He's alive.

I've had to remind myself of that fact about 6 times a day. It took nearly a year for anyone to tell me that Spike was alive, and I'll never forgive the ones who know and didn't tell me.

Sure, they didn't know the extent of my feelings for the Master Vampire, but I still should've been told immediately. Apparently, Spike and Angel had even been to Italy to see me, but they never stopped me. Not seeing Angel was fine. I mean, it's not any different than the last few years, but Spike...I know him well enough. There was a reason behind why I never saw him. He just refuses to tell me.

I look at his sleeping form on the couch of mine and Dawn's apartment. He looks so peaceful. I can't help but be thankful that vampires still need to sleep. Without the need, I'd never be able to just look at him like this. It's so much easier to remember that he's not dust on the ground when he's sleeping, breathing, right in front of you.

I walk over to him and sit on the ground near his head. I let my fingers trail from his cheek down to his bare shoulder. Just as I remember. It takes all of my strength not to kiss him. It's been so long, there's so much I want to do, so much I want to say. But all of it can wait. He needs to rest.

The last year has been rough without him. A lot of tears were shed, a lot of confessions made. I couldn't talk about it with anyone but Dawn. She was the only one who wouldn't look at me crazy when I talked about missing Spike. She's the only one who really knows how I feel about him.

Spike adjusts himself on the couch and his head is about to slide off the cushion. Just before it can, I gently move his head back to the pillow, hoping not to wake him. Thank god he's a heavy sleeper.

"I know you're asleep, but I need to get a few things off my chest. Maybe it'll help if I tell you now, instead of winging it when I get the courage to say it to your face." I say softly. "I missed you, Spike. I missed you more than I'm sure you think. I missed your annoying remarks. I missed your laugh. I missed you annoying the absolute crap out of me. I spent every day, wondering if you were okay, and I'll never forgive Angel for not calling me the second that amulet thing brought you back. Maybe he did it because he knew the truth. The truth that I was too terrified to say, until you were about to die."

I take a deep breath before continuing. "I love you, Spike. When I said it in the Hellmouth, I was being honest. I knew I'd loved you for a while, but I refused to accept it. I hated the fact that I was in love with a vampire who came to Sunnydale to kill me. I was in love with William the Bloody. But no one can really be surprised, can they? You were by my side when I needed you most. You protected my sister and my mom on countless occasions. I pushed you away because I was looking for a love like Angel gave me, but the truth is, that wasn't love. It was controlling and suffocating. With you, you make me feel free and powerful. You make me feel like anything is possible, that I can beat whatever baddie is coming next. So...yeah. I, Buffy Anne Summers, am completely and insanely in love with you, Spike." I let out a small laugh. "Well, at least I can say it."

"It's about bloody time."

I whip my head around to see Spike smirking at me. "Y-you were asleep! You weren't supposed to hear any of that."

"Is there another Spike around? Because I'm pretty sure I'm the only one, so at least that last sentence was directed at me."

I cover my face with my hands in embarrassment. "I can't believe you heard all of that. I..."

Spike moves to kneel across from me, cupping my cheek with his hand. "I'm glad I heard all of it, pet." He says quietly. "Who knows how long it would've been before you finally said all of that?"

Before I know it, his lips are on mine for the first time in a year.

A year without Spike made me realize that I never wanted to be without him again. I may be a Slayer, but what's a Slayer without her vampire?