Marshmallows and Competitive Instinct
Camping was fun, and the most fun part of camping was roasted marshmallows. Diana was only a kid, but she considered herself an expert at the noble art of roasting marshmallows. She'd gone camping plenty of times, and she'd practiced roasting marshmallows as often as she could. Now she would have another chance to combine two of her favourite things: candy and fire.
"Okay, you guys." Fang headed over to the campfire with marshmallows and skewers. "It's time for you to roast your marshmallows. Remember, you have to let them cool down for a while. If you burn your tongue, they'll taste horrible."
"I know, mommy." Diana had the smuggest of smug smiles on her face. "I'm an expert at roasting marshmallows."
"Is that so?" Fang raised one eyebrow. Diana was also a self-proclaimed expert in about a hundred other fields, most of which she knew almost nothing about.
"Yeah, I'm the best." Diana stood to her full height and puffed out her chest. On a larger person, it might have looked heroic. On Diana, however, it was more adorable than anything else. She glanced at Averia and Claire. "I'm even better than them."
It was like throwing a stick of dynamite onto a raging bonfire or dangling free candy in front of a three year old. All three kids lunged forward to grab hold of their marshmallows and skewers.
"You think you're the best?" Averia scowled. "I'll make the best roasted marshmallow."
"We should bet on it." Claire grinned. "Whoever makes the best one gets to eat the extra marshmallows."
"But how do we judge who wins?" Diana rubbed her chin. "Maybe I could judge –"
"No." Averia shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest. "We need someone fair to judge." She eyed the others around the campfire. Despite her words, she wanted to win. Her Uncle Hope loved all three of them, but she'd always been his favourite. Maybe it was because she wasn't as crazy as her sister or her cousin. "Uncle Hope should judge."
"No way! He can't be the judge!" Diana stamped her feet. Behind her, Hope twitched. It was nice to know that his youngest niece had so much faith in him. "It has to be Aunt Vanille."
"As if." Claire made a face. "Everyone knows that you're her minion. She'll say yours is the best, and then she'll probably make you share the marshmallows with her." She looked around at the others for someone she could rely on. "How about Uncle Sazh?"
"No!" Averia stomped forward. "You're always helping out at the ranch. He'll say your marshmallows are the best."
"Then who should judge?" Claire asked. "Everybody has favourites, even if they don't say so."
The three kids ignored the adults in favour of considering the problem at hand. Then, as one, they turned to the one person that liked all three of them equally – the one person who could be counted on to be impartial and fair, a paragon of virtue and wisdom. Yes, they turned to Chirpy.
The chocobo froze and looked around for some help. He didn't get any. The others were more than happy to throw him under the proverbial bus. Realising that escape was impossible – he could outrun the girls, but they'd probably beg until Fang sent Bahamut to go get him – he gave in and plodded over to the fire.
"Kweh."
"Thanks, Chirpy." Diana patted him on the back. "Now we can start our competition!"
The three girls began to roast their marshmallows. Each of their faces was a mask of concentration. Losing was unacceptable. Only ultimate victory would do.
"This is going to be awesome," Diana said as she held her marshmallow over the fire. "I'm going to make the best roasted marshmallow, and then I'm going to get all the extra marshmallows. Don't worry, Chirpy, I'll share them with you, and then we can eat together. But it won't be cheating since my ones will definitely be the best for real and –"
Chirpy tilted his head to one side. "Kweh." Translation: Diana, your marshmallow is on fire.
"Ah!" Diana yanked her marshmallow out of the fire, but it had already melted down to little more than a charred lump on an equally charred skewer. "My marshmallow died! Mommy, you have to give me another one!"
Fang and Lightning shared a look. The pink-haired woman's face was a perfect picture of calm, but Fang could see the laughter in her eyes. She gave Diana another marshmallow. This was going to be hilarious.
In the meantime, Averia was busy watching her own marshmallow like a hawk. A perfect roasted marshmallow needed to be soft and fluffy on the inside but slightly crispy on the outside. Too long in the fire, and the marshmallow would lose its flavour. But if she didn't leave it in the fire long enough, it wouldn't have that wonderful sweetness. The key to a good roasted marshmallow was balance.
Diana might have fancied herself an expert, but Averia had three extra years of practice on her side. That meant three more years worth of campfires and camping trips. She'd win this competition and get those extra marshmallows. Of course, she'd share them with the others – just winning would be reward enough.
Averia was so obsessed with her marshmallow that she didn't notice her parents talking about her.
"They're taking this pretty seriously, aren't they?" Lightning asked.
"Did you expect anything else?" Fang bit back a laugh as Diana's second marshmallow slipped off the skewer and into the fire. She dutifully handed over another. "They're our girls, and this is what they do. Honestly, I'm just glad that they haven't resorted to stabbing each other."
"Don't say that." Sazh and Dajh share an amused look. "You might get them ideas."
Right on cue, Claire shifted to try and get a better position on the log in front of the fire. She bumped into Averia, and the older girl's marshmallow slipped into the fire. To all of the adults present, it was clearly an accident. But to Averia, it was an act of absolute treachery. Averia rounded on Claire with a growl.
"You killed my marshmallow!" Averia wailed. "That's cheating."
"It was an accident." Claire held her hands up in surrender. Unfortunately, her marshmallow slipped off its skewer too and landed on the ground. "Ah! My marshmallow." She scrambled to pick it up, but it was too late. It was covered in dirt. "It's… it's still good, right?"
Serah winced. "Uh… no."
"Heh." Diana jumped to her feet. She jabbed her skewer into the air in triumph. "Now, I'm the only one with a marshmallow!"
Not anymore, she wasn't.
Her marshmallow flew off its skewer and would have hit Sazh in the face if the man hadn't jerked his head out of the way. Dajh sniggered. This was why he loved going camping with everyone. Something crazy always happened.
"Okay, girls," Fang said as she handed out more marshmallows. "Try again."
The girls tried again – and again and again. Fang finally called a halt to the competition when the girls got through an entire packet of marshmallows without producing a single edible roasted marshmallow. It was equal parts hilarious and depressing. Naturally, Lightning took the opportunity to impart some of her precious adult wisdom.
"See what happens when you three argue? In the end, none of you won, but all of you lost."
"I guess." Averia sighed. Her mom did have a point, but it wasn't like her parents were any better. And she would prove it. "Anyway, mom, who makes better roasted marshmallows, you or mommy?"
"Me."
"Me."
Lightning and Fang glared at one another, and Averia hid a smile. Her parents were so predictable when it came to things like this.
"Really?" Fang opened another packet of marshmallows. "Care to prove it?"
Lightning grabbed some skewers. "Gladly."
The competition might have started with Fang and Lightning, but it wasn't long before all the others were dragged into it as well. The only ones with the common sense to stay out of the debacle were Sazh and Dajh. The father and son were content to watch the others act like idiots while they chatted with the Chirpy. The bird rolled his eyes and let Dajh scratch his neck – and people thought he was the weird one.
On the log, the three girls watched the adults in their lives act like a bunch of toddlers. Fang crowed about how awesome her marshmallow would be only for Vanille to firaga her marshmallow into oblivion. That prompted Fang to pull Vanille into a headlock. While the redhead struggled to get free, Serah crept over and ate Vanille's marshmallow.
Lightning kept a close eye on her marshmallow, but she was too busy worrying about Fang to notice Hope switching his burned marshmallow for Lightning's much better one. At the same time, Snow made a play for Serah's marshmallow, but the pink-haired woman was ready for it. A brief scuffle ended with Snow's marshmallow on the ground, Hope's pilfered marshmallow in the fire, and Serah's marshmallow in her hair.
It was a thing of beauty, and Averia hoped that her parents never realised that she'd set them up. Diana might be known as the mischievous one, but Averia could be mischievous too. The only difference was that she rarely got caught.
"Kweh." Chirpy shook his head at the others – the adults hadn't produced an edible marshmallow either – and picked a skewer up in his beak. He stabbed a marshmallow with it and then headed back over to the fire. A few minutes later, he had a perfectly roasted marshmallow. He gave all the others a long, long look and then calmly ate the fruits of his labour. "Kweh, kweh… kweh."
Translation: I totally win, and you're all idiots.
Silence descended around the campfire as Chirpy grabbed the last packet of marshmallows – he had won, after all, since he was the only one to actually make an edible marshmallow – and went back to Sazh and Dajh. The three Katzroys divvied the marshmallows up between them.
"Chirpy is smart, isn't he?" Fang shook her head. "Too smart."
"At least someone is." Lightning chuckled as the girls ran over to try and get a few of the marshmallows. She grinned at Fang. "Next time, we need to bring more marshmallows. We still haven't settled who makes better roasted marshmallows."
X X X
Omake: A Helping Hand
Camping usually involved a lot of hiking, not that Chirpy had a problem with that. He might not have opposable thumbs, but he could keep up with the best of them. The kids, however, were another story, especially Diana.
The adults made a point of not going too fast, but it was inevitable that Diana would begin to lag behind. The little girl might enjoy getting piggybacks most of the time, but she was far too proud to say anything when it came to hiking. Asking for a break – or a piggyback – would be admitting that she really was too small to keep up with everyone.
Chirpy dropped back and waited for Diana to walk past him. "Kweh."
The little girl scowled. "I don't need a piggyback, Chirpy. I'm fine." She wasn't. He doubted she could go more than another few minutes before someone really did have to carry her.
"Kweh kweh." Chirpy nudged her with his head. "Kweh."
Diana stopped, her eyes narrowed in suspicion. The others watched, and Chirpy gave them a minute shake of his head. He could handle this.
"Kweh kweh."
"I guess…" Diana took a deep breath. "If you really are lonely walking on your own, maybe I could ride on your back for a little while." She nodded firmly. "Yeah, I'll keep you company. But only for a little while."
Fang gave Chirpy a smile. She knew exactly what he'd done. The 'little while' ended up being closer to half an hour. When Diana finally climbed off his back, she'd regained enough energy to keep up until they reached their next campsite.
"That was a nice thing to do, Chirpy." Snow fell into step beside him. His eyes twinkled. "But you know, I'm feeling tired to. Do you think –"
"Kweh." Carrying Diana was one thing, but carrying Snow was a completely different matter.
"Oh, come on, Chirpy, I'm not that heavy. And it's not like you haven't carried me before."
Chirpy could tell that Snow was only teasing, but still… "Kweh kweh kweh."
"Really? You're not going to carry me because the girls always bring you treats and I never do?" Snow gasped. "I thought we were comrades, brothers in arms –"
Chirpy jabbed him with his beak. "Kweh kweh kweh." Translation: you're a grown man – you can walk.
Snow laughed. "Yeah, yeah. I love you too, Chirpy."
X X X
Author's Notes
As always, I neither own Final Fantasy, nor am I making any money off of this.
This wasn't really long enough to stand on its own anywhere else, so I thought I'd post it here. As you can imagine, Fang is a big proponent of the joys of camping. Camping is also one of the activities that all of the others can get involved in too.
My experiences with camping have also led me to believe that campfires bring out everyone's inner idiot. There is something about a campfire in the middle of the wilderness that makes people want to talk about – or do – stupid things. That's one of the charms of camping, really. I also happen to like roasted marshmallows, so you can kind of see where this chapter came from.
It was also fun having Averia be the mischievous one. True, Diana is more mischievous than her, but Averia knows how to play people, and she's observant enough to notice that her parents are competitive about everything. I also had fun writing Chirpy into this chapter. He's the handiest chocobo in the world: he's an impartial judge, a loyal hiking buddy, and he can even roast marshmallows. Not bad for a bird, right?
I also write original fiction, most of which is fantasy. You can find links to it in my profile.
As always, I appreciate feedback. Reviews and comments are welcome.