Disclaimer: I own nothing in regard to GWTW
Author's Notes: Thank you for all the reviews. Thank you for all the kind words. Your reviews make a difference. I have changed this story based on the feedback from the reviews. I have clarified and I have used people's suggestions to make this a better story.
In case anyone is wondering how Scarlett's vocabulary got better, it is because she is now reading a lot. One of the best ways to improve one's vocabulary is to read.
Rest assured I have a good future in mind for Ashley in this story. He will find a job that is perfect for him.
Chapter Fourteen
When Rhett talked to Belle at the end of May, she told him that most people still believed Scarlett was innocent of any misdoing with Mr. Wilkes and that she was a saint for giving Rhett a second chance. Most people were gossiping about Mr. Wilkes. They didn't know why Mr. Wilkes had acted guilty but had decided that he had been forward with Scarlett and Scarlett had been a victim of Mr. Wilkes's ungentlemanly advances. They were talking about him running the mills into the ground after all of Scarlett's hard work. They were talking about the fact that Henry Hamilton had to let him go because of poor performance.
The dowagers had decided Scarlett was well on her way to being a proper southern lady. She had done some things wrong like running a saw mill but times were hard then and she had fed her entire family with the profits. She had socialized with the Scalawags and invited Governor Bullock to her home but the dowagers decided that was probably Captain Butler's fault.
He was alright with the Dowagers blaming him for Scarlett's misdeeds. It probably was his fault. Rhett had sadly smiled when he had ridden his horse home. Yes, she was a proper southern lady now because she had no passion now. He knew there were things that bothered her that she was not sharing with him. He hoped she was sharing them with either Miss Melly or her friend Cora May. She had always pushed everything negative behind a closed door in her mind. He guessed the pain of the miscarriage had busted that door down and now she was dealing with all her pain and grief.
She had started sharing some of her feelings with him again but not very many and not very often. He knew it would be a long time before she ever trusted him that much again. When she did share with him, he would constantly be telling himself …. Don't make a joke! No matter what! …. He was being patient and listening when she talked about her pain and her losses. He was trying to make her feel better about what she was feeling and he never dismissed her feelings like he had when she had shared with him her fear of going to hell because of Frank Kennedy.
Sometimes he did get angry she wasn't well yet, sometimes he got frustrated with her melancholic moods, sometimes he did want to be rude and sarcastic and vent all his frustration about the situation. Surprisingly before he lost control Scarlett would smile at him and say something to the effect, "You are being a lot more patient with me than I deserve. Thank you. Why don't you go have a drink and play poker?" He would go out to a saloon because he just had to get out of the house. He always went to a saloon that wasn't part of a bordello. He would drink, play poker, laugh with the other men and always be home before Scarlett went to sleep. He was always happy that wasn't his normal life any more. The next day his patience for the situation had been renewed. She was no longer obtuse but was actually becoming very perceptive. She was definitely perceptive where he was concerned. That made him feel good. He finally had her attention and he had not had to behave badly to get it.
Scarlett still had moments when she would feel a panic attack coming on. It was a lot less than last summer but she was still having them. She knew what to do now before it became a full attack. Scarlett was having more good days than bad now. She would have days though when she thought of her dead loved ones, or the things she had done to survive, or when she was just despondent and didn't know why. When she had those moments, she didn't force them away. She tried to feel her grief or shame but not let it overwhelm her either.
Cora May was helping Scarlett work through her grief as only she could – one belle to another. They talked about their disappointments in life and they talked about all their losses. They talked about their beaus that had died in the war. They talked about their life before they got married and they talked about the life they thought they were going to have. They tried not to cry but if they did it was alright.
Scarlett shared with Cora May about Ashley. She just listened and held Scarlett as she cried for her lost fantasy love. The only thing Cora May said was, "It must have been very hard on your husband to have to stand by while the woman he loved thought she loved someone else, especially a man as proud and arrogant as your husband."
"I know that was hard on him. I have a lot of guilt about the whole situation."
"The easiest way to get rid of that guilt is to ask for forgiveness."
"I know but it is so hard to swallow my pride and ask him for forgiveness."
"He has done a lot of things wrong but he deserves this. Hasn't he apologized for so many things he did wrong."
Scarlett sighed and swallowed down the last of her brandy. Then she said, "Yes! He does deserve an apology."
Scarlett was able to bare her soul to Cora May because she knew Cora May would understand, not judge her and never use the information against her. Scarlett did a lot of talking and Cora May gave sage advice in a way that Scarlett could understand. Even though Scarlett did a lot of crying she always felt better and stronger when she left Cora May's house.
One week as Scarlett was driving home, she thought, 'Cora May reminds me of Cathy Calvert. I used to have so much fun with Cathy. I wonder what happened to her. I will ask Suellen next time I am at Tara.' Scarlett began to feel sad because the last she had heard about Cathy was that she had married a man named Hilton, who had been their Yankee overseer, and had become worse than white trash. Scarlett sighed and thought, 'Another person I lost because of that damn war.'
Rhett arranged an appointment with Randall Dunn in New York at the Teaching Hospital. Her appointment was the middle of June. As soon as Wade got out of school for the summer they would leave for New York. The day after Rhett had told Scarlett when her appointment was and when they were leaving for New York Scarlett picked Wade up at his school. They stopped by the book store on their way home to buy a book on New York.
When Rhett got home from the bank, he saw a lot of books on the coffee table in the library. He asked, "Did you buy every book in the store on New York?"
Scarlett and Wade looked at each other and laughed. Finally, Scarlett was able to say, "Yes." Then the two of them laughed some more. Rhett didn't know what was so funny but he just smiled and left them in the library to enjoy their new purchases. He could have told them that it had been a waste of money to buy all those books because he knew all about New York. Scarlett being excited about something was worth the cost of the books.
While they had been coming back from the bookstore Scarlett had asked Wade if he wanted to check out his father's alma mater in Boston while they were up north.
Wade had said, "No. I'm happy here. Something happened around the end of November and the other boys started treating me a lot nicer. I stopped hearing any ugly comments about you."
It made Scarlett smile and she said, "Did you continue to hear ugly comments about Uncle Rhett?"
Wade smiled and said, "Yeah but those quickly faded away also."
Scarlett thought, 'Another benefit from Rhett starting that rumor. He really is a good husband now that he is not angry at me for loving someone else. I need to stop procrastinating and apologize to him. I will do it tonight.'
That night as they laid in their bed Scarlett said, "I'm sorry I married you while believing I was in love with someone else."
"It wasn't that you married me while in love with Wilkes that hurt the most. What hurt the most was that you cared so much about his wishes and didn't care about mine at all."
"I'm sorry I never paid any attention to you unless you made me mad."
"I couldn't think of any other way to get your attention."
"You were very good at hiding your feelings. I never even thought you liked me. I really thought the only reason you married me was for my body. When you said you no longer wanted my body, I didn't think there was anything about me you wanted."
"If I had to choose between your body and your personality, I would choose your personality. Not that I'm volunteering to give up your body."
Scarlett laid next to Rhett and giggled. She felt loved and cherished. She had never felt this way before. She said, "You have my attention now." After about thirty seconds she said, "I don't want to live without you."
Rhett laid there and pulled her closer and thought, 'Not the declaration of love I have been wanting but so much more than I had a few minutes ago.'
A week before they were set to leave for New York Scarlett had taken the girls to the modiste shop to get them some new outfits for the trip. She was greeted by the owner politely and Scarlett returned her greeting. The owner, Oma Braun, seemed to be a little upset. Scarlett asked her, "What is the matter?"
Mrs. Braun said, "What did I do wrong?"
"I don't know what you are talking about."
"You use to come in at least once a week and buy two or three dresses for yourself and at least one dress for each of your daughters. This is the first I have seen you since Christmas. Not since you bought the red and green dresses for the girls. Before that I had not seen you since the summer. Did you not like the dresses Captain Butler ordered for you?"
Scarlett smiled at the older woman, "I have not been well. You know I fell down my staircase. During my recovery I sold my businesses so I don't need to have as many new pretty dresses as I used to. We are going on a trip so I need some new dresses for me and my daughters. Do you sew for Mrs. Wilkes also?"
"Yes. I do."
"Besides what we order today I would like you to make four new dresses for Mrs. Wilkes. Do you think you can pick out the style and fabric or do I need to help you?"
"Yes. I can"
"They cannot be delivered for at least a week. You must tell her they are a gift from a secret admirer." She then saw the most beautiful maroon material that screamed Melly. "Make one of the dresses out of that material. Make her a cape out of the gray wool. Now let's choose some material and styles for my daughters and me."
Scarlett said, "We are leaving in a week. All these clothes need to be done by then." She laid a twenty-dollar gold piece down and said, "This is for your inconvenience and your silence. Please send the bill for all the dresses to my husband." Scarlett had felt compassion for the dress maker. Mrs. Braun had not known why Scarlett had stop spending money in her store. Mrs. Braun had worried she had done something to lose an important client. Through no fault of her own Mrs. Braun's income had been lowered. Unfortunately for Mrs. Braun Scarlett would not be buying as many dresses in the future as she had in the past because she didn't need as many new dresses now that she had sold her businesses.
The day before they left for New York Scarlett went to visit Cora May. Scarlett said, "We will be gone for probably three weeks but as soon as I get back, I will be over to visit." Scarlett had already told Cora May why they were going.
Cora May said, "Don't worry. I will be fine while you are gone. I can't wait to hear what the doctor has to say."
Scarlett said, "I don't know if I will be fine while I am gone without getting to see you."
Scarlett went to see Melanie and said, "I don't understand how we can keep becoming closer. Just when I think we can't get any closer we do.
Melanie said, "I know. I hope you get good news from the doctor. I know how much you want another child."
Scarlett smiled and said, "Yes I want to have another child with Rhett." And do it right this time.