Hey! I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Disclaimer: By now, if you still think I'm Rick Riordan, you're either stubborn as hell, or have been ignoring these disclaimers. Honestly, that would be a shame, because I put too much effort into these.
~headline: self care twenty four seven baby~
…
Percy sighs as he falls onto his bed. He's been working non-stop for the last couple of days, and finally his management is letting him take a break, a three day one to be precise. It's nice, since it seems he's been working non-stop, so taking a short little breather will hopefully help. Tomorrow, he's going to hang out with Leo and Nico in a non work situation, which is excellent, because whenever he's working with them, Leo's scrolling through dating apps, and Nico's glaring at him. So it's refreshing to actually be with them just as friends.
His stomach grumbles, and he realizes that's probably because he hasn't eaten since the morning, when he'd had toasted raisin bread and butter. Which meant he really hadn't had anything of substance all day, so it was time to order food because Percy's virtually incapable of making anything other than microwave mac and cheese, toast and occasionally cookies. But only occasionally. Sometimes he forgets how. It's a problem, but Percy's a teenager, and why learn how to make food when you can order from all the wonderful restaurants that deliver?
Pulling out his phone, he goes to the contact of his favorite Pizza Place, I Love You to Pizzas, in his phone, and although the name is stupid and dumb he loves it since the food is always on time and the pizza is absolutely immaculate. Each box comes with a different variation of puns and jokes which Percy enjoys far more than he likes to admit. So far, he's gotten: Have a Slice Day! Cheesus Crust! And In Pizza We Crust! They make him cringe every time he sees them, but he admires the person who creates them, because honestly, who gets so lucky in life they get paid for making puns? It's brilliant. The workers also never question his strange requests for delivery, because obviously, he can't tell them who he is without news coverage on it.
He taps the call button, and it rings exactly once. "Hello!" An enthusiastic voice greets him, "Thanks for calling I Love You to Pizzas, how can I help you?" He smiles slightly, and rubs his right eye.
"Uh, could I just have one large pepperoni pizza," Percy mumbles, because he's hungry, awkward, and doesn't know how to make proper conversation. And he's also gotten to the level where he eats full-sized pizza's on his own. But that's okay, because he has a fast metabolism and maintains a pretty strong stature for a teenage boy he's age. Well, to be honest, it's above "pretty strong," because somehow he has abs.
"Of course." The voice says, thoroughly chilled and calm. They don't seem fazed at all. He admires essential workers for that. They deal with a lot of shit, and never seem to lose their cool. Unlike Percy, who is nervously tapping his hands against his bed frame because he's nervous about speaking. "And do you want us to drop this up, or will you pick it up?"
"Drop off." As always.
"Okay, sounds good." he hears the sound of typing in the background ,and the faint chatter of restaurant occupants. "Could you give us your address?"
Percy tells them to drop it in his mailbox, instead of giving them a specific address. The mailbox doesn't have his real name, rather an alias that he uses when checking into hotels and other facilities while on tour. It helps with privacy, but Percy kind of hates it. Yes, it keeps him safe, but it also puts him into even more of a box, like he's caged in his own identity.
But back to pizza, right? The person on the line tells him it'll arrive in roughly thirty minutes, which is excellent because his stomach is rumbling again, probably saying something like: "get me food you absolute loser." Percy agrees with it. Pop-stars can be losers too. He's a stark example of that. Especially since he just imagined an entire back and forth with his stomach, which is definitely not normal.
"Glad that's over," He mutters, setting his phone down on the bed side table. It's not that Percy doesn't like people— he loves people, people are great— it's just that with a day of having to interact and manage an occupation that literally relies on people, he gets tired. Like any person would. Talking to fans is great and interacting with his team is fine, but it leaves him feeling drained. Always so drained.
To pass the time, he pulls out his guitar from it's case, and begins strumming a bunch of random cords— doing an alternation between G, C and D. He moves his fingers, effortlessly finding each fret from memory. Depending on the song, Percy switches from guitar pick to fingers, and this sounds a lot better with normal strumming. He downstrums two times in a row, and then up strums once, tapping on the side of his guitar as he does so. It creates a nice pattern, so he picks up his phone, goes to the audio memo's app, and presses the record button, repeating the pattern. It sounds nice. He hums along to it, because sometimes, melodies just come to him. Sometimes with words, sometimes without them. He stops the recording, and then listens back to it, and it really does sound decent.
He plays around with the guitar for a little longer, and then checks the time. Pizza should arrive any minute, so he carefully sets his guitar back into its case. The case is navy blue, and has a bunch of stickers from previous tours and landmarks he's visited. It was a gift from his mother when he first got picked up by Dionysus. The case itself is a bit battered up, but he loves it to death.
The case slams shut, a sound Percy will never get used to, and he zips it closed. Every time he goes outside sunglasses and a hat are required. Well, not really, it's not like he'll get arrested if he doesn't wear them, obviously, but it will dramatically decrease his safety. So he grabs a blue cap that reads "Pylos," on it, just something he bought a while back for the sake of it, and slinks downstairs to his mailbox. Even though he's pretty covered up, plenty of fans can tell who he is just from his body (which is terrifying to think about), so he stays in the shadows. Once he gets to the mailbox, he grabs the pizza, which is thankfully intact, and rushes back up to his apartment. The pun this time, makes him chuckle, because he really has reached that level of humor.
Q: What's the pizza makers favorite song?
A: Slice, Slice, Baby.
It sounds like the kind of joke Leo would make, and that really means he's hit rock bottom.
He makes his way back to his room quietly and slowly, and once he gets to his room, he can't help but give in. He can never resist the smell of chunky marinara sauce and mozzarella cheese. It eludes him, as weird as that sounds. He picks out a piece, and takes a bite of it. Even better. Being the quick eater he is, he finishes the pizza quickly, and then recycles the box.
Thirty minutes later, he's sound asleep, pizza box right next to him, with a little food baby in his stomach.
…
"How's Calypso?" Leo says, out of the blue. It's the next day and he, Nico, and Austin are all hanging out at Percy's flat. Leo's spinning around nonsensically in a desk chair, Nico's on the floor, and Austin is sitting next to him.
Percy looks up from his guitar. "Good, I guess." He says.
"She's your girlfriend, right, like, don't you check up on her or something?"
"Or something." Percy echoes. "She isn't really my girlfriend. It's all for the press, you know that right? I haven't even seen her in the last couple of days." It's true. They've texted back and forth a bit about "date" logistics, but nothing much other than that. "Should I be checking up on her?"
Leo sighs almost dreamily, which makes sense, because he's a love-sick, romantic, kind of guy. Though he can't seem to hold onto a girl. Or any girls, for that matter. "I would. How is she? Is she nice?" He probes.
"Yeah." Percy says slowly. "I guess. We haven't really gotten to know each other that much." He looks over to Nico, hoping he'll take pity and save him, but of course he's uninterested, typing something onto his phone and smiling. "Nico!" He says, moving to switch up the conversation. "How are you? Met any cool people?"
Nico looks up from his phone, obviously oblivious to the conversation going overhead. Austin lets out a laugh, and Nico glares daggers at him. "What were you saying?" He asks.
"Met anyone lately?" Percy repeats.
Nico looks down at his phone. "Oh. I met this cute guy at a bar. Name's Will."
Percy wiggles his eyebrows, and Nico puts the middle finger up at him. "Anything coming out of it?"
"None of your business." Nico replies adamantly, and then goes back to typing on his phone. Austin peers over, trying to get a gauge at what he's looking at, but without even a glance, Nico slaps his hand away. "Literally stop."
Leo smiles, probably glad that he's not the one Nico's anger is getting directed too. "I love these talks we have." Leo helpfully adds to the conversation, and then slowly scoots away from Nico, because no one wants to be around Nico when he's angry. Which is, admittedly, all the time, but especially not when he's really really angry.
"Valdez?" Nico growls, "shut up, no one asked."
"Why can't we just be interested in your love life?" Austin adds in, "I mean, the little of it you have."
Nico scoffs. "Because it's none of your business. Go bother Percy about Calypso you idiots."
Austin shrugs, and Leo directs his attention, back to Percy. "I'm cool with that. Calypso is more interesting anyway."
"Dude, do you like her or something?"
Leo looks offended. "Why would ever make you think that?"
"Because you fall for every girl in a ten foot radius of you?" Percy suggests, looking back down at his guitar, fiddling with the knobs on the side to tune it. It's not spectacularly out of tune, but his high E loosened a bit the other day, so he's trying to fix it.
"That's not true!" He protests.
Percy holds up his fingers, "Silena, before you figured out she had a boyfriend, Lacy, because she smiled at you once, Juniper, because you guys accidentally brushed hands—"
"And don't forget Zoe." Austin offers, "she didn't slap you immediately, so you took that as flirting or something?"
"Fine." Leo stops spinning on the chair and holds his hands up. "I guess it's just pick on Leo day."
"I think that's everyday." Nico retorts, looking up from his phone after a long silence. "I mean, I'd vote for it to be like that everyday."
Austin says "I," and everyone but Leo laughs. Percy thinks about how nice it is to have friends. Sure, they're connected to his job, but there's a huge difference between talking to friends in a stress-inducing situation versus a comfortable one. It's not completely normal, of course, but it's the closest he'll get to it in real life.
…
The term falling in love, is named appropriately. Because that's what it feels like. It feels like Percy is falling down a nonsensical hole full of delusions. There are ways he can pull himself out of it all, but he doesn't. He forces himself to keep falling, because that's what he wants to do. He wants all the pain, all the fear, all the emotions, everything. He wants everything. The best and worst part of it all is that he doesn't know when it's going to end. On the one hand, if he's falling, he isn't dying, but on the other-hand, the uncertainty of when you can hit rock bottom is terrifying.
Love is different for different people. It can be a blessing and a curse. While some people don't want to love, don't want to think that they're linked to another person, others thrive on it. Percy is one of the latter. Because believe it or not a part of his livelihood is linked to Acropolis. Her witty comments and wise advice keeps him focused and happy.
Whenever he receives a message from her, there's a flutter in his heart, one he hasn't felt for any girl before. It's like his heart skips a beat, eager for him to look at whatever random thing she's sent him. This time, it's simply: "Pro-tip: Caffeine cannot! I repeat, cannot! Get rid of headaches! It worsens them (so much)."
"Have you perhaps," he writes, "tried Advil? Which is literally made for that?"
"I should. I just really really don't want to go downstairs right now. I think an intervention is coming along with my father and step-mom, and I really don't want to hear what they have to say."
"What do you mean by 'an intervention'?"
"Probably that I can't stay holed up in my room whenever I'm home. And that I should stop eating all the snacks at night."
"That doesn't sound too bad."
"It really is P, I was trying to be secretive about the snacks. I didn't think they'd find out."
"Why are you holed up in your room?" He asks, though he knows the answer. It's the same reason he stays in his room, whenever he can. Avoidance. Of the world, of people, of every bull-shit thing that exists.
"Whenever I'm not in it, my father tries to get me to talk about school."
"What's wrong with school?"
"Absolutely nothing." She says, "how's school for you, anyway? I feel like we never talk about your school experience. Is it anywhere as bad as mine?"
Percy bites his lip. It's the one topic he's always studiously avoided. Any normal kid his age would be a high school senior, but Percy isn't. He used to get tutored from time to time, but now he isn't in school or tutoring. There's absolutely nothing he can say, truthfully at least.
"Fine." Percy writes, and then deletes. It sounds too short, too obviously forced. "Normal. You know, I guess I'm learning," he sends. That's natural enough, right?
"Yeah, same. Do you ever write songs about school?"
"Not really." Percy replies, truthfully. "I like to separate those two things."
"Makes sense." He sighs, in relief. It's good he doesn't have to explain it any further. Her message continues, "Have you come up with any new songs?"
"I was able to compose a little bit. No words though. It kind of sucks."
"I'm sure it's not that bad. I mean, it's not like you have a deadline. You have all the time in the world."
That's absolutely not true. "I kind of do," it's about time he says something remotely honest.
"I'm not following…?"
"Internal deadline," he amends. It's easy to play off, because in his mind, he does kind of have an internal deadline. Sure, he has one set by Dionysus and the others, but in his head, there's a different one. He wants to write good songs, really does, and he thinks he has in the past, at least. Internal deadlines are important, but they do inflict another level of stress upon him. He wants to get things done faster than he can, but because his process has become so slow, it's hella difficult.
"That makes sense." He smiles. She just always seems to understand.
"I'm glad it makes sense to you," Percy says, "because it really doesn't make any fucking sense to me. But yeah. I think that sometimes the expectations I set for myself are harsher than the ones that actually exist. Honestly, my brain just needs to take a chill pill."
She sends him a fist bump emoji, because that's just the kind of thing Acropolis would do. "Same, pass them over when you're done with them."
"I'll be sure to," he replies, and then signs off, going to set his phone down to charge.
Percy lays in his bed, knowing that in one and a half days, he'll be back in the studio, drained of all creativity. He knows he'll be forced into a box again, made to seem like something he never is, and never has been. These last couple days have been nice. He's had a steady stream of music— notes and harmonies— coming to him, but no words.
But maybe now, if he just sits down and writes, something will come out. It doesn't have to be great, but it'll be something.
He takes out a pencil and a sheet of notebook paper, and sits down on the spinny chair, formerly occupied by Leo just the other day. He sets the paper on his desk, and puts his pencil to the paper, and his first thought? Writing a song is kind of like falling in love. At least, the falling part of it all. Because— for him at least, every time he looks at a piece of paper, or looks at his old lyrics, he feels a hole in his stomach. A bottomless pit beneath him, within him, and around him. There's never a carefree feel to it, at least, not anymore. Back in New York when he wrote on his own time, freely, there was inspiration all around him. Happy people, sad people, quiet people, loud people, he was a lot bolder back then. There was a point in time where he would just go around, and ask people their story. Listening to their experiences not only helped him sort out his own, but it allowed him to meet all kinds of amazing people. Sometimes, a song would come out of it, and other times, the stories were so personal, he kept them to himself. Almost like a secret, between two people. He used to think of himself as the "narrator," of people's lives. Well, no more.
If he had lived in LA during that time, people probably would have just scoffed and walked away quickly. It's so crazy how people in different places can be so different. Maybe not spectacularly, everyone's human at heart, but it feels like in California, people's reactions are stunted. They're one of two things: jaded and too fed up in their own life to worry about others, or hyper-aware in the sense that they keep up with all the latest news and follow every celebrity imaginable.
He looks down at his paper again, and this time, a couple lines are scribbled haphazardly onto it. He squints, unable to read it at first.
"When it feels like you're falling
every word you write,
know that it'll end,
so stay strong, with all your might."
He's not entirely sure where they came from. Maybe it was the amalgamation of his thoughts— the manifestation of his doubts and complaints. But the weird part of it all, is that the lyrics are strangely hopeful, "know that it'll end/so stay strong with all your might," is motivating, powerful. And Percy hasn't been thinking about powerful thoughts. He was thinking about phonies, falling and changing, none of which have any hugely positive connotation to them. So was there something else going around in the back of his mind? Maybe he pushed it back, thinking it was unimportant. Or maybe he felt like he wasn't worthy of those feelings— of that encouragement, that hope.
The part of Percy he doesn't show, is the part he's scared of. It's the part of him that's Pylos— the part of him that knows he'll always be hooked onto something, someone. And although it doesn't seem like it, and he's never been portrayed that way, he wants to have love be permanent. He wants to keep falling into that nonsensical hole of delusions, and not stop. Because that's what love is all about, right? Uncertainty. Not knowing what's going to come back, but embracing it anyway. It's passion, it's care, it's pain, it's fury, it's so many things, wrapped together into one big emotional bundle. And the crazy part of it all? Percy opens his arms to that bundle. He loves the idea of falling love. And that's what he's doing right now.
But of course, with the luck he has, there's all types of problems attached to that. So these days, the most he can do is dream. Of course, he loves individual things: activities, passions, places, but there's a big difference in loving a person, another human being. It's way more complicated. Percy loves love, but those complications are the enemy of that love. An enemy he's not sure how to defeat. There are two many of them in front of him, it's a paradox.
So for now, he waits for the right time to strike against it— maybe that's the wrong wording, love isn't necessarily a battlefield like some may say. War is gruesome, and love is not. Sure, you can get fed up with love, but you know it's always on your side.
He wishes he could relay this to Acropolis, but of course, that would add a whole new context to their relationship. It would add complications, and of course, the threat of losing his normality. So maybe it's best if he writes this one down, and keeps it to himself.
The true me,
Is something I don't think you'll ever see,
They refute me, testify, put out lies
But only three,
Know what you don't see
It may never end up going anywhere, but it's what he was for now. They aren't his best, obviously, but they're raw, and have this real feeling to Percy he hasn't experienced before, at least, recently before. It may never be seen through the world's prying eyes, but it'll be seen by his, and really, isn't that what matters the most?
…
His break ends soon enough (sadly enough), and he goes back to work. But now, with several new lines of lyrics flowing through his mind, the motivation to create, to write music, compose songs, is back. It's a surreal feeling, something he hasn't experienced in a while which makes it overwhelming. Some of the words, he can't directly place down on paper, they never sound exactly right, but others, even Nico things have potential. He has plenty of editing to do, and even more publicity runs— there's a meet in greet he's planning here in LA sometime soon with Calypso— but he feels accomplished, like for the first time, he has a grasp on all of this stuff and in a way, it's a grasp on his own personal reality. It's the first time he's had a grasp on it for a while.
Girl in My Corner is being released soon, and although he'll have a lot to confront at the release of it— Acropolis, people thinking Calypso is the so-called girl in his corner— he's excited to see what people will think about it. He's tweaked a couple of the lyrics, hoping that Acropolis doesn't notice it, but he knows that she will. She's an extremely observant person. Even so, it's been a long time since he's been eager to release a song, eager to show off his new music. And he's ready to take it all, no matter what the "all" has attached to it. Because finally, finally, he's getting back into his stride, and he doesn't want anyone to get in the way of that.
…
~find yourself, before anything else~
This was such a slug to write! It's a filler chapter, but also really important development for Percy. Fyi— the next five chapters will all be fairly action-packed. (and also all the pizza puns here were kinda just self-indulgent). Tysm for reading! Leave a review, I'd love to hear what you think! Stay safe and healthy! Until the next chapter!
[Guest]: Annabeth is older than Percy, just like in canon. Opening up to Pylos was a stretch for her, she'll have to get more comfortable before doing it again. Your third question is answered in a future chapter, and I wouldn't want to spoil it. Tysm!
TheLil'Lion