

They started decorating immediately. Rhett, Scarlett and the children went to the new home every day to supervise the decorating and the structural changes they were making. Scarlett was linking her arm in his arm more and more and it made him happy. There were one or two occasions that Scarlett had argued about the decorating choices he was making. He would argue with her for a little bit and then give in and let her have her way. He was happy that she cared enough about something to argue with him. He was happy to give her what she wanted. He didn't care if it was as ugly as sin. He was never going to criticize her choice of decorating again. It was different than when she had decorated the mansion. He was very much involved in the decorating and they were compromising. He was giving her what she wanted but he was also telling her what he wanted. When all the decorating and renovations were done, they walked through the house. At the end of the tour Scarlett reached up and kissed Rhett on the cheek. She said, "I think we have created a home unlike that ostentatious, opulent, grandiose monstrosity whose only purpose was to make the good people of Atlanta bitter with jealousy."

Rhett stared at her and thought, 'When did she learn the meaning of all those words.' He said, "I couldn't have said it better myself."

She said, "Thank you for letting me have my way with the decorating. I hope you will be happy here also."

Rhett said, "As long as you are in the house, I will be happy." He was actually happy with their choices of decorating. It was a blending of their taste. That is what married couples did. They compromised. He wasn't giving Scarlett a gift. He was building a home with her.

Scarlett turned to him and blushed. She said, "Thank you Rhett. You have been so kind to me." He remembered when she said that to him all the time. For some reason it had irked him at the time. Now it thrilled him for her to say it.

They told the children that since the new house was so much smaller, they could only take what they absolutely needed and wanted. They also told the children that they each would have their own room. Ella and Bonnie didn't like that idea and wanted to share a room. Scarlett and Rhett were fine with the girls sharing a room. They knew the girls needed each other in ways that nobody could verbalize.

There were some hard decisions made in the month of April. Scarlett had taken Dilcey to the new house to see the kitchen. The new kitchen was much smaller than the kitchen on Peachtree. Dilcey came back and started getting rid of items she no longer had room for in the new house.

One afternoon Rhett found Scarlett in one of the storage rooms of the house on Peachtree looking at all their baby furniture. He could tell she was about to cry. He walked up to her and said, "You know Dr. Meade could be wrong."

Scarlett turned to him with a startled expression on her face and said, "How did you find out?"

"Dr. Meade told me. He thought I already knew."

"Oh Rhett. I'm broken. I didn't know how to tell you."

"If you are broken then I am the one who broke you."

Scarlett started crying and then Rhett started crying too. They stood there for a long time just crying and holding each other. Finally, Rhett pulled out his handkerchief and she wiped her eyes and blew her nose. After she handed it back to him Rhett wiped his eyes and blew his nose. He folded up the handkerchief and put it in his pocket.

Rhett said, "I almost killed you because I was scared to let you see that I loved you. I did kill our baby. Please say you forgive me. I was such an ass to you. I was so insanely jealous of Wilkes that I ruined what little happiness we had."

Scarlett said, "Don't say you killed our baby. We were fighting. I slipped and fell. It was an accident. I forgive you but there is nothing to forgive." She hugged him and stood with her arms around him for a long time.

"You are not broken. There is nothing wrong with you. You are perfect just the way you are. We don't need to have any more children. We have Bonnie after all."

"You have Bonnie."

"We have Bonnie. She loves you as much as she loves me. When we were gone, she asked for you every day. When we got to New Orleans, she thought you were going to be there. She was not happy when she found out you weren't meeting us there. There are a lot of times lately that she has chosen to be with you instead of me."

"Oh, that pleases me."

Rhett continued to hold her in his arms for a few minutes then he said, "I don't care if we ever have any more children. I really mean it when I say you are not broken. You are perfect. But if you want to see a doctor who is the leading mind in the field, I will arrange it. The leading minds in medicine are at the teaching hospitals in New York. We can go to New York. We can take all the children and make a real adventure out of it. We will go see all the sights. We can go dancing. We can take the children to the animal menagerie. Do you want me to arrange it?

"That sounds wonderful. I would like that." They continued holding each other for a long time.

After a while Rhett said, "We will take the baby furniture with us. I am not giving up on us. If anyone can get pregnant against all odds it is you."

Scarlett looked at Rhett and said, "Rhett, why am I not happy? I never wanted any of my children. I love them, of course, but I didn't want to be pregnant. I hate being pregnant."

Rhett smiled at her and said, "Since I know what a contrary person you can be, maybe it's because someone told you that you can't have children and that makes you want to have one. Maybe you finally wanted a child and now it is being denied to you. I don't know, honey."

Scarlett smiled back at him and felt better than she had in a long time.

They finally were completely moved into the new house by May 1st. Scarlett was happier in the new house. She stopped having panic attacks because she no longer was being forced to see the scene of her accident. She was still a much more somber version of herself but she was smiling more and she even laughed occasionally. Rhett said teasing things but he made sure they were not hurtful. He tried to never speak to her in a mocking tone. He never tried to make her mad but when she got mad about things, he wasn't unhappy. He was happy she cared enough about something to be mad. He never just gave into her but he did let her win most of the arguments because he wanted to give her what she wanted. He didn't just give in to her because he knew she still loved the thrill of winning. He could see it in her eyes when she won an argument. The thrill of victory seemed to work as an aphrodisiac on Scarlett. She would always initiate relations after she had won an argument with him. Rhett decided it was definitely a win-win for him. He appeared as a loving husband doting on his wife and he got to have relations with his wife. What could be better?

Scarlett was enjoying her new garden. Scarlett and Ella both loved working in the garden. She, Bonnie and Ella would go out to the garden and dig in the dirt. Scarlett told Rhett, "All Bonnie does is make a big mess of herself and the garden but I do enjoy having her around." Rhett noticed that both Ella and Scarlett would scold Bonnie when she did something wrong in the garden but they never sent her away. When they went out to work in the garden, they always took Bonnie with them.

Scarlett was happier in the new house but she was also happier because of what Rhett had said about her not being broken. She had needed Rhett's reassurance that he still wanted her even though she couldn't have children. It made her happy that he still loved her even after finding out her awful secret. She hadn't even known she had been afraid of Rhett's rejection until he had reassured her, he wanted her no matter what.

They gave a small supper party in the middle of May. They invited Uncle Henry, Aunt PittyPat, The Wilkes, The Bakers, Jim and Ada Miller, and Alice and Ronnie Wilson. Ada Miller and Alice Wilson had been very nice to Scarlett through the entire scandal in regard to the mill incident. After supper the ladies had retired to the main parlor and left the gentleman to smoke cigars and drink whiskey. Scarlett was pleased that all the ladies seemed to like each other. She was pleased that they all liked her. Last spring, she wouldn't have cared if they liked her or not but now, she had realized the value of female friendships. If she was going to remain in polite society, she needed to cultivate more friends than Cora May and Melanie. She knew she would not be close friends with Ada and Alice but it was nice to know they liked her. She liked the fact that Melanie and Cora May liked each other. She selfishly liked the fact she knew they would never interact without her. After about thirty minutes the men joined them and the conversation became more general. Ashley announced after the men joined the ladies that he was going to work for the Daily Democrat as a reporter.

That night as they were getting ready for bed Rhett decided to chance making a sarcastic comment about Mr. Wilkes. He said, "That is pretty bad when your own uncle fires you."

Scarlett just laughed at his comment and Rhett sighed a sigh of relief. She said, "I thought the same thing. How much money did you make tonight?"

Rhett smiled a very big smile. He said, "You wound me that you think I would use a social occasion to make money."

Scarlett said, "How much?"

Rhett laughed and said, "If everything works out maybe a couple of thousand."

Scarlett said, "And the other men?"

Rhett laughed even more and said, "They will probably make several hundred but not nearly as much as me. Franklin will probably make the most. I wish I could remember who he reminds me of."

Scarlett started giggling but she also started kissing her husband so he didn't mind her giggling over her private joke.