Note: All of these snippets are set in alternate universes that incorporate elements of Fate/Stay Night. The snippets are, for the most part, unrelated to each other.

X X X

Wrong Servant #1

It was a well-known fact that the Dia were the best cheaters in the entire history of forever. It was kind of their thing, really. If there was a contest and the rules had loopholes, they would absolutely find a way to cheat. It was just common sense. It was also what made the Dia such good mages, and Vanille was no exception.

So when Vanille had been chosen to participate in the latest Grail War, she had decided to skew the odds in her favour a little bit. Not all Servants were created equal, and she wanted to make sure that she summoned the most powerful Servant she could. Months of painstaking research had left her certain that she wanted to summon a Saber, and a very particular Saber at that.

Through some fairly dubious connections that she had within the archaeological underworld, she was able to procure a gun blade that had been found in the desert of crystal dust above which Cocoon was rumoured to have once floated. It was marked with a legendary coat of arms that belonged to Cocoon's greatest soldier and general, who had once given up everything in pursuit of the power needed to save her beloved nation. She had failed, but the legends claimed that she had, for at least a short time, gained powers to rival even those of the Maker. With a Servant like that, how could Vanille possible lose?

After double-checking all of her rituals and making sure that everything was absolutely the way it should be, Vanille began the summoning ritual. It was a long and complicated affair, and by the time she was finished, she could barely stand. Still, she couldn't help but smile when the room was filled with blinding light and a strong voice rang out.

"So… are you my master?"

Vanille cackled. She was so wining this. "Yes, I am."

But when the light faded, Vanille found herself staring at someone who was very much not the person she'd intended to summon. Instead of pink hair, her new Servant had dark hair. And instead of a gun blade, she wielded a spear.

"Uh…"

Full lips curved up into a smirk. "Yes?"

"Are you Saber?"

"Nope." The dark-haired woman's green eyes twinkled with amusement as she twirled her spear about in an extravagant display of skill. "Lancer."

"But… but…" Vanille pointed at the gun blade at the centre of the summoning circle. "I used a gun blade and everything, and I was certain that was the Farron coat of arms on it and…"

The woman walked over to the gun blade and picked it up. She smiled wistfully. "This thing? Lightning gave that to me as a wedding gift. So, technically, it's mine, not hers."

And that was how Oerba Dia Vanille ended up summoning Oerba Yun Fang instead of Lightning Farron.

X X X

Wrong Servant #2

Lightning Farron was a participant in the Grail War, and she had every intention of winning. But winning was easier said than done. She was confident that she would be a match for any of the other masters thanks to her excellence in both magical and physical combat. However, she needed to acquire the most powerful Servant she could to ensure her victory.

The Servant she had in mind was a particular Lancer, Oerba Yun Fang. Fang was a legend amongst legends, the most famous of all the great heroes that the Yun had produced through the ages. Her skills with a spear were said to be unrivalled, and she had even managed to win the loyalty of Bahamut, one of the mightiest dragons in history. But what made Fang truly formidable was her ability transform into Ragnarok, the very creature that had destroyed Cocoon in the days of old. With firepower like that at her disposal, Lightning could not lose.

Unfortunately, Fang was not the Servant she summoned, and that was despite using a necklace said to have belonged to the warrior as a catalyst for her summoning circle. Instead, Lightning found herself face to face with a petite redhead waving around a bizarrely shaped staff.

"Tremble in fear, mortal!" the redhead cried. "For you are in the presence of greatness!"

"Who are you exactly?" Lightning asked.

"Who am I? Who am I?" The redhead shook her head. "Foolish mortal! I am the awesome and incredible Oerba Dia Vanille!"

Lightning gaped, and then she slowly began to back away. "As in the same Oerba Dia Vanille who created the Endless Wastes when one of her spells went awry and burnt an entire continent to ashes? As in the same Oerba Dia Vanille who once turned an entire ocean into candy because she thought it would be funny? As in the same Oerba Dia Vanille that the Dia disavowed because they thought she was too crazy, even for them?"

Vanille snickered and then threw her head back and cackled. It was beyond terrifying. "Clearly, my fame has echoed down through the ages!"

"Oh, good grief." Lightning shuddered. Of all the people she could have summoned. At this rate, there wouldn't be a Grail for her to win. "Wait… how come I summoned you instead of Oerba Yun Fang?"

Vanille tilted her head to one side and then pointed at the necklace. "Because that's mine."

"But it was found in Yun territory… you're a Dia."

"Technically, I am a Dia, but Fang and I were sisters. I was always leaving my stuff lying around her house, so… yeah." Vanille giggled. "But do not fear, pink-haired and grumpy mortal, you can't lose with me on your side."

The next day…

Lightning's eyes widened in disbelief as a huge portal opened up in the sky above the city. Countless spirits and denizens of other dimensions swarmed down onto the city. Beside her, Vanille winced.

"In my defence, I did summon the dragon I wanted." Vanille pointed over to where a huge dragon was busy burning large sections of the downtown area and gleefully stomping on cars. Some of the other Servant were trying to subdue it and were failing miserably. It was a very, very big dragon. "And the other Servants are tiring themselves out fighting it and all the other stuff I summoned. It'll be easy to pick them off once they get tired."

Lightning shook her head. "Seriously? That's all you have to say."

"Yeah." Vanille nodded. "That's about it." She glanced back at Lightning's house. She'd turned it into the magical equivalent of a fortress. It was surrounded by thousands of protective spells and guarded by enough summoned creatures to fight a dozen wars. "Let's go back inside. I want more of that popcorn stuff that cool machine makes. Oh, and let's order some pizza. They didn't have that back in my day."

X X X

Wrong Servant #3

Serah had not expected to be part of the newest Grail War, and she certainly hadn't expected to summon her own sister, of all people, as her Servant. Then again, the Grail was capable of summoning Heroic Spirits from the future.

But as she looked at the detached, emotionless gaze of the future version of her sister, she couldn't help but wonder what had gone wrong. Lightning had evidently become a hero but at what could only have been a terrible cost. So Serah did the only thing she could think of. She stomped off to go make sure that her crazy sister wasn't about to do something stupidly heroic.

X X X

Watching Serah stomp off, Future Lightning could only smile. She had been quite a stick in the mud until she'd met Fang. But after realising that her own sister had summoned her into a Grail War, well, she couldn't pass up the opportunity to mess with her past self. It was exactly the kind of thing that Fang and Vanille would have loved.

And, sure enough, it wasn't long before Serah returned, dragging Lightning into the room by her ear and screaming at the top of her lungs. Future Lightning immediately schooled her expression to look as cold and remote as possible. It wouldn't do to give the joke away just yet.

"Look!" Serah cried, shoving Lightning at her future self. "I know you want to be a hero, but you better not turn into some heartless, stoic super soldier or something!"

"Ouch!" Lightning tried to pry Serah's hand off her ear. "Serah, stop that!"

"Not until you promise to make sure you don't do anything crazy!"

Future Lightning bit back a smile. This was going to be fun.

X X X

An Education In Magic

"You know, I'm not sure that I'm comfortable with Vanille spending so much time around Diana," Lightning said.

Fang raised one eyebrow. "You don't honestly think she'd hurt Diana, do you?" The former Servant laughed. "Because that's crazy. Diana might be our daughter, but Vanille is always going on about how Diana is her number minion."

Lightning shook her head. "That's not it. I know Diana is a magus and Vanille is one of the most skilled and powerful magi in history, but…"

An explosion rocked the manor, and both Fang and Lightning rushed over to the window as a column of smoke rose from the cottage that Vanille used for her experiments. Of course, it wasn't a normal cottage. Thanks to the wonders of stupidly powerful magic from a bygone age, the cottage was several thousand times larger on the inside than on the outside.

"I should probably go over there." Fang paused and then flicked her wrist to summon her spear. "I almost forgot my spear. Knowing Vanille, I'll be needing it."

Lightning sighed as her former Servant, now wife, vaulted out of the window and hurried over to the cottage. A few moments later, Averia ambled into the room yawning. "Your sister and your Aunt Vanille have been experimenting again."

"Oh." Averia blinked sleepily and looked out the window. Diana and Vanille had emerged from the cottage, along with what appeared to be an inter-dimensional horror of some kind, a shambling behemoth of twisted limbs, gaping jaws, and leathery wings. "So that was why Diana was cackling so much before she went to sleep last night."

"Probably." Lightning considered firing off a blast of electricity or manipulating the area's magnetic field to impale the monster with lots of pointy bits of metal but decided to let the former Servants handle it. Heck, Vanille had been summoned as a Caster. She could handle something like that abomination without breaking a sweat.

And, sure enough, Vanille stopped running once they'd gotten clear of the cottage. She lifted one hand to the sky, using the other to hold Diana against her as she formed a powerful protective barrier around them, the kind that could shrug off anything less than a nuclear weapon. The skies parted… and an even more gruesome inter-dimensional horror descended to fight the original inter-dimensional horror that had come from the cottage.

"Oh, good grief." Lightning shook her head in dismay. "I suppose that's one way to deal with the problem."

X X X

Prana Transfer

Lightning's eyes drifted shut as Fang's hand ran soothingly through her hair. Her breathing had only just started to return to normal. "How are you feeling?"

Even without looking, she knew her Servant was smirking. "Better than I've felt all day although I'd have to say about one per cent of that has to do with the prana transfer. The rest… well, I think you know why." Fang's fingers traced a lazy circle across Lightning's hip. "But I don't know, I think we might have to make this a regular thing. It'd be a shame if I ever ran out of prana."

Lightning chuckled softly and pressed a kiss to Fang's shoulder. "Idiot."

X X X

Wrong Servant #4

Fang took a step back as her summoning circle let loose a flash of blinding light. Being chosen for the Grail War was a great honour, but it was also incredibly dangerous. Summoning a powerful Servant was essential if she wanted to win. Now, she finally had a chance to see which Servant the Grail had chosen for her.

As the light cleared, she found herself staring at what might as well have been a mirror. Her Servant could very easily have been her sister, the two of them looked so similar. Perhaps the two most obvious differences, however, were the colour of her Servant's eyes and the weapon she held. Fang's eyes had always been green, but her Servant's were a piercing blue. And although Fang had always favoured the spear, her Servant held what appeared to be a gun blade.

"Oh, wow. Hi, mom."

Fang's eyes widened. "Um… what did you just say?"

The other woman made a face. "Oops. I don't think I should have said that. You know, time paradoxes and all that although Aunt Vanille was always certain that the Grail had a mechanism for preventing things like that and… I think I should stop talking right now."

"Wait!" Fang stumbled toward her Servant. "You're my daughter?" All of the similarities suddenly made sense. Of course they would look the same if they were mother and daughter.

"Oh well, I guess the cat's out of the bag." The woman shrugged and gave Fang a smirk that she'd seen a hundred times before in the mirror. "Diana Yun-F… something at your service."

"Wait… who is your other parent?" Fang was still trying to wrap her mind around this. She'd always known that the Grail could summon heroes from the future, but she hadn't expected this at all.

"Based on your reaction, I'm guessing that the two of you either haven't met yet or aren't on friendly terms." Diana snickered. "So I can't say anything more. I wouldn't want to mess things up." She smiled. "So… how about we take a look around? I want to see if everything is still the way I remember it."

Fang nodded slowly. "Yeah, we can do that."

Naturally, they hadn't even been out for twenty minutes before another Servant attacked them. All Fang caught was a flicker of impossibly fast movement out of the corner of her eye before Diana was suddenly surrounded by what appeared to be a blur of metal. But her Servant was equal to the task, dodging just far enough to avoid her opponent's blows while returning a few of her own.

At last, the blur stopped moving long enough for Fang to see the other Servant. Diana's opponent was a pink-haired woman with green eyes who was using what seemed to be a gun spear. The two Servants grinned at each other and then returned to their combat, exchanging blows at a thunderous pace before breaking apart once again.

As the other Servant, clearly a Lancer, lowered her spear, both she and Diana broke into amused laughter.

"Heh. It figures that I'd run into you at a time like this," Diana said. "As fast as ever, I see."

Lancer raised her spear in a salute. "Well, you were always following me around when we were kids… and when we were teenagers… and when we were adults and…"

Diana rolled her eyes. "I wasn't following you around. You were following me around."

"Is that what you –"

"Lancer, do you know her?" The words came from someone Fang knew very well. Lightning Farron was the head of one of the other great magus families of New Bodhum. They did not get along well.

Lancer smirked, and there was something oddly familiar about the expression, as well as the colour of her eyes. "You could say that."

"You mean you haven't told her?" Diana snickered. "Then you're better at keeping secrets than me, sister."

Silence.

Lancer stared.

Fang stared.

Lightning stared.

Diana winced. "Could everyone maybe forget I said that?"

"What?" Lightning screeched. "You two are sisters?"

That was when it hit Fang. Diana's eyes were the exact same colour as Lightning's while Averia's eyes were the same colour as Fang's. If Diana was her daughter, and Averia was her sister, then Averia was Fang's daughter too, and Fang knew only one person with pink hair and blue eyes who liked to wave a gun blade around.

"I marry her?" Fang blurted, jabbing one finger at Lightning.

"Oh, crap." Diana raised both hands. "Calm down, mom."

"Mom!" Lightning screeched again. "You mean to say that I marry that miscreant and that… oh, sweet Maker… you two are my kids?"

Averia walked over and whacked Diana over the back of the head with the blunt part of her spear. "Idiot."

"Oh, shut up. They'd have worked it out eventually."

"But… but…" Lightning gaped at Fang. "We're not… she's not… gah!"

And that was how Fang and Lightning met their kids for the first time, formed an alliance, and eventually won the Grail War.

X X X

Wrong Servant #5

Vanille was determined to summon the ultimate Servant. She didn't want to just win the war. She wanted to own it so much they wrote her name on it. She wanted to have a Servant so badass, so ultimately cool that the other masters would surrender the moment they encountered her Servant's awesomely awesome awesomeness.

But she did not get the Servant she wanted. In fact, she still wasn't entirely sure she'd even summoned her Servant, for as the light of her summoning circle faded, she found herself locking gazes with a chocobo chick.

"Kweh."

"What?" Vanille's eye twitched. "You're a Heroic Spirit?"

The little chocobo chick somehow found its way onto her head and began pecking her angrily. "Kweh kweh kweh!"

"What do you mean you helped save the world?" Vanille tried to pull the bird off her head and failed miserably. "Gah!"

And that was how Oerba Dia Vanille, the greatest magus of the modern age, summoned a chocobo for a Servant, and not even a fully-grown one either.

X X X

Author's Notes

As always, I do not own Final Fantasy, nor am I making any money off of this.

I'm a huge fan of Fate/Zero, and I've been keeping a close eye on the new Fate/Stay Night series, so I knew it was only a matter of time before I started writing some Fate-inspired stuff. Whether it's summoning the wrong Servant, summoning people from the future as Servants, or just plain craziness, I think there's a lot of room for humour in some FF XIII and Fate crossovers.

I also write original fiction, mostly fantasy and humour. If you like my fan fiction, I guarantee that you'll like my original fiction too. You can find links to it in my profile

As always, I appreciate feedback. Reviews and comments are welcome.