"Got any threes?"
"Nah, go fish!"
It was another day, another dollar for the toys in Andy's room as they lazily spent another Wednesday afternoon trying to kill time, Mr. Potato Head and Hamm were up to their usual games with the official Buzz Lightyear playing cards, deciding today that it was a good day to go back to the classics and just to play for fun this time around, or so it always began.
Mrs. Potato Head hummed a sweet tune to herself as she carried a book from one side of the room to another, looking for a story that she would read to the preschool toys today to help them get educated and, for the love of Pete, actually learn how to speak properly.
She knew they could, it just needed time and practice and today was definitely going to be one of those days.
"Alright, alright, how about some fives, eh?" She suddenly heard her husband bark from the other side of the room.
"Mmmm, go fish," came the cool reply from the piggy bank, who squinted as if deep in though.
"Hey, ya better not be lying ta' me, okay?" The potato grumpily replied as he reached to grab another card without knowing that he was tilting his cards to an angle where Hamm could get a peek at them every time he did.
That was when Mrs. Potato Head noticed something about her husband.
Of course, being her husband, she was allowed to oogle and stare at the goods whenever she wanted and while she was definitely not shy of doing such a thing on a daily basis, today seemed different.
Her mind wandered as she looked at Buzz, who was sitting on the bed with Squeaky and a few other toys as it was his turn that day to fix any problem the toys had.
Then, she looked over at Woody who was once again, cheekily flirting with the lovely shepherdess, Bo Peep.
The sheriff had his hat off again and he was giggling like a nervous schoolboy in front of his crush.
The final straw, however, was when she saw Rocky Gribalter lift the Little Tyke's firetruck and flip it back over, grunting as he did.
She couldn't stop herself from admiring as he flexed his plastic muscles, obviously very proud of his guns and thanking the manufacturers for making him that way.
Mrs. Potato Head then looked back at her husband, who was currently gawking at the fact that Hamm was getting more and more matches, wondering if the cheating swine was up to his old tricks again.
The more she looked, the more it rang to her that her husband had a more rounder shape than the other men in the room, he didn't have any muscles on his arms or even an admirable figure.
He was just a potato.
Mrs. Potato Head loved her husband very much, he was a sweetheart who would go mash and hash the entire world just for her.
Yet, there were days she wished he was a bit better looking, but he was a Potato Head, just like her, they were made for each other.
Heck, there were days were she felt that it was quite literally that way.
Still, it wouldn't hurt to have just a little fun with him.
"Hi, sweetheart," Mr. Potato Head quipped as she walked by the two toys who began their card game anew.
"Hi, dear," she replied in kind and gave him a quick peck on the cheek and a smack on his back lid, which took him by surprise and nearly made him lose his nose and eyes.
"Wh-What was-?" He flusterly began as he moved to readjust his facial features back onto his face.
"Dear, you know I love you," she gushed as she turned his entire body until he was completely facing her, "but, I think it's about time you lost a little bit of the weight, hmm?"
With a giggle and more gentle smack on the bottom, she left, leaving a very speechless Mr. Potato Head.
Hamm watched her walk away and whistled. "Boy, sure hope I never meet someone who makes me act like a.. well, you," The piggybank chuckled as he watched his friend's mouth quite literally drop in total shock.
Mr. Potato Head quickly regained his composure and cleared his throat before getting his cards again.
"Shut up.. ya got any fours?"
"You did hear what she said, right? You gotta hold back on them body parts, buddy," Hamm laughed as he put down his cards, opting to have the enjoyment of teasing his friend than beating him at a game of Go Fish for the 40th time.
Mr. Potato Head blushed and didn't say a word.
Of course he heard her, but what was he going to do about it? He was made like this, despite what anyone else said.
If he had a choice, he'd be someone like Buzz Lightyear or someone maybe even better than that.
But, nope, he was Mr. Potato Head.
And that fact would never change, which was something he settled with himself a long time ago.
After a while, the spud finally thought up a clever retort as to not let Hamm have the drop on him.
"You're one to talk, Mr. Pocket Change."
"Hey, well, I don't have a gal to be reminding me of that every minute of the day."
"Th-That was the first time and at least I've got someone!"
"Ha! Right! Someone to nag at you every day!"
"Hey, back off, okay? She's my wife and I love her very much."
"Alright, just don't come crawling to me whenever she makes you feel miserable."
"She never does, never. If anything, she's made me happier than I've ever been.. I mean.. I'm just very lucky to have her in my life."
"..."
"What's the matter, piggy? Jealousy got your tongue?"
"Never said I was jealous, I'd rather keep to my quarters."
"Well, my wife is worth more than the quarters in your stomach."
"If you say so.. Go Fish."
"I swear, if you're cheating this time.."
Mrs. Potato Head smiled as she listened in on the conversation.
Yes, she had moments where she would oogle at the other toys in the room, but in most romantic scenarios she thought of, it was hard to imagine Buzz, Woody or even Rocky to be the one to bring her flowers, plant kisses on her cheeks when she was upset and even lend her a hand when she needed it.
And yes, quite literally in that sense.
Though her husband was not perfectly built like Buzz or Rocky, he more than made up for than in his love and devotion for her every second of every day.
Even when there were girls like Jessie, Bo Peep or even Barbie around, Mr. Potato Head never hesitated to make her feel special and to make her feel like she was the most beautiful toy in the entire house.
In truth, she was a very lucky lady to have such a spud for a husband.
That was something Rocky's plastic muscles would never ever compare.
No.. not even close.