At the top of the stairs of the newly appointed Justice Hall, Batman and Green Lantern waited for Conner with matching grimaces; oddly enough, Batman had a newspaper tucked beneath his arm (and wasn't he more the digital type?). Conner stomped his way up, bouncing Lian impatiently on his hip. He'd only barely managed to remember to grab the baby-supply-bag (calling it a diaper bag felt stupid) at the last second, though he had no idea what was in there. Hopefully it was enough to get them through the bullshit. "What's he done this time?"

"Good to see you too, kid. I'm digging the purse." Hal led the way through the warren of tall, cavernous hallways. Following the destruction of the Hall of Justice by L-Ron, a new building had been needed in DC to handle the bulk of the diplomatic and governmental busywork that the League found themselves subject to in order to operate legally. Since an endless wave of government workers and foregin diplomats through the Watchtower posed a significant security risk, ground was immediately broken and the similarly named but newly designed Justice Hall was thrown together in under a week. This was the first time Conner had seen it in person, but Kaldur had mentioned it could be confusing to navigate.

"It's more about what he wants to do that we're worried about," the Bat said. "Did you hear about his recent recommendation by the U.N Security Council for the position of Secretary General?"

"Last I checked, he was laying low while his chemo wrapped up." Conner scowled, gently thwarting Lian's attempts to shove her fist in his mouth. Again. "When was this? I haven't been keeping up with the news lately, but it's only been for a week."

"Well, Lex has been busy and he moves quickly. He was able to secure the initial votes, so all that's left is for a final vote at the general assembly and he'll be confirmed for the position. From what our intel indicates, he's going to get it." Batman's entire lower face could have been hewn from stone.

Angry, displeased stone.

Hal heaved a sigh, skirting past a group of Amazonian women in business suits with a polite nod. "Why? He's been to prison four times. He's almost gone at least a dozen more. Yet people can't stop handing him power. I don't understand it."

"There's a difference between being charged and being convicted," Batman countered. "And Lex's lawyers have always managed to twist things so he looked like either a victim of circumstance or a moralistic CEO who only pretended to be evil so he could take the real bad guys down. It certainly worked on the Reach trial, if only barely, so I imagine he's switching arenas for a while. Regardless of why, the fact is that he's going to be voted in by the end of the week and there is little we can do to stop it."

"So where do I come in?" Conner raised an eyebrow.

Batman grimaced. "Now that's an interesting question. He showed up here himself, saying he wanted to give the League the opporuntity to ask whatever questions we may have about his appointment as well as to offer his earnest efforts at resolving a meta-human trafficking problem in Bialiya. A show of good faith, in the spirit of close collaboration with the League. We believe his information is good. The only problem is, he refuses to talk to anyone but you."

"Me?" Conner felt his mouth drop open. "Why? I have no standing in the League. I'm only part time with the Team, if that. He could have called me-" he broke off.

Damn.

"Evidently, he tried that."

Conner pinched the bridge of his nose. "I left my phone behind in the Watchtower for that recon mission: I had my communicator, so I didn't even think about. Then Will and Artemis had a family emergency with Jade come up and since I'm the only unemployed babysitter that could stay for an unspecified amount of time…." he sighed and ran his free hand through his hair, glaring at the ground. "I'm going to kill him if he gets elected to the UN because he thought I was ignoring his texts."

Hal snickered. "Don't say that in front of so many heroes, buddy. Seriously. Alibi."

"So you need me to go in and ask him about the meta-human ring?"

"That is today's goal," Batman confirmed. Pausing outside the door, he held out the newspaper. "But first, there's something I think you should see…"

"God damn it, Dad," Conner snapped, slapping the paper down on the gleaming marble top table. "This is about the name change again, isn't it?"

The room they were in was sunny and bright, full of long thin windows divided by columns. Vases of tasteful flowers hovered attentively on tables, while large and vaguely apolitical oil paintings hung from the walls. Batman and Green Lantern's soft steps were muffled by discrete, thin rugs whose color chart name was probably something insufferable like Goodwill Among Men Green. Conner took it all in with only a short glance, before redirecting the power of his glower at the man seated at the table, staring languidly at his phone.

Lex raised an eyebrow. "There's my son. It's so good to see that you're not dead in a ditch somewhere. I did wonder when you neither responded to my many attempts to contact you nor returned home for over a week."

Conner groaned. "I knew you were watching me over the security cameras-"

"I check in to confirm your safety on occasion, yes."

"-but fine. Whatever. I'm creeped out but not exactly surprised." Conner stabbed a finger at the paper. "But what does surprise me is this. Care to explain?"

With a breezy glance, Lex pulled the paper towards himself and flipped it open with the air of a Sunday morning peruse. Dug around in his lapel pocket for a pair of reading glasses Conner knew he kept entirely for show (he'd had Lasik, damn it) and perched them on the edge of his nose before scanning the article. "Ah, yes. I see you have managed to hear the good news about my nomination. It would be nicer if we could just chat, rather than rely on the papers to keep us up to date on the going ons in each other's lives."

"Final paragraph," Conner grit out.

"Ah, yes," Lex said. " Regarding Mr. Luthor's four month withdrawal from the business world, a spokesman from LexCorp said that he has been taking time away to finish recovering from his successful cancer treatments, preferring to celebrate his remission privately at home with his son, Conner. A little misleading, I know, but technically the home you are living in is one of mine even if only one of us resides there. Or you were residing there, last I checked."

Conner threw up his hands, waving one at Lian, currently held in Hal's arms, happily distracted by a dancing elephant shape made entirely of green light. "Something came up, because sometimes , other families have emergencies too, Lex. I forgot my phone. Christ, you could have just called someone in the League if you were really that worried."

Lex glanced around the room. "I did. And here we are."

"You could have done that without being nominated-" Conner broke off and felt his eyebrows steeple sharply. Stared at Lex. Crossed his arms. "You want something. I knew it. This is the name change thing. I told you. I like Kent." He huffed and glanced away, grumbling, "Conner Luthor sounds stupid. The repetition is in the wrong place."

Lex's glanced waspishly over the eyeglasses as he removed them. "Our differing opinions on syllabic symmetry aside, this is not about the name change thing. Look around you, if you don't believe in the gravity of the situation. The UN Secretary General is an important position with world altering consequences. Meta human lives are at stake." Punctuating that final point with his folded glasses, Lex let the silence trail for a good two seconds. "This is about your birth certificate. And fine, a little bit about your name."

Conner dropped into a chair, covering his face in his hands. "Really? You want to do this now?"

"Amending it should be a straightforward matter. From what I understand, there is no father currently listed on your legal documentation, as your cover story was that of a child of a drug addicted single mother from Honolulu who fell into foster care when she overdosed. I'm happy to spin some narratively satisfying story about forbidden love or a forgettable affair or whatever you like so long as it makes it easier to leave you my money when I die." Lex reached into a pocket of his briefcase and pulled out a small sheaf of legal documents. Summoned a fountain pen with a surreptitious click. "Just a few signatures and we can discuss the meta human crisis in Bialiya."

Conner didn't budge, gaze flat. "You're not dying."

"Not anymore."

"You haven't been dying for weeks."

"More good news, yes."

"Which means," Conner continued. "This isn't purely about inheritance. Or my name. We've had these conversations before and while you twisting my arm by leveraging the lives of innocents does not remotely surprise me, the timing is too convenient. I know you too well to believe this was coincidence." He stabbed a finger at the paper. "That was published this morning, so that quote is from yesterday. This nomination came out of nowhere, but you've got enough dirt on politicians to turn the fucking moon into an international space garden, so I fully believe you could make it happen in a few days. So tell me: what does my birth certificate have to do with me not coming home for a week?"

Lex glared at him.

Conner glared back.

The silence was fraught- both with familial ire and the far more legitimate frustration of those impacted by it professionally and politically.

Regardless, everyone was glaring at Lex.

"I may have incorrectly assumed," Lex said, at length. "That when you appeared to drop off the face of the developed world with your mutt, that the only logical place you could have gone was Kansas. Where else could be immune to cellular signals and traffic cameras?"

"You have access to traffic cameras-" Hal began.

"I was babysitting in Star City," Conner wailed, pointing again at Lian. "And why would you care if I visited my grandparents anyway? You've never cared before. I'm seeing them next week. They keep inviting you to come with!"

"I don't care about them," Lex huffed, staring vexedly out an adjacent window. "But even if your other father has learned to play nicely, it doesn't mean he gets to swoop in and claim you just because your names already match or if you decide you'd rather live in Kansas. I'm the better parent and I want credit. He can't have this."

"He's not getting it!" Conner dragged his hands through his hair. "I'm not moving to Kansas. I've never offered to amend my birth certificate for him. I didn't even know his last name was Kent when I picked mine."

"That does make me feel better."

"You are unbelievably petty. Tell me about the meta-humans."

Lex waved the pen. "Sign first."

"Unbelievably petty," Conner repeated, pinching the bridge of his nose with his hands. Realized he was imitating Lex and stopped. "You actually nearly became the Secretary General of the UN out of spite."

Lex shrugged, unruffled. "Yes, but I think I'll go through with it now. Sounds fun."

"Fun," Batman repeated, tone devoid of any knowledge of said word.

"You do realize the UN handles all of the sanctions regarding the Justice League, even on a nation specific level." Lex let out a happy sigh and pressed a steadying hand to his no-doubt shriveled heart. "My job will be to legitimately harass Superman. Legally. On Television. For at least five years, with no term limits. You know, they say your golden years are so great because you finally get to devote all your time to doing what you love…."

In the Hall's security room, Conner clenched his fists at his father's composed show of shuffling through his legal papers on screen. The unnecessary reading glasses had made a comeback to complete the pageantry. He sighed and dug around in the supplies-that-are-often-diapers bag, relieved to find a bottle with pre measured formula. A quick detour to a drinking fountain later and he gave Lian her lunch, albeit a lumpy, not fully dissolved one. He'd make it up to her later with extra fruit snacks. "So, what does this mean for the League?"

"A five year headache," Batman said with only a bare trace of humor. "It'll be difficult for him to act against us openly, unless there's some kind of incident to sway the rest of the UN. He won't be without oversight, but there are plenty of annoying things he can do without running the risk of being vetoed."

"He isn't appointed yet, Spooky," Hal pointed out. "There's still time. Can't we call in favors?"

"Apart from the huge breach of ethics that asking any member to change their vote would pose? No, not really. The UN is largely pro-Justice League on a public level, but they get nervous about our independence from them as much as any one country: they just do it all together now and call it a meeting. Still, our impact is more positive than negative and their best interests are in cooperating with us to ensure we play by their rules: generally, the Secretary General is expected to be our chief collaborator. I didn't think Lex could pull something like this off before because he's always been so outspoken against the League, but he's been busy. His success with the Rhodesian treaty managed to help paint his arguable assistance of the Reach in a less harsh light, plus his time helping you recover on the Watchtower has played favorably behind closed doors."

Conner arched an eyebrow. "How so?"

"Superboy existing, much less as Lex Luthor's son, is still mostly a secret to the general public, but it is becoming much more widely known in the justice community. Not only did he get the benefit of being seen during your treatment and providing us with at least a dozen designs he's chosen not to patent for 'the good of humanity', but now he also gets to soak in the assumption that because of you, he has layers of interest in seeing the League succeed."

"But he hates Superman," Hal objected. "Why do they think he made a kid with Superman if he didn't… oh. It totally makes him look less opposed to the League." He wrinkled his nose. "Doesn't that also make him look like a creepy stalker who made an illegal clone kid? How is that not worse ?"

"Hybrid," Conner said. "Not a clone."

"Not by sticking to his story that he didn't know his DNA was used, that Cadmus was trying to capitalize on his intellect when they chose him for a second genetic donor," Batman countered. "In light of that, it looks like he's making the best out of an unexpected situation. Regardless, it still does the job of subtly convincing the general assembly that he's got plenty of motivation to play nicely with us, whether he wants to or not." He ended that with a glance at Conner. "'Or not' being a very real possibility we can capitalize on."

Conner gave him a flat look. "Are you asking me to keep up my relationship with my mean science dad in order to give the League leverage over the next Secretary General?"

"If you'd be so kind."

"Okay," Conner said, holding up a hand. "I'll do it, because I'm already going to and because I'd actually decided to amend my birth certificate for the sake of making him happy before he pulled this bullshit. That's fine. Lex is in my life to stay, but-" and here he dragged the word out with a firm look at the Bat. "-I meant what I said about being VERY part time. Not just with the missions, but with this too."

Batman nodded. "Understood."

"I want to make sure you do." Conner bounced Lian as she gave a warning burble. Hal brought the dancing elephant back to life over his shoulder, grinning at Conner's grateful nod. "This isn't just about me wanting to go back to school. I only have so much give-a-damn per calendar year about whatever Lex is subjecting the world to. I know I should be better than that. I know I should care about the plight of others without reserve, but it is what it is. I'm only half boy scout. Remember that. Ration that."

"I can't promise Lex won't do multiple awful things a year."

"Of course not. Lex can't promise that," Conner said with a sigh. "And I'm not asking you to. I'm just reminding you about the reality of the situation. My patience is a finite resource. If you come to me and tell me what bad things he's doing, I promise I will get upset. I will yell at him. It will come up at family dinners and holidays. I will apply pressure where I can, but- and I cannot stress this enough- I will run out the ability to care at some point, so please, before you ask me to make a stink about anything, ask yourself if it's really that important."

Lex practically vibrated out of his chair with open delight as Conner dropped into the chair beside him and picked up the pen. He pushed the shief towards him- apparently he'd spent their little break attaching post-it note arrows to the signature and initial lines, the smug bastard- and grinned. "It should barely take a week to finish processing this," he said, as Conner began scribbling on each page. "Just in time for the gala being thrown in honor of my appointment. It would be nice," he added, as Conner scribbled the final one. "To introduce you as Conner Luthor. You know. To avoid confusion. Don't worry- I brought the legal name change application as well-"

"No." Conner scowled. "I'm going to be your bastard baby with a Hawaiian drug addict. The last thing people are going to care about is my last name. Metahuman information now."

Lex crossed his arms. "But-"

"Don't you dare re-neg on this deal. I don't care if we didn't specify exact terms with evil-genie-thwarting levels of specifism. I will walk away right now."

"Of course not, son," Lex said, sliding a plain black flash drive towards him with only a mild show of affront. "Here's the information in full. I always keep my word to you. I merely bring it up because it would be easier to file the forms together and we both know the topic will come up again."

Conner passed the flash drive over his shoulder to Batman, waiting until the man waved it over the tech in his glove's wrist and nodded to him. "I told you, I don't want to change my name right now. I'm already living at your house and now legally going to be your child. It is already a lot."

"I understand. I won't bring it up again right away. Give you a break." Lex spread his hands, then examined his nails. "Besides, it'll give Batman time to thoroughly examine that flash drive first. Legal name changes can get a bit complicated sometimes, paperwork wise. He may wish to observe the process for his own future reference."

"Explain." The Batman's voice held no hint of a question.

Conner briefly considered slamming his head into the table. Or Lex's. What was he up to this time? "For fuck's sake, Dad."

Lex shrugged innocently. "No, no. I shouldn't gossip, especially not about any problematic former criminal associates who may or may not have acquired some very specific-purpose information from me. I don't know for sure what she means to do with it, it's just somewhat easy to infer." Lex sighed. "Such things could put me at significant risk, after all. I'd certainly need a good reason to even consider it. Forget I said anything."

"She." Batman said.

Conner heaved a sigh he felt to his toes. It was bad enough having to deal with Lex's bullshit, but it was four times worse when he was being a cryptic asshole about it. "Middle initial L and I spell out Luthor only on forms that specifically require it. Take it or leave it."

"Are you willing to consider hyphenating Luthor-Kent?"

"Middle initial L, take it or leave it."

"Deal," Lex said with a frown, obviously willing to settle for a partial victory. "But only if you agree to attend the gala with me and let me introduce you as my heir."

"Do I have to wear a tux?"

"Yes."

Another sigh. "Fine, but only for an hour."

"It's a four hour event. Your legal name will last a lifetime. Or at least I'm assuming it will unless Superman does something heinous enough to warrant your distance. I can only dream."

"Two hours?"

"Three, and I don't tell people you're going to study business."

"I'm not going to study business, so that seems to be the obvious choice."

"Medical school is my second vote."

"You don't get a vote," Conner said. "And after this, you're not going to get to hear what I'm considering going back to school for, much less any other major life decisions I'm thinking about. Stop meddling. You know it's way too late to try tiger-momming me, right?."

Lex sighed. "You said it yourself: you're already going to be my bastard child with a Hawaiian drug addict. Give me something to tell people apart from 'not going to be a history teacher'."

"I'm on a gap year. You just had cancer. Lots of kids take gap years, especially when a parent has cancer."

"I can feel my intel that would specifically benefit Batman growing vaguer by the second."

Conner glowered, then twisted in his chair to include Batman in it. To convey that his well of patience was running dry, one day into the aforementioned year. Turned back around to face his dad. "Fine, medical school it is, but we don't get specific about what subfield I'm studying and I get to change my mind later without any complaining."

"Wonderful. I'll schedule the tux fitting." Lex pulled out his phone and started hammering his fingers against it, looking for all the world like a card shark drawing the pot to his corner of the table. While technically nothing he'd asked for was that bad, it was annoying as hell how Lex had gone around getting it. And frankly, a petty part of Conner felt like he was getting cleaned out. "Now, I am feeling so much more chatty, but I'd suggest we continue this conversation on the Watchtower. After all-" Lex glanced around the room. "I wouldn't call this especially secure. Not with the amount of bureaucrats already coming and going. Anyone could slip into a delegation. I'd hate to tip anyone off that any information had leaked."

"Finally," Conner said, stood and reached for Lian. It had already been such a pain to wake her up for her nap in order to answer the summons that had come over his communicator. Frankly, he suspected he was operating on borrowed time with her as it was: he certainly wasn't the best or most knowledgeable babysitter, but he knew that hours of exhausted crying was a sign that he wasn't doing great. Just because Artemis and Will's expectations were more along the lines of 'adult-like person who can assist with life sustaining functions and dial 911' didn't mean that Conner wanted the headache of listening to Lian's piercing, displeased screeches.

It was almost enough to make him wish his super hearing hadn't come back.

"Did I make that part unclear?" Lex posited aloud. "Obviously, you've got to be part of all ongoing conversations. It's bad enough having to talk to Halloween Detective as it is, but without the opportunity to spend precious time with my son, it's quite untenable. I'm good for the intel, but we'll just have to have the conversation another time or maybe over email-"

"Luthor," Batman growled.

Conner whipped around and gave him a look that was borderline feral. " We're getting brunch next week- what is this bullshit that we don't spend time together- -"

Green Lantern turned to Batman, bouncing Lian. "I say we just all go up to the Watchtower. I mean, they're both shouting. What's soundproofing like here? We might as well take twenty minutes, get to the Watchtower, hear that Lex heard a rumor that the Brain is up to something, and then we can all be annoyed and go home. Clear the zeta requests?"

Lex wasn't even paying attention to the other two, eyes locked on Conner. "Oh, forgive me. I just spent an entire week wondering if you'd died on a mission, been kidnapped by one of my competitors, or worse- decided to move to Kansas. While I'm sure they have something approximating brunch in Hicksville, you can't expect me to-"

"What kidnapper could possibly worry you? You built me to be the biological equivalent of a tank. I'm nearly up to my full power and we haven't even started the skin cell therapy yet."

"We're clear," Batman said a moment later, releasing his comm.

"Field trip," Hal announced, gently grabbing Conner by the shoulder and steering him towards the door. Batman did much the same with Lex, if by "grabbing by the shoulder" you meant "radiated menace until Lex stepped away involuntarily" and by "steering" you meant "scaled the threat of physical violence to indicate the correct direction to walk".

Neither father nor son paused in their argument.

"The kind that carry kryptonite, Conner. I mean, yes, my designated ransom funds account is doing well this year, but just because I have the money doesn't mean that the risk to your wellbeing is irrelevant. All it takes is one idiot who doesn't know how much radiation is too much and suddenly I'm out a kid because public schools don't teach science or math at acceptable standards." Lex took in a deep breath. "Which really only serves the point I was making at our last brunch: if I could find you without having to jump through hoops-"

"For the last time, Dad," Conner snarled, stepping onto the zeta platform and ignoring the smooth chime of Superboy B04 . "- we are not putting a tracking device in my arm ."

"Of course not. I've reconsidered my former position. That would be inappropriate." Lex held up a hand, having startled Conner into sudden silence. He waved it after a beat. "It would be easy to spot with a rudimentary scanner and would just encourage kidnappers to maim you. You could probably grow an arm back, but I don't want to test this theory. A spinal column implant, on the other hand-"

The zeta tube roared. "You are not going anywhere near my spine-"

Lian's patience dried up not a second after Green Lantern and Batman had ushered them into a questioning room with only a bare metal table and chairs. She'd been fairly mollfied by the shouting, oddly enough (then again, Conner had discovered he could soothe her to sleep with action movies, so maybe it wasn't out of her wheelhouse), but as soon as things had fallen stonily quiet again, she seemed to remember that she'd only gotten half a nap and not a lot of play time.

Of course, the smell wafting from her served as another hint as to what had put her in such a mood.

Hal immediately dumped her back in Conner's arms. "That's your cue, baby bear high guy."

Conner groaned, but steered himself towards the door. There was probably an empty room nearby where he could change her, if only to avoid Lex being an asshole about it. "Don't."

"You realize that meme is still trending. What was the last count, Spooky?"

"Eight point five million views," Batman said.

"Have you heard the autotune remix? Okay, I don't usually go for those, but it's pretty good…."

By the time he'd gotten her changed, Superman and Martian Manhunter had found their way over to the questioning room. Conner was a little surprised to see the former, given that baby Jon was only a month old and Clark was helping out as Lois' maternity leave wrapped up. He wasn't sure if they were still moving forward with the divorce, but he was pretty sure they would: so far as questioning someone's fitness as a parent went, concealing and excluding a secret kid from the family was pretty high up on the list of things that might shake someone's faith (though he suspected that there were probably... other things behind the decision too). Things may have gotten more amicable between them in the last four months, but Clark was still living in Gotham in one of Bruce's apartments. At least he had the time to help out with the baby occasionally; the transition of the League's leadership to Black Canary had been pretty straightforward, apart from the surge of gossip in its wake as to why.

(The more family drama they had under a spotlight, the more Conner was beginning to understand why Superman had been such a mess to begin with. Christ. The amount of people who'd approached him with outright invasive questions was staggering.)

Yet somehow Clark seemed to thrive as his life shattered around him, revealing something bright and fierce at his core. A new sunny, optimistic streak seemed to run through him: even his lone forehead curl seemed to have gotten a newfound spunk. Strange as it was to Conner some days, maybe it really wasn't: older Leaguers made comments about getting the 'old Superman' back. He and Conner hadn't really met up outside of family gatherings yet, like the baby's birth and holidays, but they texted fairly often (and more than random apologies from Clark at 3AM, thank god). Conner wasn't sure yet what their relationship would be, but it was better than what they'd had: Clark's heartrate didn't spike when they bumped into each other anymore and his smiles came without the ersatz edge. It was hard to guess, at least before Clark was done with his personal-renaissance or journey of self discovery or whatever he was calling it in his head.

(Well, or until he and Batman figured out what those long stares they kept sharing meant. Conner was pretty sure everyone else had solved that mystery, but god help whatever idiot got stuck trying to explain it to them.)

(His money was on Dick.)

Superman gave him a mischievous smile as he approached. "Let me guess. You handled any bears."

"Not you too," Conner said, without much heat. He returned the smile, somewhat tiredly. "Did I miss anything exciting?"

"I was just telling Superman the happy news," Lex purred, waving the legal documents around.

Conner groaned, trying to pass the baby to Hal again.

The Green Lantern shook his head at Conner's imploring look. "I did my time. I thought you were the sitter. Why do babies want to grab your eyeballs or your teeth?"

"Ask someone who knows anything about babies."

"I thought you loved babies."

He was never going to escape that stupid video. Conner was developing a streak of fatalism over the whole experience. "Do you love cake, Hal? Bake us a cake. Explain the chemistry involved."

Hal sighed. "But your arms don't even get tired!"

"Use your ring," Conner insisted, holding Lian out again. "Arguing with Lex requires free hands. There's a lot of gesturing involved and I didn't think to bring Will's… chest backpack thing. I don't know what it's called. It's essentially a baby holster."

Hal snickered then blinked. "Hey, wait a minute. What are those called?"

"If you want to spectate, you have to pitch in," Conner countered, insistently thrusting Lian at him until Hal relented and created a green light bassinet to rock her in. He turned back to his dad with a hard look and put his hands on his hips. "Don't tell me you dragged us all the way up here so you could rub the birth certificate amendment in Superman's face."

Lex gave him a humoring shrug. "Alright, I won't tell you." He couldn't keep the smirk off his face for more than a second. "It was also so I could gloat over you taking my name-"

"Middle initial. Don't push it."

"-but I'll be the bigger man," Lex finished magnanimously with a final satisfied glance at the mildly annoyed Kryptonian across from him. He turned back to his son. "And get straight to the information you wanted: The League of Shadows has taken a very specific interest in cloning technology."

"Thanks, Baldy," Hal chimed in. "It's not like we didn't know they raided Cadmus and took Roy. So helpful."

"You said it was specific to Batman," Conner prompted. "Something that could only have so many applications."

Lex grinned wolfishly. Conner felt a sudden stab of dread at the glimmer in his eye: Lex must have been sitting on this one for a while, just waiting for the right moment. Damn it. "Indeed. Actually, I ended up sharing some research with Talia al Ghul in particular. She's an old friend of yours, right, Batman? Her interests were narrow. In fact, it had mostly to do with how we grew Conner."

Superman paled. "Not again."

"Relax, Supersperm. Talia didn't want any of my alien specific research, she mostly just wanted to know how to build an artificial womb and force grow a human baby to term."

Batman froze.

Lex stared across the table with obvious relish. "Now, I'm not putting words into her mouth, but it's not exactly a stretch to figure out what your crazy ex-girlfriend is up to."

"Did you just confess to selling a known terrorist secret government research?" Hal inquired, rocking the bassinet ever so slightly. "Right before your political power is secured? I take it you didn't think that one through."

Lex flicked an unimpressed glance at the camera mounted in the corner. "I suppose you could accuse me of something, if you wanted. Not that it'll stick. Of course, that would be an ungracious way to repay me for the heads up. After all, if Talia 'not an ounce of body fat and gets kicked in the stomach twice a week' al Ghul shows up with a story about how her and Batman's star crossed love blessed her with a miraculously full term pregnancy, he can call her out on her fiction. After all," and here Lex snorted. "The Demon's Daughter can't admit she resorted to stealing a used condom from the trash. I rather expect she'll try to reframe that part of the narrative."

"Oh, my god." Conner put his head down on the table. "Oh, no."

He knew it. He fucking knew he should have walked out the moment he'd signed the papers and left everyone to fend for themselves.

Lex hadn't said it outright, but with the example of Talia and his early comparison of what she wanted to the process that grew Conner, it was just too awful a suggestion for it not to be the truth….

When it came to Lex, the least comfortable answer was almost always the accurate one.

"Has she used the research?" Batman demanded, slamming his hands down on the table. "Talk."

Lex shrugged and crossed his legs. "No idea. I sold it to her and haven't seen her since. No whispers, even. Maybe she's used it already, maybe she won't for another ten years. Either way, you're welcome. Now's the time to start brainstorming baby names. You don't want to get stuck in my boat where someone else picked and the paperwork's a small nightmare-"

"You're lying."

Lex raised an eyebrow. "I don't need you to believe me, detective . I honestly don't care if you do. It's what happened. Either you heed the warning or you can have fun with a teenager that gets hung up on the repetition of sounds. I promise, it's more trouble than it's worth." He gave Conner a long suffering look and nudged him with his foot under the table, as Superman hurried to Batman's side, talking to him in a low voice as Green Lantern and J'onn also leaned into the conversation. "I thought you'd get a treat out of hearing about family drama other than your own for a change. Judging from your expression, your usual ongoing existential crisis just tripled in intensity. I'd like to claim credit, if I can. Do tell."

Conner refused to lift his head. "No. I don't want to know."

"Don't want to know what?"

The rest of the room quieted down, just in time to hear Conner mumble, "I'm a hybrid, not a clone. You keep saying it, because my DNA is recombinated. It's… there's no known way to do it artificially. Please tell me you found a way to do it artificially."

Lex had the nerve to chuckle. He patted Conner's arm. "If you're asking me if I stole a used condom out of Superman's trash, the answer is no, son."

"Oh, thank god." Conner wasn't sure if it was Clark or him who said it first. Didn't care. They shared a relieved glance.

"Well, I didn't do it personally. That's what interns are for. Which reminds me-" Lex leaned down to reach into the briefcase he'd brought along with him. This time, he emerged with a legal envelope that seemed quite unrelated to the already signed paperwork they'd handled earlier. He raised his eyebrows at the roomful of horrified expressions. Even the green-light bassinet had frozen mid-rock. "Oh, come on. Don't tell me you acknowledged that Cadmus stole Superman's DNA to make Conner, yet somehow, this is the part that crosses the line. This is where you start thinking to yourselves, 'wow, that was inappropriate of them'. Thinking we used blood or saliva made it somehow more civilized?"

Conner distantly considered crawling under the table.

"Speaking of Conner's origins, this is for your grandmother." Lex pushed the envelope across the table towards him.

Conner stared at him with the fatalistic weariness of an orphan in a war zone. What fresh hell could his father unleash upon him this time? "No. I won't look. I'd rather die."

"For the love of- it's baby pictures. See?" Lex upended the envelope, sending a series of glossy printouts of digital photos in varying sizes scattering across the table. Conner covered his eyes with his hand, but ended up taking a surreptitious peek between his fingers anyway.

Lex hadn't lied. They were technically baby photos.

Weird as fuck baby photos.

A close up of a small, dark haired infant's face- skin pink-y and pale, blue eyes half cracked open against the light and a tiny thumb sticking out of its mouth. A millimeter ruler took up the bottom half of the image, suggesting it's motive was more about reporting size than capturing his squished newborn-esque features. The next one showed a full body shot of infant Conner curled up in a tank of clear, slightly bubbling liquid, his eyes shut but his expression serene. A tangle of white monitor stickers, wires, and cords attached to his upper body, while a small digital label was illuminated below: Kr0N13- Viable . Another photo was just the soles of Conner's left foot, next to another clinical ruler. A small notepad had been captured in the frame, with the words Day One: Optimal Growth Pattern Achieved handwritten. In the next, Conner was at least a few months old (probably?) as the same three shots repeated, with only minor differences: Conner's full body shot showed him curled outwards, eyes wide open as he surveyed the cameraman and sucked thoughtfully on his toes. Even more monitor stickers covered his little torso. This time the notepad said Day Two .

Conner squinted. "Huh. Guess I did have an umbilical cord."

J'onn peered over his shoulder with an inscrutable raise of brow.

Lex's facial expression etched with victory. " I told you so . I told you so many times. I can't believe no one believed me. Did anyone actually think we gave you a naval for cosmetic reasons?"

No one deigned to answer that.

"I'm a little shocked you didn't try to bargain with them," Conner muttered, flipping through the stack. The collection seemed to be made up of random bits of visual documentation up until he appeared to be about two or three years old biologically. According to the laboratory time stamps at the bottoms of each frame, that had been achieved in about nineteen days. Damn. It was an impressive amount of vaguely disturbing photos, considering. "Seen if you could get me to shave my head or something."

"Oh, these have already been paid for, I assure you," Lex said. He met Conner's gaze and rolled his eyes. "Your grandmother and I ran into each other when you were recovering here. She promised to stop by my offices in Metropolis to give me a proper Kansian hello. I don't know what that means, but I agreed to surrender these in exchange for her promise that she would absolutely not."

Of course she had. Martha would have waterboarded Lex with fresh lemonade and a red gingham tea towel if she thought it would help her round out the family photo album. The woman was ruthless.

That sparked a new thought.

Conner couldn't help the smirk stealing across his face. Snickered. Rocking forward helplessly, he clapped his hands over his mouth and shook so hard that a single tear actually started rolling down his face.

Apparently, Kryptonian lungs weren't immune to heaving laughter.

The room quieted. Even Batman was watching him now- wary concern somehow conveyed through the enigmatic menace of the cowl.

Clark put a hand on his shoulder. "You alright there, kiddo?"

Nodding clumsily, Conner pushed the awful, mad scientist inspired photos of what appeared to be his spectacularly unphotogenic toddlerhood at him. "She's going to scrapbook these. She's going to use Precious Moments background paper with teddy bear and heart stickers and she'll hot glue blue ribbons on the pages, next to these-" his voice cracked and had to look away from the images to suck in air. "-and there's nothing we can say to change her mind ."

Clark's brows furrowed as he covered his mouth with his hand, looking away. When he looked back at him, his eyes shone. His lips twitched into a helpless smile before he wrapped them around his teeth in vain.

Conner knew he was one hundred percent correct.

Lex groaned somewhere in front of them.

Plucking out the worst offender (Conner at about age two, covered in enough mismatched chest monitors to obscure the majority of his skin, complete with a half-lit neural cap and a consternated facial expression that gave him the overall aesthetic of a gassy cyborg), Clark held it up in front of them. Only barely straight faced. "What? Don't you think it'll look good framed on the hall wall? Next to my first day of -" he cackled, unable to finish the word. Tried again, voice trembling. "-kindergarten photos-" he cleared his throat "and state fair pony rides-"

Conner wound down slowly, wiping tears from his eyes and sipping from the water bottle J'onn had pressed into his hand a few minutes back. The cold, not quite metal wall behind his chair helped steady him. Batman and Superman had disappeared to 'focus on more important tasks' which he knew perfectly well meant 'hide out in the security room to panic and swear about Lex'. Conner rubbed the back of his hand across his eyes, clearing away the last dregs of mirth with a lopsided grin. "Ah, thanks, Dad. I needed that."

Lex's irritation seemed to have halved alongside the room's occupancy. He uncrossed his legs. "Believe it or not, those are the most… attractive photos. Or, more accurately, the least problematic."

Hal pressed a scandalized hand to his chest, glancing away from where Lian was dozing in a child-sized green hammock. "Don't tell me you saved a pic of the condom."

"No really, don't tell me. I don't want to know," Conner sighed, screwing the lid back on and setting the bottle down on the table. "Though you don't have any with the genomorphs in them, do you? I'd love to see any of those."

Lex gave him an amused look. "I'll look into it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get planet side. There's something to be said about counting chickens before they've hatched, but I've got a renewed interest in my gala's guest list."

Conner got a bad feeling, undercut by the mingling sense of exasperation and amusement that seemed to accompany dealing with Lex. "You're not thinking about inviting the remaining living members of your spite list to prove that you successfully reproduced?"

Lex snorted. "Don't be ridiculous. I don't want them at my party; that'd be more tortuous for me than revenge on them. I'll send them copies of whatever articles the celebrity watch circuits throw together about you."

"Oh, god. Tell me you're joking." Conner felt his face arrange in it's most puppy-like pleading expression, powerless to stop it. "Tell me I'm not going to warrant more than a casual mention and a few hours of awkward small talk with diplomats."

"I'm a wealthy, politically active white man. I'm never not on the radar of someone on the celebrity circuit. They probably won't dig up much on their own and I have no intention of doing an interview," Lex pointed out. He rested a finger on his chin. "Though the idea has merit…"

"No. Do not."

"What? We can get ahead of the rumors." Lex waved a hand as Conner let out a despairing noise. "Oh, relax. I'm not going to do that. Worst thing that currently exists about you on the internet is 'baby bear high guy' and your name isn't even mentioned."

"Thank god."

"No," Lex went on airily. "I thought I'd reach out and extend invitations to some old friends I haven't seen in ages. Renew old connections. Laugh about old times."

Conner pressed his lips together. "Criminals?"

"Worse, their more legitimate brethren," Lex informed him. "Ivy League deans. They're all frauds of one form or another, but they have their strengths." A sly glance. "Such as control over medical school admissions."

"No," Conner snapped, rounding on him. Lian jerked awake at the steep shift in tone, but rather than crying, she let out a happy, anticipatory shriek (Conner could kind of understand why Will was a little worried). "Don't you dare bribe my way into a pretentious university. I'm getting in on my own merits or not at all."

Lex gave a disgusted sigh. "No one gets in on their own merits. Well, maybe some of the poor kids do: that's not so much about accomplishment so much about tax breaks and early head-hunting opportunities. Frankly, it's downright predatory. I wouldn't venerate it."

"I don't care. Don't you dare." Conner took a step closer to him and glowered up at him. "Promise me you won't."

Lex held his hand palm-up as though swearing an oath. "Fine. I promise not to bribe your way into school."

"Or exchange favors. Or threats. And no offers of generous donations." Conner jabbed his finger at Lex's chest with each new qualifier. "Stay out of my education. It's my decision."

"That's ridiculous. I'll do nothing of the sort."

"Then I won't go to school."

Lex raised his hands in mock surrender, thoroughly unimpressed. "You must understand, son, I don't doubt your stubbornness. I just don't think you have the spite required to make yourself miserable for the rest of your life in order to disappoint me."

Conner considered him through narrowed eyes. "Fine. Maybe not, but two can play this game."

"Game."

"Or whatever you want to call these Petty Vengeance Olympics you're so determined to medal in."

Lex's eyes narrowed. He glanced down at his briefcase suspiciously and folded his arms. "If I can't go back on my deals-"

"Oh, I'll still do everything I promised." Conner raised his eyebrows. "I'll change my name. Amend my birth certificate. I'll go to your stupid gala and let you introduce me to all those important, influential people as your long lost son with a lot of vague comments about me going to medical school someday." He spread his hands with an irate smile. "Meanwhile, I'll be right beside you the whole time, introducing myself as a beat poet."

Lex was actually robbed of words.

Hal choked.

"I am unfamiliar with that-" Martian Manhunter began, only to be shushed.

"I'll do it with a straight face too," Conner pledged, crossing his arms. "I'll wear a non-ironic beret. I'll start tapping on things-" and here, he drummed his hands on the table, deliberately off beat. "-in a painfully literal hunt for inspiration. I'll improvise some poetry- and let me remind you that I took sculpture, so it will not be remotely informed by actual poetry- based off of whatever topics people try to politely change the subject to. Politics. Business. War. Poverty. Nothing is off limits and, I promise you, my adjectives will be selected at random and my rhyme schemes excruciating ."

Lex seemed to be having difficulty forming words past his thousand yard stare. It sounded more like a distant echo. "No. You wouldn't."

"I'm already 'baby bear high guy'. I might not like it, but I've gotten used to looking ridiculous. For me, it ends with just one miserable evening, but for you, it's the debut of the next generation of Luthors on one of the biggest nights of your career." Conner leaned towards him and lifted his chin, a little annoyed at having to make a threat while looking up (He didn't have to be as tall as Clark one day, he'd decided. Just at least as tall as Lex). "Go on, Dad. Call my bluff."

J'onn's voice was low, directed at Hal. "I really do not understand-"

He was shushed again.

Lex let out a long, ragged exhale and set his jaw. "Fine. No deans."

"There'd better not be."

Lex waited only until Conner had grabbed the photo folder off the table and taken Lian. He wiped an imaginary tear away. "I'm just so emotional. We should requisition the footage-" he nodded to the corner camera. "-for your grandmother. Baby's first threat of family shame. I'm so proud. It's such a milestone-"

" Stop ," Conner groaned, shifting Lian on his hip. "What happened to planning your stupid party? Go. I have other things to do."

"I hope those things don't involve falling off the face of the earth. Again. Without notice."

"I'm still babysitting. I have no idea for how long. I'll get my phone from my locker on the way out," Conner said, shoving open the door. How was it that even when he'd won with Lex, it somehow still felt like losing? "Jesus, Dad. Try not to panic when I'm out of sight."

"I'll do my best," Lex assured him, shutting his briefcase with a snap as Conner stalked out. "Try keeping it on you this time. Of course, we wouldn't have to worry about it if-"

"No trackers." Conner called over his shoulder, wishing he could slam the door behind him.