Divine Intervention

Part 1: The Creeper

"You know, Fang, I didn't create a magical mirror for the gods so that you could creep on some mortal."

Fang turned away from the magical mirror to scowl at her sister. "Vanille, I am not creeping on some mortal."

The redheaded goddess raised one eyebrow. "Fang, you've been using a magical mirror that can show you any person or place in all of creation to watch one mortal – the same mortal – for about two days now. That's creepy. Really creepy."

"It is not."

"It so is." Vanille went over to peer into the mirror. Being the goddess of inventors, thieves, rabble-rousers, conquerors, blacksmiths, and scholars had its perks. "I admit that she's good looking for a mortal, and she does seem to enjoy stabbing things, which I assume is what got your attention."

"It was." Fang had first noticed the mortal in question after watching her slaughter a band of ogres that had been menacing the local countryside. It had been very impressive. Sure, Fang could easily have slaughtered an entire army of ogres, but she was a god. Things were much more difficult for mortals.

"Why don't you go talk to her?" Vanille said. "It's obvious that you want to. I mean you are a god. What's the worst that could happen? Even if she thought you were a weirdo and stabbed you with that sword of hers, all she'd do is break her sword. Heck, nothing short of a divine weapon crafted by someone like yours truly can even harm you."

"Vanille…"

"Just look at this." Vanille flicked her wrist, and a spear appeared in her hands. "This is a handy little thing that one of my more gifted mortal followers came up with. It's easily the pointiest thing they've ever made." She stabbed Fang in the gut with it, and there was a loud shriek as the metal buckled and came apart. "See? No mortal weapon can wound you. You'll be fine. Go talk to the pretty mortal."

Fang grabbed the mortal spear and tossed it aside. Vanille spent entirely too much time wandering around the mortal world causing mayhem. It was a miracle that the High Mother and High Father hadn't already unleashed their divine wrath upon her. Then again, Vanille was one of their favourites. The redhead had an absolute knack for talking her way out of trouble, and at least they didn't have to worry about Vanille trying to overthrow them like some of the other gods. Vanille was perfectly content to wreak havoc. The responsibility of running the universe was not something that she wanted.

"Fine." Fang took a deep breath. "Maybe I will go talk to her."

X X X

Lighting Farron, the Knight-Captain of the great and mighty city of Bodhum had just stopped by a small stream to let her chocobo drink when an icy gale forced her to cover her eyes. When she looked up again, she was no longer alone.

"Greetings, mortal."

"…" Lightning tilted her head to one side. "Excuse me?"

"Greetings, mortal."

"…" Lightning stared at the new arrival. A tall woman with dark hair and green eyes stood there with a spear draped casually over one shoulder. There was something strange about her, something inhuman. Wait… "Are you one of the gods?"

The other woman twitched. "What?"

"I mean… you don't seem entirely human and –"

"Do you seriously not know who I am?"

"Uh… no."

"Fang, goddess of the wind, dragons, warriors, spears… any of that ring a bell?"

"Hmm…" Lightning frowned. "I'm… not that devout a follower of the gods."

"Oh." Fang made a face. "Well, allow me to introduce myself. I am Fang –"

"Goddess of the wind, dragons, warriors, and spears. I heard that already. Why are you here?"

Fang's eye twitched. Although she wasn't particularly arrogant for a god, she had come to expect a certain level of respect. "You do realise that you're talking to a god, don't you?"

"Yes, I do. What do you want from me?"

"I have been watching you -"

"Have you been stalking me?" Lightning glared. "Because I feel like someone has been watching me for two days now…"

"As I said," Fang continued, clearing her throat. "I have been watching you, and I would like to…" She trailed off. Damn it, she should have thought this through more.

"Would like to what?" Lightning's eyes widened. "Wait – do you want me to become your lover or something? Is that why you waited until I was alone to appear? Is that why you've been stalking me?"

"Yes – no – wait!" Fang covered her face with her hands. "Let me try to explain this in a way that doesn't seem creepy…"

X X X

Vanille banged her head on the magical mirror. Seriously? Her older sister was supposed to be one of the greater gods, a being of incalculable and terrible power, a being of unmatched wisdom and intellect… a being who apparently couldn't string together two words when in front of someone they were interested in.

Good grief.

Maybe she should invent a dating advice machine or something? Although knowing Fang, she'd probably just spear it and pretend it was an accident.

Oh well, enough of this.

"Mirror," Vanille said. "Show me this Lightning's relatives. Maybe I can give Fang a hand."

The image in the mirror shifted. Vanille smiled. Perfect.

X X X

"Cower in fear, mortals!" Vanille appeared in the middle of a courtyard in a flash of divine light, energy blazing around her binding rod. "I, Vanille, goddess of heaps of stuff have arrived!"

As the servants in the courtyard cowered in fear, a pink-haired, young woman came forward. "Please tell me you're not here to smite us, honoured goddess."

"No, no, no." Vanille nodded magnanimously. "I have simply come to learn more about the mortal known as Lightning Farron, for the gods have plans for her." Well, more like Fang had plans for her…

"Oh, my sister?"

"Yes, your sister." Vanille waved her hand and conjured a chair to sit in. Standing was far too much effort. The chair also had wheels, and it wheeled her toward Lightning's sister. "So… speak, mortal."

"Uh, could you maybe use my name?"

"Then, mortal, what is your name?"

The mortal's eye twitched. "You don't know my name? I thought the gods were all knowing."

"If you wished, I could take the knowledge from your mind, but it would probably make your brain melt and your eyes explode." Vanille pointed her binding rod. "But I could do that if you wanted."

"Um… no. My name is Lumina."

"Well, then, Lumina. Speak!" Vanille rubbed her chin. "Tell me… how might one win your sister's heart?"

"Would you mind if I got my other sister?" Lumina asked. "Because this is going to need both of us to explain."

"Of course." Vanille waved one hand. "And… get me something to drink while you're at it. Perhaps watermelon juice."

"We don't have any watermelon juice."

"I see." Vanille frowned. "That is a problem." She reached into the air, tugging something through dimensions. It was a large mechanical bird of prey. It perched on her arm, jewel-like eyes glinting in the sun. "Okay, bird, you're up. Get me some watermelon juice."

"Caw! Caw!"

X X X

Part 2: Problem Shooter

"You want me to fix the sun?" Vanille's eye twitched. "Isn't that, you know, your problem?"

The High Mother smiled beatifically. "I merely thought that you, my daughter, goddess of inventors, thieves, rabble-rousers, conquerors, blacksmiths, and scholars, might enjoy a chance to work on one of the greatest inventions in all of creation."

"You and the High Father just can't be bothered to fix it, can you?"

The High Mother's smile remained resolutely in place. "No. No, we can't, which is why you'll be doing it. Now, get started. The mortals are starting to panic about the lack of sunlight. We already have quite a few of them starting cults claiming that the apocalypse is right around the corner."

"Fine." Vanille sighed. "I'll go fix it."

X X X

What most mortals didn't realise was that the entire world was actually a gigantic disk. Cocoon, the home of the gods, was a massive sphere of crystal situated directly above the mortal world. The sun and the moon were huge devices that the High Mother and High Father had created to provide the mortal world with light and energy.

Personally, Vanille had always thought that things would be simpler if the world was a sphere that orbited the sun. That way, the sun could just sit there while the world revolved around it instead of having the sun and the moon move. She'd brought the idea up with the High Mother and High Father, and they had smiled politely before brushing her off.

Apparently, it would be too much trouble to change creation now that they'd gotten used to it. In Vanille's opinion, they were just too lazy to do anything since changing all of creation wouldn't have needed more than a fraction of their combined power.

Oh well.

And now Vanille had to go out and fix the sun because the damn thing had stopped working properly.

She drifted over to the sun and frowned. The sun was a tangled mass of divinely forged metal that radiated a tremendous amount of heat and light when channelling the energy of the gods. It was, in effect, the biggest light bulb in creation. And like a light bulb, certain components occasionally had to be changed.

"Ah, this is such a pain." Vanille flew through the intricately arranged layers of metal until she reached the centre of the sun. The problem, as usual, was a connection somewhere in the middle of the intricate device that received divine energy and transmitted it throughout the sun. "Let's see what we've got here."

She reached for the access panel to the device. It was stuck. "Really?" Vanille growled and gave it a few stout kicks until it finally swung open. "There."

Her irritation only increased when she realised that someone else had apparently tried to fix the problem and done an absolutely terrible job of it. And given whom the god of the sun was…

"Tidus!" Vanille shouted. "Get over here, right now!"

The god of the sun appeared in a flash of light, his usual sunny smile on his face. "Uh, hi."

"Did you try and fix this yourself?"

Tidus looked away. "Maybe."

"What have I told you about trying to fix the sun yourself?" Vanille flicked her wrist and an array of tools appeared in the air around her. "You might be an expert in using this big hunk of junk, but you are not an expert in repairing it. See this?" Vanille jabbed her hammer at something. "That is a major conduit. You cannot simply hook it up to a minor conduit. If you do, you get a divine energy back log and if that goes on long enough, then the whole thing goes boom!"

"Ah, that would be a problem."

"Yes, how do you think the mortals would feel if the sun crashed into the world?"

"That would be very bad."

"Think corpses everywhere!" Vanille sighed. "And why weren't you here when I arrived? What were you doing?"

"I was using your mirror. Did you know that there's this priestess…"

"Oh, good grief. I did not make that mirror so everyone else could creep on mortals!" Vanille got to work. "So… who is this mortal anyway?"

"Her name is Yuna. She's actually a priestess who helps the dead pass into the next world."

"Yes, then you'll probably need to speak to Caius then since she's technically one of his. That guy… he really needs to lighten up."

"Well, he is the god of the dead…"

"Yeah, yeah, and he's how the High Mother and High Father made him, but he's still a jerk." Vanille finished the repairs and gave the panel a few more kicks to get it to closed. "There, try using it now."

Tidus put his hand on the device. There was a surge of divine energy, and the sun roared back to life. Vanille winced and summoned some goggles. The gods were all largely immune to the kind of heat and light the mortal world could produce, but the sun was a different story. Tidus was one of only a handful of gods who could stay within it without assistance.

"Thanks for that." Tidus grinned. "Where are you off to now?"

"Hmm… I owe some mortals a visit." Vanille sighed. "That sister of mine made a mess of things trying to woo a mortal. She's been sulking on her mountain ever since. Even her dragons are looking droopy from her bad mood."

"Ah, well, good luck."

X X X

Lumina was in the middle of praising the gods for bringing back the sun when a god appeared in the middle of her courtyard.

"Tremble in fear, puny mortals!"

She bowed her head while her servants cowered with the requisite amount of fear.

"Uh…" Lumina pointed. "Do you realise that you're on fire?"

Vanille stopped posing and summoned a fire extinguisher. "Huh? Ah, that must be from the sun. I had to… fix it."

"That was you?"

"Yes, I am that awesome." Vanille sagged. "Anyway, you need to tell me more about your sister. She rejected my sister, and things have gone… downhill."

Lumina nodded slowly. It still boggled her mind that things had turned out that way. Lightning had turned up a few days ago and nonchalantly mentioned that she'd turned down a goddess who had, apparently, done a colossally bad job of trying to court her.

"Is… is that so?"

"You know all those tornadoes and hurricanes?" Vanille made a face. "That's what happens when the goddess of the wind mopes. I half expected her dragons to go on a rampage, but she's kept them under control so far." She waved one hand. "But never mind that. Tell me more about your sister, so that my sister can win her over. More to the point, why is your sister so prickly?"

"Ah, that'll take a while to explain." Lumina paused. "Do you… um… want something to eat or drink while I explain?"

Vanille nodded. "I could really go for a raspberry slushy."

"What… what is a slushy?"

Vanille looked aghast. "You don't have those here? Ah, of course not. You don't have ice machines. Well, mortal, consider yourself lucky. Today, I will show you the awesomeness that is a slushy."

X X X

Part 3: Gift Giving

Fang made her way deeper into Vanille's domain. As the patron goddess of inventors, thieves, rabble-rousers, conquerors, blacksmiths, and scholars, the other goddess's domain was filled with everything from random junk to priceless artefacts of unfathomable power. Indeed, the High Mother had once remarked that if the gods were ever forced into another war over who had control over all of creation, all they had to do was grab the first ten things they tripped over in Vanille's domain and throw them at their enemies.

She had learned the hard way that the safest thing to do when navigating her sister's domain was to stick to the path and avoid touching anything.

As she made her way past a large pile of glowing magical gemstones, Fang's eyes were drawn to the colossal golem that towered over its surroundings. The top half of the golem was hidden in the eerie darkness that made up the sky of Vanille's domain. She had absolutely no idea why Vanille had built something so huge, and she was quite certain that she didn't want to know.

Finally, Fang reached a vast lake of molten metal that marked the centre of Vanille's domain. A host of smaller golems and other automata lurked in and around the lake carrying out countless tasks for their creator. Hopefully, it wouldn't be long before Vanille arrived. The golems and automata could become quite hostile toward outsiders if their creator had forgotten to mention them.

Luckily, it wasn't more than a few minutes before Vanille arrived in a flash of divine light.

"There you are." Fang breathed a sigh of relief. "Did you make what I asked you to?"

Vanille tore a cloth off the long bundle that she was carrying and lifted a shining spear high above her head. "You wanted a mighty weapon fit for the greatest of gods? Well, you've got one." The redhead cackled. Nothing made her happier than pushing her skills to the very limit. "The shaft of the spear was crafted from the heart wood of the World Tree whose roots and branches touch every world in creation. The tip of the spear was wrought from the core of a collapsing star and forged in the Empyreal Flame that shines at the heart of all of creation using a hammer and anvil that were themselves forged out of the melted weapons of the legendary titans who once opposed the High Mother and High Father for control of creation. The tip was then quenched in the primeval waters that existed in the endless, lonely darkness before creation was given form."

"Okay…"

"But there's more!" Vanille brandished the spear again. "I inscribed it with countless runes of power, protection, and deadliness, all of them written in the very language the High Mother and High Father used to speak countless worlds into being."

"So…" Fang said. "It's a good spear, right?"

"A good spear?" Vanille cackled. "Am I smart? Is water wet? Is the sun hot? This spear is so good that just making it could be considered a crime against the High Mother and High Father because they've never made anything this awesome. It is so deadly that most of your enemies will die upon seeing it due to realising how totally and utterly outmatched they are. The tip of this spear is so sharp that it can pierce the very fabric of creation and stab people across other dimensions both forward and backward in time. The shaft is so strong that nothing can break it unless that something has the power to shatter the World Tree itself. The runes inscribed upon it make it even more incredible to the point that I'm not sure there's a superlative I could use to describe how unbelievable fantastic it is."

"Okay…"

"This spear will never miss its target, no matter how far away or how swift. In fact, it will alter reality and destiny themselves to ensure that it doesn't miss, and, like I said, it can be used to strike across all possible times, spaces, and dimensions, so not even teleportation or time-travel can defeat it. This is truly the greatest weapon ever made. Ever."

Fang grinned. "Thanks, Vanille. I'm sure Lightning will love it."

"Of course, she'll love it." Vanille drew herself up to her full height. "And maybe this time, you won't make a mess of talking to her."

X X X

Lightning sighed as Fang once again appeared before her in a blaze of divine glory. She had to hand it to the goddess, she was certainly determined. But Lightning still wasn't sure what to make of Fang's intentions. It was flattering to know that Fang wanted to take her for a lover, but she had been less than reassured by Fang's inability to string together a coherent sentence around her.

"Greetings." Fang struck a suitably awe-inspiring pose. "I know that our past meetings have been less than… impressive. However, I would like to change that. As a sign of my esteem, allow me to offer you a gift."

"A gift?" Lightning nodded. "What is it?"

"This spear!" Fang lifted one arm, and a glorious spear that simply radiated power, majesty, and pure, unbridled awesomeness appeared in her hand. "This spear has a tip wrought from the core of a collapsing star -"

"Wait." Lightning cut in. "Uh… I…" She paused searching for the right words. After talking to Lumina, she'd realised that it might be a good idea to be a bit more diplomatic when speaking to one of the greater gods. "I… I…"

"It's all right," Fang said with a reassuring smile. "I can understand if you are awed by the greatness of my gift -"

"I favour the sword, not the spear."

"Oh." Fang paused. "Wow. Uh. I'll be right back."

X X X

Vanille gaped at Fang. "What do you mean she wants a sword instead?"

"Apparently, she prefers the sword." Fang covered her face with her hands. "Who prefers the sword over the spear? The spear is the greatest weapon ever."

"A lot of people prefer the sword over the spear!" Vanille threw her hands up in despair. "Couldn't you have asked her what kind of weapon she wanted before I created the greatest weapon ever made? Do you know how hard that was? I had to grab the core out of a collapsing star. I was attacked by the giant magical ravens that guard the World Tree. The High Mother is going to ask me why I made you something like that instead of making it for her!" She grabbed Fang and shook her. "And you're telling me that you didn't ask her what kind of weapon she wanted first?"

"Uh… oops?"

Vanille glared. "You're lucky that you're my sister. Give me one month to make her a sword." She paused. "Wait. Get back down there and ask her exactly what kind of sword she wants. I swear if I make a broadsword and it turns out she wants a short sword, I'll… I'll… I'll do something horrible!"

X X X

"So your sister forgot to ask my sister what kind of weapon she wanted before you made this… this…" Lumina trailed off.

"Totally awesome spear of unmatched awesomeness." Vanille scowled. "And, yes, she forgot. And that's why I'm here." The goddess had gotten confirmation from Fang about what kind of sword Lightning wanted, but she'd decided to look through Lightning's armoury in person just to be sure." Vanille frowned. "Your sister has a lot of swords."

"She does enjoy stabbing things."

"So does Fang," Vanille growled. "Which is why they should be getting along better." She shook her head. "It's gotten to the point that she's started asking dragon's for romantic advice. Dragons! I mean they're smart and everything, but they're fire-breathing reptiles that can fly."

"Well," Lumina said. "My sister can be a bit like that at times."

"Oh?" Vanille sighed. "Anyway, since I'm going to be making your sister a legendary weapon of unmatched splendour and glory, do you want anything?"

"Me?" Lumina tapped her cheek with one finger. "Hmm… let me get back to you in a week or so. It's not every day that a god offers to make me something."

X X X

Author's Notes

As always, I neither own Final Fantasy, nor am I making any money off of this.

Love is never easy – not even for the gods. What mayhem will they get up to next?

As always, I appreciate feedback. Reviews and comments are welcome.