When she called Kai earlier that day, hoping to confirm that they were together again and instead Kai said that he would come over so they could 'talk', she wasn't sure what to expect. She knew what she feared, though.

Kai surprised her. When he walked in, he didn't come in farther than the entrance, remaining close to the door even when she invited him to sit on the small couch.

He shook his head. "We need to get everything out."

"What do you mean?"

Kai turned to her. Still dressed for work, though his jacket and tie were gone and his sleeves were rolled to his elbows, she was struck by how attractive he was. She doubted there would ever come a day when she found any less attractive.

It had been years and her appreciation only seemed to have grown.

He leaned back against the wall next to the door, arms crossed over his chest. "Tell me what your problems with me are,"

"I don't have any problems with you."

He shrugged casually. "Then move in with me,"

Hilary stopped. Back to that?

"Or if that's too much, let's start being open about our relationship and attending events together. As a couple."

Hilary started thinking of appearing at his side for those events, the people she'd met. How they'd look at her, standing next to him.

She knew what they'd think.

"That," Hilary jumped as Kai pointed at her. "That is the problem, I can see it. What are you thinking?"

She shook her head. "I don't -" The frustration on his face was raw in a rare moment of open honesty.

It was difficult, the thoughts and feelings he was asking for because she'd long ago caged them to save herself.

But she had to try. For her. For him. She knew those thoughts were a boulder that weighed her down and kept her from moving forward.

She had to force the words out, dragging them from the depths of her heart as they clawed to stay in. "I -" she took a deep breath, "I'm not sure about you,"

Kai's lips tilted into a sad smile. She'd confirmed everything he had been saying. "You're not sure? About me?"

Now that the words were out, she had to keep going. "Why would I be? You're not exactly a fountain of information, personal or otherwise. It's so hard to read you sometimes. Besides that, you've always made it clear that you'd leave if you want to. And then you kissed me that one time and then didn't talk to me for four years -"

"You said you wanted space to move on. I gave it to you."

"But you never gave me – us – any thought before that really, then you kiss me and ask me to wait? What was I supposed to wait for? And then you don't even talk to me after that? I thought you were just leading me on."

Kai just stared at her, his eyes darkening by the second as she listed his flaws and mishandling of their relationship. Maybe she was too sensitive, but he was oblivious.

"And when we do see each other again, you kiss me. Again. And it was sudden and amazing and I couldn't think but I knew you were in pain, so I wanted to make sure it was something you really wanted. But again, I don't hear from you for another six months,"

"I thought you had moved on,"

"And then New York,"

They both knew what New York was. It was everything to her. It was the one moment of perfection when she had no doubts about him.

"You told me things couldn't go back to the way they were and then you left." Her voice had started to shake, dragging up the past and all the moments she found herself at her weakest.

"I called you,"

"Five-minute conversations a few times a week, Kai," Hilary shook her head. "It was nice, but I didn't know what it meant. And it was not the assurance I needed."

"I'm not -"

"I know you're not a phone person and I appreciated the effort. But when I finally did get back to Japan, you never clarified anything. I didn't know what this was. All you said was we couldn't go back to being friends."

"I thought I was being clear,"

"Eventually, I figured out that you were serious, but then you were so insistent about telling people, and I thought about what they'd say."

"Whatever they say doesn't matter,"

Hilary wished that was true. He may have the luxury of disregarding the opinions of others but it was a quality she lacked. "People have a way of tearing things down, and I didn't want to hear it."

"What don't you want to hear?"

Where to start? "That I'm not pretty enough for you. Or good enough. That I'm too emotional and you're too mature so it will never work. That you'll leave for something better – you always do. That you were just trying to beat Tyson."

Tyson. She'd almost forgotten about him.

Kai flinched as if he realized what she was thinking. "That kiss in the office," His words were bitter but she couldn't tell who he was bitter towards.

"Yeah, that didn't help at all," Hilary tried to laugh. It sounded fake even to her. She didn't find it all that funny.

"Hilary," Kai whispered. The pain he usually kept private bled through, "why didn't you say anything? It's been over a year,"

She shook her head. Tears were building in her eyes. All she could think that now she'd let her guard down, he'd say these problems were too much to handle and she'd be alone. Who would want to deal with all of this?

At least then she'd have lived through her worse fear. Nothing could ever be as painful again.

In the moments she'd been lost in thought, he approached her. Tenderly cupping her face, he looked openly and deeply into her eyes. His dark expression, swirling with emotions, harden into determination.

"Let me be clear," he started. "I want to tell people about us because I want them to know that I have someone smart and beautiful by my side, that I love.

"I want you to move in because I want to see you every day. I don't want to make plans or say good night to you and not have you be in my bed. I want to live my life with you. The only thing stopping me is that you don't see to want that."

Hilary took a deep breath. She only dreamed of hearing such words from him. Never all at once though. "Oh."

"Whenever I left, it wasn't to hurt anyone. It was always to pursue the things that I wanted. And I want this, Hilary, but I won't be punished for the things I did when I was a kid and I won't beg you to stay. If you don't think you can get over that, there's nowhere for us to go. So, think critically about it. This is the only time I'm leaving my future - our future - entirely in your hands."

He pressed his lips to the top of her crown. She could feel the emotion he held there, and for the first time, she could clearly identify it.

Love.

Finally, they talk. We're nearing the end now, guys. Let me know what you guys think. Any thoughts are welcome.

I forgot about it last time but a guest asked my gender...i'm a girl.

Take care of yoursleves,

konix