Author's Note: FIRST OFF – as much as there can be spoilers in an AU, here be spoilers. IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN RISE OF SKYWALKER, THIS MIGHT CLUE YOU INTO SOME PLOT POINTS THERE. Come back later if you haven't seen it and don't want any clues. TROS has been out 10 days, so I'm going to be less cautious, especially with this AU, which is now veering away from most spoilers.
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I'm not certain where I'm going with this, so I hope y'all can be patient with me.
Disclaimer per usual – I do not own Star Wars or any aspect of the SW universe; just a fan with an idea. No profit here, just fun for me.
Rey blinks her eyes open, a nightmare waking her. Her head is still fuzzy from her landing against the rock, and the dream was a messy amalgamation of Ben, her childhood, and what happened with Shara. It's dark in the room except for a small light by the door. The hospital bed is still uncomfortable, but she had to acknowledge earlier that going home wouldn't have worked tonight – she could barely stand up to go to the bathroom.
She hears a snuffling sound, almost a snore, and she has to remind herself that rolling her eyes makes her nauseous right now. In the dim light, she sees Poe Dameron asleep in the chair next to her. His feet are up on the end of her bed, and he has a crappy pillow and a thin blanket given to him by the disapproving nurse. At least with him asleep, she can really look at him.
His hair is a little more silver than it was a few years ago, but she knows he must be close to forty, as Ben would have been thirty-nine later this year. That means he's about seven years older than her. His face is relaxed in sleep, though, and without the tension in his face, he looks years younger. He does have little lines around his eyes, but they pretty much just make him more attractive, telling her that he loves to laugh and be outside.
She's glad not to be alone. She probably shouldn't confess that to him, though, not after she'd put up a bit of a fuss when, upon finding out that she didn't have anyone but Luke to come sit with her, he insisted on staying the night. She'd argued that no matter why she was here, she didn't want to be a burden.
Ignoring her protests, he'd had Kes bring him his gym bag from the car, and then he'd had Kes take Shara home for the night. Of course, if Luke had been willing to stay, then Poe could have gone home, but with a sly wink that made her blush, Luke had taken off citing an early morning commitment with Leia tomorrow.
So Poe is here, sleeping in the chair, looking adorably wrinkled in his sweats, old Georgetown Law t-shirt, socks, and a serious five o'clock shadow scruff. The nurse originally tried to shoo him out, but the doctor, an old friend of Luke's, said it was fine for Poe to stay. He shifts in his sleep, and a lock of unruly hair falls into his eyes. She knows if she could reach him, she'd be having to force herself to not reach out and brush it back.
She sighs, and she shifts in the bed, trying to make herself stop staring at him. Unfortunately, she forgot about her shoulder, and the move makes it twinge so badly that she whimpers a little. It's enough to wake him. He sits up quickly, blinking, and he's on his feet at her side in seconds. "You OK, Sunshine? Do I need to get the nurse?"
"No, I'm all right." She pushes herself up slightly, trying to get more comfortable. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. I barely made a sound!"
He chuckles, perching his hip on the edge of her bed. He lifts an eyebrow at her, obviously asking her if this is all right, and she just scoots over a bit to give him more room. He smiles at that, sliding more fully onto the bed, sitting facing her with one leg pulled up on the bed. "Single parent." He shrugs. "I've slept really light since Shara was born. Zorii, my ex, made it clear from the beginning that I'd be taking turns with her at night. After a while, I just got up with Shara and let Zorii sleep. Let's just say that I'm more pleasant when tired than she is."
"Does Shara get to see her often?" Rey lets her curiosity get the best of her. Poe frowns, running a hand through his hair. Rey puts a hand on his ankle. "You don't have to talk to me about this. It's just 3 a.m., and I'm suddenly wide awake, and I'm also apparently lacking my usual filter. I need to stop talking now."
He gives her a half-smile of amusement. Then he shrugs a little. "It's OK, and no. Shara doesn't see her. We got divorced not long after everything that happened with Ben, and I got sole custody of Shara. Zorii didn't want to have anything more than visitation. In two-and-a-half years, she made time to see Shara twice. Six weeks ago, she terminated her rights." He must see Rey's wide-eyed surprise, because he adds, "Sorry, probably TMI. Apparently my filter's lacking tonight too."
"This morning." Rey tries to distract him a little.
"What?" He looks confused.
"It's morning. Not night." She smirks. He rolls his eyes in response, and her smile then fades. "She's an idiot, you know? Anyone who'd ghost a child, especially Shara, who is almost painfully adorable and sweet, is an idiot."
X
Poe blinks at the conviction he hears in Rey's voice. "You know, it's funny. I was incredibly pissed off at first. But the truth is that Zorii never really wanted kids. Shara was an accident, but to me, it was great. I was so happy when Zorii told me. I think it made me kind of blind to how unhappy she was."
"I hope you aren't hard on yourself about that." She squeezes his ankle, where her hand still rests.
He shrugs, but he covers her hand with his. To his surprise, she turns her hand over and wraps it around his. "It's hard not to be. We fought a lot at the end. It was exhausting. I wanted to get out of Boston, somewhere like this, just enjoy being a dad, but she wanted to travel, make New York her base."
"Basically, she wanted a bigger world and you wanted a smaller one." Rey boils it down.
He nods. "Pretty much. She moved out. Got a place in New York. I filed for divorce four weeks later, when I realized she wasn't coming back." Rey scowls, but he says, "She's truly not a bad person, Rey, and I loved her once. She just didn't want to be a mom. It wasn't for her. In the end, maybe it's better this way. I'd rather her not see Shara at all than see her every couple of years out of an obligation. At this point, I don't want people around my kid who don't want to be there. She's moving to London, getting remarried to an older guy, one whose kids are grown. I'm amazingly fine with it. She's giving me Shara, no strings. I honestly hope she's happy."
"If she ever comes back and wants to see Shara, what then?"
"I ask Shara what she wants. I will have veto power, of course, but I won't deny Shara the right to know Zorii if she wants to." Poe shrugs. "Like I said, I loved her once. We just grew so far apart that the gap couldn't be bridged anymore."
Rey looks up at the ceiling. Eventually, she says softly, "Just know that Shara will know that, at the end of the day, her mother chose something over her. I know you know that, but trust me, be ready for the fallout. Whether it's you doing something for her or getting her a therapist if she needs one, whatever, just always let her know how wanted she is."
The faraway quality to Rey's voice, the wistfulness, tells him that's she speaks from experience. He finds himself wanting to hurt whoever hurt Rey this way. He must stay quiet too long, because she blushes and adds, "I'm sorry. I'm sure you're already on top of it."
He shakes his head. "No, I'm really not. Advice is wanted and welcomed, and I never really thought about it like that." He runs a hand through his hair. "I want to protect her from feeling that way, but I know you're right – it could be inevitable. Maybe all I can do is make sure she knows that she also has a lot of people who chose her, who value her, but that it's also OK to feel whatever it is that she's feeling."
She blinks blearily, the concussion clearly catching up with her again. "You can't be this nice, this good. It's not possible. You're basically perfect. Pretty too."
Charmed by her sudden even more pronounced lack of a filter, he cocks his head and gently corrects her. "Rey, I'm not perfect. I have a temper, I get impatient with Shara when she's stubborn, I'm overprotective, and I can be a workaholic. Hell, I even ran away from home at sixteen."
Her eyes widen at that, but then, she has to swallow a huge yawn. He stands up from her bed, tucking the blanket up around her. "Go back to sleep, Sunshine. That story will keep. I'll be here, and I'll protect you from Nurse Ratched." She giggles as she snuggles carefully into her pillow, trying not to jostle her shoulder.
She lets out an irritated whine when her blanket slips down as she moves. He just chuckles and pulls her blanket back up around her shoulders and leans down to her, whispering, "I do get the pretty thing now and then, though. But I'm not as pretty as you."
She smiles faintly, but Poe can tell she's already more than half asleep. He settles back in his chair, putting his feet back up on the end of her bed. He watches her sleep for a moment, then he pulls up his own blanket and closes his eyes, letting himself drift back off.
X
Rey awakens the next time, morning if the light through her hospital room window is anything to go by, to the sound of someone on the phone. More precisely, to the sound of Poe Dameron on the phone. "Luke, what do you mean, you 'can't.'?" He pauses. "But the doctor just told me she can probably go home but needs someone to stay with her for the next two days and nights. He's worried about the concussion and about her doing too much with her shoulder. You mentioned that she lives alone, and he says that isn't OK."
She peers around the edge of the curtain someone had pulled to provide some privacy to the bed. Poe is standing there, still in his sweats and t-shirt, curly hair completely askew from sleeping and also apparently from raking his hand through it, something he's doing now as he listens to whatever Luke has to say. Poe's eyes widen. "You can't come back from Boston until Tuesday morning? It's Sunday!" He listens again. "Luke, with me and Shara?"
Even as she shakes her head slightly, hating to be a burden and longing to sleep in her own bed, her heart sinks a little at how put off he looks by the idea. A moment later, though, she feels better when he responds, "She'll want to go home, Luke. She's welcome, of course, but I can't drag her to my house, and she doesn't need to endure two days of a rambunctious four-year-old. You remember me as a kid. Dad says that Shara's me times about a thousand."
Rey has to swallow a smile at that, now imagining a curly-headed little boy talking fast and zinging all over the place the way Shara seems to. She hears Poe sigh. "I'll ask her, Luke, but if she says no, you're getting your ass back here." Another pause. "Thank you."
She sees him end the call, and she closes her eyes before he comes back to her bedside. Even so, he says, "Rey, I know you heard most of that. Stop playing possum."
She blinks, and she smirks a little as she focuses on him. "Sorry. I know it's rude to eavesdrop."
He shakes his head and sinks into the chair. "It's fine. The doctor wants to assess you again, but did you hear that he doesn't want you alone if he releases you?"
She nods slightly, and she's happy that it doesn't hurt as much as it did the day before. "I don't want to impose, Poe. I'll be fine on my own."
"The doc isn't going to release you if you're going home alone. He already said that to me. And he's old buddies with Luke, and Luke was adamant that you have someone with you." Poe rolls his eyes. "Then he told me that he has 'an event' with Leia and Han this weekend, and he can't come back until Tuesday morning."
"I'm sorry." Rey looks down at the blanket, picking at a loose thread.
"Why?" She glances up and sees Poe's brow furrowed in confusion. "Why should you be sorry?"
She shrugs her good shoulder. "For being such a burden."
"You've said that twice now. Rey, you're not a burden. You got a pretty bad concussion protecting my kid. But even if you hadn't, it'd be no trouble." He reaches out and covers the hand picking at the thread with his. "I just know you probably want to go home, but even if we went to your place, you'd have to deal with a noisy, messy four-year-old. I'd send her to Dad's, but he has a friend arriving today who is using his guest room."
"It's Labor Day weekend. I'm sure you have plans, Poe. I can even just hire a nurse to hang around." Her stomach clenches. She really doesn't want to be alone, but her independent streak stops her from admitting that to him.
"I do, have plans that is. Just have friends and Dad and his old friend from the Navy, Wedge, coming over to cook out tomorrow. Nothing fancy." He squeezes her hand.
"That actually sounds lovely." She murmurs softly, and then she makes a decision, if only so he'll stop looking so guilty. "Can we go by my house so I can get my iPad, chargers, and some clothes? And maybe my pillow and my favorite blanket? I tend to be cold all the time. Of course, that's assuming you have a guest room and don't mind looking after me for a bit?"
Her self-reliant nature rails against her words, but she's honestly still a little lightheaded and her shoulder hurts. The thought of being on her own right now is a little daunting. And his relieved smile at her words isn't a bad thing. "Are you sure, Sunshine? Yes, we can do all of those things, and I have a very nice guest room, with its own bathroom, so no sharing required."
"OK." She says it as much to herself as she does to him, and he seems to know that, because he just nods and leans back in his chair, propping his feet back on the foot of her bed.
He then sits back up. "You're not allergic to dogs, are you?"
"No." She smiles. "I love dogs. I've been thinking about getting one."
He relaxes again and echoes her. "OK."
Ninety minutes later, he's helping her into his SUV. She wants to wave him off, but she's still dizzy at times. She quietly provides her address as she blinks against the sunlight and picks at her scrubs. Her clothes actually have blood on them, from when her head hit the rock, and he's carrying them in a plastic bag. She also is wearing a hoodie he gave her from his gym bag, as she'd shivered after getting out of bed. It swallows her, but it's cozy and warm. She snuggles into it in the seat of the car.
"Sunshine, how is it that you only live ten minutes from me but we've never run into each other?" He shakes his head. At her half shrug, he says, "You all right? Shoulder holding up?"
"I'm fine, Mom." She teases him. He rolls his eyes, and she goes on, "I was going to make a cherry pie this weekend. I already have the crust pieces made and in my fridge. Do you want to pick up the things to make it with? I can do it in the morning, or I can guide you or your dad."
"Homemade cherry pie?" His eyes widen, and he looks over at her as they roll to a stop at a light. "Yes please." He grins. "You can stay as long as you want, if you have a habit of making homemade desserts."
She bites her lip, and the fact that he watches her do that isn't lost on her. "Well, I'm a mediocre cook, but I can bake."
"You bake for me, I'll cook you whatever you want whenever you want it." He grins again. "I can't bake to save my life."
She laughs softly. "You cook? How do you find the time?"
He shrugs, focusing back on the road as the light turns green again. "It's a hobby I picked up years ago. It relaxes me. Dad taught me a lot, but I also took some classes here and there."
She huffs. "Of course you did."
He laughs, a self-deprecating sound. "Athlete and lawyer, son of Navy officers, still play baseball in the spring, local adult league. Hyper-competitive personality, I'm afraid, Sunshine. If I'm going to do something, I want to be halfway decent at it."
"OK, Counselor," he snorts at the nickname, and she goes on, "How about I teach you to bake if you teach me to cook?"
He glances over at her. "Deal. Can we include Shara on some of the more basic things?"
It suddenly occurs to her that she basically just offered to have an ongoing relationship with him, regardless of the nature of that relationship. She curses her apparently still filter-less brain.
"Rey? Did you not want to include Shara?" His voice sounds a little disappointed.
She sits up a little straighter. "I'm sorry! Oh my God. Yes! I mean yes, we can include her. Sorry again. My brain is just moving so slowly. I can't quite process things right." She catches his eye briefly, and she sees a softness there, tinged with relief. "We can start with the pie. I already made the crust, it just needs to be rolled out. With my shoulder, I'll need help with that anyway. Then I can teach you how to make the cherry filling. We can let Shara help us with the rolling and with pitting the cherries, measuring the ingredients and such."
He nods. "Thanks, Rey. She'll love it. So will I."
She returns the nod and settles in her seat. The prospect of the weekend is starting to sound better and better.
X
The minute Poe pulls up in front of Rey's house, he's charmed by the pretty white clapboard house in front of him. "This is great! Do you back up to the water? We do, and I love it."
She smiles. "I do. One of the little waterways up from the ocean. I have a wonderful back porch." She looks at her house, and adds softly, "Leia denies it, but I'm fairly certain she owns the property company I lease it from, because it's affordable for me but shouldn't be in my price range. I know what the going rate is around here, and I pay about half that."
Struggling to say the right thing, Poe is silent for a moment before saying, "Leia is good people."
"She is." Rey looks at him. "I know she feels guilt about Ben. She shouldn't. Ben was a grown man who made shit choices. I loved him, but I'm still angry with him. I think I always will be. He had so much potential and so much opportunity. He wasted it because he was pissed at his parents." She narrows her eyes. "And he never mentioned high school. I think he felt it his whole life, Poe. It wasn't about you or what happened between you two."
He swallows hard and looks out through the trees towards the water. "We really were close when we were kids. When my mom died, he was one of the people who did their best to help me."
"You said you were eight, right?" She reaches over and puts a hand on his arm. "How did she die?"
"Yeah, eight," he answers quietly. "She had a cellular form of breast cancer, very aggressive. It was ten months from diagnosis to her just gone. She was only thirty-six."
"I didn't know my parents. I said Ben Kenobi took me to England when I was four." He looks at her and nods, taking her hand in his. "He did do that, but he actually raised me from not quite two. He was my guardian, really, not just a foster parent, at first. He adopted me when I was three. That was after my parents both died in a plane crash."
He starts to apologize, but she shakes her head, only wincing slightly at the movement. "Don't apologize. I'm not sorry. They left me with Ben. They'd known him before I was born. They just left me on his doorstep with a note asking him to take care of me. They liked to travel and have fun and adventures, and I was apparently cramping their style. They chose their preferred lifestyle over me. I mean, they had money and regularly sent some to Ben, and they knew he'd take care of me. Hell, I'd probably be dead too if they'd kept me."
It becomes immediately clear to Poe what Rey had been talking about last night, with regard to Shara. He tries to think of the right thing to say, but he knows that empty platitudes aren't it. He squeezes her hand. "If Shara is ever struggling, getting her a therapist aside, would you be willing to talk to her?"
She looks at him, clearly surprised. She bites her lower lip, and he's dismayed to see that she's blinking back a few tears. "You'd trust me enough to do that? You just met me, Poe."
"Maybe so, but in the twenty-four hours that I've known you, Sunshine, you've protected my daughter at risk to yourself, then let her crawl up on your hospital bed so you could comfort her, and then agreed to include her in baking lessons, which I'm sure you know will be quite the adventure with a four-year-old." He squeezes her hand again. "I'm finding it pretty damned easy to trust you, is all I'm saying. What I wonder is why you're trusting me."
She swallows hard, and she gets out of the car. He follows, rushing around to her side to steady her if she needs help. She seems OK, and she holds out her hand to him. He takes it and lets her lead him to the raised front porch, helping her up the stairs despite her weak protests. She pulls her keys from her sweatshirt pocket, unlocking the door and letting him hold it open for her. She then beckons to him to follow her again, so he does, trailing behind her.
The house is simply furnished, but there are knick-knacks around, things he hopes he can hear the stories behind soon, a thought that surprises him. She has surprised him, if he's honest. He hasn't really noticed a woman in a meaningful way since his divorce. After a few hookups he's not proud of right after he and Zorii split, he has stayed out of the dating and even hooking up game. But he knows already that Rey is different.
She's been mostly steady as she walked, only bracing herself twice, once on the back of a chair and then on a doorframe. She pauses in the kitchen, pulling a water bottle from the fridge and offering a second one to him. He takes it, and follows her again as she unlocks the back door and goes out on the porch.
They both sink into the chairs she has out there, and she's quiet for a moment before offering, "I'm not sure why I trust you. But I do. Maybe it's because of your connection to Leia and Han, or how you look at your daughter, or just because you didn't let me be alone last night, I know I fought you on it, but I really didn't want to be alone. I'm awfully tired of being alone."
She pulls his hoodie tight around herself and looks out at the water running behind the house, shivering slightly. He notices, and remembering that they passed a quilt stand on the way in, he stands up. He mutters, "Be right back," and heads into the house.
X
Her stomach clenches as he goes inside, leaving his water. She bites her lip again, softly berating herself. "Great, Rey. You already drove him away by being a needy mess."
"What?" His voice makes her jump, and she looks up to see him standing there with a throw blanket. He tucks it around her legs and then sits back down in his chair. "Did you say something?" She must look stunned, because he rubs one hand on the back of his neck. "Sorry if I startled you. You just looked cold, and I remembered seeing the blankets when we came in. Is it OK that I brought one outside?"
She has to blink back tears as she digs her hands into the edge of the blanket. Without thinking, she blurts out, "No one ever takes care of me. They haven't since Ben died when I was twenty-two, almost eleven years ago. And I do mean Ben Kenobi. I loved Ben Solo, as you know, but a warm caretaker type he was not."
He blinks for a moment, and then he furrows his brow. "Well, that's not acceptable." Before she can ask what he means, he adds, "Everyone needs to be taken care of now and then, Rey. I mean, hell, my dad and my friends Finn and Rose know that I spend most of my time focused on Shara and work, in that order, and they make me slow down now and then. My dad had a decent life near Boston, retired early, a lot of friends, and he followed me here without hesitation just to be here for me and Shara."
He gets up and comes over to crouch by her chair. She says, "I'm not sure I know how to let people take care of me."
He takes her hand again, a habit of his that she's shocked to realize she really likes. "It's not always easy, even though it should be. But Dad'll wear you down. If you think I'm pushy and protective, you ain't seen nothing yet. Kes Dameron will full court press the caretaking. That's how he rolls, and I could already tell last night that, when he found out you just have Luke up here, he'd straight up adopt you if you weren't a grown woman."
She shakes her head slightly, a little amused, which she's pretty sure was his goal. "Why would he do that?" She takes a deep breath and looks at him.
He gives her a crooked half-smile, emphasizing his ridiculous dimples. "Pretty sure he was sold when we came back in the room yesterday to find Shara asleep next to you." He squeezes her hand again, and he stands up to go back to his chair, dragging it right next to hers before he sits down again.
She glances over at him. She's never been particularly tactile; he clearly is, and she doesn't think he minds if she wants to be. It's new territory for her, though, even newer because they just met. After hesitating for a moment, she lets her head drop carefully to his shoulder. She can feel him let out a breath he must have been holding, and she shifts as close to his warmth as the chair allows. "Can we stay here a bit before we go to your house?"
His hand finds hers again, and she entwines their fingers as he responds, "We can stay here as long as you need to, Sunshine."