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Lean on Me
Somewhere a bell is ringing loudly – again and again. Then, I jerk awake. „What the…?" I mumble as I crawl off my sofa and head to the door of my apartment. On the way, I glance at my watch, „Man, it's 11 pm! Who on earth could that be?" Despite being sleepy, I feel a rising sense of foreboding and this feeling increases 100-fold when I open the door to reveal a crying Ami.
For the space of a heartbeat I stand frozen with panic. Never have I seen my dearest friend like that – crying openly, not trying to keep up the perfect facade. „ Ami, What happened? Are you hurt?" I finally manage to stutter despite my shock. Ami opens her mouth to answer but before she can do so, fresh tears start cascading down her cheeks. Immediately, I step forward and embrace my best friend, holding her and slowly pulling her into the apartment so I can close the door behind us.
For a long while we stand in the hall, Ami holding on to me tightly. I can feel her shaking slightly as she cries and my heart breaks at the pain my friend is in. Gently, I stroke her back and whisper, „Shhh, I'm here, Ami. It's ok, relax." At my words Ami's hold on me tightens even more as if she's afraid I'll disappear. This sends terror and joy through my entire body like lightning. I'm afraid that something truly terrible has happened to one of the most important people in my life. But at the same time I'm overjoyed that she has come to me of all people for support, that she trusts me so much.
While lost in thought I feel Ami's grip loosen somewhat and she pulls away, wiping off her tears. Looking up into my eyes she sobs, „My dad left." I stare at her. "What?!" I blurt out. She nods desperately and I'm confused. I know that Ami's parents have been divorced ever since she was a child but they always got along fine. So I ask, dreading the answer, "How do you mean, he left? Where did he go?" "He … he …", Ami stutters but I can see it's too painful for her and she's about to start crying again. "Ok, come on, let's go and sit down." She smiles a little as I put my arm around her shoulders and she puts hers around my waist and I lead her into the living room. We sit down next to each other and I grasp Ami's hand to offer support. Slowly, she calms down and her crying subsides.
After some time, which we spend in silence, Ami smiles weakly. "I'm so sorry for all this, Makoto! I …" "No apologies, Ami! You know I'm always here for you." "Thank you, Makoto!" Ami says, squeezing my hand. A tear rolls down her cheek and I can't resist the urge to brush it away. When I do, she smiles and exhales. "So, do you want to tell me what happened?" I whisper and Ami takes my hand from her cheek and holds it in both of hers. For a long moment she remains silent, holding on to me but staring at the lights visible outside my balcony door. Feeling impatient but knowing that any questions might make my best friend close up again, I wait.
"He just left, Makoto", Ami finally says, still not looking at me. Hundreds of thoughts and questions race through my head but I force myself to stay quiet. "You know, it's not like he's been around much anyway since I was little but still …", her voice trails off. "He was there", I finish the sentence for Ami. She nods silently and I can see new tears forming in her eyes. As my heart breaks anew, I remove my hand from between hers and gently taker her hands in both of mine. Finally, Ami turns to look at me and asks, with a voice so full of pain it physically hurts me, "Why, Makoto? Why did he decide to just leave and move to the U.S. to be with his new partner? And out of the blue, without warning or explanation?" I shake my head in silence and, feeling desperate, "I wish I knew, Ami. I truly wish I knew. Did he really not say anything else before he disappeared?" Ami looks away again and I can feel her hands trembling slightly. This fills me with a sense of trepidation because I know her dad can behave like a total jerk and it seems like we're approaching the event that has upset her so much. "He did say something else", Ami whispers, "What, Ami?" I ask softly, squeezing her hands. "He … he said that he'd had enough of it. Enough of the responsibility for me and the payments to my mom and everything else. And … and…" Ami's emotions overwhelm her again and she can't continue because her sobs have become too intense. Immediately, I let go of her hands and wrap my arms around her, pulling her close so that her head comes to rest on my shoulder. Unexpectedly, Ami turns more towards me and puts her arms around my waist, snuggling close and crying into my shirt. Again, just like when Ami arrived earlier, I'm torn apart by contradictory emotions. On the one hand I am overjoyed that I can hold Ami in my arms and be there for her. On the other hand my heart aches because my best friend is in so much pain. "Oh, Ami", I whisper, stroking her back. "I'm so sorry! I don't know what to say! This is…" Ami pulls closer to me and calms down slowly. "Mako, he said he didn't care about me or what I did anymore. That he wanted to be free again", she sobs as she pulls away from me a little, still hugging me loosely. I stare at her in shock and utter disbelief. "Oh my god! How on earth can he say something like that?! This is so cruel! I can't believe he did that! He's such a …" I stop myself before I say something too bad. Ami shakes her head, looking at me desperately. At this moment I wish, more than anything else, that I could provide any real consolation or at least make Ami's pain go away. But sadly, I can't do either and so all I can do is hold my friend and offer as much support as possible.
After some more silence I try again to put my feelings into appropriate words. "Ami, I … I'm so terribly sorry! This is so awful! I wish I could do something to help you!" I blurt out somewhat incoherently. Ami smiles sadly at me and says, grabbing my shoulders, "Makoto, you are doing more than enough. I don't know what I'd do without you. Your friendship means the world to me!" My heart soars at her words and I can't help but smile a little. "Oh, Ami! I couldn't imagine my life without you anymore. You are so important to me!" I reassure my best friend. Ami's face splits into a smile – the first happy smile I've seen this evening. This makes me feel happy too because my words brought about that change in Ami. As if reading my mind, Ami says, "Mako, I always feel so much better when I'm with you. Thank you so much!" "Always, Ami! Always!" I reply. Then, sensing that my friend is doing better, I get up, "How do you feel about a cup of tea?" Ami nods her approval and so I go and brew some tea.
When I reenter the living room a few minutes later, I stop in my tracks, holding the tray with the tea pot and two cups. Ami is sitting in the L-bend of the couch, curled up and fast asleep. I smile at the scene in front of me, "Wow, she's really fallen asleep. She must be exhausted and", I pause in my thoughts, "she really trusts me. How grateful I am!" Quietly, I put the tray on the couch table. And although pain has lead her to me, I feel incredibly grateful because I know Ami wouldn't have dozed off if she didn't trust me completely. And she's not someone who trusts easily and so I appreciate it so much more than I can ever put into words.
Seeing Ami shift in her sleep, I come out of my reverie. I walk over, get a blanket and carefully cover her with it. Immediately, she snuggles into it and I smile contently. Then I pour myself a cup of tea, take a sip and sit down next to my friend. I gaze at her again as she sleeps peacefully and am grateful that she's able to relax. Silently I vow to myself to always be there for her and protect her. Just then Ami moves again and our hands touch. Surprisingly, I hear her mumble my name and as I whisper, "I'm here", Ami grasps my hand more tightly. I smile and make myself comfortable as I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.
The End