Doing Something Better

by goodyfresh

Jasper feels directionless in the wake of Steven's departure. She knows that her Diamond only ever gave her one order: To find a means of self-improvement. While she doesn't know HOW to improve herself in any area besides combat, she's savvy enough to know that wasn't what he was referring to. So she seeks help from the one non-Diamond Gem whose power and authority she respects.

7. Chapter 7: Her Diamond

Notes (they're long but pretty important this time): This chapter will be VERY long, longer than Chapter Four at over 17,000 words not including the notes, and unlike Chapter 4 it's mostly all in one big piece! There's nothing that can be done about that, and there's no way to break it into multiple chapters. The issue is that Jasper has a lot of ground to cover with Steven, just like she did with Lapis, before they can reach a mutual understanding and become friends. But unlike her talk with Lapis, since Jasper is better now her conversation with Steven won't be interrupted and broken into two pieces a couple days apart since she won't be storming off in anger during the middle of it, so there's no way to break this conversation into two parts or chapters.

There's also the fact that Lapis is there facilitating the conversation with her phone, and as Steven and Jasper's mutual friend it's not like she'll stay completely silent the whole time, and the two of them will sometimes speak to her instead of just to each other. It's not like they'll completely ignore Lapis' presence, that would be weird and rude, haha. Also, there's a part after Steven hangs up from Steven's POV showing his thoughts on the conversation and his reaction to it; that part isn't long enough to stand on its own as another chapter.

I'm so glad to actually get to write some dialogue for Steven! This will not be the only chapter in which Steven has a prominent role, and there will be at least one more chapter after this one featuring an extended conversation between him and Jasper. Just to warn you, dear readers, prepare yourselves for a whole lot of angst! Steven is doing much better than he was a few months earlier, but it's not like his extremely severe case of C-PTSD has just magically gone away, because that's not how trauma works, and some of the topics he and Jasper need to cover are ones that will obviously be triggering for him.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: I know very well that it isn't proper in the field of psychology for anyone besides a mental health professional to actually diagnose someone with a condition. But in this case I'm having characters go ahead and do so anyway. Gems like Lapis or Jasper obviously haven't (and won't) see a psychologist or psychiatrist, but it's very obvious that they can be diagnosed with certain psychiatric conditions.

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Chapter Seven: Her Diamond

"Oh, hey Lapis," Steven says, and then continues in a slightly teasing and quite sarcastic tone, "I guess you already miss me sooo much after just a couple days that a normal call wasn't enough and you had to see my face, huh? I'm truly touched, Lapis."

Lapis giggles and says: "Well Steven, I do always enjoy seeing you, but there's actually an important reason why I'm video-calling you. Would you be okay with having a long conversation right now, and are you somewhere that's private? There's actually someone else here who wants to speak with you, and it's about something very serious and important."

Since Connie filled him in on the hilaradorkable situation, Steven thinks, "ohhh, I get it, she must be with Jasper. Awwwww, so cute!" His thoughts then turn serious as he thinks: "if Jasper is a better person now and wants to have a serious conversation with me, then that might be... difficult... depending on what she wants to talk about. Who am I kidding, it'll definitely be difficult." He steels his mind in preparation for the coming conversation, preparing himself to possibly have to use some of the calming techniques his therapist has taught him in order to avoid going Pink. He sits down in the armchair in his room at the B&B and props his phone up against the vase on the table, because he knows that if he does turn Pink, he won't want to be holding his phone in his hand.

Steven doesn't let his reluctance show on his face and says, "yeah Lapis, that's fine, I'm not busy and I'm at the B&B right now. I normally like to have me time or talk to Connie this late, but if it's something important then I'm fine with talking for a while." He plays dumb and says, "sooo, who's there who wants to talk to me?"

Lapis says, "well, I'll let her introduce herself," and Jasper takes this as her cue to walk over. Lapis holds the phone low and tilts it upward at an angle so that both she and the much taller Jasper appear in the camera frame, and once Jasper stands next to Lapis, she can see Steven's face on the screen and a small inset showing the view of herself and Lapis. She briefly thinks that human technology is more advanced than she realized (although to be fair, their video-calls are limited to planetary rather than intergalactic range), but she gets right down to business.

Or at least she tries to get right down to business, but instead all she manages to do is nervously stammer out the words "uhhh, h... hello, My D... Steven. Like Lapis said there are some very... important things I need to talk about with you." Steven pretends not to notice her slip of the tongue and replies, "oh, hey Jasper, it's nice to see you! What's up?" Noticing the awkward angle at which Lapis is forced to hold the phone, Jasper tells Steven, "uh sorry, wait a moment" and turns toward Lapis and says, "maybe I should sit while you stand, Lapis?"

Lapis nods in agreement, and Jasper sits down in a chair while Lapis stands over her shoulder so their faces are about level. Lapis uses a water-arm to hold her waterproof phone a distance in front of Jasper so that both of their torsos and faces are visible to Steven.

Steven waits patiently while the two situate themselves, and it isn't lost on him how they're being considerate toward each other. Once they're set up, Steven says with a subtly sly look on his face, "sooo Jasper, you're the person who needs to talk to me, huh?" Lapis can tell that he isn't the least bit surprised and was expecting Jasper, and she narrows her eyes slightly with suspicion.

Steven continues, "hmmm, iiinteresting, veeery interesting. Tell me, since when did you two ever hang out together? You enjoying each other's company all alone there?" Just like Connie earlier, no matter how much Steven knows he shouldn't tease Lapis, he just can't help himself. His sense of humor is similar to Connie's, and the fact is that he's trying to lighten his own mood before the inevitably triggering conversation to come.

Lapis thinks, "ugggh, Connie must've told him about how I've been helping Jasper, and more importantly she told him what Jasper said when we left and the two of them are taking it COMPLETELY out of context. At least Jasper doesn't have a clue about it." She shoots Steven a brief glare that clearly says "quit it," and he gets the message but can't resist grinning and winking at her in response. Jasper is confused by the strange way in which Steven emphasizes his words and by the seemingly bizarre nature of his and Lapis' nonverbal communication; but based on Steven's grin she figures it must be some kind of "humor" which is something she still doesn't comprehend, so she chooses to ignore it for now in favor of more pressing concerns.

Still nervous, Jasper says to Steven with a slightly hesitant but resolute look on her face: "Uh, yeah, I've been spending time with Lapis, we're friends now. It's... nice to see you too, Steven. The things I need to talk about with you... they're very serious, and some of them are about... our past history. Is that... okay? I know you've been having a hard time with your... trauma, and if having a talk about our past is too difficult for you, it can wait." Steven is surprised that Jasper, of all people, is trying her best (and succeeding) to be respectful of his boundaries and feelings while showing patience, but given what Connie told him about Jasper's progress he isn't that surprised. He finds himself deeply moved by her consideration, the first real consideration she's ever shown toward him, and he has to suppress the urge to cry tears of joy.

With his eyes glistening, Steven replies, "thanks for being so considerate Jasper, I appreciate it. And it's all good, I'm totally up for a super-deadly-serious conversation with you! What's up?" He knows that he may have lied about feeling up to this conversation, but he's well aware that there are things that he and Jasper have to talk about; Steven knows he can't just avoid his triggers forever, and that sometimes he has to face them no matter how difficult that may be.

He's actually discussed this exact hypothetical scenario with his therapist, and they agreed that if Jasper ever comes around and wants to have a talk about their issues, it's something he can't run away from, as much for his own sake as for Jasper's. Steven thinks, "Jasper mentioned 'our past history,' so yeah, this is gonna be triggering. Come on Steven, be strong, remember the techniques Dr. Jackson taught you and DON'T GO PINK."

He doesn't let his inner turmoil show on his face, or at least he thinks he doesn't; Lapis, who's all too familiar with trauma herself, can see the hesitation and turmoil in his eyes no matter how well he hides it. She feels deeply for him, but she maintains a neutral expression because just like Steven, she knows there are things a person can't just run away from. Steven needs to have this conversation with Jasper just as much as Lapis needed to become comfortable around the ocean again after Malachite. Because just as the ocean would always be a part of Lapis' life, Jasper is now forever a part of Steven's life.

Jasper is oblivious to all of this as she says: "Steven, I owe you an apology. I'm learning to be better, to be truly strong in the real way, and part of that means that I need to acknowledge how I hurt and mistreated you from the very moment we first met. Lapis taught me that one form of strength is acceptance, and I realize now that I wronged you by refusing to accept the nature of your existence as a hybrid and believing you to be your mother, even holding what I believed she did against you. Once I learned your mother was actually Pink Diamond, I continued to hurt you by refusing to accept you and insisting that you were unworthy of her gemstone."

She sighs before continuing: "After that, I hurt you even more by encouraging you to be weak like I was. I feel nothing but shame and regret now when I think about the terrible lessons I taught you while calling them training. I taught you to give in to rage and aggression, to give in to the desire to dominate others and bend them to your will with raw power. And I paid the price for instilling my own weaknesses in you. My current form still bears the marks of the price that I paid for wronging you during those three days."

Talking about these things is difficult for her, and she takes another breath before continuing: "I don't blame you at all for what you did on the third day. You don't need to ever ask for my forgiveness, as what happened was my own fault for pushing you over the edge when you were in an unstable, traumatized state. And maybe the worst part is that after what you did to me, rather than learning my lesson I continued to hurt you, only this time by acting as a subordinate when I should've tried to be your friend. Now that I finally understand what friendship is, I realize that all you ever wanted from me was friendship, for us to form a connection. I'm friends with Lapis now, and thanks to her I finally understand so many important things, including what true strength and friendship are. I'm sorry for trying to be your lackey instead of your friend, Steven."

As she speaks, Steven thinks, "oh great well there it is, just like I expected from Jasper she's really blunt and got straight to the point with everything, including what happened on that day. Deep down I knew she would bring up what I did to her." By the time she's finished he finds himself thinking, "she's right, I can see the marks of her shattering right there on her current form! She thinks I don't owe her an apology?! She thinks it was all her own fault? No, that's wrong, I was weak too, it wasn't just her, I did something horrific to her! AGH, no, calm down Steven, you have to, you have to calm down, CALM DOWN!"

Jasper notices Steven scrunching up his face with a pained look as if he's in agony, a few tears in the corners of his eyes. "Oh no," she thinks, "I shouldn't have said everything so quickly."

Suddenly it happens: Steven turns Pink. A look of fear crosses Jasper's face and she noticeably flinches away from Lapis' phone. Seeing Jasper's fearful reaction to his Pink State, Steven's eyes widen and nearly bug out as he thinks, "oh no, no no no, she's afraid of my Pink State, of course she is after what I did to her with it, calm down Steven, you HAVE to calm down!"

Lapis winces and a few tears gather in her own eyes out of sympathy for her friends, but she knows this is between the two of them right now; if things escalate any further and get out of control then she'll provide her input in an attempt to act as a mediator, but for now she needs to let them try to handle this themselves. She has faith in her friends that they can handle this, that they're strong enough to move past this difficult moment.

In a matter of moments Jasper recovers from her state of fear and watches Steven on the screen as he glows Pink. Her face is etched with deep concern for him, and he can see how worried she is about him. Steven is lucky he had the foresight to prop his phone up on the table, as he's clenching his fists so hard that the phone would've been completely annihilated if he'd been holding it.

Hoping that Jasper has learned enough about patience to give him the time he needs, he shuts his eyes and thinks, "okay Steven, okay, remember what Dr. Jackson taught you, the first step is 4-7-8 abdominal breathing." He breathes in through his nose (four seconds), holds his breath (seven seconds), and exhales through his mouth (eight seconds) while expanding and contracting his abdomen to engage his diaphragm, and repeats the process several times while clenching and unclenching his fists in time with his breaths.

He thinks of the good things in his life, of his wonderfully supportive friends and family, of how much he loves his girlfriend Connie, and thinks, "okay Steven, chill out, relax, this is a good thing. Jasper is a better person, we're finally talking about the stuff we need to. This is great, this is healthy, we can put the past behind us and move on." He takes one final deep breath and the Pink glow subsides.

Steven opens his eyes and sees on his phone's screen that Jasper has a look of relief upon her face while Lapis smiles at him from over Jasper's shoulder. He scratches behind his ear and averts his eyes as he awkwardly chuckles, blushing out of embarrassment and saying, "heh, uh... sorry about that." He takes another deep breath and fully relaxes, turning his eyes back to the phone and saying, "it's okay Jasper, don't worry about it. I've learned to mostly control it, but I still sometimes enter my Pink State without meaning to when I get stressed."

Steven sees that she looks a bit guilty and briefly waves his hands in front of himself before saying: "Really Jasper, I said don't worry, and you definitely shouldn't feel bad about it! I told you I'm okay with having a serious conversation about our past. This is stuff we need to talk about, it's tough for me but that isn't really your fault. You did nothing wrong by bringing all that stuff up, okay? Just, give me a moment to think about how to reply, alright?" Jasper's expression relaxes and she silently nods at him.

Steven's countenance takes on a very pensive expression and he rests his right elbow on the arm of the chair and his chin in his hand while thinking. After several seconds he sits up straight again and replies to Jasper: "Okay so first of all Jasper, I totally forgive you, for everything. I already forgave you a long time ago. That part isn't what I had to think about just now, if all you'd said was 'sorry for everything' then I would've instantly said I forgive you. Not only do I forgive you, but I'm really, really happy to see how you've made such huge breakthroughs and become a better person." Jasper looks relieved, but not surprised, that Steven forgives her for everything, and she also looks quite proud that he praised her for her progress.

Steven takes another deep, calming breath before he continues: "The part I had to think about is the stuff you said about the time when you trained me and in the end, I... I shattered you. Jasper, you're wrong that I don't owe you an apology. We both made mistakes during those three days, including at the end. I had serious mental issues at the time, issues that I'm still struggling with, and it seems like you've finally accepted that you have issues too. Our issues are an explanation for why we both messed up so much, but an explanation isn't the same thing as an excuse. You're also wrong if you think that my issues are somehow 'worse' than yours and if you think that means I was somehow... blameless. My therapist Dr. Jackson says that it's pointless to try to compare trauma or issues between people, because everybody's different."

Steven seems to be finished for now, and after a few seconds' thought Jasper replies: "Yes, I suppose I can agree that an explanation is not the same as an excuse. And yes, I've accepted that I have serious issues I need to work on. Lapis here is a great friend and has been helping me a lot with my issues." Steven notices how Lapis momentarily blushes when Jasper says this, and Jasper continues: "But I don't understand what you mean that it's pointless to compare issues. Your issues are clearly worse than mine, they made you turn into a giant monster. And why would you mention trauma when I'm not traumatized like you and Lapis are?"

Steven winces and lets in a sharp intake of breath before slowly letting it out. Jasper looks a bit confused as Steven shifts his eyes to Lapis on the screen and asks her, "Lapis, is it okay if I give Jasper a full answer with examples so she can understand? I uh... I know some of it might be a touchy subject for you." Lapis, who knows exactly what he plans to tell Jasper about, sighs and replies: "Don't worry Steven, it's okay, one of the parts having to do with me is something Jasper and I have already talked about a bit. The other stuff about me, I'm... okay with you sharing, I'm okay with Jasper knowing anything about me." Steven nods, and turns his eyes back to Jasper, who now looks thoroughly confused.

Steven says to her: "Jasper, what I need to tell you to answer your question in a way you can understand is gonna be really long because I need to explain some stuff from psychology to you. And to do that I'm gonna have to pretty much completely explain my own issues and Lapis' issues. Is that okay?" Jasper actually looks very excited when he says this and eagerly replies, "Yes, please, I want to understand you My D... Steven. And I want to understand Lapis as well as I can, too! Go into as much detail as you like."

Steven figured she would say something like that, and he continues: "First of all, just because Lapis and I have really bad trauma doesn't mean that other people's issues aren't as important as ours. That's not how mental health stuff works, Jasper. Like I said, everybody's different, it's not right to compare people's issues and try to say whose are worse. My issues may have turned me into a giant monster, but that's just because of how my Pink State powers work, and other people with issues like mine might transform too if they had my powers."

"While Gems don't have brains like humans, the way our species think is close enough to pretty much put the same labels on things. The mental illness that Lapis and I have is called C-PTSD, which stands for 'complex post-traumatic stress disorder,' which is kind of a 'higher level,' my therapist says, of PTSD. PTSD is when somebody has trauma that sticks with them from one or a few really bad experiences, they can have flashbacks to their traumas or can get really freaked out when something 'triggers' them. A trigger can be pretty much anything that reminds a person of the stuff that traumatized them. They also can have big issues with denying and avoiding stuff that reminds them of their traumas. There's other issues they can have too, trauma can do a lot of bad stuff to people. You following so far?"

Jasper nods her head as she listens raptly, so Steven says: "C-PTSD is basically an 'extended' version of PTSD a person gets from a whole lot of traumas over a long time. We can have the same issues as people with PTSD, but our symptoms can be even worse because C-PTSD can make people have a much harder time, uh, functioning in everyday life. Our minds get so used to constantly being afraid and panicking that we can get all panicky even when minor, everyday stuff goes wrong."

"That's why I used to turn Pink when I got too stressed out by anything at all. I spent so long fighting and afraid that I was gonna get killed when I was just a kid that when I got older it was like... I still always felt like I was about to die even though the world was at peace, and even normal human problems felt as bad as when the Cluster was gonna blow up the Earth or when White Diamond ripped out my gemstone. For example, at the time I had this idea about me and Connie that was really stupid on my part, but it was really important to me, and she shut down my idea as kindly and gently as she could. By the next day after that, I started turning Pink and swelling up all over my body while destroying stuff all around me by accident, it was totally bonkers."

"The reason why I turn Pink when I have a C-PTSD freakout is because my brain is being all silly and thinks I need to protect myself from getting killed like back when I always had to fight a couple years ago, so my Gem makes my body get as strong as it can to defend itself and my Diamond-powers come out. These days I'm doing better, I'm still afraid a lot but it's not as bad as before and I only turn Pink without meaning to when something triggers my memories of trauma; the issue is that I had a lot of traumas, so there's plenty of things that can trigger me."

"PTSD is really common and C-PTSD is pretty common among war veterans because of all the pressure they're under and how they constantly have to fight for their lives, and in some cases have to kill other people. It can leave former soldiers feeling the way I said, like they're always about to die, or like they always might have to kill; I'm glad it's only the first one for me since I never had to kill anybody. Anyway, it's often even worse for child soldiers like me, human kids who fought in wars, because we spent our childhoods, when our minds are supposed to grow and develop in a peaceful place, fighting in wars. Like I said, it's gotten much better but I do still feel afraid a lot of the time."

Lapis knows what's coming, and Steven briefly looks at Lapis the screen and asks her, "Lapis, are you sure?" She nods at him, so he continues: "Lapis struggles with the same kinda stuff too, but like me she's gotten a lot better. With her, she's always afraid of, uh... being taken prisoner and locked up. You already know why, Jasper. She used to have full-on freakouts about being imprisoned whenever she felt she couldn't trust somebody, but these days she's kinda like me: She's still afraid a lot of the time, but manages it well enough that she only freaks out when something actually triggers her trauma like if somebody chains her up."

Jasper gasps upon hearing that Lapis is so often afraid, and her eyes glisten with churning emotions when Steven tells her about Lapis' issues. When Steven pauses, Jasper turns her face towards Lapis and says, "Lapis, you're... afraid much of the time?" Lapis sighs and nods, replying: "Yes Jasper, I may be powerful but my body is fragile, so I'm almost always afraid that somebody will catch me unawares, poof me, and imprison my gem before I can regenerate. My paranoia is why I'm one of the few Gems in Little Homeworld with a lock on my door, and it's why I had Bismuth build my house to be so durable. Just for fun I like to sometimes sleep like humans do, but I can have a hard time with it since I'm really afraid somebody will break in and poof me in my sleep."

Jasper seems to consider this for a few moments and then says: "I need to let Steven continue his explanation, but Lapis, I want to tell you that if you find me and let me know when you want to sleep, I'll stand guard if you think that'll help you. You know I can protect you far better than these flimsy walls can. You've taught me that fighting to protect people I care about is a form of strength, and as a warrior I would be happy to protect you while you're vulnerable. You're my friend, so I want you to feel safe."

Steven thinks to himself, "wow, she really has made some huge breakthroughs, that's such an incredibly kind thing for her to offer." He's deeply moved and tears up a little, wiping his eyes with his forearm as he watches to see what Lapis will say.

Lapis' lips tremble as she clasps her hands in front of her chest; she's so surprised and touched by Jasper's kind offer that words fail her for a few seconds. She's suddenly reminded of her earlier thoughts about how Jasper's imposing physical presence makes her feel safe. She thinks, "if she actually HELD me in my sleep that'd be even bette... wait, NO, that's ridiculous, STOP IT Lapis." She immediately suppresses the deep blush that began to color her cheeks, and replies: "Jasper, I, you... that's... that's so kind of you. I think... I'd actually like it if you did that, if you really wouldn't mind. Sometimes I want to sleep but don't because I'm feeling paranoid, or I do sleep but have terrible nightmares that wake me up. Knowing you're here standing guard would help so much, it'd definitely help me fall asleep and maybe help with the nighmares too, I'd finally feel safe."

Jasper has no idea what a "nightmare" is but ignores that for now. She swells with pride to finally be needed again as a warrior by someone powerful, but this time for the right reasons, for a friend. She smiles her crooked, cocky grin and gruffly says: "Well it's settled then, let me know when you want to sleep and I'll stand guard. With me as your friend, you can feel safe in your home, or at least I hope you can feel safe even though you have, uh... C-PTSD. I swear to you that in the unlikely scenario that anyone ever attacks, I'll protect you Lapis." Lapis gapes at Jasper for a moment and deeply blushes again before once again suppressing her wayward thoughts and replying, "o...oh my gosh, thank you Jasper, thank you so much. You really are a great friend!"

Lapis then shoots Jasper that smile, the one that Jasper always wants to see. "So pretty," Jasper thinks, and it's her turn to blush and stammer in reply, "d-don't m-mention it, Lapis. It's, uhh... it's the least I can do after how much you've helped me these last couple days." Lapis, for her part, figures that Jasper's reaction is simply due to embarrassment, and it's not like Jasper herself knows any better.

Steven watches the entire exchange very patiently; in fact he's completely captivated by the scene and his eyes have stars in them. This conversation may be a serious and even triggering one, but Steven is still Steven and he will never stop being a sucker for romance and cute stuff. "Oh my GOSH Connie was RIGHT," he thinks, "Lapis is in denial and Jasper is totally oblivious! They really are absolutely HILARADORKABLE!"

Remembering they have an audience, Lapis and Jasper return their gazes to the phone (which Lapis is still holding aloft with a water-arm) and see Steven sitting patiently. As soon as they started to turn back to him, Steven forced his face back into a serious expression, but Lapis can see what appears to be excitement in his eyes. She remembers how Connie must have misinterpreted (or so Lapis thinks) things when she told him about the situation, so for a split-second she gives him a glare that says, "I DARE you to read anything into this." Steven thinks, "oh yes, sooo hilaradorkable indeed."

Jasper, oblivious to the nonverbal interaction between the other two, breaks the tension by saying: "Sorry for the interruption, Steven. I was just worried about Lapis after what you told me about her. Please continue with your explanation of C-PTSD and why you think it's relevant to both of our issues and to what happened between us."

Steven fully deactivates "Shipper Steven Mode" and reactivates "Serious Steven Mode" as he takes a deep breath before replying: "Okay Jasper, so the reason I turned Pink a few minutes ago was because I got triggered. Like I said, it's not your fault, our past history and the terrible thing I did to you is stuff we need to talk about. But while I have a lot of traumas, one of my worst traumas is the guilt from when I lost control and shattered you, and how when I went to Homeworld after that I almost... uh... I almost went and shattered White Diamond because I wanted revenge and lost control again."

Jasper doesn't let on that Lapis already told her about that, and Steven continues: "So when you cut right to the chase and brought that up, it kinda sent me into freakout mode, in this case because of self-loathing more than anything else."

"People with C-PTSD can have all kinds of other issues too, but not all people show all the symptoms. Some of us have a lot of trouble with controlling our emotions and can have big mood swings real easily, which I struggled with a few months ago. It can also mess up the way we see ourselves and other people, as well as how we think about our relationships. Because of her trauma from the mirror, Lapis had a whole lot of trouble for a while with being able to trust people. She also has issues with taking out her, uh... her anger on people when something pushes her over the edge... and after what happened with you as Malachite, she had a lot of trouble with being able to see herself as a good person, even though she is one. Again Lapis, I hope you don't mind me talking about this stuff. Is it okay if I say the other thing?"

Lapis replies with a sad smile, "it's okay Steven, everything you're saying is true." She puts her hand on Jasper's shoulder as she continues, "and since I hurt Jasper so much, she of all people deserves to know about these things." Jasper turns her face to her and says, "thank you Lapis." She then turns back to the phone and says, "continue."

Steven nods and says: "Okay Jasper so, the stuff with Malachite traumatized Lapis further both when it comes to the whole imprisonment thing, as well as a new kind of trauma where she felt tons of guilt and self-loathing over the stuff she did to you. It was so bad that even though water is part of who she is, she actually didn't like being around water for a while after Malachite. That time we were on the boat... I was trying to get her to like being around the ocean again... and then well, you showed up, Jasper. Luckily Lapis was a really strong person that time by turning down your offer to fuse again, and got over her issues with water and the ocean after she sent you flying. I'm, uh... I'm guessing you understand now why what you did when you showed up on the boat was, uh... not healthy... right Jasper?"

Jasper sighs and replies, "yes My D... Steven, I'm fully aware of how I showed nothing but weakness at that time. Not only was I only trying to fuse with Lapis again to cover up my own insecurities, but I even blamed it on you and threatened to kill you when she did the right thing by rejecting me. Steven, I'm sorry about that." Jasper briefly looks at Lapis again and says, "Lapis, I guess I never did apologize to you for that time on the boat, even if we did talk about it. I'm sorry I tried to tempt you to be weak with me, I realize now how wrong that was."

Lapis smiles softly at Jasper and says, "don't worry Jasper, it's okay, I completely forgive you. We've all made mistakes."

Jasper returns her gaze to Steven on the phone, and he says: "yeah Jasper, like I said before I already forgave you for everything a while ago. You tried to kill me plenty of times, but I mean to be fair, most of my other Gem friends also tried to kill me before and while a lot of my trauma is from that, I forgive all of you guys. Peridot tried to kill me a while back when she was still a threat, the time when Bismuth tried to kill me when I first got to know her was really bad, and I'm even pretty good friends with Spinel now and forgave her after she did some stuff waaay worse than anything that you did, Jasper."

He takes another breath before continuing: "I'm still not quite there yet, but I'm working on getting to the point where I can forgive Blue and Yellow Diamond, and maybe someday even forgive White Diamond for what she did to me. I'm not yet in a place where I can, but I think I'd like to forgive them someday, given more time; they're my family, after all. Speaking of family, Pearl once almost accidentally killed me and herself with a spaceship she made that blew up, and she, Garnet, and Amethyst almost accidentally killed me again when they didn't know I was the person in a Gem-pod-thingy. It's kinda funny actually, pretty much every Gem who's my friend or family has tried to kill me, but we're mostly all cool now!"

Lapis of all people understands very well how dark humor can help Steven make light of his traumas and have an easier time talking about them, so she joins in by saying: "Heh, yeah, I tried to drown Steven and Connie one time and broke his dad's leg, but we're cool now. Oh and I also dropped literally the entire ocean on his family and friends and dropped Steven from the upper atmosphere, but to be fair, back then I didn't realize that could've killed him." She and Steven both laugh a bit at that.

Even if she understood humor, Jasper wouldn't be laughing right now. Her jaw is hanging open, and when she recovers from her shock she replies: "Steven, you said... 'other' Gem friends. Do you... do you consider me your friend now? Already? This easily? I definitely want to be your friend. Is this like when Lapis told me we were already friends even though I didn't realize it?"

Lapis can't help it and chuckles a bit (snorting as she often does when she laughs); Jasper looks very confused that Lapis is laughing, and Steven can see that so he replies to Jasper by clarifying why: "Jasper, Lapis is laughing because the answer to your question is obvious since everybody knows I'm 'the friendship guy.' Wanting to be friends with everybody is kinda my thing, ya know? Of course we're friends, Jasper! I've always wanted to be your friend, so we were friends the moment you said that you understand friendship now and that you understand now that I always wanted you to try to connect with me."

Jasper no longer looks surprised and says: "Oh, of course, based on what Lapis told me about friendship, it makes sense that we're friends now since we've been opening up to each other and being supportive. I'm glad to have two friends now! And about forming a connection, I still want to understand more about you, Steven. You were talking about how C-PTSD can make people have issues with how they see themselves, others, and their relationships. You explained to me how that worked for Lapis, and I appreciate having a deeper understanding of her now. But what about you, did you have similar issues with how you perceived yourself and other people?"

Steven sighs and answers: "Yeah Jasper, in my case I had and still have a lot of issues with how I saw people, myself, and my relationships. I spent so long as a kid always helping other people or saving the day, that I didn't really know how to live life without having people to help or problems to solve, and I kinda still sometimes feel uncomfortable with not having things to fix. No offense Lapis, but with pretty much everybody I either always had to help them or always had to fix something with them. It at least wasn't like that with my dad and Connie. Connie and I saved the world together, but there was always something special between us where it never felt to me like our connection depended on us having things to fix together. But with Gems it was like... it always fell on me, a kid, to help and fix a buncha people who are thousands of years old; again, no offense Lapis."

Lapis sighs and replies: "No offense taken Steven, it definitely wasn't fair to you that pretty much all the Gems you met were a total mess and ended up relying on a half-human kid to help them figure their lives out."

Steven nods at her and continues: "All that stuff on top of having to save the whole world and universe while also being expected to live up to my mom's legacy was way too much responsibility for a thirteen to fourteen year old kid and it added to the trauma of how I had to fight and be afraid all the time. So I don't really know how to exist without being needed by people or having to save the world, and it's hard for me to figure out how to be friends with people if they don't need my help or there isn't something to fix with them. The reason my trauma suddenly started to show up and make me turn Pink after two years was because there was nothing left to fix: The world and universe didn't need saving anymore, and everyone around me got their lives together and didn't need my help anymore."

Steven sighs before continuing: "Once nobody needed my help anymore, all of a sudden I was finally able to think about myself for once, and that's when my own problems and the fact that I was broken came to the surface. I went crazy trying to find a purpose in life; I'm actually still trying to figure out my path, but by now I'm not putting pressure on myself and driving myself insane with it. The reason I'm traveling now is to finally get in touch with my human side so I can figure out what I wanna do in life, whether that turns out to be a human thing or a Gem thing. The only things I really know for sure about my future are that I wanna keep being friends with everybody and I wanna be with Connie, but other than that I need to find something to do and be productive with, you know?"

"Anyway, so about what happened a few months ago: My trauma made it so I couldn't control my emotions in response to stuff nearly as well as most people can. Stuff like my anger and aggression went totally haywire and I did some really bad stuff, like you said with encouragement from you at first but then with no encouragement at all when I went psycho and almost shattered White. White was actually trying her very hardest to help me at the time, and even though the way she traumatized me a couple years ago is an explanation for it, I don't really have an excuse, because what I tried to do to her was all on me, I took advantage of her new power and used it to almost make her kill herself. I suppose that any Gem she lets control her could do that; it shows how much she's grown and changed that she's willing to take that risk so she can help people."

"After what happened with the Diamonds, I went into complete denial for a few hours and tried to help people in Little Homeworld, but only ended up causing more damage with the powers of my Pink State. At that point Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, my dad, and Connie got so worried they confronted me about how I was worrying them. I started to completely lose my grip and I told them I would just keep messing up and fixing things forever just like how I messed you up before fixing you. Then I said that I was an evil, destructive monster... and I became one."

"Jasper, my powers as a Diamond-human hybrid make it so that my physical form is really just a result of shape-shifting based on how I see myself. My shape-shifting is way more advanced in my Pink State, so in that form basically any changes at all in how I see myself make my shape change to match. Because the way I saw myself became so messed up from all my issues, when I decided I was a monster I literally became one because of my powers, and it even changed my brain so that I was all stupid and like a beast."

"I wasn't corrupted, Jasper; what brought me back wasn't Diamond Auras, it was love and support from all my friends and family, and Connie was the final push because she's so special to me. Since she's there, I'll also add that none of that would've been possible though without Lapis' and the Cluster's power, both of them were really helpful by holding me down long enough to keep me from killing anybody; thanks again by the way, Lapis, I'll always owe you bigtime for that."

Lapis smiles and engages in a bit of dark humor again: "Of course Steven, I've told you before it was no problem. I mean, that's just what friends do for each other, right? When somebody's friend turns into a giant rampaging monster, they hold them down with the weight of the ocean in order to keep them from slaughtering all their friends and family, that's just how things work, you know?"

Steven laughs at that and says: "Haha yeahhhh, our friendship is just kinda weeeiiird like that, Lapis you're totally the best and I love you." Lapis giggles and says, "I love you too Steven." Steven then speaks to Jasper again and says: "So Jasper, do you understand now what my trauma and issues are and what it was that happened with me a few months ago?"

Jasper replies: "Yes, I understand your entire story Steven. And as your friend I want to say that... I'm sorry you went through all that, and I know you forgive me but I'm sorry again that I was a big part of your trauma over the years. I've come to appreciate organic life, to even see the beauty in this world." At this, both Lapis and Steven look very pleasantly surprised; Lapis was unaware that Jasper has come to see the Earth as beautiful, although perhaps it isn't that surprising given the story about the bird. And Steven is incredibly happy that Jasper has finally come around to seeing the Earth through unclouded eyes.

Jasper continues: "I understand now what a 'child' is, and while no one should have to go through the kinds and amount of terrible things that you did, it's especially horrible that you went through so much when still only a child. You've suffered so much, I feel great sympathy for you. Is there any way that I can help you like I'll be able to help Lapis feel safe when she sleeps? Before you go on to explain what all of this has to do with my situation and my issues, please tell me if there's any way I can help you as your friend."

Steven wipes a few tears of joy from his eyes as Jasper's newfound capacity for kindness has once again deeply moved him, and he replies: "Oh Jasper, thank you. Lapis was right, you've learned to be a wonderful friend, it actually seems to come naturally to you. About helping me: Like I told you when I left, I don't need protecting, I may be afraid a lot but even when I sleep I'm not really vulnerable since my body is super-durable and I heal quickly from bad injuries. What you can do to help, and it'll help a lot, is to just, well... keep being my friend."

Jasper looks a bit surprised by this, and Steven explains: "One of the things that helps me the most with my issues is having love and support from the people I care about. Like I told you, it was love and support that brought me back from being a monster! I'm really happy that you're a good person and my friend now, Jasper. If you keep being so kind, understanding, and supportive, then that'll help me more than you can possibly imagine. I have plans for most of my Gem friends to visit me sometimes when I'm in spots near Warp Pads while I'm traveling; we should make plans for a visit too, I'd love to hang out with you! I really wanna give you a hug since you seem like you'd actually be okay with hugs now!"

Jasper replies, "yes, of course, I am happy to be... supportive, Steven. Plans to visit you do sound nice; while this 'phone' is certainly a good way to communicate, seeing you in person sounds pleasant. And yes, while I am still not used to... hugs... I would accept one from you. So uh, with that out of the way, there's one thing I'm still wondering. How do you think all of what you told me applies to what you did to me and to my own issues?"

Steven takes another calming breath before replying: "Well Jasper, first of all, like I said before I do owe you an apology. Do I have severe trauma, and did you encourage me to give in to aggression and push me over the edge which made me to lose control of my emotions so I got violent and did something horrible to you? Yeah sure, you did. But again, those are explanations, not excuses. I still murdered you, Jasper. Gems are just luckier than humans since it's possible to restore shattered Gems, so your death wasn't permanent; but regardless, what I did to you was terrible. And... I'm sorry. I'm truly, deeply sorry."

Jasper replies immediately: "I completely forgive you Steven. I understand now that as you said, I wasn't the only one in the wrong, that even if there was a good explanation due to your issues that what you did to me was horrible and that you still bear some responsibility for it. But I still don't blame you for what happened. It's in the past, and we can move on from it. So Steven, how does all of this relate to my issues?"

Steven takes a sharp intake of breath again and looks at Lapis, who has a sad (and slightly guilty) look on her face, before he replies: "Well Jasper, the thing is that what happened between us isn't necessarily all in the past; I saw how afraid you got when I turned Pink, Jasper, and to be honest, it looked like someone being triggered. I don't know any other way to say this, Jasper: Aside from having issues with stuff like anger and arrogance which I can see you've done a good job moving past, I think that you, uh... you might be traumatized too, Jasper. I think you might have PTSD from when I shattered you, and you might've already had PTSD or even C-PTSD before I ever even met you."

Jasper is momentarily overcome with the urge to get angry, to yell at Steven that there's no way she could be traumatized, that she's fine. Steven and Lapis wince as they see the rage briefly flicker across Jasper's face, but they let out relieved sighs when they see the signs of anger pass as quickly as they appeared. Jasper remembers what Lapis taught her: One form of strength is restraint. So she controls herself; rather than giving in to her knee-jerk impulses like she always used to do, she takes some time to consider Steven's words. Steven keeps his words brief and says, "take as much time as you need before letting me know your thoughts, Jasper. I'm not in a hurry."

Jasper spends over a full minute with a deeply pensive look upon her face; rather than continuing to look at Steven on the screen, she closes her eyes and thinks back upon the events of her life. She thinks back to the time when Steven shattered her a few months ago. She thinks about Steven's explanation of PTSD symptoms and realizes that he's right: She was absolutely terrified when he sent that spiked barrier at her, knowing in that moment that she was about to die while thinking there would be no coming back from it. And her mind, her gem, still remembers the terror of that moment; that's probably why her form, projected from her gem, still bears the scars of her shattering. It's true that even though he isn't physically present, seeing him turn Pink over the phone triggered her, it stirred up her primal fear of pain and death and made her inadvertently flinch.

Thinking about those events, what seems like a video suddenly plays unbidden within her mind, and a pained look crosses her face as she has a flashback and relives the experience. Steven and Lapis know exactly how to read her expression given how many times they've had flashbacks themselves, and they feel so much sympathy for Jasper that it takes everything they have not to break down in tears as they watch her struggle.

Jasper remembers the moment when her delight at facing Steven's power began to transform into panic when he pinned her down with a quartet of unbreakable barriers. She remembers the way her panic began to grow as he formed an immense barrier and said "you're right, Jasper" in a cold, unfeeling voice. She recalls how her panic began to give way to actual fear as the barrier grew spikes and she saw the look in his eyes. Yes, those eyes. She remembers the deranged look on his face and in those terrible Diamond eyes as he said, "I have been holding back." She stayed in denial of her fear for as long as she could. But as the barrier approached, her wall of denial broke down and she thought "this is going to BREAK me," and her fear transitioned into full-blown horror the moment before the barrier hit and she figured it was the end for her.

Jasper sits in Lapis' chair with her eyes closed and her face scrunched up in agony as her body trembles, a few tears in the corners of her eyes, and as the final scene of the memory plays back in her mind's eye she flinches and it takes everything she has not to scream. Gems may not need to breathe, but she sits in the chair gasping for breath and clutching at her chest as she desperately claws at her roiling thoughts in an attempt to rein them in.

After nearly twenty seconds she manages to get herself under control well enough to consciously evaluate what just happened, and she thinks, "so I'm guessing that must've been one of those 'flashbacks' he mentioned. This isn't even the first time I've had one... it's just the most intense one that I've had. I really am traumatized." She has immense respect for Steven's prowess as a warrior, especially in his Pink State; but she's now finally acknowledged that deep down, there's a part of her that's outright terrified of Steven's Diamond-powers.

As Jasper sits with her eyes closed Steven and Lapis look at each other through their phones, exchanging a glance that says "I wish we weren't right about this" before continuing to watch Jasper with great sympathy. Jasper thinks of how her response to the trauma of being shattered was to swear her loyalty to Steven; she realizes now that it was loyalty born just as much out of fear as it was born out of respect.

Thoughts of loyalty cause her to think back to her mindset during earlier events in her life and how Steven suggested she may have been traumatized before her shattering, perhaps even before they met. She remembers being corrupted; it was a horrible experience that warped the very fabric of her mind and her physical form as a result, and just like her shattering she still bears the scars from it to this day. With her iron will and a mighty effort she stops herself from having a flashback to her corruption, but it's obvious to her now that she was indeed traumatized by it. It wouldn't be the first time she's had a flashback to her corruption.

She remembers her time with Lapis as Malachite, the way that Lapis imprisoned her for months while torturing her in increasingly creative ways to subdue her immense willpower. Lapis really did take out all of her own repressed feelings on Jasper, and Lapis was right to say that it wasn't healthy. Once again, Jasper has to exert extreme mental effort in order to avoid having a flashback. She's had flashbacks to her time as Malachite before, and while none of them have ever been as intense as her flashback just now to her shattering, she knows that her flashbacks to her time as Lapis' prisoner can last for hours due to how long Lapis tortured her for. She forces those memories to the back of her mind as she doesn't want to keep Steven up all night on the phone.

She thinks back further, much further: Her whole life, she always thought she lived to serve and that fighting and loyalty were the only things that gave her any purpose. She knows now that such a mindset was weakness. But perhaps that entire mindset was shaped by trauma?

For the first time in her life, she realizes that maybe it was a bad thing that she burst out of the ground in the Beta Kindergarten and immediately began fighting in a war in which countless Gems were shattered, in which she shattered Gems. She never had a choice, she never got a chance to experience or learn anything besides blind servitude to authority and the brutal violence of war. Steven said that war veterans often have PTSD or C-PTSD. Could that be her issue? Could being a soldier since the very moment she came into being have permanently screwed up her head? Could she have C-PTSD that like Steven said, warps her perception of herself, others, and her relationships?

She opens her eyes and looks at Steven on the screen, whose eyes are glistening with unshed tears and full of nothing but compassion and understanding. She briefly glances to the side at Lapis who shares Steven's compassionate gaze, and then looks back toward Steven on the screen before sighing and saying: "Steven, I think you're... you're probably right. I think I probably have the same thing that you and Lapis here have."

She sighs again before saying: "I think that like you Steven, I'm... traumatized... from being a war veteran, because war and aggression were the only things I ever knew from the moment of my creation. I think that maybe my trauma twisted the way I look at myself and the entire world, it made it so that I can't see myself as having any value without having a commander to submit to and a battle to win. It made it so I could never control my emotions the way normal people can and gave in to rage and aggression far too easily. So I think that I do have... C-PTSD like you and Lapis, because I have a lot of the, uh... symptoms that you described. No wonder I've always had such issues and been so weak."

Steven and Lapis can't help it, they can't hold back anymore; tears are leaking from their eyes due to the immense sympathy that they feel for their friend. Jasper sees how they're crying for her, and she appreciates her friends' empathy while also darkly appreciating the irony that these are two of the people who traumatized her severely. She finds that she suddenly understands their dark humor from earlier when Lapis and Steven joked about how she tried to drown him once.

Jasper continues: "I think that maybe besides how I spent my whole life fighting and serving others, my biggest traumas were when I thought Pink Diamond was shattered, when... when Lapis imprisoned me as Malachite, when I was corrupted, and, uh... when you shattered me. You're right, I was 'triggered' earlier and became terrified when you turned Pink, and just a minute or two ago I had a, uh... a 'flashback' to when you shattered me. At least I think I did. Are flashbacks like a video playing in your head, where you feel like you aren't in the moment and you're kind of... reliving the memory? If so then I've had flashbacks before, just none were ever as... intense as the one just now... I've had flashbacks in the past to my corruption and to being tortured by Lapis."

More tears stream down Steven's face as he replies: "Yes Jasper, flashbacks are like a video, they're memories that pop up without your control and are usually more vivid than normal memories. When people feel like they, uh, detach from what's currently going on with them, that's what psychologists call 'dissociating.' During a PTSD flashback, you dissociate and the memory of the trauma plays back in your head."

Steven sighs and continues, speaking in a choked voice through his tears: "I'm... Jasper, I'm so sorry for what I did to you. I knew the way you reacted by swearing loyalty to me wasn't healthy, I knew you were afraid and traumatized, that you swore loyalty to me out of fear. It drives me crazy with guilt to know that you're afraid of my Diamond-powers. I know you said you forgive me, but Jasper, I hate knowing that I'm the cause of s... somebody else feeling the same way I do, of having trauma and flashbacks. Jasper, I... I'll understand if you can't forgive me after all now that you realize just how much of an... effect what I did to you had on you. I..."

Jasper cuts him off by slamming a fist down on the arm of Lapis' chair hard enough to make a loud thump but not hard enough to damage it: "STOP it dammit, stop that right now Steven. I told you I forgive you, and that hasn't changed. The things that happened that day were because both of us already had trauma and issues. Like you said, our issues are an explanation for the things we did, even if they aren't an excuse. I understand the explanation of why you lost your mind and shattered me. I pushed you over the edge so you felt like you had to fight at full power. I realize now what you said before, that you weren't blameless in what happened, but I still understand why you did what you did and I forgive you for it."

Jasper glances at Lapis and seeing her looking guilty, she says: "And you too Lapis, we've already been over how I forgive you for what you did to me. Like with what Steven did, an explanation isn't the same as an excuse but I understand your explanation." She briefly reaches over and grabs Lapis' hand, giving it a squeeze as she says: "Lapis, you were just acting on your own trauma, you tried to make me feel like you did when you were in the mirror, just like how I was cruel to Amethyst and took out all my insecurities on her. You've been a great friend these last couple days, and I more than anyone can understand why you did what you did, so don't you dare go feeling all guilty again, you hear me? You know that I can't stand seeing you frown with that self-loathing look on your face, I like to see you smile instead!"

Lapis squeezes Jasper's hand as well and after using her free arm to wipe the tears from her eyes, hesitantly but genuinely smiles at her. Jasper releases her hand and says "good, that's my Lapis," returning her gaze to Steven and completely missing how Lapis blushes at her choice of words.

Steven needed the time during which Jasper spoke to Lapis in order to process what Jasper told him, and when Jasper turns back to look at him he wipes some tears from his eyes and says: "Jasper, you really... you really forgive me for doing that to you? You forgive me even now that you understand just how bad it was and even though you're having flashbacks to it? Jasper, th... thank you! I... I just... I really hope that me being part of your trauma doesn't mean we can't be good friends... I'm really happy to be your friend now Jasper, I want to always be your friend from now on. But I've gotta warn you now that like you saw earlier, I still sometimes turn Pink without meaning to. Is that... will you be able to handle it? Can we still be friends?"

Jasper laughs, which surprises Steven but doesn't surprise Lapis as she understands exactly what Jasper finds amusing. Jasper may not really understand humor, but even she can see the irony in Steven's question, and getting her laughter under control she says: "I'm sorry for laughing Steven. It's just ironic. You said it earlier, most of your Gem friends are people who tried to kill you and traumatized you. You're able to handle being friends with them now that they're better people. You're able to handle being friends with me now that I'm better, and I was one of your most dangerous enemies. So of course we can still be friends. You're an incredibly good person and you're very strong in the real way Steven; it's fine that you have flaws. It may be hard for me if I ever see you turn Pink again, but I'll manage to handle it just like how you manage to handle being around White Diamond."

Steven's jaw hangs slack, and after a moment he closes his mouth. After another moment of thought, it hits him, and then he starts laughing. Lapis can't help herself, first letting out a few of her trademark snorting chuckles and then loudly laughing. Before she knows it, Jasper is laughing again too. The three of them double over from their raucous laughter, and it's a testament to Lapis' control that she keeps holding her phone in a steady position with her powers. They're all well aware that their laughter has an edge of hysteria to it, but that's okay, because it's alright to be broken and to need to heal, and this laughter is a cathartic way for them to relieve any remaining tension resulting from the very serious conversation that just took place. After almost a full minute, their laughter fades.

Steven and Jasper grin at each other through the screen with tears of amusement in the corners of their eyes, and after stifling a few last snorts Lapis speaks first: "Heh, well guys, I guess between me being friends with Peridot and with Jasper here, Steven being friends with everybody from Spinel and the Diamonds to me and Bismuth, and you two now being friends, it must be 'fashionable' to be friends with people who can trigger your PTSD! I guess that being friends with your triggers is what's 'in' these days, huh?"

Steven says, "heh, yup, being friends with their triggers must be what cool people with trauma do these days, we're awesome like that," and chuckles a bit again; now that he himself is quite a bit darker and more angsty than he was at a younger age, Lapis is always able to get to him with her dark sense of humor. Jasper chuckles a bit too, as for once she's able to "get" the "joke." Lapis giggles with them, and after a few seconds all three of them quiet down and sport big smiles on their faces.

Jasper has so many thoughts running through her mind as she smiles: She's so happy to have such a good friend in Lapis and that Lapis is showing that wonderful grin of hers again; she's so happy to be friends with Steven, to have a relationship with him as equals rather than as a one-sided desire to serve; and while it's upsetting to realize that she has "C-PTSD," she's happy to finally understand herself and the reasons behind her issues.

There's still one last thing that Jasper wants to talk about with Steven, but she's a bit reluctant to do so as she isn't sure how well he'll take it, and she's also worried that Lapis may find it shameful and judge her for it. But Jasper is trying to be strong now, and courage is strength, so she's not going to back down from voicing her convictions just because she fears judgement. She also knows that acceptance is a form of strength that Lapis possesses a great deal of and that Steven possesses more of than perhaps anyone else in the cosmos, so she knows that her fears are likely irrational and her friends will probably accept her decision if she explains it properly.

Lapis and Steven notice how the look on Jasper's face turns serious once more, and Jasper looks at the phone as she says to Steven: "Steven, thank you for explaining trauma to me, especially how it's common in war veterans like us. I feel like now that I... recognize my trauma, I can finally begin to truly heal and move on from it. I'm also glad to be able to understand you and Lapis much better. But there's one last thing I still want to talk to you about. Can you, uh... try to keep an open mind when I say what I'm about to and not jump to conclusions about what I mean? Just remember that you're my friend now, and I do understand that friendship is a mutual relationship between equals."

Steven looks a bit confused, but as always he's very understanding, and he decides to start by addressing what Jasper said about trauma: "Well first of all Jasper, I'm glad I was able to help you understand yourself better, and to understand me and Lapis too. You're right that acknowledging and recognizing trauma is the first step toward healing from it. And yeah, you can tell me anything Jasper, I promise I won't jump to conclusions since you asked me not to. I'm not sure what seeing me as an equal has to do with it, but go ahead."

Jasper glances hesitantly to the side at Lapis, then looks back at Steven on the screen. She steels herself and clears her throat, and then gets straight to the point by saying: "Steven, I do still think of you as 'My Diamond.' I would like to still call you that sometimes and to still give you the Diamond Salute, if that's okay with you once I explain why."

She sees how Steven's jaw hangs slack in shock and can see in the inset showing herself and Lapis that Lapis looks just as shocked; but neither of them looks judgemental, and both of them quickly rein in their shock in order to hear her out, so Jasper continues: "I swear that it's not what it sounds like at first, because that term and the salute don't mean to me what they used to. You could think of the term as being like a... what was it called again, Pink Diamond used to use the word... ah that's it, a nickname for you that shows how deeply I respect you, and the salute as being how I greet you to show my respect for you as a friend."

"I... uh, there's more I need to explain about what all that means to me but... is that something you wouldn't ever be okay with no matter what? If being referred to using that term and saluted would be... hurtful to you, then I'll just drop the subject and never bring it up again."

When Jasper stops to await his answer, Steven still looks pretty confused but keeps an open mind as Jasper asked him to and replies: "Uh, well Jasper, I mean... it always was hurtful for you to call me your Diamond and give me the Diamond Salute, but that's only because I really wanted you to be my friend instead of trying to be my, uh... slave, soldier, whatever it was, which reminded me of what I did to make you think of me that way. But I believe you that you don't think like that anymore, so if you wanna call me that as a nickname and salute me as a greeting, then yeah, that's totally fine. But like you said, you definitely need to explain it to me. Jasper, why do you wanna call me that as a nickname and still salute me?" Lapis looks immensely curious as she watches this strange interaction take place between her mutual friends.

Jasper replies: "Steven, it's because I still respect you more than anyone else with Lapis here as a close second, and because I still have a code and my pride as a warrior. I may understand true strength now, and I may understand friendship and finally have friends, but that doesn't mean that I want to or will change who I am completely." Lapis is pleasantly surprised to hear Jasper say to Steven that she respects her nearly as much as she respects him, and Steven doesn't fail to notice how Lapis blushes once again.

Oblivious to Lapis' blush and to the excited glint in Steven's eyes upon noticing it, Jasper continues uninterrupted: "Steven, I respect you the most because I still believe, or rather I know, that you're the strongest person in the universe, and I still respect strength above all else; what's changed is that thanks to Lapis' wise teachings, I've learned that strength takes many forms. I can see the disbelief on your face, I understand that you have a hard time believing that you're the strongest since you've shown weakness and done some bad things. But Steven, that's only because you were traumatized like you explained to me. It's alright that you've sometimes shown weakness and flaws or done some bad things, because as Lapis taught me, no one is perfect and everyone has flaws, and that's okay."

Lapis blushes even more deeply as Jasper makes it clear to Steven just how seriously she takes Lapis' "wise" advice. Lapis insists to herself that she's only embarrassed because she's not used to such praise, and yet she can't seem to stop blushing. Steven knows better than her, and it takes all his willpower to rein himself in and not squeal over how hilaradorkable his friends are as Jasper remains oblivious. At the same time, Steven listens raptly to Jasper's words since he, like Lapis, is at a place in his life where praise and validation from people he cares about aid his mental state greatly.

Jasper has given a great deal of thought to how she would word all this, and she continues: "Steven, my friend, let me explain how I know that you're the strongest person in the cosmos. Ever since I first met you, you've been the very strongest in the most real of ways, the ways that Lapis has explained to me. You always tried to resolve any conflict with words and diplomacy before resorting to combat, and you always strove to be compassionate and understanding, showing acceptance toward nearly everyone you met. You even tried to help me, after everything I did and tried to do to you and your friends and family, back when I idiotically corrupted myself. You extended a helping hand and offered me, your worst enemy at the time, your friendship; I was the one who rejected that offer due to my false pride."

"You indeed had far too many, far too heavy burdens placed upon you when you were far too young as a half-human, far too many burdens for even an 'adult' to bear, and yet you handled those burdens remarkably well at the time, better than anyone could've ever reasonably expected you to. At the end of Era 2 you showed your unrivaled strength by convincing the Diamonds of the error of their ways through diplomacy rather than by defeating them in combat, and apparently you used words rather than physical might to convince Spinel to stand down as well."

"You possess more kindness, patience, understanding, compassion, and restraint than anyone else in all of existence, and almost every Gem knows that. That's why Gems throughout the cosmos, including the other Diamonds, all sing your praises. Sure, you do have flaws, you're not perfect and sometimes you fail to show restraint, but that's understandable after everything you went through, Steven."

Steven and Lapis both now look deeply moved by Jasper's words, and Steven's eyes once again glisten with the beginnings of tears as Jasper continues: "As for my feelings as a warrior: Lapis has taught me that combat prowess can be a form of strength, as long as someone's motives for fighting and training are good ones. I know that you lost sight of your normally good and strong motives when we spent those three days training, but aside from that time you almost always had the best possible motivations for fighting. You almost always tried to resolve things with words and diplomacy first, and yet you trained yourself ceaselessly as a child in order to grow stronger in combat."

"I understand now why you trained as you did: It wasn't for the sake of fighting itself or out of a sense of false pride like my own motives for training. You wanted physical power and skill so that when words and diplomacy failed, you could protect the people and the world that you cared about. The first time I ever met you, you showed immense courage by standing your ground against a modern Gem warship, not knowing if you would be able to deflect its blast; you risked your life to protect your family against enemies so powerful you had no hope of defeating them yourself."

"I came to understand the strength you demonstrated when we first met, when I was in the woods and met a mother bird who stood her ground to protect her babies against me, a threat who she knew to be overwhelmingly large and powerful. There were other Earthlings there as well who had the strength to stand their ground against me to protect their homes and their young."

"Once I swallowed my pride and finally allowed myself to pay attention to my surroundings, I came to see that this world is full of mighty warriors, warriors who while physically weak nevertheless far surpass my own former level as a soldier, because they fight for good reasons, for what really matters. I respect them now. And among them, I respect you the most of all, Steven."

"While you do have weaknesses, you almost never showed the weakness of cowardice. As for your abilities as a combatant., there's nothing wrong with taking pride in one's ability to fight as long as it's for the right reasons. Even without your Diamond powers, you're as powerful and skilled as any Quartz; I believe that if you didn't hold back, you may be able to defeat me in your normal state without turning Pink. After all, you were apparently able to go toe-to-toe with Spinel, who by all accounts is a monstrous combatant who could quite possibly defeat me.

"Steven, you should have pride in your power and skill. And that's without even mentioning your Pink State. I know that your mind was often clouded by weak motives when you fought in that form, but I believe that you can learn to activate your Pink State using positive emotions, that you can use it for the right reasons. Do I instinctively fear that form due to the trauma of what you did to me? Yes, I do. But I still hold nothing but the utmost respect for your unrivaled might in that form."

Jasper briefly glances at Lapis before turning her eyes back to the phone and continuing: "Steven, in your default Pink State you're the most powerful entity in existence besides the Diamonds and Lapis here. And I know that it was for bad reasons, but you showed the ability to change your form and grow even stronger using your emotions in that state. While it was because of something terrible, you demonstrated that at the absolute peak of your power, you were able to shift into a form that surpassed the other Diamonds, even White; I suppose that implies that Pink, the smallest and youngest of the Diamonds, was ironically capable of becoming the most powerful of them due to her powers being fueled by emotions."

"Steven, I have faith as I said that if the need ever arises you can activate your Pink State using your love and care for others so you can use that power to protect things. Maybe it seems strange for me to bring this up, but we don't know where the Diamonds came from or what they really are, but obviously something must have created them just as they later created other Gems; there's no way that life-forms like the Diamonds could've 'evolved' naturally as you once told me organic life does, Steven."

"So... maybe there's something... someone... else out there, that we don't know about, something older. I wonder why White always thought she had a purpose, why she thought it was her 'role' to be what she saw as 'perfect' and to impose that on others. As a warrior, I'm always looking ahead to the next possible threat, so I can't help thinking: What if something or someone assigned White's supposed 'role' to her? What if she's stopped carrying out some assignment or mission due to your persuasion, and as a result some unimaginable threat may rear its ugly head?"

Jasper sees that Steven has gone as pale as a sheet and is clearly struggling to not turn Pink in his panic; she looks at Lapis and sees that her face has gone blank as she's retreated inwards due to fear and paranoia. So Jasper says: "SNAP OUT OF IT you two, DON'T BE AFRAID, that's my whole point! Such a scenario is highly unlikely since White seems to not be worried, so whatever created her may be long gone, she may have always been mistaken about what it wanted from her, or perhaps it never gave her a purpose and the idea that she needed to be what she thought of as 'perfect' was just something she made up. My point is that we shouldn't be afraid even if the worst case scenario happens, because I have absolute and complete faith in Steven's strength as a person and as a warrior!"

Steven and Lapis do snap out out of their fearful states and gape at Jasper as she continues: "If such a threat does exist, and if it ever comes for us, I know you'll try to find a diplomatic solution first. But if that proves impossible, then I know you'll be able to defeat it, Steven. Your Pink State is able to grow ever stronger with emotions, and those don't have to be negative emotions since you're a strong person, the strongest of all. I know that if the need arises, you'll be able to once again surpass the other Diamonds, only this time driven by your love for others. If a threat surpassing White Diamond ever shows itself and can't be reasoned with, then rather than becoming the ultimate all-powerful monster, you'll become the ultimate all-powerful warrior and savior, and you'll defeat that threat!"

"As for me and Lapis: If such a time ever comes, I promise we'll be assets to you, and I mean that as a comrade in arms rather than as a subordinate." Jasper again glances over at Lapis, whose eyes are roiling with a sea of turbulent emotions as her lips tremble, and briefly takes her hand and squeezes it as she says: "Lapis, I have faith in you too. You've trained your powers to the point you could restrain Steven's physical strength when he became a monster. You could possibly match Blue or Yellow in combat now. Do you realize what that means? It means that if some unimaginable threat does arise, we can fuse again, only this time as friends rather than as adversaries, and our power as Malachite will be unimaginable. Lapis, I may not be nearly as powerful as you or Steven, but if we work together then I know that the three of us can prevail against anything."

Lapis is left speechless by Jasper's faith in her, and blushes as Jasper says to Steven: "I will forever have my pride as a warrior, only now as one who strives for true strength, whose power is for the sake of protecting the people and things I care about, like how I'll protect Lapis when she sleeps." Lapis blushes even more fiercely, but not even Steven notices as all his attention is now on Jasper.

Jasper continues: "Steven, because of my pride as a warrior, because I still value strength above all else but have now come to understand true strength, you will forever by My Diamond because you're the very strongest both mentally and physically, and I have the utmost faith in you. You and Lapis are my friends and I do see you as equals in that regard. I understand that friendship is mutual, as Lapis said it's 'a two way street.' But I know that I'm not equal to you two in strength. I hope to continue to grow as a person to one day match Lapis in mental strength, and I will forever strive for the ultimate ideal of strength that you personify Steven. But no matter how hard I try, I will never be equal to either of you in combat."

"Steven, I know it may seem like I rambled on for a long time, but I've given a lot of thought to all of this and wanted to fully explain my reasoning to you, to fully explain why I have faith in you and even in your Diamond powers regardless of how I fear them, and thus why I'll still refer to you and greet you as I already have for months. Just as I'm The Ultimate Quartz and Lapis here is The Ultimate Lapis Lazuli, you're The Ultimate Diamond both physically and mentally, so I will still refer to you as My Diamond and salute you." Jasper then performs the Diamond Salute for a moment before dropping it.

Steven has tears of joy streaming down his face and wipes at his eyes only for the tears to continue falling, and he replies in a voice choked with nearly too much happiness to handle: "J-Jasper, I... I mean, t-that's... I don't think you rambled, I just... I'm sorry, gimme a second." He takes a deep breath and manages to stop crying, wiping at his eyes again before he continues: "Thank you Jasper, thank you so much. That was beautiful. I... I logically know you're right about me being strong, I just... like you said it's hard for me to believe that about myself. But I'll at least try to believe it, because I want to live up to your faith in me. I'm not just okay with you calling me your Diamond and giving me the salute, I'll be happy when you do it because from now on it'll remind me of all these wonderful things that you think about me."

Steven takes another breath and fully regains his composure before continuing: "Some Gems will probably give you a hard time about acting like that and tell you that you're holding on to dumb stuff from Era 2, but they'll be wrong, and if you ever ask me to then I'll set them straight on how we're true friends and you're just showing me respect as a person and a warrior. About the whole warrior thing: I really want to believe you Jasper, to have the same faith in myself that you have in me, that if I ever need to I'll be able to activate Pink State using positive emotions to help and save people. But I hope that nothing will ever make me have to use Pink State, and I definitely hope that nothing will ever show up that White can't handle. I hope your idea of a 'worst case scenario' doesn't exist."

"But I know you're right that if something like that does exist, then Lapis and I shouldn't be afraid. Right, Lapis?" Lapis nods with a resolute look on her face and says, "yeah, no more fear," and Steven continues: "We shouldn't be afraid because we need to have faith like you do that if we work together and are strong in the real way for the right reasons, we can handle anything. We're Crystal Gems, and that means that we'll always save the day! Even if people think we can't, we'll always find a way no matter what!"

"About the other stuff you said: Obviously me being the most powerful, or at least having the most potential power, isn't really a question, but as for my mind being the strongest like you think... maybe you're right, but... I'm not the only one who's so strong, you know. Lapis here is a really, really strong person too, you know that already Jasper. Her will is so strong that Blue Diamond's old powers didn't work on her. She might be just as strong as I am; Lapis, I really mean that." Lapis looks very flattered by Steven's praise. Steven then says, "and I know plenty of other really strong people too, like Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl."

Steven continues: "And there's one person who's definitely at least as strong as me. I'm talking about Connie, the most important person in my life. She's incredibly strong, Jasper, maybe stronger than anyone. When the Diamonds attacked, before Lapis showed up and when everybody else was K.O.'d by Blue's powers, Connie rode Lion to charge straight at Blue all by herself. And it wasn't just me who used words to convince the Diamonds to change their ways, Connie helped me do that, and it was her laughing at something I said that got White to finally realize she wasn't perfect."

"Connie's always supported me when my own strength failed; I'd be a goner if she hadn't been there in White's head with me. And even though she's just a fifteen year old girl, she was apparently the person who brought everyone else, a buncha millennia-old Gems and a grown human adult, to their senses when they were panicking on the beach when I was a monster. She's the one who gave me the last bit of love and support I needed so I could turn back to normal. If it weren't for Connie, I'd have rampaged until I destroyed everything in the world. Connie saved everybody by saving me."

Steven thinks that maybe it seems strange to Jasper how he brought things around to Connie, but he couldn't help himself when talking about the strongest people he knows. He loves Connie so much, and feels so much respect and admiration for her, that he has to talk her up at times like this.

Jasper doesn't think it seems strange that Steven brought up Connie, because she takes any talk of strength and strong people very seriously, and she replies: "I of course already know that Lapis is very strong. And Connie sounds impressive; I knew some of those things but not all of them. Lapis here also told me that Connie is at least as strong as you are. I saw her earlier you know, and I was impressed with how she carries herself like a true warrior of the highest caliber. To think that a fragile human child would be brave enough to charge headlong at a wrathful Blue Diamond and calmer under pressure than any Gem; that's truly remarkable, perhaps she is in fact the strongest. I'll have to watch her closely from now on."

When Jasper finishes, Lapis says, "yeah, Connie's pretty awesome, on top of all that other stuff she's a really good friend." She then says in a deadpan sarcastic tone with a barely-amused look on her face: "You know, Steven here likes to watch her closely too, but for different reasons that aren't so wholesome. Isn't that right, Steven?"

Jasper figures that Lapis must be making a "joke," but she doesn't "get" it. She can tell that the joke involves teasing Steven, as the boy sheepishly rubs the back of his neck and turns as red as a tomato as he stammers, "ah... uhhh... I-I mean... I don't... it's not like... I'm not a perv..."

He takes a calming breath and stops blushing, then says in an exasperated tone: "Oh come on Lapis, don't do that to me, that was sooo not cool. Look, Jasper doesn't even get it, and explaining it to her would be another super long explanation that I don't wanna have to get into right now." Jasper was in fact about to ask her friends to explain the joke to her, but now she decides to table her questions for another time, but she still can't help wondering to herself "why would Steven watch Connie closely for different reasons than I would? And what does Lapis mean by 'wholesome?' I'll definitely have to ask Steven or Lapis about that in the future."

Lapis allows her half-smile of amusement to grow ever so slightly as she replies: "I didn't say that to amuse Jasper, Steven - no offense Jasper - I said it because I thought it'd be funny to see your reaction. And believe me, your reaction was priceless. I even took a a couple screenshots of the look on your face, I wasn't gonna miss a golden opportunity like that." Jasper did notice the phone make clicking sounds when Lapis pushed a pair of buttons as Steven blushed and stammered. Lapis' smile grows further and she says, "Bismuth is gonna get such a laugh out of those pictures."

Steven is still a bit exasperated and embarrased, but he can't help sharing in Lapis' amusement at his own expense, so he plays along and clutches at his heart in mock horror and anguish as he melodramatically says: "Oh Lapis Lazuli, you're truly so very cruel! That's it, my social life will be over if those pictures get out, no one will respect me ever again and I may as well just go live as a hermit forever!"

Jasper can tell that Steven isn't being serious, but she still doesn't "get" it. She definitely needs to ask Lapis to explain humor to her at some point, as it seems like the capacity for making and comprehending "jokes" is sometimes important in friendships; at the very least, it's certainly something that matters to her two friends, so she wants to learn about it.

Lapis loses her composure and bursts into snorting laughter, and Steven chuckles along with her. Once they finish laughing, Steven looks at the time and sees that it's now past 8:00pm, so he says: "Hey Jasper, like I said I'm really glad we were able to have such a great talk and become friends, but would it be alright if I go now? It's a few hours before my bedtime now, and I don't usually talk to anyone besides Connie, Garnet, Amethyst, or Pearl on the phone this late. Do you agree we've pretty much resolved everything by now? Like I said, we should make plans for a visit sometime; you can talk to Lapis about coordinating it with me! Lapis, it was nice seeing you too!" He actually wants to convince Jasper to get her own cellphone, but since it's getting late he doesn't want to touch upon a new topic at this point. He shoots Jasper a broad grin.

Jasper smiles softly but a bit awkwardly back at Steven and says: "Of course Steven, I don't want to take up too much of your time. I appreciate you taking the time to speak with me for so long and explaining so many things so that I can better understand you, Lapis, and myself. Thank you for your support. I too am very happy to be your friend. Enjoy your travels. Uhh, have a... nice evening, My Diamond." As she speaks those final two words, Jasper strikes the Diamond Salute as Lapis waves at Steven and says, "goodnight Steven, it was really nice seeing you!" She then smiles slyly as she says, "and it was really nice getting such great pictures in case I ever need to blackmail you!"

Steven expected this from Lapis, so he smiles deviously as well and replies: "Oh Lapis, you're such a rascal. Goodnight you two! Have fun hanging out tonight, all alone there in the privacy of your home, Lapis! Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Peace out!" He grins again and flashes a peace-sign as he hangs up. Jasper holds the Diamond salute until the video-feed cuts to black, and completely misses how Lapis blushes furiously in response to Steven's words before quickly reining herself in and stamping out her thoughts as she thinks, "haha yeah, what thoughts, heh, no thoughts at all, I'm definitely only having purely friendly thoughts about being alone here with Jasper."

...

As Steven leans back in the chair in his hotel room, rather than calling Connie right away he takes a little bit of time to think. He speaks aloud to himself as he often does: "That really did go amazingly! I'm so happy that Jasper is finally making progress. And the stuff she said to me was so nice... she called me 'The Ultimate Diamond,' not just because of my physical power but because of my mental strength, too. Am I really as strong as she thinks, though?"

He takes a deep breath and lightly slaps his cheeks before saying: "Okay Steven Quartz Cutiepie DeMayo Diamond Universe, buck up, remember what Dr. Jackson and everybody else says and stop doubting yourself! Sure, maybe I turned Pink earlier without meaning to, but Jasper has faith in me! The person who I hurt the most with my Diamond-powers believes that my Pink State can be a good thing that can protect people... I need to let myself believe that she's right, dangit!"

He takes another breath before saying: "She has all that faith in you Steven, so have faith in yourself!" He tries to get himself to believe that Jasper is right, that maybe having emotion-triggered Diamond-powers isn't an inherently bad thing, that what matters is what emotions trigger those powers. Even so, he still can't quite believe that yet, but thanks to Jasper's kind words he thinks that maybe someday he can. "She's a good friend," he says to himself, "and she's already way stronger than she realizes. At least she's there with Lapis who believes in her and supports her. Lapis will teach her to believe in herself."

His thoughts do a one-eighty as he says: "I totally see now what Connie was saying, Jasper and Lapis really are hilaradorkable! I love how Jasper is totally oblivious while Lapis tip-toes around her feelings like they dont' exist! Ooooh sooo cuuuuute, Jaspis is officially tied with Bispearl now as my favorite potential couple! Speaking of which, I really need to keep trying to convince Bismuth to finally confess; I'm almost sure that Pearl's finally moved on from mom and is ready to find new love! As for Jaspis... if I talk to Jasper again, maybe I should explain what romance is by explaining how things developed between me and Connie. I can take care of two things at once by helping her understand me and Connie and teaching her about romance. Then Jasper can finally recognize her own feelings. Hmmm, but I can't do that if Lapis is there; Jasper definitely needs to get a phone."

Steven thinks for a moment and then says: "Aaah I dunno, besides I have to make sure I'm not meddling or anything the way I always used to do. It's kinda different with Gems than with humans though, since they tend to be as dense as rocks, which is funny since they are rocks. I should just call Connie now, I'm sure she'll take the time to talk to me like she always does and I can ask her whether I'd be 'meddling.'"

He decides on a video-chat since he always loves to see his girlfriend's beautiful face whenever he can; he blushes as he thinks that Lapis was right, he does like to watch Connie. And yes, maybe as Lapis said he sometimes likes to watch Connie in ways that aren't completely wholesome. "But I'm a teen boy," he says to himself, "so it's normal and healthy to think my totally cool and amazing girlfriend is sexy... and it's totally normal to stare at her legs sometimes and at her butt when her back's turned and nobody's looking, completely normal... but I guess Lapis has noticed... ugh whatever, I shouldn't let Lapis' teasing get to me. At least Connie and I aren't reckless like most teens, we're not gonna rush into anything too physical anytime soon. Her training has paid off for more than just fighting though, I do really like her legs.. and her butt... and her-"

Steven catches himself and very forcefully stifles that train of thought before it can fully depart the station, and he brings up Connie on the Atmosphype app and dials her, propping the phone up on the table again so his hands will be free.

After a few rings she answers, and her face appears on the screen smiling at him as she says: "Hi there Biscuit, it's always a such a treat to see your handsome mug! Sooo judging by how your face looks like you just befriended a former enemy and also saw something adorable, I'm guessing that maybe you talked with Jasper while she's with Lapis, huh?" He can see her bedroom wall in the background and that she's at her desk (probably studying as usual), so as he figured she must have already gone home after dinner with Lion, Peridot, and Bismuth.

Steven blushes at Connie's light flirting and takes a moment to think about how savvy she is before he says: "Heeey Strawberry, same to you, you know I made this a video-call so I can see your gorgeous face! And yeah, I talked to Jasper, you can totally read me like a book. There was a bit of a bump along the way 'cause of my trauma, but the conversation went really well and she and I are great friends now! Just a heads up, she still calls me Her Diamond and salutes me, but now it's a super-respectful nickname and greeting between friends rather than some weird submission thing... if that makes sense? I can explain it, but it's pretty complicated."

Connie replies: "Wow, that's fantastic! That whole 'Her Diamond' thing does seem a bit weird, but as long as you're okay with it then Jasper can call you anything and greet you however she wants, so who am I to judge? I'm definitely curious about it, but if it's complicated then maybe explain it to me after I ask you this: Was I right about her and Lapis being hilaradorkable together, or was I right?"

Steven's eyes turn into stars as he squeezes his cheeks together with both hands and replies, "Oh my GOSH eeeeee yesss, they're sooo cute, awkward, and funny! I love how Lapis is all like, 'attraction? Psh, what attraction, my feelings are nothing but friendly and I'm definitely not thinking about how nice it'd be for Jasper to hold me in her big, strong arms,' and how Jasper is like, 'heh, now that I've mastered friendship I'm sure that these feelings about Lapis are normal feelings between friends, because friendship must be the highest form of non-familial bond! Huh, 'romance' you say? What's that? Is it something strong, can I punch it?'"

When Steven says those things he drops his hands from his cheeks and performs impressions: For Lapis he dangles his hands at his side while leaning backwards to relax in the chair while adopting a slightly sour, deadpan expression and tone, and for Jasper he crosses his arms and speaks in a gruff and self-assured voice while adopting a cocky expression. Connie can't help herself and laughs at Steven's impressions; he's just so hilarious sometimes. As her laughter dies down she says, "haha yeahhh, that's exactly what they're like together, it's so hard to keep a straight face when watching them. I wonder how long it'll take for them to figure things out."

Steven's face takes on an expression that's simultaneously excited, serious, and nervous as he says: "Well Connie, about that. In Lapis' case she just needs time to move past her denial. But in Jasper's case... I maaay have come up with a plan to help her recognize her feelings since she only doesn't realize them since she has no idea what romance is. Buuut since it's more complicated than my simple plan to get Bismuth to confess to Pearl, I'm wondering if I could run it by you to figure out whether I'd be 'meddling' like I've been trying not to do anymore..."

Connie giggles a bit at how self-aware Steven is, and then replies, "hmmmm, okay, lay it on me Jam Bud, if you're being a meddler I'll let you know!" Steven laughs a bit too and says, "well okay, so I'm thinking that the next time I talk to her, I can tell her about us, and..."

---

Notes: Yes, Monster Steven was more powerful than all the other Diamonds including White. The fact is that the "pure" form of Pink Diamond's gem, "Pink Steven" back in "Change Your Mind," was more powerful than White as well; he was able to completely resist her absolute full power and knock it back with enough force that it "hurt" her according to human-Steven, and it briefly knocked White unconscious. What does all that imply? It means that just as Jasper says here, Pink was actually the most powerful of the Diamonds, or at least she had the potential to be the most powerful at her peak. The power of Pink's gem is the power of emotions; she was basically the Gem version of The Hulk but with more than just anger, able to grow more powerful the stronger her emotions got. As for why she never physically confronted her sisters to knock them down a peg, that's for the same reason why she didn't break out of that prison cell (that she clearly could have easily broken out of if she tried) when they locked her in it: They broke down her will through a process of systematic emotional abuse. Which in hindsight considering that Pink had the most potential power, may have been because the other three feared her potential and didn't want her to feel confident enough to grow stronger than them.

As for the stuff about the origin of the Diamonds and the idea that whatever/whoever created them (they're clearly artificial in some sense rather than naturally evolved) may pose a threat if it turns out that White is no longer fulfilling her "mission": It's something that a lot of fans have thought and speculated about. Personally I suspect that White was born from the core of a sentient star, specically a white dwarf (I'm not going to go into my reasons for believing that) which would mean that their creator is likely "dead" (stars fade and die) and may have created them as a means to forever carry on its life-force in an immortal form. But there's of course also a chance that some kind of "precursor race" (a common trope in sci-fi and fantasy) or some immortal entity created them, or at least created White, and might still be out there somewhere. If that's the case, then that precursor race/entity would obviously be unimaginably advanced and powerful to have created a being like White.

As Jasper explains, as a consummate warrior she's the type to think ahead to the next possible threat no matter how unlikely the existence of such a threat may be, during a time of peace when it seems there are no major threats left (Bluebird is just a nuisance and doesn't count). A precursor race posing a threat does not exist in the canon of this story, since I don't think such a thing was the origin of the Diamonds, and that's why no mention is made of a battle against such a precursor race/entity in my other story ("Their Love Can Take Them Away Together") that this serves as a prequel to. Jasper is simply a true warrior who plans to be prepared for anything, so she's taken the time to consider the possible existence of the one kind of enemy (one surpassing White Diamond) that she thinks may still be able to pose a threat to their universe at this point.

I couldn't resist having Steven paraphrase the opening theme of the original series, haha. Oh and Connie is obviously possibly (it's hard to choose) my favorite character, so I like to hype her when I can. It's also legitimately true that her mental strength/resilience is god-tier. Although I also by no means think she doesn't have some trauma of her own, and I will be touching upon the idea of Connie's trauma a bit in later chapters.