Hello everyone! This time I wrote some very ansgty Chelsie, not proud really. Made me tear up! This is a sequel to "Till we meet again". So go and read it before you start this one. I must warn you, major character death warning in this one too! Please don't hate me too much. It just came to me and here I am. Enjoy reading, I'll see you soon! Stay safe.
It's been almost seven months. Seve long and quiet months...The last days of the cold winter have changed to a chilly spring, to the warm and sunny summer.
It's been almost seven months since he died.
There were people who got over the grief and moved on, people who held their shoulders for others to cry on, but some didn't. Some broke apart because of...It. And one of those people was Mrs. Elsie Carson, the widower of the late Mr. Charles Carson...
...
2nd July, 1930.
When Beryl Mason knocked on the door for the first time, there was no reply. She lifted her hand to knock again. No reply. She tried walking towards the nearest window to look inside, the whole cottage seemed to be empty, dark and empty. Trying to knock once again, she heard no reply, but once she tried the doorknob, the door wasn't locked.
Beryl stepped inside the cottage, taking off her hat and gloves.
"Elsie?"She called out."Are you here?"
Upon hearing no reply, the cook walked into the kitchen. She looked around. There was nothing out of ordinary, everything was just as it has been for the last months. There was no dishes on the table, no kettle on the stove. Beryl went to the sittingroom then. After realizing everything was normal, she realized that the door to the backyard was wide open. The slight wind blew inside, making the long curtains swing along it.
She slowly walked towards it and stepped outside, just to find her dear, friend sitting on a bench next to the cottage wall, clearly staring somewhere far. Well...Atleast she's fine.
"Elsie?"She says softly.
The other woman turns her head to Beryl's direction quickly.
"Oh...Beryl. I'm sorry, I was lost in thoughs."Elsie blurts out after a long silence.
"That's alright."Beryl smiles reassuringly, gesturing to the basket at her hands."I just came over to bring you some food."
Elsie's slow nod was the only reply she got.
"Can I get you anything else?"The cook asks.
"No...No, you can't."Elsie shakes her head."Put the basket on the kitchen table."
"Of course."Beryl says, casting her eyes towards the outgrown vegetable patch."I could ask the gardeners from the Abbey to come and fix that."
"Don't."Elsie says firmly."What would it help, when there is no one to take care of it?"
Beryl opened her mouth to reply, but realized it best to just obey. Atleast, she wasn't the one who'd lost a loved one.
"Right. I'll leave you alone then."Beryl nods."The basket will wait for you on the table. Goodbye."
The cook turned to walk back into the house, towards the kitchen. Elsie was just as she'd expected. No better, even worse than last time. The housekeeper has neglected her duties at the Abbey, not much to anyone's surprise, she spend her days alone in the cottage, barely seeing anyone except the cook, who came to bring her some food sometimes. She was just like Lady Mary when Mr. Matthew died...Maybe even worse.
——
Long after the cook had left, Elsie was still sitting outside, staring nowhere in particular...Only a thousand thoughs running around her mind. The early sun caresses her face, making the small teadrops on her cheeks glisten. It was the simple word "alone", Mrs. Mason had said, which made her tear up.
She knew she was all alone, there was no one with her. No one she could share her grief with. Everyone have moved on, but the worst was that they expected her to do the same. But how could she? She'd just lost her husband, her longtime best friend and...And her everything. And then people dare to go and expected her to act like nothing's happened.
"You must think me awfully stubid, don't you?"She whispers, folding her handkerchief on her lap.
To Elsie's great surprise she'd started to talk to her late husband, even though he's been gone for the last seven months. But who else could she talk about her grief, he has always been the one who asked her "Are you alright?" or "How are you feeling, love?", these days no one seemed to care.
"I'm sorry about the vegetable patch. I know it...Meant you a lot to see it cleaned up. But I don't think I know what to do with it. You always took such a good care of it love."Elsie says and her words quickly dissappearing to the wind, looking at the spot in the garden where Charles had spent many summers."Or I could ask Mr. Mason and Andy to come and help me with it. I don't know. You always knew what to do, I feel so lost. I don't know what to do Charles..."
And so the tears in her eyes, begun to slide down her pale cheeks. Elsie's hand had a strong hold of the handkerchief...One Charles had given her on their third anniversary. The loosely wrapped black, embroidery shawl around her shoulders fell to the ground, right to her feet. It was also a gift from Elsie's late husband...
——
That evening, Downton village.
The rare moments she got out of the cottage was when she regularly went to see his grave, every day at about the same time. She's done that for the last six months, and everytime she brought fresh flowers with her and a candle which she light up. This time it was raining, but under her black umbrella she stayed almost dry, nothing was going to stop her from going.
Elsie walked to the graveyard through the metal gates.
Her long, black coat, which was the only coat she wore even though it was very old, but being her only black coat...It had to do. The quiet sound of her heels hitting the ground filled the air around her. It was already a bit dark and there was no one around, it was just her, like it has been for the last seven months.
When the stone tombstone came to her view, Elsie's pace slowered. It was always a reminder of the truth. Of the hurting truth. She stood there, looking at the stone for a long time. 'A loving husband', 'caring friend' it said. And they were all true, he was all that and much more. Much, much more. Elsie's mind goes back to the funeral, to the small bits she remembers.
She remembers their dearest friends standing around, the family showing their love and respect to the butler. Even the Dowager came, and it was only a month before she passed away quietly. Everyone dressed in black, holding their handkerchiefs and sobbing quietly. Elsie remembers Lady Mary in the corner of her eye, she was weeping, like it was her own father who died. But it wasn't, was it? It was her butler. And she remembers the steady hand on her shoulder too. Propably Lady Grantham's it was...Elsie doesn't remember everything, the past months have washed something away. Maybe not much, but her reason to live. And no one can bring it back. Because when it died, it stays like that for the rest of their lives.
"I came again...I hope you aren't beginning to get bored to my company?"Elsie smiles, through her teary eyes."I miss you Charlie...If I only could have you back for one day. I wouldn't let you out of my sight, wouldn't stop kissing you, I would make up the time we wasted..."
She kneeled down next to the grave, lighting the candle and placing it next to the cold stone. She placed the bunch of flowers on the ground. Letting out a sigh, Elsie rested her hand against the stone, ran it against it in soothing motions...
"I only wish I'd had the chance to say goodbye, love. It wasn't meant to happen like this was it?"Elsie whispers."I wonder if you ever even hear me? Because I know you're here...Somewhere. Just...I would love to hear your voice. Rest my head on your shoulder or...Or let you kiss my hair and pull me closer to your chest in a hug. Sleep right next you, have you near me. Without you I haven't slept well...In almost seven months, Charlie. I slept well for almost five years...Imagine. Almost five years together. And over twenty before that. I would have loved ten more. I hope you felt the same way love."
The time she was finished, it started raining harder and the wind almost took her umbrelly from her hand.
"I love you, and I will love you always...As long as I have a say in the matter."Elsie says, a tear falling on the already wet grass."I'll come by tomorrow too, I promise. Goodnight Charlie."
Elsie leaned to place a kiss on the cold stone, just in the light of the lonely candle, and the sound of the raindrops hitting the ground, surrounding her. She stood up and quickly turned around to walk away, thinking how bad it feels to leave the grave, the only place she can feel him, his love and their connection...Her gaze was towards the ground, her hands wrapped tightly around the umbrella and her loosely combed hair swinging in the wind. When Elsie lifts her gaze to look up, she was greeted by two familiar faces.
"Good evening Mrs. Carson."Lord Grantham lifts his hat, holding an umbrella above his wife's head.
"Your Lordship, -Ladyship."Elsie replies politely, quickly brushing the single tear from her cheek.
"What are you doing outside in a weather like this?"Robert asks.
"I came to...Visit the grav-..."Elsie starts, but her voice fades off before she can continue.
"Of course...Of course you did, I'm so sorry."Robert apologizes, shaking his head in the process."We were going to visit Mama's grave, but it is going to rain harder soon. We might come back tomorrow."
"I won't let a little rain stop me from coming. Not when I've came every day."Elsie tolds.
"I'm sure you won't. How are you?"Cora smiles.
Elsie thought her answer for a moment before answering. How was she really? Aside from being absolutely useless and broken, she felt empty and sad, lifeless even.
"Somehow holding up."Elsie says, not quiet sure how true it was.
"Remember that you can always come to the Abbey, you'll always be welcome."Cora tolds.
"I appreacite that milady, but I really don't think I can be much of a help."Elsie bites her lover lip.
"But of course you'd be! We are short a housekeeper now that you've been...Away let's say that."Robert smiles reassuringly.
"But not a butler."Elsie nods her head slowly, like she's in a trance."I'm so sorry...I don't know why I said that."
"No harm done."Cora tolds."We don't want to push you in any direction or try to pull you with time, but we would be happy to see you at the Abbey one day, doing work or just for a quick visit."
"I will...I'll think about it milady."Elsie says."But now I must excuse myself. Good day."
Before Cora or Robert could say anything, their housekeeper was already gone.
"She still hasn't gotten over it."Robert states.
"Everyone with two eyes can see that Robert."Cora sighs.
...
Elsie knew she was rude, just left like that. But in that moment she didn't really care.
If she'd had the choice, she would have told them to shut up and never bring up her husband's name again, never even talk about him and how perfect he was. No. Because it would only break her heart more, into small pieces. She lived day after day, just her, no one else. Because it was always better with no one else...Just her and Charles. Just a wife and her husband, two bestfriends, lovers.
Or maybe two ghosts. She didn't mind. As long as they'd both be together...And that's why Mrs. Elsie Carson died just eight months after her husband's sudden death. They still keep saying, she was a woman who died because of a broken heart...
Now they were both looking down from clouds...They were together, and it was all meant to be.