A/N: So how in the hell would a KazuYun pairing even work? The two share almost no words or chemistry in the anime! Consider this story a bit of a self-imposed challenge on my part. A way to take two people who share almost nothing in common and try to make them fit, all the while staying true to their character and identity. Let me know how convincing this was, if you have the time. Additionally, I'm playing fast and loose as far as the canon timeline goes, so you might notice a few things that don't quite fit, chronologically speaking. Other than that, sit back and enjoy.

"Kazuma! Kazuma!"

"..."

"Kazuma?"

"..."

"Kazumaaaa."

"..."

"Ka. Zu. Ma."

"..."

"KAZUMA!"

"WHAT?!" snapped the surly boy as he laid across the sofa, clad in nothing but boxer shorts. "Do you not see me, making a point to ignore you? Are Crimson Weirdos so incompetent at picking up cues? Learn to take a hint, why don't you!"

"Hey!" said Megumin, her cheeks puffing with indignation. "I would appreciate you not talking trash of my people. I bet you only belittle them to mask your jealousy of our great power."

Darkness cleared her throat politely. "Kazuma, don't you think you're being a bit childish? Megumin is only worried about you."

"Worried about what? I am Kazuma, greatest Adventurer class of all time; conqueror of two of the Demon King's generals and most recently of all, a self-made nouveau riche. What do you have to be worried about?"

"But that's just it!" Megumin burst out. "We acknowledge your business sense, Kazuma and indeed, you've done very well for yourself, but, but..."

"But you're turning into such a loathsome, subhuman piece of trash," Darkness said huskily, her cheeks rosy, and shuddered with perversion.

"You sleep twelve hours a day and when you actually do wake, you do nothing but laze around the mansion. I can't even remember the last time you went out in the daylight. Just look at your skin!"

"Even worse," said Darkness. "You've been neglecting your duties as an adventurer. It's been over a month since the four of us took a quest."

"Is that what this is about?" Kazuma asked.

"Of course it is, you dummy!" said Megumin, her grip tight upon her staff, and hips wiggling unconsciously. "My body aches with the urge to release its pent up energies onto the biggest, hardest thing I can find."

"You know, you really should be careful at the way you phrase these things..."

"And Darkness has her own business going on, so I can't always rely on her to carry me back from my daily blasts."

"So get Aqua to help you."

"But she's almost as lazy as you are!"

Three pairs of eyes centered on Aqua, who was passed out, legs tucked under the kotatsu and halfway done with a big bottle of Arcalentian red, in spite of the early hour. Emperor Zel roved around her slumped form, pecking at the crumbs of whatever it was the sloppy goddess had dropped on the floor.

"Won't you do this as a favor to your beloved friends, Kazuma?" said Darkness. "As a crusader, it is my sacred duty to use and give my body to protect the good people of this land. But how can I do that when my own party member refuses to take on quests?"

"Not my problem," Kazuma said, turning over so he wouldn't have to look at their faces.

"But look at this!" Megumin exclaimed, throwing her hands up in exasperation. "What a hopeless lump of a man! Is this really the same person who defeated two of the Demon King's generals?"

"It seems Kazuma has grown a little too comfortable with his easy life," Darkness lamented. "Why... one can only imagine the kind of self-serving, worthless scumbag he'll grow to become." Anyone unfamiliar with Darkness might have seen this as a rebuke, had the crusader not brought her hands to her flushed cheeks, breath hitching with lewd excitement.

Megumin groaned loudly, throwing up her hands in defeat. "Fine, have it your way! Waste away for all I care. Let's go, Darkness. At least some of us are trying to be productive members of society."

"Y-yes," Darkness said shakily, panting like a dog in heat. "Productive... that's good..." she said, following Megumin out the door.

"Finally, some peace," Kazuma muttered. It wasn't that he didn't like his friends, but after all the close calls he and his party since their formation, Kazuma figured he was living on borrowed time, nevermind the fact the debt goddess could pull him out of any fatal jam.

Speaking of which...

Aqua had begun to snore, all the while scratching at her belly. Kazuma would have liked nothing more than to pull out a phone and record this most unbecoming of behaviors. Such a delicious reaction he'd get if she was presented with it, then maybe she would lay to rest all these bizarre claims that goddesses do not snore, pee, or go to the bathroom in general.

*Knock* *knock*

"Eh?"

It seemed he had a visitor, and a very insistent one at that. He stayed on his spot, hoping whoever it was would lose heart and leave, but when the knocks came faster and more insistent still, Kazuma heaved a great, suffering sigh and moved to greet this interloper.

All but kicking the door open, he said, "Whatever it is you're selling, I don't want it."

Funnily enough, the visitor was not one of those loathsome strangers and indeed, she seemed just as shocked by the abrupt greeting. That or the fact he'd received her in nothing but his skivvies.

"K-K-Kazuma-san?" Yunyun stammered, eyes wide and drawn almost magnetically to his bulge, her face doing a good impression of a tomato. "Where are your clothes?!"

"Eh? It's hot. This is more comfortable." Blasted Iron Age world and its lack of A/C.

"Still!" Yunyun said in near hysterics. She turned away, as to not feast her pure, maiden eyes upon the half-naked brute. "You should have some decency!"

Kazuma sighed. He stepped to the side where a coat hanger had been installed next to the door and plucked his fluffy, overly expensive bathrobe from it. He'd gotten plenty of odd looks wandering about the town at night while wearing it, but what did they know?

"Better?" he asked once he'd tied the knot around his waist, making sure to cover his glorious body as to not give the poor girl a panic attack.

Yunyun chanced a peek through tightly closed eyes, but relaxed once she saw the more modest sight.

"To what do I owe this visit? If you're looking for Megumin, you just missed her."

Yunyun shook her head. "I didn't come here for Megumin, Kazuma-san. I came here for you!"

Oho?

Now this he did not expect. What could sweet, socially inept Yunyun want with him? Far as he recalled, they were little more than acquaintances. Well, whatever it was, he would soon find out. He opened the door wider and invited Yunyun to enter, which she meekly did so.

"So," said Kazuma as he settled across from her in one of the other living rooms, one free of snoring goddesses or draconic chicks. Yunyun sat primly on the sofa, while Kazuma contented himself with a comfy recliner; a coffee table separated him and Yunyun. "What's this all about?"

"Well... that is... I..." Yunyun's voice was barely audible. She refused to look at Kazuma, her cheeks still a beet red, nervously tapping her fingers together. "Iwanttobearyourchild..."

"Come again?"

Yunyun looked up. Her hands balled into fists. She mustered her courage and, voice trembling like her body, said, "I want to bear your child!"

Kazuma's eye twitched. Yunyun's passionate façade crumbled into a nervous wreck as the silence stretched.

"Let me get this straight," said Kazuma. "You." He pointed at Yunyun. "Want me." Then at himself. "To put a baby in you?"

Yunyun made a choking noise that was between a squeal and a yelp. Unable to meet the crass boy's eyes, she nodded pitifully.

Kazuma narrowed his eyes. The hell? Is this girl pulling a fast one on me?

"Cool by me," he said without missing a beat. "My room's upstairs. Should we get started? Or would you like your first time to be on the couch?"

A squeak.

"Or mayhaps, you'd rather be taken on the rug, next to the hearth, in front of a blazing fire?"

Another squeak.

"Or better yet," Kazuma continued on ruthlessly. "We could use the kitchen. I could make sweet, sweet love to you as you're bent over the table. If memory serves, I'm pretty sure we have some whipped cream and chocolate sauce we can put to good use."

"Kazuma-san, you're horrible!" Yunyun whined, very near tears. She grabbed a throw pillow and buried her face in it.

Kazuma rolled his eyes, unable to draw enjoyment from the pitiable sight. She was like a puppy; clueless, a bit annoying and rather clumsy, but she did not deserve such treatment. In fact, next to the quarrelsome girls in his party, Kazuma himself held a rather favorable opinion on Yunyun.

He stood and went over to sit next to her, keeping a healthy distance. He then placed his hand upon her trembling shoulder. "I'm sorry. I just had a bit of an argument with the girls and am a bit crabby. I guess I kinda took it out on you. You didn't deserve that."

Yunyun peeked from behind her protective pillow with misty eyes.

"Do you mean it?" she said in a small voice.

"I do," said Kazuma. "I admit, I thought you were trying to play a prank on me with all this 'bearing my child' business."

"But I wasn't!" Yunyun insisted. "For the good of the Crimson Demon Village—no—for the good of the world, I must be the one to birth your child!"

Resisting the urge to sigh or betray his annoyance, Kazuma said, "Let's slow down a little. Why don't you start from the beginning?"

And so she did, presenting him with a tall tale and a number of letters that spoke of impending doom—her village's destruction, and how she was destined to bear the child of a worthless layabout(him, basically), that it may grow to finally vanquish the Demon King and his forces.

"This is..." Kazuma gulped. "This is unbelievable." Had he not been so struck by this, he might have noticed a small line, tucked away at the bottom edge of the page that read, Chronicle of the Hero of the Crimson Magic Clan, Chapter I—by Arue, but as it was, it completely escaped his notice.

"So you see," Yunyun said. "I am now the chief of my village. It is my sworn duty to bear your child and take you as my lifelong partner. The future of this world depends on us, Kazuma-san! Will you stand with me?"

This...this is it! Kazuma thought. He recalled his first death, and how he'd pissed away his chance at becoming a bona fide hero by dragging a useless goddess with him. He would never admit his mistake to anyone, least of all Aqua, but he, like all hikiNEETs(and really, most everyone else) desperately wished he was special. That fate had chosen him for a grand plan—a preordained destiny that would see him play a pivotal part in bringing peace to the world.

And now? Now Yunyun came to him, bringing such an opportunity on a silver platter. But... raising a child? Taking Yunyun as his bride? Was he ready for such responsibility?

Adventuring was fun, but far too lethal for his liking, and though he did have a little side business with Vanir that raked in the money, it took minimal involvement on his part. This left him with nothing to do all day. It might not have been so bad if he were back in Japan, where he could whittle away the hours with tv, games or the internet. The entertainment options in Axel were far more limited. And so he grew discontent, but far too bored to do anything about it.

But taking on a relationship? That he could get behind. And sure, Yunyun could stand to be a little more assertive and confident, but so what? She may not have been perfect, but was anybody? Though Kazuma would never admit it to anyone, he craved something beyond the pleasures of the flesh. Something that even a lusty, succubus-enhanced dream could never provide.

He yearned for a connection. Someone he could care for and who'd care for him in turn. Aqua... would never fit that category. Sure, they cared for each other in their own unique way, but never in a million years would Kazuma imagine them being together. They were just too different. There was potential with Megumin, but she could be so... frustrating. And Darkness? Well, she was Darkness.

I'm not touching that with a 69-foot pole. Girl is just too freaky!

The days with his manic, troublesome, equally infuriating party members left Kazuma with a greater appreciation for common sense and good jugdment; traits that Aqua, Megumin and Darkness woefully lacked. Yunyun, though... here was a nice girl with a solid head on her shoulders. That she was willing to birth his child and take him as a partner in life spoke volumes about her sense of honor and duty, traits he could honestly admire.

She could be included in their little party, bringing a much-needed sense of stability and reason. And the final nail in the coffin that cemented his resolve? She wanted to make an effort. She was willing to meet him halfway in this whole endeavor. Only in his dreams would someone so brazenly approach him with this kind of wanton resolve. Sure, they didn't know each other nearly well enough to say love had entered the picture and yet... there was potential.

"Yes," he finally said, taking hold of her hand, gripping it firmly. "I will stand by you, Yunyun, if you'll have me."

"Y-you will?" Yunyun asked, almost disbelieving.

You know, she really is a cute little bundle of nervous energy... why have I not noticed that before?

"So it is. I'll do my best by you, Kazuma-san. Please take care of me." she said with a small bow of her head... and unintentionally leveled her gaze down to his junk.

"O-oh. Well, that is..." she swallowed visibly. With a shaky voice she said, "I s-sup-ppose we should get to it, shouldn't we?"

Slowly, she pulled her hand away from his and reached out, then hesitated, as if not quite sure what to do. Her eyes darted from here to there, the flush in her cheeks came back at full force, and her breathing quickened to the point of near hyperventilation.

"It's alright," said Kazuma. "Don't force yourself."

Yunyun shook her head stubbornly. "I... I must! It's my duty! My duty as the new chief of our clan. T-the world is counting on us, Kazuma-san." She looked to him again, mustered her courage and leaned forward, reaching out with her hand as if to place it on his chest and then... stopped.

"I'm useless!" Yunyun wailed. "I know what I have to do, but I've never even held hands with a boy before!" she buried her face in her hands, sobbing.

Kazuma was unsure how to react. Months upon months of watching a certain worthless goddess reduce herself into tearful fits had instilled in Kazuma a near instinctual reaction—one of unabashed frustration and contempt upon laying eyes on such a spectacle.

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and reminded himself this was no Aqua. This was Yunyun. A shy, sweet girl; uncertain with herself.

Kazuma scooted closer, putting a hand around her shoulder. "It's alright," he said in as comforting a tone as he could muster, rubbing the small of her back. Yunyun leaned into him and he stayed silent, allowing her to pour it all out.

"I'm sorry, Kazuma-san," Yunyun said thickly once the tears had run dry. She pulled away from his hold. "I got your robe all wet."

"Never mind that," said Kazuma. "I know I said this earlier, but you don't have to force yourself. We can take our time if need be."

Yunyun sniffled, wiping the tears from her reddened eyes. "My dad said being leader means putting the good of the people above your own. He always lived by that rule. How can I stand proud and call myself his daughter if I can't do the same?"

Kazuma felt his cold little heart grow by half a size.

Come on Satou, this is your chance! Cheer her up. Say something, damn it!

"For what it's worth," he said. "I think you're pretty cool. And really, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. After everything that happened, there's a lot being asked of you."

"But that's just it," said Yunyun. "I want to be better, Kazuma-san. I want to be more like... well, like Megumin."

Kazuma's eyes widened. "What?" he said, much louder and aggressively than intended.

Yunyun drew back, a bit startled. "Oh. Did I say something wrong?"

"N-no, no. Nothing at all," he said, rubbing the back of his head. "It's just... I don't... why in the world would you want to be like Megumin?"

"Well," said Yunyun. "She's... cool, I think. I've always admired her confidence; the way she won't think twice to speak her mind and," she trailed off, looking a bit embarrassed. "And well... making friends seems to come easily for her. She's such a great and talented wizard, too. More so than many of the other Crimson Demons. In fact, she said you were so impressed with her abilities, you practically got down on your knees and begged her to join your party. That's the kind of... ah, Kazuma-san? Are you alright?"

Kazuma's face went rigid, solidifying into an unnervingly blank stare. The corner of his lip then twitched. Then again. Blood rushed into his face. No sooner was Yunyun about to question this before Kazuma threw his head back and indulged into a bellowing fit of laughter.

"K-Kazuma-san?"

"You... you," he just barely managed to choke out. "Megumin told you that I begged to have her join us?"

"Well, yes."

This sent Kazuma into another fit of the foot-stomping, knee-slapping jollies, albeit a bit less intense. Poor, clueless Yunyun regarded him with more than a little bewilderment.

"Oh, that's a good one," Kazuma gasped, wiping a tear from his eye.

"What's so funny?"

Kazuma sighed magnanimously. "Ah, Yunyun. It seems you've been misinformed."

"I have?"

Kazuma nodded gravely. "I believe it's time we set the record straight. What Megumin said was partly true. There was begging involved. But is seems that lying chunni tried to pull a fast one on you, for it was her, not me, who did the begging."

Skepticism lined her fair face. "I find that hard to believe. Megumin is far too prideful to resort to that."

"Oh, she is. And while I'm sure she could get away with that in your village, the real world is a tad less forgiving on that count. For instance, you know how Megumin refuses to learn anything that's not Explosion?"

Yunyun nodded.

"Well, that was pretty much her downfall."

He then explained the way of it, how Megumin had quickly gained a bit of a reputation as a crazy explosion girl, how no one on their right mind would ever accept her eccentricities in a party and how her stubborn, unyielding pride had left her with no friends, no party and no meals for three days straight.

"So then, BAM! She sets off her Explosion, leaving her completely vulnerable. This was all to destroy a single toad, mind you. What happens then? More toads pop out of the ground, drawn by the shockwaves. Before you know it, Megumin is halfway down the gullet of those giants. And so it is up to me, the lowly adventurer class, to rescue this stubborn loli from her self-destructive tendencies."

"Oh my," said Yunyun. "To think Megumin embellished her stories this much..."

"So you see, Yunyun, you should not strive to be like Megumin. You're perfect just the way you are."

She smiled. "That's very kind of you, Kazuma-san."

Kazuma watched her closely. "You don't believe me, do you?"

"Well, it's not that. It's just..." her smile gave out, and she glanced down to her wringing hands.

"You wish you could be as confident as she is."

Yunyun nodded.

Kazuma scratched his chin, thinking. "You know, I think you and I are a bit more alike than I thought. Back before coming here, I had no real friends to speak of. You could say the people I was on friendly terms with, well, we were what you might know as pen pals. We never even met face to face. Looking back on it, I can see it was a bit of a sad existence. I just didn't know... how to connect with others. I think you are the same in that regard."

Yunyun watched him with rapt attention, her hand clenched over her chest.

"I," she said softly. "I was always the village chief's daughter. People treated me differently because of it. No, I was different. I never really cared for the traditional way we... greet and introduce ourselves to others. A-and some of my people's customs are a bit, well, embarrassing. I never fit in because of it. Making friends was... difficult."

Kazuma nodded in understanding. "You know what I think? I think you could be as confident as Megumin if you wanted. And I think you could do it without becoming like her."

"But how?" Yunyun asked, almost desperately.

"Before anything else, I think you should learn to be comfortable with yourself."

Yunyun tilted her head, frowning slightly.

"Take a look at me, for example. Who am I?" said Kazuma, spreading his arms wide.

"Um, you're Kazuma-san?"

"Kazuma. Adventurer. Enemy to all women. Kazuma the Brute. Panty thief and all-around lecherous fiend."

"W-what?"

"All names given to me. I suppose I could sit here and hang my head in shame for these disgraceful titles, but what would that do? Life's too short to worry about little things like public perception. I'm not perfect. Not in the least. I stay true to myself in spite of what others may think. Ask me, it's the reason why Darkness, Megumin, Aqua and I are still a team. Anybody in their right mind would take a look at us and run for the hills before accepting us in their party."

"If that's the case, then how are you still together?"

"Because we accept each other, flaws and all. Darkness is a masochist whose tendencies were disturbing enough to the point even a powerful undead found her repulsive. Aqua is a whiny, judgment impaired toddler in a woman's body who thinks only of herself and does not know the meaning of the word restraint. Megumin's pride and stubbornness has brought us no end of problems or near-death scenarios. Point is, as strange and insufferable as these girls can be, there's no dangerous situation in which I wouldn't have them by my side.

"Where we are concerned, what you see is what you get. And I believe that's what you've missed all your life. Friends who can accept you in spite of your quirks and eccentricities. I think you've taken part of the Yunyun—the real Yunyun—and stowed it away inside as to not be judged weird or unusual."

Yunyun's lip trembled. Her throat hitched, and she regarded Kazuma with near fearful eyes.

"I admit," he said. "I'm not the best at these kinds of things. And... I don't know what I can offer you as a partner. But I can promise you this. I can promise that so long as we are together, I will accept you—the real Yunyun—as you are. And I'm confident when I say I can speak for the rest of my party members and say they'll accept you too. I'm also willing to bet that, if you accept us and give us a chance to truly get to know you, you'll take one step closer to being the best version of Yunyun you can be. Confident, sure of yourself, and someone whom people are willing to befriend and be around."

Her lip, no, her whole body, trembled harder still. Her wide, innocent eyes shimmered with unshed tears. "That's," she half-hiccupped. "That's all I've ever wanted, K-Kazuma-san."

Yunyun all but threw herself at a startled Kazuma, burying her head in the crook of his neck.

"It's okay," he croaked. Shakily, almost uncertainly, he wrapped his arms around her and allowed her to quietly shed the pent-up tears and emotions inside her.

Holy crap, I didn't think that would actually work! I just spouted off some corny lines inspired by countless hours of watching romcom anime!

And yet, he felt a warmth spread within him. It wasn't the hot and fiery kind that stirred at his loins as a result of his more lewd fantasies, but rather a comforting one, sourced from his center—pure and wholesome—that reminded him of good times and the exciting promise of the future. His face flushed, his heart's rhythmic beats quickened, hammering inside his chest and in that moment, Kazuma came to a startling revelation.

You know, I... I think I'm starting to fall for this girl.

They stayed like that for some time. Yunyun clutched fistfuls of his robe, the silence broken only by her soft sniffles.

"Ah, it seems I've cried into your robe again. Sorry."

"Don't worry," mumbled Kazuma. "I've got plenty."

She looked at him, still in his arms. Kazuma gulped. He was used to women regarding him in certain ways. Scorn, pity, anger, suspicion, fury, embarrassment, contempt. These and such similar facets he was used to seeing, even in his dear party. In Yunyun's eyes he saw something new entirely. Trust. Nothing on an exceptional level, but trust nonetheless.

"Thank you. I feel better now, I think," she said and leaned down to dry her tear-streaked cheeks on his collarbone. Kazuma suppressed a groan.

The hell? How does something so simple feel so good?

Yunyun pulled away slowly, resting a hand on his knee. She held his gaze with newfound resolution.

"I think," she said softly. "I think I'm ready now, Kazuma-san."