Notes: This chapter is divided into two parts, one for Lapis and one for Jasper. The Lapis portion will have talk of C-PTSD and triggers, as we all know that Lapis clearly has C-PTSD (like Steven does) thanks to all the time she spent trapped in the mirror. This chapter is much longer than the last one, since it's broken into one part for Lapis and one part for Jasper. The Lapis portion is far longer than the Jasper portion, since the former is an actual conversation between Lapis, Bismuth, and Peridot, while the latter is some more lonesome introspection by Jasper.

The two parts are conducive to being read in separate sittings, so the length of the chapter isn't as overwhelming as it seems!

Chapter Four: Everyone Has Flaws

Part One: Lapis

Peridot has waited long enough; she and Bismuth have watched a sizeable chunk of Season 3 of "Disoriented" over the last several hours, but while still paying close attention, Peridot finds she isn't nearly as absorbed in the show as she usually gets, because she's been anxiously awaiting Lapis' promised text to check in with her. Once dawn is only a few minutes away, Peridot has had enough; suddenly pausing the show and turning off the television, she says:

"Okay, that's it Bismuth, it's been too long and I'm really worried about Lapis! She hasn't texted me like she promised, so we need to go check on her! What if something bad happened?"

Bismuth replies: "C'mon Peridot, you know Lapis can take care of herself and that Jasper can't hurt her, and like Lapis said, if Jasper swore on Steven's name that it wasn't about tryin' to fuse then we can trust her word on that. So do you really think that Jasper did anything bad to her? Maybe Lapis just forgot to text you."

Peridot, demonstrating a level of emotional intelligence that's rare for her, answers: "I know all that, Bismuth! But Lapis is still Lapis, and just because that clod Jasper can't hurt her in other ways doesn't mean she can't hurt her feelings! I've been thinking about it all night, what if Jasper said or did something that made Lapis freak out? You know how Jasper can be and how Lapis can get! And Lapis almost definitely wouldn't forget her promise to text me!"

Bismuth would normally be surprised that Peridot is acting so savvy for once, but she's suddenly too overcome with concern for their mutual friend to give that much thought. With a worried and slightly frantic look now on her face, Bismuth says to Peridot: "oh my stars you're right, I can't believe I was such an idiot, I forgot how sensitive Lapis can be and how good Jasper is at sayin' mean things! Yeah Peri, we need to go check on her right now!"

Peridot nods and says "exactly," and she and Bismuth stand up and quickly exit Peridot's home. As dawn begins to break, they stride briskly to Lapis' home. Once they get close enough, Bismuth really does feel like an idiot as she can see that Peridot's worries were probably justified; there's a Jasper-sized hole in the side wall of Lapis' house between the two living room windows. They break into a run, and as they get closer their worries are confirmed as they can hear the sound of Lapis' sobbing emanating from the hole; "this is serious," Bismuth thinks, "Lapis gets down in the dumps easily but she never actually cries!" With that thought in her mind, Bismuth and Peridot accelerate into an all-out sprint and speed inside through the hole in the wall.

What they find confirms their worst fears: Lapis is curled up as small as she can become in her large armchair, her arms around her knees which are drawn up to her face as she sobs deeply. Bismuth's internal dialogue is more colorful than usual as she thinks, "holy crap this is really bad, what the HELL did that BITCH do to her?!"

Peridot, of course, immediately freaks out: "Oh my GOSH, Lapis, are you okay, what HAPPENED? We're here, it's me and Bismuth! What's wrong, what did that CLOD do to you?!"

Lapis' head snaps up suddenly and turns in the direction of her two friends who are standing just inside the hole in her wall, and they can see that she's been crying for quite some time given how puffy and red her eyes are. She doesn't speak, but rather stares at them in numb shock as tears continue to stream down her face.

Bismuth speaks much more calmly than Peridot (although inwardly she is freaking out just as much), saying in a soft and soothing voice: "It's okay Lapis, we're here now. Whatever's wrong and whatever happened, you can tell us about it, or not tell us if you don't want to, but either way we're here for you."

Bismuth starts to move closer to Lapis, and Peridot follows on her heels, but as soon as they've taken a step Lapis screams through her tears in a very distressed and broken tone: "NO, stay AWAY from me! You shouldn't BE here! NOBODY should be around me, a terrible person like me doesn't DESERVE to have friends! JUST GO AWAY!"

Peridot's jaw drops in shock as Bismuth holds out her left arm to stop Peridot from moving further while holding her right hand up in a placating gesture towards Lapis. Bismuth knows she needs to say something before Peridot can process her thoughts enough to blurt something out without thinking; Lapis' mental state is clearly precarious, and Bismuth knows that one wrong move could result in Lapis utilizing hydrokinesis to forcibly remove them from her home, or even worse she may fly away to who knows where.

While keeping her left arm in place so she can quickly clap her hand over Peridot's mouth if necessary, Bismuth slowly and carefully lowers he right hand and takes a moment to consider her words before speaking. She decides to begin her attempt to calm Lapis down by seemingly conceding to her:

"Lapis, if you really want us to leave then we'll get out of your hair for now, but you I need you to know that you're a good person and our good friend and that nothing will ever change that. Peri and I came here because we were worried after you didn't check in with her. You're not a bad person Lapis, and our friendship with you is unconditional; you don't need to do anything to deserve our friendship. Please let us stay and help you, Lapis. You know that no matter what, we love you and we won't judge you."

Hearing these words from Bismuth and noticing how the burly Gem is holding her arm out in front of her, Peridot realizes that for once she needs to be careful and not just blurt out whatever is on her mind. She slowly nods her head and simply says "that's right Lapis, you're the best and we love you, please let us help you."

Lapis still looks and is very distraught, but her friends' reassurances and Bismuth's claim that they'll still leave her alone if asked have calmed her down just a bit, enough that she considers what they are saying. Lapis thinks, "they care about a monster like me. If I send them away or fly off, that'll hurt their feelings and make them worry more, and I really want to stop hurting and upsetting people." So she decides to not act on her first impulses in this situation.

Lapis barely manages to choke out some broken words in a small voice between her sobs: "I... I-I, y-you guys, I-I'm s-sorry for yelling... p-please stay, d-don't leave me all alone."

As soon as Bismuth and Peridot hear Lapis ask them to stay instead of leave, they know it's okay to approach her, but they are still cautious in doing so; the two of them walk slowly over to the chair Lapis is sitting in, and Peridot places a hand lightly on Lapis' leg while Bismuth gently lays a hand on Lapis' shoulder. Both of them look into Lapis' eyes.

Peridot says, "it's okay Lapis, we're not upset you yelled at us. Do you... want to talk about whatever happened with... Jasper?" Peridot says Jasper's name very hesitantly and quietly, as she's not sure whether mentioning the burly Quartz's name is a bad idea right now. Lapis heaves out a choked sigh as her sobs start to lighten a bit, and Bismuth gently asks, "why so blue, Lapis? You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but you know you can tell us anything."

Lapis shocks her friends by suddenly laughing through her tears, an edge of hysteria and madness in her tone. She can't help but be struck by the irony of how Bismuth said "why so blue" when she never told either of her two friends about the incident with the other two Lapises, nor about the song she improvised during that outing. Before Lapis knows it, she's in complete hysterics and has forgotten where she is or what's happening. The only tears coming from her eyes are now tears of laughter rather than sorrow as her madness drives her moods to swing wildly.

As Lapis doubles over in insane laughter with her eyes crinkled shut and her legs now dangling off the seat rather than pulled up to her face, Bismuth and Peridot take their hands off of her, looking at each other and locking eyes in a very worried and confused glance before turning their faces back to Lapis to see what she'll do or say next. They have no idea what's going on, but they're extremely concerned about how unstable Lapis appears to be.

The two of them have always known that their mutual friend has deep trauma and issues that make her prone to bouts of madness and instability, but neither of them has ever actually seen her during one of her major episodes; the only people who have seen Lapis at her most mentally unstable are Steven and Jasper. Seeing Lapis in such a state now, it takes every last ounce of their self-control for Bismuth and Peridot not to freak out themselves. Reining in their own churning emotions, they wait patiently for Lapis' mad laughter to die down as they watch her with worry written all over their faces.

After over a full minute, Lapis' peals of laughter finally begin to die down into softer snorts and chuckles, until fading completely. She sniffles a bit and wipes her eyes with one arm. As she gradually regains her wits and senses, she thinks "where am I again, what's happening? Oh, OH, Bismuth and Peridot, oh gosh they SAW that?" Her face suddenly shifts into an expression of extreme mortification; she can't believe she acted so completely insane in front of two of her three best friends. In her opinion it's already bad enough that Steven has seen her worst mood-swings; she never wanted Peridot or Bismuth to see her in such a state as well. She stares at the two of them looking deeply embarrassed and ashamed.

Peridot has no idea how to read Lapis' current facial-expression, but Bismuth does, and so she is quick to reassure her friend, cautiously placing her hand back on Lapis' shoulder (who briefly flinches from the touch before stilling) and saying in a gentle, reassuring tone: "Hey, hey, easy now Lapis, it's okay. I told you, Peri and I love you, and no matter what we won't judge you. You don't have to hide anything from us or be afraid to let us see how you're feelin'."

Peridot catches on that Lapis is embarrassed, and pipes up, "yeah Lapis, Bismuth's right, you can can tell us or show us anything, and I'm the last Gem who's gonna judge somebody for acting a bit weird."

Lapis sniffles a bit and wipes away a few tears that have once again gathered in her eyes, and then says something that to her friends seems completely out of left field since neither of them understand the irony of Bismuth's earlier phrasing: "A few months ago I... I... I almost shattered a pair of other Lapises, one of them was that sweet one with freckles who's really good at dancing. They insulted me and then attacked me, so I snapped and lost control, I was almost definitely going to shatter them. I only stopped because Steven was there to bring me back to my senses."

Lapis is still trying to drive her friends away, only now by telling them something that she hopes will make them see her for the "monster" she believes herself to be. She thinks to herself "there, now they'll see how horrible I really am, and then they'll abandon me and leave me all alone like I deserve."

Their reactions are at least partially what she expected: Bismuth removes her hand from Lapis' shoulder and lets it hang limply at her side, and both of them gape at her with their mouths hanging open in shock, seemingly at a loss for words. But to Lapis' surprise, there's no harshness or reproach in their gazes. She thinks "why don't they hate me? Why don't they fear me? They SHOULD hate me! They should be running for their lives from a monster like me!"

Once again, Bismuth is the first to gather her wits. Her face shifts to an expression full of empathy and compassion, and without warning she kneels down and throws her arms around Lapis in a hug; this snaps Peridot out of her own stupor, and she does the best she can to squeeze her way around Bismuth's large frame and hug one of Lapis' lower legs that dangle off the edge of the seat.

After a few moments, Bismuth lets go of Lapis but continues kneeling at her eye-level with a hand once again on Lapis' shoulder, and Peridot continues to hug Lapis' leg. Bismuth says: "Okay, that's pretty shocking but SO WHAT?! I told you that we won't judge you no matter what, Lapis! Did you think that telling us somethin' like that would make us suddenly hate or fear you? Well it won't, 'cause you're not the only one who's made big mistakes that you regret!"

Bismuth takes a deep breath before continuing: "Lapis, you know about how I built the Breaking Point and planned to shatter the Diamonds. You know I snapped when Steven told me how wrong my plan was, and you know what I tried to do to him then; what I did when I first got to know Steven was as bad as anything you've ever done. But you know what? Steven forgave me and he's a great friend of mine now. From what I can tell, that freckled Lapis forgave you and doesn't fear you, because I've seen her smile and wave at you when she passes by. If you snapped, it's because you've got issues from trauma and got pushed over the edge, Lapis. Nobody blames you for that, just like we don't blame Steven for anything."

Peridot draws back from Lapis and gazes up into her eyes, saying: "That's right, Lapis! Why would I ever judge you? You know about what I did when we came to Earth in the warship, you were there and you saw me do it! I was such a clod that I didn't even feel bad about what I was doing, I only felt bored and annoyed! If if weren't for Steven's shield, I would've killed Steven and his family! I'm the last Gem who's gonna judge you for trying to hurt or kill people. At least you did it when somebody actually attacked you, but I'm such a clod that I came to Earth to kill people who were just trying to protect themselves! We've all messed up before! Steven went so crazy he turned into an actual giant monster and tried to destroy everything, but we're still all friends with him! You're my best friend Lapis, so why would anything make me wanna stop being friends with you?"

Lapis gazes in shock at her two dear friends, trying to process what they just said to her. As their words sink in, she feels the madness finally begin to subside, and she feels the burden of her self-loathing lighten just a little bit. She feels as if no words could possibly be adequate in response to their kindness, that there's no way to put into words just how grateful she is to have such wonderful friends. But she has to try, to say something, so she replies in a small voice that gradually rises in volume and no longer has a wavering, brittle undertone of insanity: "T-thanks guys. I... I really appreciate you saying that. I guess you're... right. It's not like I'm the only one who's snapped and done something bad. I really needed to hear all that; thank you so much, you two are the best friends I could ever hope to have."

At this, Bismuth and Peridot both grin and draw Lapis into a hug again, this time embracing her for almost a full minute. When the two of them draw away, Bismuth straightens to her full height and says: "So, if you're ready to talk about whatever's wrong, Lapis, do you mind if we take the sofa?"

Lapis replies, "yeah, that's fine," and briefly forms water-arms from her back to lift and turn her chair to face the sofa. Bismuth lifts a large dresser and places it in front of the Jasper-sized hole in the wall for the sake of privacy before she and Peridot sit on the sofa. With questioning eyes, Peridot briefly glances up at Bismuth seated next to her, and Bismuth subtly nods at her. Peridot is at least savvy enough to know she doesn't have the social skills to take the lead in this conversation, so by unspoken agreement she and Bismuth decide that the latter will be the first to speak once again.

Bismuth asks in a serious but friendly tone, "so Lapis, do you wanna talk about what happened last night, or do you maybe wanna build up to it by giving us the details about whatever happened with those other two Lapises and tellin' us why you even brought that up?"

Lapis sighs and says: "You know, yeah, I think I should tell you first about what happened with the other Lapises and why I thought of it. You already know about how much I hurt Jasper when we were fused as Malachite, you know about how I took pleasure in making her feel powerless, but I've never told you about Steven's and my off-planet outing a few months ago."

She pauses before continuing: "It's a bit of a long story. There were two Lapises still terraforming planets, so Steven and I went to stop them. Steven told them that it's Era 3 now so they were free to do as they liked, but their response was that terraforming was what they liked. I told Steven that things would come down to a fight in the end, but he convinced me that we should be the bigger people and try to just talk to them. We explained how precious all life is, and that they could find other ways to express themselves like meep morps, dance, and song. I came up with a song called 'Shining Through' and sang it for them while dancing, it's about how I used to be miserable until I opened my eyes to how precious life and friendship are, and how I hoped that they would open their minds too. The lyrics have the phrase 'why so blue' in them, so that's why I got reminded of it and lost my marbles after you used that phrase, Bismuth."

Lapis pauses as Bismuth and Peridot get a-ha looks on their faces before they gesture for Lapis to continue. She clears her throat and says: "After my song, the two of them... laughed at me. One of them, not the one with the freckles, she mocked me and said it's stupid for a Lapis to dance and sing 'like Pearls,' her words not mine, and said that I'm 'dull' and 'pitiful.' Then they went right back to terraforming the planet." Lapis notices how Bismuth looks very offended by the phrase "like Pearls," but Bismuth quickly reins in her emotions and continues to listen raptly.

Lapis continues: "So even though Steven tried to stop me, I flew over to fight them to make them stop killing innocent creatures. I tried to hold back, I did hold back a lot actually since I'm considered the 'Ultimate Lapis Lazuli,' but the two of them copied my moves and used them against me. They caught and restrained me, and were about to cut me in half when I just... snapped. I stopped holding back and completely overpowered them."

She sighs deeply before continuing again: "I formed a huge simulacrum of my body out of water and spoke to them from it. I was mean, I told them those two they were the 'dull' and 'pitiful' ones, and then I raised a water-spear to strike them. I was... I was smiling, the two of them were clinging to each other while shaking and cowering in fear and I enjoyed it, just like with Jasper as Malachite I felt pleasure as I made them feel powerless. But then I caught the look Steven was giving me... he looked so sad."

"So I calmed down, I stopped and told them to stop terraforming planets, and they replied that they would do whatever I said after my display of what they called 'strength.' I tried to explain to them that my actions were weakness, that strength is patience and restraint, but they seemed confused so I got tired of them and walked off. Looking back, I think only one of them was actually a bad person and was just influencing the other one, since one of them came here afterwards to learn to dance. That just makes me feel even worse about what I almost did. I would've shattered them if Steven hadn't brought me to my senses. We Lapises aren't known for our physical durability, the two of them weren't defending themselves, and I was about to go all out with my spear strike. Anyway, that's the whole story. I feel terrible about what I did that day, but it's a relief to get it off my chest and finally tell you guys about it."

Bismuth and Peridot had the most serious of non-judgemental looks upon their faces as they listened closely to the final parts of Lapis' story. When it's clear that Lapis has finished, Peridot has some thoughts of her own but isn't sure she knows how to put them into words in a tactful way, so she once again allows Bismuth to do the talking.

Bismuth says: "Wow Lapis, that really is quite the story. I'm gonna be honest with you: It sounds like you tried really, really hard to do the right thing and be a good person, and while the way you snapped may have been wrong, and while what you almost did was pretty awful, I can't say that I exactly, well... blame you for it, to be honest."

Lapis looks very surprised upon hearing this, but before she can come up with a reply, Bismuth continues: "Here's the thing, Lapis. You went through some really, really bad stuff in the past, things that left you traumatized. With what Steven's been workin' on in therapy and been talkin' through with all of us, we've learned a lot these last few months about what trauma can do to people, and about how folks like you and Steven have what humans call C-PTSD, you know? Well it sounds to me like you were... what was that word again... ah that's right, you were triggered, Lapis. You tried your best to be patient with those two Lapises, to be a good person in that situation, and they responded with insults. Even then, you still tried to hold back so you wouldn't hurt them! And you only snapped when they, well... restrained you, Lapis."

Bismuth pauses a moment to let that sink in before she continues: "All your friends know how your biggest trauma was being trapped in that mirror, so being restrained can trigger you. If they pushed your anger over the edge and did somethin' that reminded you of your trauma, then nobody can really blame you for snapping. Did you almost take things way too far? Yeah you did, but heck, like I said before I tried to kill Steven when I first got to know him, and I can't even say that it was because I have severe trauma like you and Steven do; I just got angry and violent. I think it speaks a lot to what a great person you really are and how much you've improved, that all it took was one look from Steven to bring you back to your senses so you would do the right thing even when you'd been triggered like that."

Before Lapis can respond, Peridot pipes up: "That's right Lapis, those two were being huge clods and they did the one thing that freaks you out the most! You messed up, but I totally get why so I'm definitely not gonna judge you for it! I'm really happy now that I failed to kill Steven and his family with the warship-laser, so instead of paying attention to how you almost did something bad, why don't you just try to feel happy about how everything worked out and you didn't hurt anybody?"

A few tears are stinging the corners of Lapis' eyes again, but this time those tears are from joy. She wipes her eyes and smiles a slight smile, and then replied: "You're right you guys, I got... triggered. Just like Steven I've been working hard every day to heal and get better, so I just hope that in the future it won't be so easy for people to make me snap like that. You're right Peridot, I'm happy that I was able to come to my senses before I did anything too terrible, and things worked out in the end. Thank you, both of you, for being such great friends. I dunno what I would do without your support."

Peridot blurts out, "well obviously you'd go totally bonkers without friends," only to immediately realize how tactless a thing that was to say and clap her hands over her mouth as she sweat-drops nervously. But it's apparently okay, because Lapis laughs good-naturedly and says, "heh, yeah you're right, we know exactly what I'd do without support, I'd lose my mind." She laughs again and Peridot relaxes; Lapis did always have a very dark sense of humor.

Bismuth chuckles a bit herself and then says: "Of course Lapis, there's no need to thank us, supporting each other is just what friends do. So now that you've explained why you went a bit crazy earlier and blurted out that stuff about what happened with those other Lapises, do you maybe wanna talk about... well... that?" Bismuth gestures in the direction of the hole that she concealed behind a dresser.

The smile falls from Lapis' face, although she no longer looks despondent either, and she sighs and says: "Yeah, I guess I should talk about what happened with Jasper. I just... I have to be careful with what I tell you guys, not for my own sake but for Jasper's. You heard what she said last night, that what she wanted to talk about with me is something private that she's not comfortable talking about with anybody besides me. So just... gimme a few moments to think about how to explain it without giving away the actual details."

Bismuth and Peridot nod and sit waiting while Lapis collects her thoughts for a few seconds. After careful consideration, she speaks: "Okay so, Jasper came to me asking for help, for advice about something. Yeah, I know how surprising it is that Jasper of all people would ask someone other than Steven for advice. What she needed advice about is something very serious and important. I can tell you it does have something to do with how Steven left yesterday. Things went really well at first; she was actually nice to me, she even said some kind words and paid me a compliment that made me really happy, and for a while she listened closely to all my advice about her issue and took me seriously."

As Lapis speaks, Bismuth and Peridot look shocked that Jasper, of all people, would seek advice from someone, and even more shocked that she would actually be nice and say something kind. But they don't interrupt as Lapis continues:

"But then I, well... I got to the real heart of what her issue is, the part that she either has no awareness of or is in denial about. And I was... I was too blunt with her. I wasn't tactful enough. I should've tried to ease her into it; I mean, I did try to ease her into it, but I think I could've done a better job. Anyway, she snapped at me and got really angry, she denied everything I tried to tell her at that point and said some really hurtful things to me."

She pauses and takes a deep breath before continuing: "She said that... that... that I was trying to brainwash her, to control and imprison her again like I did to her as Malachite... she basically took back her kind words and her compliment from earlier, and then stormed off through my wall. I... I know she was wrong about me trying to control or imprison her again, her saying that hurt really badly but I know it wasn't true."

She sighs before continuing: "What has me so upset is that I know I hurt her again. I already hurt Jasper more than anyone else in the past, and now because I'm so blunt and tactless, I hurt her again. I feel terrible about it. If I'd thought things through a bit more before speaking, then maybe I could've gotten her to listen calmly. Instead I hurt her feelings, so she did what she always does and got defensive and angry, then stormed off to be all alone. I'm afraid I may have messed things up, messed her up, for good! Now she might never get the help she needs! She might spend the rest of her life alone just like she did for so much of the last few years. I know you guys don't like Jasper, but I understand her better than anybody else does, and I know just how much she needs friends even if she won't admit it. I messed up guys, I drove her away and now I don't know... I don't know what to DO!"

Lapis speaks the last couple sentences in an increasingly broken voice, and when she finishes she breaks down into tears again; not tears of madness or self-loathing, but tears of sympathy. She feels so bad for Jasper, she wishes she could have helped her.

Peridot thinks, "Holy CRUD, I dunno what to say to all that, I'm too much of a clod at talking to people to figure this out. I'll just follow Bismuth's lead again," while Bismuth thinks "wow, this one's a real doozy. Definitely not what I expected, but I guess if Lapis hurt Jasper's feelings and drove her away then it makes sense that she was full of self-loathing when we showed up. I need to think of something smart, insightful, and savvy. Think Bismuth, think... what the heck can I say to Lapis right now?"

An idea comes to Bismuth, and she speaks: "Well Lapis, it sounds like this was another situation where you tried your very best to be a good person, right? You've always been a blunt person who doesn't beat around the bush, but Jasper knows you well enough to be aware of that. It's pretty obvious that she came to you, of all people, because she respects your power in combat, but did you consider that even if she didn't realize it herself, maybe part of why she came to you was because she knows you tells things like they are without sugarcoating 'em?"

Bismuth stops speaking to let her words sink in, and after a few seconds they seem to have their intended effect; Lapis stops crying and wipes her eyes, and says to Bismuth: "you're right Bismuth, I guess I didn't consider that. Jasper knows me better than almost anybody else does, she had to have known I'd be completely straightforward with her. But I still feel awful that I hurt her feelings last night after I already hurt her so much in the past. I still feel like I could have eased her into things more tactfully, and that because I didn't I may have driven her back into isolation. I was given a very special opportunity to help someone who I once hurt terribly, and I'm afraid I may have completely blown that chance." Lapis is no longer crying, but the look on her face is still deeply sorrowful.

Peridot pipes up even though she knows she may not be the best person for handling a situation like this, because she's pretty sure she's realized something important: "Look Lapis, it's not your fault if that clod couldn't handle hearing the truth from you about... whatever it was. Jasper can be a huge jerk and gets mad easily, so you shouldn't beat yourself up about it if she went full clod-mode like she does just because you tried to help her out by being totally honest! I know you're a good person and you're not mean to people unless they push you too far. Don't be so hard on yourself!"

Lapis looks surprised at this, and her expression becomes less gloomy as she considers Peridot's words. She did expect Jasper to react by snapping in anger. She just didn't expect Jasper's words to be so hurtful, and that was what really got to her. She's still sad though, because she feels bad for Jasper; she's worried about her, worried that she might never open herself up to people ever again.

As Lapis ponders those thoughts, Bismuth speaks up once more: "Peridot's right, Lapis. You're a good person, and I'm sure you weren't actually mean to Jasper or anything. You really wanted to help her and were just pretty blunt about things, right?"

Lapis nods in the affirmative, and Bismuth continues: "Well then like Peridot said, don't be so hard on yourself. Let's be honest here: This is Jasper we're talkin' about. Whatever the hard truth was that you told her, do you really think there's some way you could've phrased it so that she wouldn't have gotten angry and stormed off? Jasper is a Gem who does not take kindly to bein' told things she doesn't wanna hear, and her response is always to either insult the person talkin' to her, challenge them to a fight, or both. She knows better than to try to fight you of all people, so she said the most hurtful things she could and then stormed off. That's just how she gets, and I'm pretty sure that you couldn't have prevented that even if you were the most tactful person in the universe."

Lapis considers her friends' words very carefully, and after some thought the remaining tension leaves her body and she fully settles back into her chair as she sighs regretfully, saying to them: "You're right guys, of course you're right, I shouldn't beat myself up over this. Somebody needed to finally be honest with Jasper about... certain aspects of her behavior, and yeah, there's no way I could've told her what she needed to hear without her getting angry and defensive. Nobody's perfect; we all have flaws, and aside from how I can snap and get violent when pushed over the edge, another big flaw of mine is how blunt I can be. But in Jasper's case, I guess it wouldn't have made a difference even if I didn't have that flaw."

She sighs again and then says: "I just... I really hope she'll actually consider the things I told her. I know her well enough that I'm absolutely sure she left Little Homeworld after she stormed out of here. I don't want her to go back to being all alone forever. I still want to help Jasper, guys. I would love to see her open up to people and finally make some friends. I know you guys don't like her, but if she does come back, can you guys promise me something?"

Before Bismuth can say anything, Peridot replies, "OF COURSE Lapis, whatever you need we're here for you, we promise! Right Bismuth?" Bismuth nods and says "yeah, we promise."

Lapis has a very serious look on her face as she tells them: "If Jasper comes back, which I hope she will, I need you two to be nice to her even if she acts like a jerk. She's going through a really hard time right now, so if she comes back I want you to be be kind and patient with her no matter what she says or does."

Bismuth responds, "of course Lapis, you have our word that we'll be nice to Jasper if she comes back," and Peridot nods and says, "yeah, I promise I won't call her a 'clod' even if she's being one!"

Lapis chuckles a little at Peridot's choice of words and then smiles at her friends; she really is lucky to have such amazing friends. She says: "thanks guys, I appreciate that. Like I said, I really hope Jasper will come to her senses and come back. She really needs help. If she comes back, then just let me handle her; if she acts like a jerk then just ignore it and be nice to her, and I'll talk to her about her behavior, okay? I'll let you guys know once she's at a point where she can handle criticism from people besides me or Steven."

Bismuth says: "Alright Lapis, sounds like a plan. You really are a great person, and you need to stop doubting that; just look at how much you still care about wantin' to help Jasper even after how things ended last night. I have an idea by now of what you two may have talked about, but I'm not gonna voice my suspicions. What I'll say is that I don't actually hate Jasper, I know she just has major issues. She definitely needs help with lots of things, so I hope she'll come back so you can help her. But just remember that if you ever need help, then Peri and I are always here for you, okay?" Peridot nods and says, "yeah Lapis, we're always around! Like literally, just a few blocks away!"

Lapis smiles at them, and Bismuth speaks again: "Sooo, speaking of helpin' you out, you want me to get to work on fixin' that hole in the wall?"

Lapis laughs a little and says: "Yeah, please fix the hole, you know I value my privacy. I guess that all of my and Peridot's paranoia was for nothing in having you build our houses with strong materials and proper security systems; we may as well just leave our doors unlocked like most Gems here in Little Homeworld, huh? Heh."

Peridot suddenly has a minor freakout and frantically says in a loud voice: "WAIT, so you mean that anybody could just breach the perimeter at my residence? UNACCEPTABLE, this situation must be remedied immediately!"

Bismuth has already walked over and moved aside the dresser she used to block the hole earlier; when she gets a better look at the hole, she lets out a low whistle and with her back to her friends says: "Nah guys, these are really durable materials. Since you were worried about security I built the walls of your homes using the same stuff as the Diamond Palaces. Other than the Diamonds, Lapises with water, true Garnets, Emeralds, and Steven, there ain't many non-fusion Gems in existence who could bust through this material. All that stuff about power and strength not being the same aside, Jasper really is impressive: I can see she used a spin-dash, and her rotational speed was so extreme that the edges of the hole are melted from the friction. I'd actually love to take Jasper up on her challenge to fight me if she stops being hostile and it's just a sparring match. Did she even use her crash helmet when she did this?"

Lapis replies with an out of character stammer, "u-uh, um, no, she didn't," and Bismuth whistles again before saying: "Daaang, well then from what I'm seein', I doubt I could beat her; the Ultimate Quartz, indeed. Did Garnet really manage to defeat her once? There must've been some kinda catch to that, I'm a match for Garnet but I don't think I could beat a Gem who can do this casually without usin' her weapon. Jasper sure is a brawny one."

Bismuth glances back over her shoulder at the other two: Peridot unsurprisingly looks relieved that her home is in fact still secure against all but the strongest of Gems, but Bismuth notices something very strange, namely that Lapis is blushing. The blush only lasts a moment before Lapis notices Bismuth's glance and her face takes on a deadpan expression (typical Lapis) while Peridot says, "fantastic, it's good to know that my home's perimeter is still secure! I should've known better than to question that; I know I can trust your skills as an architect, Bismuth!"

Bismuth wisely chooses not to comment on what she saw and turns back to the hole in order to assess how much weight in materials she'll need for the repairs, but can't help wondering what Lapis' blush may have meant. "What in the world," Bismuth thinks, "why would Lapis... wait, could it be from me talking about Jasper's... physicality? Nahhh, there's no way, those two were the absolute worst as Malachite. Although... Lapis does seem unusually concerned, even for her, about Jasper's well-being. Interesting. If it's something like that, I bet Lapis doesn't even realize it herself yet." Bismuth has always been very socially savvy, and decides to silently file those thoughts away for now while resolving to watch Lapis and Jasper's public interactions a bit more closely if Jasper does return.

Bismuth says, "hey guys, you can go do whatever, I've gotta head out to fetch materials for this repair. It'll be a quick job Lapis, your house will look as good as new within a half hour."

Lapis says "thanks Bismuth, you know we always appreciate you patching stuff up around here! And thank you, both of you, for cheering me up today. You guys are the best."

Bismuth and Peridot both grin as Bismuth says "no problem" and heads out through the hole, and Peridot loudly pipes up: "Yup, you're welcome! Sooo as long as we're free gimme a minute to run back home and grab the blu-rays of 'Disoriented' so we can watch the episodes you missed; we'll watch 'em here so you can stay home until Bismuth secures the perimeter! Even though my memory is perfect, I don't mind rewatching since the show has lots of hidden details and is SUPER CONFUSING, but THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT SO FUN! Just wait 'til you see what the Anothers really wanted with Jake and what the Smog Monster does, all the answers just lead to more questions! My personal theory is that the Smog Monster is a cloud of nanobots...NANOBOTS, Lapis!"

Peridot abruptly pulls out her voice recorder (she got a new, fully digital one), holding down the record button and saying into it: "Log date twelve nine seven: Note to self, invent cloud of fully sentient A.I. nanobots, then show it off to Pearl. Nothing about self-aware nanobots can possibly go wrong or backfire, so just do it!" As Peridot puts away her voice recorder, Lapis raises a finger and is about to point out that something could indeed go very wrong with sentient nanobots, but before she can speak Peridot yells: "DON'T GO ANYWHERE Lapis, I'll be right back!" She darts out through the hole in Lapis' wall, and will surely return in a couple minutes in a state of even greater excitement.

Lapis can't help it; she bursts out giggling, and it intensifies until she's doubled over, laughing so hard she's snorting and has tears in the corners of her eyes. "Same old Peridot," she thinks, "it's a relief seeing her back to normal after she spent almost the whole conversation with me and Bismuth so serious and quiet. I'll need to have a talk with her about the idea of giving sentience to nanobots... yeeeesh." She laughs even harder for a few moments, then regains control of herself and stands straight again, wiping her eyes. She smiles and thinks, "I really do have the best friends. They came here to check up on me. Bismuth was thoughtful enough to calm me down so I could see reason, and Peridot was willing to actually let somebody else take the lead in a conversation if it meant she could help me. They're so sweet, I really am lucky to have them."

Her face suddenly takes on a serious and slightly sullen expression and she sighs as she thinks, "I wonder how Jasper is doing, though. She doesn't have anybody there for her like I do, and if anyone tries to approach her she'll just push them away. I hope she'll calm down and come to her senses like I did, that she'll open herself up again. Oh Jasper, where are you? Please come back, I can help you if you'll let me."

Part Two: Jasper

Jasper cries for nearly a full hour after sunrise, and once she has vented her sorrow she finds herself once again filled with rage and an unquenchable thirst for destruction. Her ire is even greater than it was the night before. She can't accept the things that Lapis told her, she won't accept them. She thoroughly annihilated every last boulder and rock outcrop near her cave when she went berserk the night before, so she stands up, exits the cave, and takes several mighty leaps until she lands at the base of the nearby Uppaluchian mountains. She begins to rampage once again.

She smashes boulders, destroys rock outcrops, and triggers landslides by punching, headbutting, and spin-dashing into the mountainsides and cliffs. But no matter how much she destroys, she can't seem to fill the gaping hole she now feels in the depths of her soul. So she materializes her crash-helmet and goes truly all-out, pulverizing every bit of rock she can find into nothing more than a fine powder. She thinks, "THIS is strength! Lapis is WRONG! True strength is POWER, and even if I'm not nearly as strong as Lapis or My Diamond, I still AM strong, stronger than any other Quartz, and this PROVES it," and she proceeds to spin-dash into a large outcrop with so much force that it's seemingly reduced to nothing more than a cloud of its constituent molecules.

This time, her rampage continues for a much longer duration. She hardly even notices when the entire day passes and night falls, and she continues until the break of dawn snaps her out of of her rage-induced trance. Noticing the light of the rising sun as it begins to blanket the landscape around her, she stops dead in her tracks and stands stock still as she abruptly thinks, "did I seriously just destroy stuff for an entire day and night? My Diamond would be so... disappointed in me."

Jasper once again slumps to the ground upon her haunches; it seems like she's been doing that a lot lately. Rather than crying this time, she sits numbly for over an hour, her mind blank, until she slowly regains her wits and her thoughts return to the conversation with Lapis two nights ago. A heavy feeling begins to settle in her chest and gut; if she didn't know any better, she'd think she actually feels a little bit guilty about some of those things she said to Lapis. Or maybe she does know better, maybe she really does feel guilty.

"That's crazy," Jasper thinks, "I have nothing to feel guilty about, because everything I said was right. Lapis just wants to talk me out of serving My Diamond. I know what strength is, and that strength confers authority. I know how things have always worked."

Abruptly, she speaks aloud to herself just as she did two days ago: "Do I, though? Do I really know how things work? Have I ever known how things worked? AGH, this is all so CONFUSING!" She hold her head in her hands and pulls at her hair as if by doing so she can somehow yank the doubts out of her head, but deep down she knows that's impossible because she's always harbored these doubts.

She unsteadily rises to her feet and pans her eyes, seeing the destroyed landscape around her in the light of the rising sun. She expects to once again be filled with rage, with the impulse to destroy things; but she's surprised to find that she feels no such thing. In fact, she's outright shocked to find that the thought of more destruction actually seems unpleasant to her at the moment. Perhaps it's because she knows Steven would disapprove? Or perhaps there are deeper reasons. She never was very good at introspection.

She sighs deeply and thinks, "back before he proved his supremacy, My Diamond often suggested that I should try to 'appreciate' my surroundings here, that I should... what was it he said... 'take in the wonders of nature.' If I don't feel like destroying anything, I guess I can at least give that a try since My Diamond suggested it."

And so, Jasper does yet another thing that is completely out of character for her: She purposefully strides into the surrounding forest with the intention of simply observing Earthlings. As crazy as it sounds to her, she figures that if Her Diamond himself suggested it, then perhaps taking a better look at Earth's ecosystem could give her some kind of insight into whatever it is that she's lacking.

As Jasper marches deeper into the forest, she idly observes her surroundings; there's many varieties of stationary Earthlings with green appendages, called "plants" apparently, including many of the especially large and sturdy ones that Steven told her are called "trees." She hears the noises of various kinds of Earthlings around her, but is unable to identify the source of many of those sounds. She notices small furry Earthlings with long bushy tails (she doesn't know the word "squirrel") running and jumping through the branches of the trees and briefly makes a mental note that while they're small and weak, they do seem impressively agile. She can see many varieties of the tiny Earthlings called "insects" flitting around her wherever she goes. Overhead, she can see some of the tiny flapping Earthlings Her Diamond called "birds," and can hear the incessant chirping and whistling noises that they make. She walks deeper into the sea of trees for some time, silently observing her surroundings.

After several hours and many miles, with the sun now approaching its zenith, Jasper suddenly comes to a dead stop and speaks aloud to herself again, startling some of the nearby squirrels and birds who flee to safety higher in the canopy of the trees: "What could My Diamond have meant, what is there to 'appreciate' about this? These Earthlings, they're almost all so puny, they're all so weak. Even the largest ones, these 'trees,' would be destroyed by my lightest punches. What's the value of things if they aren't strong?"

The word "strong" reminds her of Lapis' words from two nights ago, and she continues her soliloquy: "Lapis said that I'm wrong about what 'strength' is. She said that the power to defeat opponents isn't the same thing as 'true' strength. She told me that real strength is something... mental. She said that juvenile female human 'Connie,' who despite her skill with a sword I could still snap in half with one finger, is stronger than us, that she's somehow as strong as My Diamond. She even went as far as to tell me that... that... My Diamond, Steven, isn't perfect, that he has weaknesses. She said that he isn't an absolute authority, and that his power to easily defeat me doesn't make him my leader. I want to believe that's all just a load of nonsense meant to distract me from my mission. But didn't I admit to myself two days ago that there might not be any mission anymore? What if... what if I'm wrong? What if Lapis is right?"

She stares idly up into the lower canopy of the trees as she continues: "Could I be wrong? As a Quartz, I'm supposed to be a powerful soldier who can defeat enemies, but My Diamond told me that doesn't matter anymore in Era 3. So why am I still being so stubborn and thinking about things in terms of combat and missions? Is it just that hard for me to admit that my way of thinking might be... flawed? Could I, the 'Ultimate Quartz,' actually have imperfections?"

A thought suddenly strikes her, and she gasps as she says in a small voice: "Even back in Eras 1 and 2, could I have already been wrong? Lapis says that physical power doesn't confer authority. I always believed it did, but now that I think about it... that was never true, not even in Era 1! Am I really that stupid? Sure, the Diamonds themselves always had supreme combat prowess corresponding to their authority, and Gems like Emeralds and Garnets have power that befits their former positions as commanders; but what about Aquamarines, Sapphires, and Agates?"

She drags a hand down her face in exasperation, thinking that she really is a fool, and continues speaking: "Yeah, I'm an idiot, because even in the old days physical power and authority were never the same thing! Aquamarines are weak without the aid of technology, and yet they were far above Quartzes in the hierarchy. Sapphires held a high position because of their Future Vision, but were never anything special in combat. And Agates are just a variety of Quartzes made to intimidate and command other Quartzes, but regardless of their authority no Agate was ever as strong as me. AGH, I really am STUPID, how did I only JUST realize this after THOUSANDS of years?!"

She once again falls to the ground upon her haunches, and heaves out a deep sigh full of regret before speaking to herself once more: "I guess I always just lied to myself about authority and physical power being the same, and deliberately ignored all the cases where that wasn't true, because... why, exactly? Why did I lie to myself about that, why did I choose to stay in denial? Was it because I would feel like less of a Gem if I accepted the truth? I guess that's it, huh. If I admit that the power to defeat enemies doesn't grant... superiority... then that's the same as admitting that my title as the Ultimate Quartz doesn't automatically make me superior. I always wanted to think that I was unique and special, but I guess I was just fooling myself. Back in Eras 1 and 2, I was just another Quartz soldier. I may have been the strongest one, but I was still just one among many, I was still replaceable as far as my commanders were concerned."

She sighs again and says: "So if I was wrong about power and authority, then could I be wrong about what real 'strength' is, too? Just like Lapis said, could it be that strength and power aren't the same thing? And could it... could what she said really be true that Steven, My Diamond, doesn't automatically hold authority over me? I've finally admitted that combat prowess and authority aren't the same thing. But the whole reason why I accepted Steven as my commander was because when he... shattered me, he demonstrated superiority over me in combat. But if such a thing never granted authority, wouldn't that mean that Lapis is right, that My Diamond doesn't have authority over me just because he dominated me in a fight?"

She abruptly stands to her feet and once again is filled with rage, bellowing loudly: "NO dammit, no, My DIAMOND is SUPREME, his strength and wisdom FAR surpass my own! I CAN'T accept what Lapis said, I WON'T accept what she said! She's just trying to control me, to take me away from my real leader so that she can replace him! That BITCH, how DARE she, if she wasn't so powerful herself I would beat her into the ground for her insolence towards Steven! AGGGGH!"

Consumed by her rage as she screams, she swings her right fist in a massive cross-punch that connects with the nearest tree and thoroughly destroys it. Still blinded by fury, she begins to turn her eyes towards her next target, when suddenly she notices something in the upper periphery of her vision; a bird's nest is falling from the sky where it was previously balanced upon the tree's branches. Her wits and faculties return to her, and remembering what Steven did in a similar situation, as if it were out of reflex she gently catches the nest in her hand. The nest and the baby birds in it are somehow miraculously unharmed in the aftermath of the tree's destruction, and the birds stare up at her and chirp loudly in what seems to be terror.

"W... what am I DOING," she asks herself. A look of horror crosses her face as she's now absolutely disgusted with herself, and she says: "This isn't what My Diamond would want. Lapis was right, I say I respect Steven as My Diamond, that he's my commander, but I don't show any actual respect for him! I promised I would stop destroying Earthlings like he told me to, but here I go doing it again anyway! What in the cosmos is wrong with me? I really am... flawed."

As she stares blankly down at the nest full of baby birds in her hand while thinking about how flawed she is, something jarringly interrupts her train of thought; an adult bird swoops down and starts shrieking and ineffectually attacking Jasper, dive-bombing her while clawing and pecking at her head.

"What the..." Jasper thinks: "Doesn't this puny creature know that it can't harm a foe so much larger and more powerful than itself? Why is it even attacking me, what is it trying to accomplish?" She then notices how the baby birds frantically chirp at the adult bird, and the answer comes to her as she thinks: "It must be their... what was it called again... their 'mother,' the same thing that Pink Diamond was to Steven. It's trying to... protect them, to save them, from a gigantic enemy it has no hope of defeating."

Jasper spends a few seconds pondering the pointlessness of the mother bird's actions until she's suddenly struck by a blinding revelation, one which is grand in its scope and yet can be summed up in a few simple words. As the mother bird continues to fruitlessly attack her like a Ruby attacking a Diamond, Jasper says in an awestruck voice full of wonder: "This... this is it. This is strength. This mother bird, she's... she's stronger than me."

Jasper doesn't need to think this time about what Steven would do. She simply does what feels right to her. Using one hand to very gently shoo the mother bird away to clear space over her head, Jasper holds the nest gently in her other hand and jumps up into the branches of the largest, sturdiest nearby tree she can find; the thick lower branch she lands upon bends and creaks under her weight but manages to hold. She reaches up over her head and carefully balances the nest upon some smaller branches in a position where it's interlocked with the branches and should be properly supported to the extent that the wind won't knock it down. Satisfied that the nest is secured, she jumps down to the ground and watches from the base of the tree as the mother bird flies up to join her babies, shooting Jasper one last glare before doting upon her young.

"I concede defeat to you, oh strong one," Jasper says to the bird. Deeply humbled, she turns on her heel and begins striding further into the depths of the forest as she considers her epiphany, speaking aloud to herself once again.

"I guess I really was wrong," she says, "about so much. My Diamond was right that organic life is worth observing. That bird, she's just like how My Diamond was when I first encountered him here on Earth almost three years ago, when he faced off against me and a modern Gem warship with his undeveloped powers at the time. That bird stood her ground in order to protect what was important to her even when there was no hope of victory. She's a true warrior; it's obvious that even if I had chosen to crush her, she would have persevered to the very end just like the Crystal Gems did that day. If I had imprisoned her, she would have struggled to find a means to escape just like Steven did."

"Lapis was right; for all of our power, we can still be weak, even when compared with the puniest of Earthlings. If that's true then... could she be right that what she did to me when we were Malachite was weakness, and that what My Diamond did to me, how he shattered me, was weakness too?"

Jasper walks for several hours yet again, thinking back upon her recent actions as well as all her memories of Steven and Lapis. As she ponders those memories, she closely observes the organic life surrounding her. She knows now that some of these creatures may be strong, strong in the real way, and so she observes them closely, noticing how some of the animals seem to have offspring as the bird did. She notes how the animals with young raise their hackles at her in case she may prove to be a threat, showing a willingness to defend those they care about against an overwhelming foe just as the bird did. At one point she comes across a large black bear that is nevertheless still a good bit smaller and far weaker than herself; even so, it roars threateningly at her as a warning to her to leave its territory. She doesn't see any nearby, but she wonders if perhaps it has offspring as well.

After many hours of deep reflection, the sun is now creeping low towards the horizon as Jasper begins a new soliloquy: "It was weak of me to destroy that tree earlier... Lapis said that strength is patience and restraint among other things, and I guess she's right, because by acting on an impulse while angry I did something that completely goes against the teachings of the person I claim to respect the most."

Jasper sighs as she keeps walking. "So... I suppose that just like she said, it was weak of Lapis to let her rage take over when she imprisoned and tortured me for months. And for all his overwhelming, supreme power, I suppose it was... it was weak of Steven to do what he did to me. Like a true fool, I encouraged him to give in to his rage and aggression, and kept encouraging him until he lost control and destroyed me. How could I have thought that such a thing was strength, when the fact is that both he and I showed weakness at the time?"

Sighing again, she says: "At least those two have valid reasons for their weaknesses though. If I'm admitting all this, then I guess I have to admit that Lapis is probably right about Steven; he didn't just pop out of the ground fully-formed like we do, he grew over time like other organics. So like Lapis said, maybe I've been... idealizing him too much, when he's just some half-human boy with the powers of a Diamond and who ended up with serious issues because of all the stuff us Gems put him through. He's... 'traumatized' like Lapis said, and that's why he showed moments of weakness. It's not like I can keep pretending he's perfect and doesn't have issues; he literally transformed into a gigantic mindless monster. And Lapis is traumatized too I guess, by all that time she spent imprisoned in that mirror, and that's the reason for her moments of weakness."

"But what's my excuse, the reason for my weakness, huh? Is it just the fact that I've always been... always been insecure, is that it? Have I always just been so afraid to admit that I'm not perfect, that I have flaws, that in my weakness I tried to cover up my feelings with rage and aggression? That's it, isn't it? Hey everybody, look at Jasper, the 'Ultimate Quartz' and yet as weak as can be, so insecure she could never admit her way of thinking was flawed."

Jasper stops and leans her back upon a tree while gazing up into the canopy. "Lapis did say that even the Diamonds have moved past the old way of thinking. She said that they learned to truly become better people without just thinking about what others would want from them, and that's why they gave up all their authority and now work to help and save all the people they hurt before. I always told myself the Diamonds have the right to do whatever they please, but if even they themselves think that isn't true, then why should I keep believing it? If I really do respect them, then why would I refuse to agree with them now that they themselves say they were... were... criminals, criminals who feel they have to atone for their mistakes?"

Thinking about how White, Blue, and Yellow no longer desire any power or authority, Jasper suddenly gasps upon realizing something very important, the fundamental and profound truth of something that Lapis told her, something that made her very angry two nights ago. Memories of many different interactions with Steven flood her mind, memories of all the times when she called him "My Diamond" and gave him the Diamond Salute.

She says to herself in a defeated-sounding voice: "Lapis really is right, about everything. Not just about strength, and not just about Steven not being perfect. She was right that he doesn't want to be My Diamond if it means having authority over me. How could I have been so blind, so stupid, so oblivious? I guess it was just my dumb insecurity making me live in denial so I could cling to the old ways, wasn't it? The fact is that from the first time I ever treated Steven like a leader, he always looked upset, maybe even horrified, when I saluted him. He never wanted me to salute him, he never wanted me to ask him for orders. That poor boy, he, I... he wants me to treat him as an equal, just like Lapis said all he ever wanted was friendship. But... I don't know how to be anyone's friend."

Jasper drags a hand over her face again and says: "Ugh, I really was stupid, and I'm still being stupid. If I'm admitting that the stuff Lapis said was right, then I need to stop making it all about Steven. Like she said, the universe doesn't revolve around him and the Diamonds. If I want to be 'better,' it shouldn't be because somebody told me to, it should be because I really do need to stop being such an insecure weakling. I need to learn to think for myself, to figure out what I want to do instead of relying on orders from superiors who don't even want to be my superiors."

Jasper draws away from the tree and stands up to her full height, suddenly looking more like her usual self as she strikes a dignified and proud pose. She crosses her arms and nods her head and says: "Okay, that's it, no more of this self-pitying nonsense. I know what I need to do now. I now have new mission objectives, but for a mission of my own choosing."

"First Objective: I need to stop making everything about Steven. If I want him to be My Diamond then my respect for him has to be as a... friend, a friend who's far from perfect, but who even with his flaws has mental strength, real strength, that far surpasses anyone else's. But that means I need to learn how friendship works, because I've never had friends before."

"That brings me to my Second Objective: I need to go back and... apologize... to Lapis, I need to tell her that I realize she was right and tell her I'm sorry for the things I said, that I still feel like I did when I gave her my forgiveness and paid her a compliment. I need to thank her for being honest with me and telling me the truth I didn't want to hear. Knowing her, I probably messed her up with some of that stuff I accused her of and said. I just hope she didn't lose her mind or something; knowing her, she'll forgive me, but that's only if she didn't snap. I hope she's okay. I need her help. She's not perfect, but she's definitely pretty good at that 'empathy' and 'compassion' stuff most of the time. I can't just keep being alone forever, that would be stupid, that would be weak, it would mean that I'm making no effort to work on my flaws. Lapis can teach me how to... what was it again... 'connect' with people. Lapis can also help me contact Steven, because I need to apologize to him, too."

"And that finally brings me to my Third Objective: Friendship, I need to figure out how that works. I need to ask Lapis to teach me about it. She told me she could help me learn to be friends with Steven and with other people. I think that maybe... I might want that. And whatever exactly being friends with people really is, I feel like maybe... maybe Lapis could be my first friend."

She then steels her face and confidently says: "I'll still always be a warrior, though. That will never change. Just because I need to learn how to be strong doesn't mean I can't still take pride in my power and respect others for theirs. I want to learn how to be friends with them, but Steven will still always be My Diamond, even if as an equal rather than my leader, and I will always respect Lapis nearly as much as him, because the two of them have power as warriors far surpassing any I could ever hope to possess myself."

She sighs as some of the confidence leaves her face. "I just hope the two of them will understand me seeing things that way and won't hold it against me. I'll just have to explain to them that no matter how much I change, I will never give up my pride and my code as a warrior, so anyone who has proven themselves able to best me is still someone I must show respect for. Knowing them, they'll probably understand that and be okay with it."

With her new self-given mission objectives in the forefront of her mind, Jasper takes a mighty leap and begins to head back towards Little Homeworld, making sure to be careful in maneuvering during her landings so as to not destroy any of the organic life that she has finally begun to appreciate. As she is many hundreds of feet in the air far above the forest, she takes a moment to pan her eyes around and take in the entire scene: The green canopy of the trees is visible far below her lit by the soft orange colors of the setting sun in the distance, the sky and clouds above are shaded in hues of pink, red, and orange, and off in the distance she can see the mountains in which she and Her Diamond once so foolishly trained.

She once more speaks aloud and surprises herself by saying, "this planet, I suppose it really can be beautiful like the Crystal Gems say. How did I never notice that before?" Several seconds later she lands and then leaps once more, and taking in the view again she says to her even greater surprise, "but it's not as pretty as Lapis' smile was the other night. I need to hurry, she might have snapped after I treated her so badly; I have to get back quickly so I can tell her I'm sorry and thank her for her teachings!"

Upon her next landing, Jasper's face takes on an even more determined look and she uses every last bit of her strength for the next leap and each of the subsequent ones, moving as quickly as she can towards Little Homeworld. She's not sure exactly why it is that she finds the blue Gem's smile appealing, but she feels like she needs to see Lapis' smile again, and feels a strange desire to be the one to personally put that smile on Lapis' face. Jasper has no idea what the strange bubbly sensations are that she feels when thinking of that smile, but she resolves to append her mission with one final objective:

"Fourth Objective," she says, "make Lapis smile as often as possible."

Notes (these are some long ones): It may seem like I had Lapis talk for overly long about the incident with the other two Lapises, but the fact is that all three of her best friends (not just Steven) should know about it so they can support her, and the incident is relevant to the chapter since it was one of the greatest examples of Lapis' flaws/weaknesses that we saw in the franchise. And yes, Lapis was going to shatter those other two Lapises if Steven didn't bring her back to her senses. There's really no debating this, and I have Lapis explain why when she tells the story to Bismuth and Peridot. Maybe all you guys already realized this when watching "Why So Blue" and I'm just being redundant and patronizing by pointing this out, but I just want to make sure everyone realizes that Lapis was indeed going to shatter those two if she struck them with her water-spear.

I'm writing Peridot as not necessarily having developed a better ability to read people, let alone better social-skills, but rather as having developed self-awareness in realizing that she lacks those things, thus why she deferred to Bismuth during their conversation with Lapis in this chapter. After realizing how she was "such a clod" during "In Dreams," Peridot now tries to be more aware of her social flaws. But that's only in serious conversations, haha.

As for what Bismuth said about Jasper's combat prowess: Yes, Jasper is more powerful than Garnet, and Bismuth is right that there was a catch to how Garnet beat her. Garnet was far more beat-up than Jasper by the end of that fight (and Jasper was landing far more blows than Garnet) but took advantage of their surroundings and threw Jasper into the power-core of the ship. Even then, Jasper didn't poof; besides Pink State Steven, nothing ever poofed her physical form and hardly anything even damaged her when she wasn't corrupted. She even tanked a full-force hit from Rose's sword, which normally bypassed durability against Gems to poof them, when it was wielded by Stevonnie; the blow was so powerful that it drove Jasper through the Corrupted Quartz she was riding and poofed it, but Jasper was unharmed. Garnet was correct when she sang that she is "stronger than" Jasper, but she is by no means more powerful than Jasper. Remember that one of the themes of the series is real (mental) strength vs "strength" (power), and that's what Garnet was referring to in her song.

I'm going to continue my running gag of "the trio" watching a show that's meant to be their world's version of "Lost"; with its confusing plot, science-fantasy elements, and countless hidden details, it's definitely the kind of show that Peridot would obsess over. If I'm writing a fanfic including Lapis and Peridot's friendship, it's literally required that it feature Peridot obsessing over a TV show. Peridot's "the Smog Monster is nanobots" theory is a reference to a once very popular real world fan-theory (that turned out to be WAY off-base) during the first few seasons of "Lost" that the "Smoke Monster" was a cloud of nanobots. It seems like the kind of theory Peridot would go for as someone who's into science and oblivious enough to miss all the (obvious in hindsight) clues that everything in the show was heading towards more mystical/spiritual themes.

This is only the first step of Jasper's journey. At this point, all she's done is finally accept that her way of thinking was flawed and that she needs to learn how to connect with people and befriend them. But for her to actually pull off the whole "friendship" thing, let alone for her to realize what the attraction is she's feeling for Lapis, will be a journey in and of itself. As I said, do not expect real romance to happen especially soon in this story. This is a slow-burn romance, and as you can see it's starting with the characters gradually beginning to develop feelings of attraction while either being in denial (Lapis' case) or lacking an understanding (Jasper's case) of their feelings. These two need to become friends before they can become lovers, and since they had a toxic, abusive relationship in the past it'll take some time for them to figure out how to have a healthy relationship.