Notes: The final part of this chapter features an extended and quite humorous (at least in my opinion, but as the guy who wrote it I'm probably not the best judge) conversation between Bismuth, Peridot, and another character without Lapis or Jasper present. While most of it will, not all of this story will feature one or both of those two. In this case, I want to show how some other characters react to and discuss Lapis and Jasper's behavior among themselves. Don't worry, it's not in a bad way like talking smack behind their backs or anything, Lapis' friends are great people after all! Also I really wanted to write something more comedic this time around; this story has enough serious drama that it very much needs a bit more comic relief than just Peridot's goofiness in Chapter Four, so this is going to be a half-serious half-funny chapter before we switch back to mostly-serious drama with bits of humor sprinkled on top.
Chapter Five: Hilaradorkable
Thanks to her superhuman speed and jumping ability, Jasper doesn't need a Warp Pad in order to cross the distance between the Uppaluchian Mountains and the location of Little Homeworld and Beach City on the Delmarva coast in a very short time; barely fifteen minutes after sunset, with one final leap she lands just inside the outer wall of Little Homeworld where the street lights provide clear visibility during early twilight.
As she begins walking through the streets in the direction of Lapis' house, the various Gems and few humas nearby take notice of her presence. Like always, they keep their distance from her while shooting her nervous glances and whispering among themselves. But unlike before when she believed all of them to be "weak," Jasper finds that she actually cares about how everyone seems to fear and avoid her.
"Who am I kidding," she thinks, "I've always cared about how others think of me. I always cared about seeming 'strong' and 'perfect' to everyone. The only difference is that now I've learned what true strength is. I used to think these people feared and avoided me because of my 'strength' being superior to theirs, but now I can see the truth: They fear me not just because of my power, but because of my pointless acts of aggression and destruction. They avoid me because they've always seen me for what I really am, a flawed weakling who puts on airs of superiority."
As she walks towards Lapis' home, she soon finds that she won't need to ring any doorbells to find her this time. Rounding a corner, she can see that a few dozen feet in front of her Lapis is leaning upon a lamp post while engaged in a conversation with Bismuth and Peridot, the latter of whom seems to be speaking (yelling, actually) in a very exasperated tone as she gesticulates wildly. Jasper is surprised to see, however, that with them are two more figures, the human girl Connie and her and Steven's large pink lion.
None of them are facing in Jasper's direction except for Peridot who seems too preoccupied to pay attention to anything besides her friends, so they don't notice her approach. Bismuth and Connie have their backs toward Jasper (Jasper can't help but notice Connie's sword in its sheath slung across her back) as they speak to Peridot, while Lapis stands off to the side with her profile toward Jasper as she leans against the lamp post with a slightly amused deadpan expression on her face. Lion is standing beside Connie with his backside towards Jasper as well. As Jasper walks closer, she can hear their conversation and slows her pace so she can listen, as she finds herself a bit curious.
Bismuth is softly laughing as Connie tries to explain something to a very frustrated looking Peridot. "So you see Peridot," Connie says, "many human scientists and science fiction writers have already considered the ramifications of nanotechnology and its potential to lead to the 'gray goo' doomsday scenario that I described, so you should really be cautious if you're going to invent something like that! Making nanobots capable of learning and growing on their own may lead to unforeseen consequences, and giving them full-blown sentience is a terrible idea fraught with danger. At most, you should program them to simply follow a predetermined set of instructions or to act according to commands you send to them remotely."
Peridot responds to Connie in a very frustrated tone as she continues to gesture exaggeratedly: "But Connieee, we were Crystal Temps together, can't you have my back on this? I wanna make my own Smog Monster like in 'Disoriented,' and that means it needs to have a mind of its own!"
Bismuth continues chuckling, and Connie seems about to respond when Lapis cuts in, saying in a dry tone with a hint of sarcasm and amusement: "Peridot, the Smog Monster flies around killing people seemingly at random and for no reason. Not that I'd really mind that or anything, but I'm pretty sure that most people wouldn't take kindly to that or to the 'gray goo' thing that Connie told us about." Jasper is glad to see that Lapis seems to be her usual self, since she was so worried that her hurtful words two nights ago may have sent Lapis into a downward spiral.
As Lion begins to idly pace beside her to half-heartedly swat and snap at insects that flit about in the evening air, Connie says in a tone that sounds a bit excited and very validated, "yeah, exactly, you shouldn't make nanobots self-aware, especially if you're trying to recreate a fictional monster that attacks people!"
Peridot raises a finger as if to come up with some clever retort, but all she manages is to say is, "uhh... ummmm..." before slowly lowering her hand. At this, Bismuth's chuckling transitions into great peals of raucous laughter as she doubles over with her hands on her knees.
Jasper decides that now is as good a time as any. She walks forward until she stops only a few paces from the group, crosses her arms and strikes a dignified pose, and clears her throat before saying in a loud voice that sounds far more confident than she feels, "hey Lapis, I'm back."
Everyone startles except for Lion who began to turn toward her as soon as she stopped; Peridot finally notices Jasper's presence directly in her line of sight, and Bismuth stops laughing and stands up straight, turning around to look at Jasper. Their jaws drop only for a moment before they both do something that surprises Jasper:
They smile at her, although Peridot's smile clearly appears forced while she thinks, "be nice, be nice, even if Jasper starts being a clod again I need to be nice 'cause I promised Lapis I would be." Bismuth's smile is genuine; she's glad that Jasper has come back to talk to Lapis again, and she's very interested in this chance to watch how the two will interact after her realization yesterday about the possible nature of Lapis' thoughts concerning Jasper.
Lion noticed Jasper's approach as soon as she rounded the corner, but chose to act normally so he could take her by surprise in case she attempted a sneak attack using a high-speed spin-dash. Without Steven around, he has to protect Connie at all costs against potential threats who are too much for Connie to handle herself. Since it's clear that Jasper doesn't intend to be sneaky, he lowers himself into a crouch and produces a low growl from deep within his throat, ready to pounce if Jasper proves aggressive. He knows that she wasn't a threat with Steven around, but he's well aware that Jasper dislikes Connie and he can't be sure what the Quartz may be planning now that Steven isn't here.
Jasper doesn't fail to notice that Lion turned toward her before she cleared her throat, and now realizes that he was aware of her approach. Jasper thinks, "This Earthling who was granted his powers by Pink Diamond has always impressed me. I respect him for being a powerful lone warrior. I wonder just how powerful he really is. His senses are clearly very sharp and his tactic of feigned unawareness was sound; if I were an enemy attempting a sneak attack I would've played right into his hands."
A part of her is tempted to pick a fight with Lion just to test him, but after her epiphany in the forest she realizes that such an act would be one of weakness, and she thinks, "this creature is strong in the real way like that bird I met; he would fight not for his own sake, but to protect the human female." That brings Jasper's thoughts to Connie.
Connie gazes calmly at Jasper with an expression that at first glance appears neutral, but Jasper knows better. This is the first time she's seen Connie without Steven around, and while Jasper may not be the best at reading people in many situations, as a warrior she can assess Connie's current body language and facial expression. The human has no malice in her gaze, but Jasper can see that she's sizing her up in case she proves to be a threat. Connie doesn't shift her arms at all, but as an experienced brawler Jasper can see that as Connie monitors her for sudden movements, she subtly tenses some muscles and relaxes others throughout her body in such a way as to be able to draw her sword and lunge forward to strike in a single, quick, fluid motion. As Jasper sizes the girl up herself, Connie catches on to that and ever so slightly sharpens her gaze.
"Very impressive," Jasper thinks, "this human lacks physical power and durability, but she carries herself like the mightiest of warriors and her sheer skill is clearly the real deal. Her resolve and courage are even more impressive; she obviously knows she has no hope of defeating me in a one-on-one fight, and yet she's clearly prepared to calmly stand her ground against me if separated from the others. She also seems extremely intelligent and articulate. And all of this when she's apparently a juvenile still years away from reaching her prime. Lapis was right: This human is incredibly strong despite being physically weak, she's even stronger than that bird. I may not like her, but I do respect her."
Lapis seems to have blanked out a bit upon Jasper's sudden appearance. Several seconds of silence pass as everyone looks at Jasper and all those thoughts run through her head, and then Lapis snaps out of her momentary daze and registers the fact that Jasper has returned. She suddenly lifts off the ground with her wings, unnecessarily Jasper thinks since it's such a short distance, and touches down a few feet in front of Jasper.
Lapis softly smiles at Jasper ("that smile suits her," Jasper thinks, "but I want to see that dazzling grin from the other night") and excitedly starts rambling: "Oh my GOSH, Jasper, you already came back! I'm so happy to see you! Are you okay, did you think things over? Do you want to talk with me again? I'm sorry by the way if the way I worded things was a bit harsh and blunt, I know you probably wouldn't have wanted to listen anyway but maybe I should ha-"
Jasper cuts her off by raising her right hand and speaking: "Lapis, you're not the one who should be apologizing. All those things you told me... you were right about everything, and I thank you for your wise teachings. I'm sorry I reacted the way I did. You were trying to help me by telling me things I needed to finally hear from someone, and my response was to get angry and falsely accuse you of terrible things. You did nothing wrong Lapis, but can you forgive me for my... my weakness in being blinded by rage and denial?"
To say that everyone besides Lion watching the scene unfold between Lapis and Jasper is surprised would be the understatement of the millennium. They're outright flabbergasted. Jasper, of all people, is being nice to someone other than Steven, she's admitting that she was wrong, she's apologizing for her bad behavior, and she's demonstrating humility and calling herself weak.
Peridot slaps herself across the face and rubs her eyes as she figures she must be seeing things. Bismuth's jaw hangs open in shock as she struggles to process what she's witnessing. Connie's jaw slackens as well, and she's hardly consciously aware that all the nearly-invisible tension left her muscles upon realizing that Jasper isn't a threat right now.
Lion on the other hand calmly straightens from his crouch and resumes snapping and swatting at bugs, this time invested in his actions rather than using them as a means to feign ignorance. He may be far more intelligent than he typically lets on (Steven and Connie at least realize that he can somehow understand human speech), but a cat is still a cat and he couldn't care less about Jasper's social interactions with anyone as long as she doesn't pose a physical threat to Connie.
Lapis holds her hands over her mouth and trembles as a few tears gather in the corners of her eyes. For a moment, a pang of guilt shoots through Jasper as she worries she somehow upset Lapis, but Lapis dispels Jasper's anxieties when she abruptly lowers her hands and clasps Jasper's still half-raised right hand in both of hers.
Before Jasper can fully register that Lapis is holding her hand, Lapis shoots her that smile, the toothy and joyful grin that reaches all the way to her eyes, and Jasper's mind nearly short-circuits as she takes in the current situation. Not only has she already begun to succeed in her Fourth Mission Objective, on top of that Lapis is for some reason holding her hand.
Jasper has no idea what to make of the situation, but what she does know is that she feels happy, truly happy, which is a novel sensation for her. Lapis then does something even more unexpected; she lets go of Jasper's hand and surges forward to hug her. Jasper completely loses any ability to form coherent thoughts.
As Lapis hugs Jasper, she finds that she herself becomes a bit flustered. A brush briefly colors Lapis' cheeks as she remembers how Bismuth said "Jasper sure is a brawny one"; her frame is so large and imposing that Lapis can't actually fit her arms around her. Lapis once again quickly decides that her blush can't possibly mean anything, that she's just slightly losing her mind thanks to Bismuth putting weird thoughts in her head and her joy that Jasper has stopped living in denial.
After a few short seconds, Lapis lets go of Jasper and steps back a few feet, quickly regaining her composure. As Jasper blankly stares at Lapis in bewilderment, awe, and wonder, Lapis says in a voice filled with joy: "Oh Jasper, of course I forgive you, I already forgave you! I'm so happy that you've come around! Does this mean that you'll let me help you? I really want to help you!"
These words snap Jasper out of her trance, but the huge Quartz has lost all her usual outward composure and bravado. She blushes heavily, and finds that for some reason she's unable to look Lapis in the eyes, as if making eye contact would somehow reveal deep secrets about herself that even Jasper is unaware of.
Still blushing, Jasper nervously fiddles with and twirls the ends of her hair with her right hand as she focuses on the empty space next to Lapis' head and stammers in reply: "U-um, uh, thanks for... uhh... for forgiving me, I mean. That was very... strong of you."
With thoughts of "strength" on her mind again, Jasper's blush subsides and her voice regains a small amount of its usual confidence as she manages to initiate eye contact with Lapis and says, "yeah, I'll let you help me. I actually need your help. I have a new mission, one I decided upon myself, and I need your help in order to accomplish my mission objectives."
Everyone else present (except for Lion who still doesn't care) is watching the scene with great interest now that their shock has begun to wear off.
Connie finds it a struggle not to either squeal with delight, laugh, or both as she thinks, "oh my gosh, they're so obvious, even though the two of them clearly don't even realize it themselves! It's adorable, dorky, and hilarious; I think I'll call Jasper and Lapis 'hilaradorkable' from now on. I wish Steven could see this, he'd have stars in his eyes! He's totally gonna flip when I tell him about it later, he'll probably come up with a ship-name. Heh, and here Lion and I thought that Jasper might be a threat; as if, right now she looks less like an intimidating warrior and more like an awkward schoolgirl with a crush she isn't even aware of yet. Yup, toootally hilaradorkable."
Bismuth, who's nearly as savvy as Connie, thinks to herself, "yup, my suspicions were spot-on yesterday! The crazy thing is how Lapis and Jasper don't seem to realize it themselves. That's probably for the best though, 'cause even if they're starting to have these feelings I'm pretty sure that neither of them is in the right place yet to be more than friends. I'm definitely rooting for them to get to that point, though; they're totally cute together, and both of them could really benefit from having the support of someone who's more than just their friend. But so help me, if she goes back to her old ways and breaks Lapis' heart, then there ain't nobody in the universe who'll be able to stop me from beating Jasper into the ground whether she's more powerful than me or not!"
Peridot on the other hand is very confused as she thinks, "what the heck is this? Those two are acting reeeally weird, Jasper is being nice while acting all embarrassed and blushing for some reason, and Lapis is acting super excited and showing her emotions more than usual. I don't get it. Whatever, I'll ask Bismuth and Connie about it later, the important thing is that Jasper came back like Lapis hoped and now Lapis is really happy. Jasper being nice is good thing thing even if it's super-weird. But Jasper better not go back to being a clod, if she hurts Lapis' feelings again I'll have to show her just how awesome my metal powers can be!"
As the other three observe them, Lapis smiles again and clasps her hands in front of her in joy as she says: "Yes, of course Jasper, whatever it is you've decided on as your path in life, I'd be honored to help you figure out how to navigate it! So were you just stopping by to let me know you're back before you head to your home, or do you want to hang out? I was planning to join everybody here to go grab dinner, well more like for Connie and Lion to eat while the rest of us talk and maybe have a few bites; you're welcome to join us as long as you're nice to everyone! Right guys?"
To Jasper's surprise, Connie, Peridot, and Bismuth all nod in the affirmative; Peridot has another forced smile on her face while Connie and Bismuth look quite amused, although Jasper has no idea why anyone would find this situation humorous; then again, the concept of humor was always something that eluded her.
Nevertheless, Jasper looks uncomfortable with Lapis' suggestion, and she says as much: "I, uh... I'm not really... comfortable... with something like that. I have nothing against your... friends, Lapis, but I'd rather not join all of you in your outing, as I'm not exactly... social, and I'm still pretty uncomfortable with the concept of Earthlings' digestive processes. I also have no idea what 'hang out' means, although it's obviously some kind of colloquialism. You're the one I want to talk to; if you already have important plans, then I can come back later or tomorrow, just let me know when would be okay."
Lapis looks like she feels a bit foolish; she blushes for a moment again and waves her hands in front of her to signal that Jasper is mistaken, saying: "Oh no no, that's okay Jasper, I didn't really think that... I should've considered that you're not comfortable yet with hanging out, which means spending time with people just for the sake of being around them, not necessarily for any particular reason although there's often a planned activity involved. Our plans right now aren't especially important or anything, I mean except for talking Peridot out of giving sentience to nanobots but I'm pretty sure we've put that issue to rest. There'll be plenty of other chances to join Connie for dinner."
Lapis briefly turns toward her friends and notices that Peridot looks a bit confused (that's normal in social situations) while Bismuth and Connie look quite amused; she figures they must find it funny how she had to explain what "hanging out" means to Jasper. Lapis says to her friends: "Hey guys, I'm sorry to ditch you at the last minute like this, but would it be okay if I go talk with Jasper right now instead? Helping her figure out her path in life is more important than just hanging out at a restaurant, ya know?"
Connie knows she shouldn't tease Lapis, but she knows that Lapis is in denial anyway and she just can't help the bit of sarcasm in her tone as she replies: "Oh of course that's fine Lapis, you should definitely go and talk with Jasper, I'm sure you two have a lot of things to discuss between just the two of you, alone with nobody else around." Bismuth has to exert extreme mental effort to keep a straight face, and now that she has the teasing out of her system Connie continues in a completely serious tone: "Really Lapis, this is obviously important. Like you said, helping Jasper matters a lot more than joining me for dinner, so go ahead, we don't mind! Right everybody?"
Bismuth nods and says "yup," and Peridot says "yeah Lapis, we'll see ya tomorrow or something!" Lion glances over his shoulder at Connie and half-heartedly grunts with a look on his face that says "I really couldn't care less about what the rest of these weirdos do since I'm only here for you, Connie," before returning to chasing bugs. Connie has gotten very good at reading Lion by now.
Lapis caught the sarcastic tone in Connie's words before the latter became serious, but she has no idea (or at least manages to convince herself she doesn't) why Connie would tease her right now. She replies: "Umm... ooo-kaaay Connie. Thanks for being so understanding you guys! Oh yeah, Peridot, I promise I really will text you to check in this time, but you don't have to worry anyway because I have a feeling things are gonna go well! Have fun tonight, I'll see you around guys!"
Jasper has no idea how to interpret the strange way in which Connie emphasized her words, and honestly doesn't care to try to figure it out. She's too preoccupied with Lapis' unhesitating willingness to bail on plans with her friends so she can help her; Jasper finds herself experiencing that bizarre bubbly sensation again, the same one as when Lapis gives her that smile.
Now that Jasper knows what "consideration" is, it also isn't lost on her that everyone is being kind and considerate toward her even though Connie and Peridot have bad histories with her. "Lapis' friends are indeed strong," Jasper thinks, "I never even asked for their forgiveness like I asked for Lapis', and yet they seem to hold no grudge against me."
Thanks to Lapis' (and everyone else's) kindness and consideration, Jasper's usual bravado has returned, in fact she feels genuinely confident for once, and when Lapis turns back to her she says, "thanks Lapis, I appreciate it." To Lapis' extreme mortification, Jasper then repeats her gesture and phrasing from two evenings ago, but this time in front of Lapis' friends:
Jasper cocks a thumb over her shoulder and in a gruff voice that oozes unmitigated swagger she says, "so your place again, right? Let's go," before turning and striding briskly in the direction of Lapis' house. Lapis doesn't look back and promptly takes off to fly after Jasper while blushing heavily; she has no desire whatsoever to see her friends' reactions to Jasper's tone, gesture, and choice of words, nor to allow them to see her blush and misinterpret it when she insists to herself that it's obviously just from embarrassment and absolutely nothing else.
Peridot is vaguely reminded of certain interactions she's seen in TV and movies, but doesn't think much of it. Connie and Bismuth, on the other hand, can barely restrain themselves. They wait at least twenty seconds until they are sure the pair are out of earshot, and then they abruptly burst into tremendous gales of laughter.
Bismuth is laughing even harder than she did earlier when Peridot got shut down concerning sentient nanobots. Peridot is very confused, and Lion turns to look at Connie with mild curiosity, as the pair double over with their hands on their knees and their legs shaking, barely able to stay on their feet as they laugh for over a full minute with tears leaking from their eyes. They laugh and laugh until Connie's stomach and sides cramp badly, and eventually their peals of laughter fade into chuckles and snorts. Bismuth stands straight again while Connie lets herself fall on her haunches and sits on the ground, and both wipe their eyes.
She's been uncharacteristically patient, but now that the two seem to be in a state where they can speak coherently, Peridot loudly insists upon answers as she can't stand being so out of the loop: "Okay, THAT'S IT, everybody's been acting SUPER WEIRD tonight! Why were Lapis and Jasper acting so weird, and what do you two find so funny? I DEMAND A COMPLETE AND CLEAR EXPLANATION IMMEDIATELY!"
Bismuth chuckles a bit and thinks, "oh stars, Peri is the best, I hope she never stops being so quirky." She decides to let Connie answer since she has such a way with words. Connie is sitting on the ground leaning back against Lion's mane; when she sat down, Lion (he has such a soft spot for her) walked up behind her and laid down to provide her with more comfortable seating arrangements.
Connie gently rubs her belly with one hand to relieve the cramping and scratches lion's head with the other as she thinks, "wow, I seriously haven't laughed that hard in a while, that was absolutely beyond hilarious." She can't take long to think about it though, because she knows that Peridot will probably have a conniption if she doesn't get an answer soon.
Connie briefly looks around to make sure she can't see anyone in earshot; from her standing position Bismuth shoots Connie an "all clear" look, and so Connie answers Peridot: "Well Peridot, Jasper and Lapis have crushes on each other." She pauses to see how Peridot will react.
Peridot's mind stops functioning for a few moments as she tries to process what Connie just told her, and when she regains her wits in a couple seconds she shouts: "WHAT?! You mean like... romantic attraction?! That's CRAZY talk, that's IMPOSSIBLE! I mean, the two of THEM, really? There's no way!"
Connie giggles a bit ("oooh there's that cramp again," she thinks) and knowing that Peridot needs social cues spelled out for her, she replies: "There's totally a way, Peridot. It's actually pretty obvious. It's why Lapis showed her excitement and joy outwardly to such an uncharacteristic degree, and although it was mostly quite subtle, even watching Lapis from behind I could tell from her body language that she finds Jasper appealing and might've blushed a couple times. Not to mention that Lapis is rarely the one to initiate affectionate physical contact with others."
Connie continues: "And Jasper was really obvious about it, Peridot. She looked really happy when Lapis smiled at her, she basically blanked out when Lapis held her hand, and she blushed like a schoolgirl and was too bashful to make eye contact after Lapis suddenly hugged her. You can see it now, right Peridot?"
Bismuth continues to keep a lookout for anyone who may try to eavesdrop now that Jasper's presence is no longer scaring everyone away, but watches out of the corner of her eye as Peridot slowly puts the pieces together.
After a few seconds, Peridot has an epiphany and pounds her right fist into her left hand as she loudly says: "Oh my GOSH you're RIGHT Connie, they acted just like people with so-called 'crushes' do in TV and movies! I still can hardly believe it though, it's just CRAZY, I mean... Jasper and Lapis, really? They were total CLODS to each other a couple years ago! How is this even POSSIBLE?"
Peridot's question is actually a very good one, so Connie considers her words for a moment and then responds: "Well Peridot, Jasper is obviously changing for the better if her behavior tonight was any indication, and Lapis has already made tremendous progress as a person since the time when they were Malachite. It's true that they were bad for each other in the past; but Lapis is a great person, so maybe the two of them could be really good for each other if Jasper keeps improving and doesn't revert to her old ways."
"Jasper definitely seems to be making an effort to be kind and considerate towards Lapis now, and it's worth pointing out that she wasn't actually rude to us at all. In fact, it was really subtle, but Jasper sized me up as a warrior and looked at me with respect, which as a warrior myself is something I never expected but always hoped for from her. It seems like she understands now what true strength and weakness are. So I have high hopes for Jasper, I think that Lapis may be able to help her become a truly good person! Isn't that exciting?"
Peridot replies: "wow, yeah, that's pretty amazing actually, it would be great if Jasper stopped being a clod for good. But even I can tell there's something else you're not telling me, and you also still haven't told me what was so funny! I MUST BE IN ON THE JOKE, EXPLAIN IT NOW!"
Connie giggles again before answering: "You're right Peridot, I need to tell you something else really important before I can explain what made me and Bismuth laugh. Lapis and Jasper both don't recognize their own feelings, and for now that's for the best."
Peridot looks confused while Bismuth nods sagely as she continues to keep a lookout for eavesdroppers, and Connie continues: "Lapis is clearly in denial about her attraction toward Jasper, and Jasper doesn't even understand what physical or romantic attraction are. She's not like you where you don't experience those things at all but can still comprehend them in a conceptual sense, Peridot. She's clearly able to feel such things, she is feeling them, but she has no knowledge or experience that would allow her to put her feelings in a context where she can comprehend them."
"Jasper doesn't even understand friendship, Peridot; she's never had any friends. And it's not like Lapis and Jasper are in love or anything like Steven and I are; they just have a mutual crush. For there to be any chance that those feelings could grow into love, Jasper is going to have to learn about friendship and become Lapis' friend first, and both she and Lapis will then need to recognize and acknowledge their crushes on each other. There is no guarantee that they ever will fall in love, Peridot; sometimes crushes fade. But at the very least it looks like they will become friends as long as Jasper doesn't regress."
Connie takes a breath before continuing: "And that's why I need to set down certain guidelines, Peridot. Bismuth already realizes what I'm about to tell you, but you've acknowledged that you're not very good at navigating social situations so I hope you're not offended that I have to explain this."
"The rules are that we shouldn't actually say anything to Lapis or Jasper about their crushes or let on that we're aware of them, and we shouldn't interfere or try to push them in any way. I myself shouldn't have used a sarcastic tone to tease Lapis about it earlier, even though I knew she wouldn't catch on since she's in denial. What we should do is continue to support Lapis as her friend, and if Jasper reaches a point where she befriends any of us, we'll support her too. The only circumstance under which we should talk with either of them about their attraction to each other is if they seek advice or support from us concerning it. Do you understand, Peridot?"
Peridot listens raptly as Connie explains everything to her, and after a few seconds of deep contemplation she replies to Connie in a very serious tone: "Yeah Connie, I understand. I'm not offended that you had to explain all that, because like you said that's just... how I am. If you'd only told me about their crushes without explaining how I should act, then I would've gone and been a total clod by blurting something out about it to Lapis the next time I see her. I just... do stuff like that, ya know? Heh, yeeeesh. I'm actually really glad you made sure I wouldn't go and do that; you're so good at reading and talking to people Connie, so I can always count on you to help me avoid being a clod. I promise I'll follow your 'guidelines.' Sooo are you gonna explain now what was so funny?"
Bismuth chuckles and Connie giggles again when they're reminded of what Jasper said, and Connie finally explains: "What's funny is the last thing that Jasper said before walking off, and how her tone and her posture were just dripping with swagger. Peridot, you watch a lot of TV and movies. Aren't you familiar with the 'your place or mine' cliche in romance stories, how something along those lines is what one character says to another so they can agree upon whose residence to go to so they can... you know, become... intimate?"
Connie blushes a little when she says this; she may be wise far beyond her years, but she's still only fifteen and hasn't gone any further with Steven than hugs and kisses. Both she and Steven were always very wholesome, and regardless of being deeply in love they by no means plan to be reckless like so many teenagers are. On the other hand, since she's a teenager with all the typical hormones and is so deeply in love with Steven, any mention of those kinds of things tends to send her thoughts racing down a very dangerous path involving her very handsome boyfriend. "STOP IT CONNIE," she thinks to herself, "now is NOT the time, you're in PUBLIC with your FRIENDS!" With a great mental effort, she extinguishes her somewhat risque thoughts.
Peridot's face goes blank for a couple seconds, and Connie can practically see the gears turning in her head until everything clicks into place and Peridot pounds a fist into her hand again with an "a-ha" look on her face. Peridot starts off with a clinical tone but gradually descends into hysterics as she says:
"Jasper is unfamiliar with fictional media so she had no idea... but she said 'your place again, right,' and was like... her tone... and the way she gestured... just like those characters in movies... the way Lapis flew off instead of turning to look at us again... Lapis watches stuff so she knows about it and must've been embarrassed... oh gosh, oh my stars, heh, heheh, AAHAHAH!"
It's now Peridot's turn to erupt into a tremendous fit of laughter, and Connie smiles in amusement as she watches the small green Gem ("she's always so adorkable," Connie thinks, "I love Peridot") fall down upon her hands and knees and pound the ground with her tiny fists as she laughs uproariously. While Peridot laughs for several minutes straight, Connie pulls out her smartphone and fiddles around with something on it.
Peridot eventually calms down and rolls upon her back; Connie is standing again and she and Bismuth are peering down at her with looks of shared amusement, glad that their friend finally gets the joke. "Heh, yeah, that's super funny," Peridot says, and when Connie holds out her hand she takes it and rises to her feet.
Bismuth finally cuts in and says: "So Peri, now that you've got your explanation, we should probably head to the restaurant. Connie here needs to eat after all, and it's getting a bit late for dinner. Not to mention that Lion seems to be gettin' pretty antsy; like us he doesn't need food, but he sure does enjoy eatin' it anyway since he used to be a normal lion." Lion is indeed huffing and glaring at them over his shoulder with an expression that says "hurry it up already or I'll just ditch you to go hunt for my own food."
Connie smiles and says: "Heh, okay buddy, calm down, we're gonna go eat now. Can you do us a favor and portal us there? Since it's gotten later than we planned, I ordered carry-out online while Peridot was laughing, so we can just pick it up once it's ready and eat sitting out on the pier since it's such a nice evening." Lion looks at her questioningly and she says, "yes Lion, I made sure to order your favorite." Lion seems satisfied with this answer and roars open a portal to the restaurant.
As Lion chases bugs again to pass the time and Bismuth, Peridot, and Connie sit on a bench near the restaurant waiting for Connie's phone to notify them that her order is ready, Connie just can't wait any longer to tell Steven about what's happening. There should still be a few minutes before the food is ready, so she calls Steven, and after a few rings he answers. "Hey Steven," Connie says, "you free to talk for a couple minutes?" Steven says something in reply, and Connie begins telling him in a quiet but very excited voice, "okay so, you're not gonna believe what's happening, I have the juiciest relationship gossip ever to share with you!"
Steven's reaction is exactly as expected from him; although Connie isn't on speakerphone, even from several feet away Bismuth and Peridot can hear a loud squeal of excitement emanate from the phone followed by Steven yelling "OH my GOSH, ROMANCE!" Connie giggles while thinking she has the cutest boyfriend ever and replies, "Yup, there's a romance brewing, a hilaradorkable romance where neither person even realizes it themselves! And the story of how I found out about it ends in the funniest way, you'll get such a kick out of it!"
Steven doesn't question her use of the nonexistent word "hilaradorkable," because he's so in sync with her that he requires no explanation and immediately adds the word to his own vocabulary. Connie continues: "so you see, I was hanging out in Little Homeworld with Lion, Bismuth, Peridot, and Lapis, when all of a sudden..."
A couple minutes later when she's finished telling the story to Steven and he's gotten the laughter out of his system, just as Connie expected he comes up with a ship-name: He calls them "Jaspis," and he's very much rooting for their crushes to grow into something more meaningful. "That's Steven for you," Connie thinks, "a hopeless romantic through and through. Gosh, my boyfriend is so adorable."
Notes: So yeah, basically everybody except for Lapis and Jasper now knows what's going on with them. The three "main" Crystal Gems will be made aware of the situation since this gossip is way too juicy for Bismuth, Connie, and/or Steven not to share it with them, and are savvy enough that they'll know to simply stand on the sidelines and watch things develop without saying anything about it to Lapis or Jasper.
I know this whole "everybody is now gonna gossip about them" thing is very cliche, but it was inevitable. Jasper is so clueless she doesn't understand friendship, let alone romance, so basically anybody besides Peridot should be able to spot the signs from her (like Connie and Bismuth did) since it's not like she's trying to hide anything. And anyone who knows Lapis should be able to spot how she acts more emotionally expressive and vulnerable around Jasper. And this situation is just far too interesting for Lapis' friends to not gossip about it. They're good people though, so "gossip" is by no means a bad thing here; they're happy and hopeful for Lapis and Jasper.
As I've said previously though, just because Lapis and Jasper are developing a mutual attraction does not mean that you, my dear readers, should expect true romance to develop between them anytime soon; the people around them noticing what's going on isn't going to change that, and this is still a slow-burn romance. I had Connie literally spell out the reasons why for Peridot in this chapter.
For those of you who read or are planning to read my other story in this fandom: Part of the massive revisions/overhaul for that fanfic will include some big changes in how Jasper speaks to Connie in the first chapter of that story. Remember that this story here is Lapis/Jasper-focused prequel for that one. As often happens when writing fiction, the characters have developed minds of their own and are developing in ways I didn't necessarily expect, and that is especially true of Jasper's thoughts concerning Connie. So yes, this story will feature some more meaningful interactions between Connie and Jasper, as well as more of Connie's interactions with "the trio." Connie is arguably the strongest "in the real way" character in the entire franchise; her "all of you shut up and get your shit together" (not her actual words but yeah) speech to everyone in "I Am My Monster" showcased how truly strong she is, as did all her other actions in that episode.
Also I absolutely love writing dialogue for Connie because she's so articulate and has such an advanced vocabulary. And yes, "hilaradorkable" is a thing she and Steven say now.