"Annie... Please, I can explain." Finnick whispered. All the color in his face had vanished, almost as though he had seen a ghost.
Annie just sat there, motionless. Her hair was knotted, eyes puffy, lips cracked and dry. She was hurting. All she knew, was that Finnick had run off to the Capitol, and was giving attention to someone else. While she didn't have all the information, she could assume the worst, and that was the most horrible part of it all.
As Finnick looked at Annie, he began to process so many more emotions than he had planned. He spent years bottling them up, burying them deep in his soul. Was he ever protecting her? Or was that an excuse? Was he just avoiding this breakdown? Or, maybe, he was afraid that if he opened up too much, that he would lose her.
Finnick kneeled beside the girl, placing a hand on her limp arm. "Annie, please, look at me." His voice was deeper than usual, he felt a limp beginning to form in his throat. Tears welled in his sea-green eyes, just waiting to rupture, and send a waterfall of pain down his face. She turned to him, and there was nothing in her eyes. She looked like a zombie to him. Annie usually had bright eyes, ones that would make anyone fall in love with her. Now they were just cold. He felt a chill go down his spine.
"I shouldn't be here," Annie whispered. She felt lethargic, and yet her heart beat frantically. Confrontation wasn't her strong suit, she'd much rather hide and ignore whatever the problem was. "You shouldn't be either. I bet you enjoy giving your attention to the people in the Capitol. I bet you enjoy them a whole lot more than me."
Her words were venom, and Finnick hoped she didn't mean it. She must know how much he cared for her, right? Regardless of the meaning, it still burned a hole in his heart to imagine her thinking that way.
"Annie, don't ever think that. Please, just don't think that." His voice trembled. He felt so small, even as a grown man in his own house. His own house that he won as a boy. He won the house by killing other boys, and girls. Don't think like that, Finnick.
Annie stood sharply, looking down to him. "Don't think like that? I had a whole day planned for you. I had gifts that I bought with my own money. I was prepared to spoil you, and you tossed me away. For what? For them?"
It was shocking to hear the volume of her voice. Annie was always so frail in his eyes. Finnick feared that if the wind blew too hard, she'd fall apart, like a porcelain doll. He must have been wrong all this time.
He remained on the ground, looking up to her, putty in her hands. "I haven't been honest with you, Annie." He spoke slowly, as she scoffed and rolled her eyes. "I haven't been for a while. And... and I've been scared as hell that this would happen. Can.. we sit? Please?"
Annie looked down towards him, her expression unchanged. "I don't know, Finnick. What am I supposed to say here? I love you more than anything, but I don't know where you sit. I haven't for a very long time."
"Then let me tell you where I sit." He began to stand, and reached for her hand, which she quickly pulled away. "I'm going to sit on the couch. With you. Please?"
The two of them made their way to the couch, Annie placing herself as far away from Finnick as possible. She felt so betrayed, so broken. But she was willing to listen. He had been her whole life, how could either one of them throw it away?
"Tell me about the letter," She demanded. "I want to know what happened at the party."
Finnick felt another wave of tears form in his eyes, clouding his vision. You're supposed to be the strong one, Finnick. "I think I should start sooner than the party, just so it's a little easier to follow." He took a long pause, before taking a deep breath.
"I never told you how I felt after the Games. I... I wanted to shelter you from it. The whole experience was horrible, Annie, and I'm still living in it. My parents died in front of me, and that wasn't even the worst part. The worst part was watching the boy from District 7 die by my hands. By my weapon. I took his life, in order to save mine. How fucked up is that?" His hands began to shake, and he adjusted his position so that he was cowered in the corner of the couch. His knees were pulled up to his chest.
"I wanted to come home to you. So, I didn't care what happened. I knew you needed me, and thought that justified my actions. But the boy from 7 had people who needed him, too. I saw their faces during the Victory Tour. I had to look the parents in the face, and apologize.
That didn't fix anything, though, Annie. I still see his eyes at night. I still feel his blood all over me. I still see all of them. I didn't even bother learning their names before killing them." Finnick felt the tears streaming down his face, but he no longer cared.
Annie had never heard this perspective. She had never heard how he felt, and she assumed that was normal. She sang praises to him, and never batted an eyelash.
"I never told you about my nightmares, or the insanity that is my mind. I didn't want to haunt you with it, too. And that lead us here.
The main reason I survived was because of sponsors. The people in the Capitol saw this fourteen year old boy, and decided they liked him. They liked him so much, that they would pay thousands of dollars to even be near him. To touch him. To see his smile.
Snow warned me early on that one day I'd have extra duties to fulfill. He never elaborated, but I always knew what it would be. He made it so clear. It was my first year mentoring, the 77th Games, and he called to see me in his office. He warned me. And I didn't tell you.
Annie, I need you to know, that I don't expect you to stay with me. I don't expect you to love me again. I will continue to support you, even when you walk out the door. That's non-negotiable." Slowly, he began to speak clearer, and though the tears still flowed, he felt a sense of calm. He let the bottle loose. And it felt damn good.
"Finnick, I had no idea." Annie whispered, suddenly feeling like a stupid child. She was so blind. So selfish. "I always assumed that you were okay, and I'm.. So sorry." Her voice quivered, and she began crying, too.
He sighed, pulling his legs back down, so he was now sitting normally on the plush couch. "I didn't want you to know anything. It's not your fault, I should have told you. I need to apologize, though. On my birthday, I shouldn't have let you leave. That was a big mistake, and I should have just gotten up, and we would have eaten that cake, and swam in the ocean. I didn't want to admit to myself that my birthday had came.
About.. the party, though. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to say, Annie. Please believe me.
Since I'm now eighteen, Snow has granted me.. extra duties. I have no choice but to fulfill them. I know that. Haymitch— the only Victor from Twelve — warned me of what would happen if I didn't. He said the people I loved would die, even those I loved in secret. While there's no paper trail to our relationship, Annie, they still know. You read the letter. It was a threat.
Snow is forcing me to sleep with men and women from the Capitol. They pay him, and me, large amounts, and... They get their fill of Finnick Odair. It makes me sick. And.. And the night of the party. I had to do it. I had to sleep with a woman, who had deep pockets.
But I swear, Annie. I never wanted to. I just want to be home, with you, all the time. I want to protect you— Hell, that's all I've done for our whole lives. You've been my best friend, and the love of my life for more years than I can count. Hurting you, it's the worst pain that I could feel. I just.. I needed you to know why. I'm not choosing anyone but you, because despite your best interest, I am in love with you."
They both sat there in silence for a while. Finnicks eyes had dried up, and now they stared through the window, towards the ocean. Annie was still crying silently, her hand put in front of her mouth, hopping to stop the sounds of her sobs.
Finnick had unloaded years of baggage onto her, and she was prepared to carry it. How could she leave him like this? It wasn't his fault. Why is she still hurting?
The image of another woman, or man, kissing Finnick.. her Finnick.. It hurt her more than she'd ever say. How could she ever lay next to him without thinking about everyone else who is paying to do the same? What if one of them was prettier than her? Would he be with them, instead?
Her head was too loud, and pounded relentlessly. Slowly, Annie moves closer to Finnick, and pulled him into a hug. He melted into her, his body involuntary producing a loud sob.
"Thank you, Fin." She whispered. "I... I wish you would have told me everything sooner. I will never understand the pain you're going through, or what you have to do. But I love you, still." Her voice was interrupted by his.
Finnick smiled as he cried, "Annie, I need you. More than anything. I'm going to find a way to break free. I just can't risk losing you."
"You won't lose me. I'm hurt, but not nearly as much as you. It's going to be okay— We're going to be okay."
The couple stayed where they were for hours. Finnick being held by Annie, as she stroked his head and comforted him. He told more stories from the Games. He felt like a broken faucet. Once he started, he never stopped.
Sometime, though, they fell asleep. Entangled in each others arms. Worry filled both of their minds as they slept. Finnick worried about the Reaping, and how quickly it was approaching. The Sixty-Ninth Hunger Games wasn't far away. Annie could be chosen. Even if she wasn't, Finnick knew he would be forced to Mentor, and send his attention elsewhere. It hurt him to imagine Annie sitting at home, all alone, knowing he was with someone else. Would she be able to handle it?
The thought of losing her was too much to bear.
Annie was worried about him, though. She thought about how broken he was, and how easily her hid it. How could she ignore his pain for so long? She had failed him. That stung more than anything else had thus far.
Regardless of their worries, they laid with eachother, sleeping as peacefully as possible. Tomorrow didn't matter, and neither did the day after.
They had today, and that was enough to celebrate.
A/N:
Hey guys! I hoped you liked this chapter. I've been trying to pull them out super fast, and I'm hoping I haven't been losing quality in them.
I feel like I've made the chapters too short, and it's felt very rushed, so I decided to drag this one out a little bit.
Please let me know what you think! Your encouragement fuels me, and I love support!
Thank you for reading!