Chapter 2: Habit

Once home Naruto dropped onto his worn out couch, self depreciating thoughts swarming in his mind.

How are you holding up?

The blonde snickered darkly, 'As if you don't already know.'

True as that may be, I don't make habit of stalking your thoughts.

Naruto hummed, willing the Fox to leave it at that. Blue eyes scanned his apartment, counting every crack in the ceiling as well as other blemishes he didn't care to look at in his 'home'.

'I really need to get out of here..' He swung himself into a sitting position while he mulled over exactly how he'd pull it off. 'I guess I'll pay Baa-chan a visit before I leave.'

It was currently noon, so he had plenty of time to bug the old hag. 'I'll try out the teleportation jutsu I've been working on.' He performed the hand signs perfectly from memory and felt his chakra swell as be braced himself as he was transported directly into the Hokage's office.

He felt winded, still couldn't get the breathing situation right but all else felt fine other than slight chakra exhaustion.

Tsunade looked up from the pile of papers on her desk with a gentle smile, "Can't just use the door can you Brat?"

Naruto rubbed the back of his head in his usual manner, "Hehe, was just tryin' out a jutsu I've been workin' on."

"And how'd that go?" Her smile widened til she showed a bit of teeth in amusement. "Well, I'm here in one piece so I'd say it turned out good", the younger blonde chuckled.

Tsunade rose from her desk and worked out a kink in her neck before walking over and putting her 'little brother' in a headlock, while affectionately giving him a noogie. "Just be careful Brat, those types of jutsus are unpredictable."

"I know, I know Baa-chan."

She lets him go, "So what brings you here? Don't you have a mission to prepare for?"

"Yeah, but I was wanting to ask you about something before I forget.." A hint of nervousness laced his voice. "What is it?" She mimicked the same tone as she sat back down at her desk.

"I was considering buying a house and thought I'd come to you first. I don't know a thing about buying a home, what expenses it'll cost, and so on. I'd prefer to buy directly from you over some sleazy realtor that would probably scam me."

"What sort of home did you have in mind?" Her mind instantly fell upon three potential homes she felt would be perfect for the boy, "What budget do you have?"

"Not anything too fancy, just the basics. Bathroom, kitchen, livingroom, a couple bedrooms would be nice but not too important. I can manage with just the essentials."

Tsunade gazed somberly at the young boy before her that was forced to grow up so quickly. Far more quickly than most other genin in the academy had to.

"As for budget I'm not entirely sure, but last I checked I had about 30,000$ in my savings."

She let a low whistle out at that, "Damn impressive for your age brat. How'd you manage that?"

"Heheh..." Naruto laughed nervously, "By not spending money on anything other than bills or food...just the essentials, heheh..."

Tsunade figured as much. Even from the first time she met the brat she noticed he was iffy when it came to money, always refused to spend it. He avoided purchases like the plague no matter how many times she had bugged him about those ugly, orange jumpsuits.

She sighed, "Well, I have some places in mind. I'll give you more in depth detail once you come back from your mission. Now shoo-" The busty blonde waved Naruto off. "Okay Baa-chan, thank you" He spoke gently with a genuine smile, barely above a whisper but he knew she had heard it.

"Come back safe brat."

Naruto decided to walk back this time. The wind was picking up and the sky was slowly turning dark. 'Definitely going to rain today.' He picked up the pace in case the rain decided the pour.

He arrived at his apartment at about 1:15pm so he still had plenty of time to prepare. His mind wandered to other things however.

'I may not be able to do it for a while...' Naruto felt a little anxious at the thought of going without his special release.

Next thing he knew he was in the bathroom. He gazed at himself in the mirror and cringed at what he saw. He didn't have dark circles but still didn't look rested either. His cheeks seemed a little sunken in by his lack of eating but to passerby's it could pass off as just cheekbone definition. Apparently some of the male shinobi in the village partook in 'contouring' as Ino had called it to appear more manly by trying to make their jaws and cheeks more pronounced. It isn't something Naruto would personally partake in because he hated the feeling of anything on his face, but if it made others happy or more confident, more power to them.

He put the toilet seat down and sat on the toilet while he prepped for his special release. Delicate yet strong fingers slid underneath the waistband of his pants and slid them down to his knees. He yanked the legs of his navy boxer-briefs up to expose more of his thighs and ran his fingers over the nearly closed wounds from a few hours ago. Not even a single scar marred his soft skin. It irked him to no end.

He wanted to hurt himself. He wanted to ruin himself. He wanted these horrible feelings to bleed out. Every time he sliced open his flesh it felt as though it became easier to breathe. He felt at peace.

He grabbed the freshly sanitized kunai from the sink and marvelled at the intricate details of the leather handle. It felt so perfect, so right to hold. As if it were made specifically for his hands alone. Minato would be disheartened to know what his lone son did with his hand-me-downs.

Naruto knicked the tip of his index finger and shivered at the painful yet comforting sensation. First it would hurt, but as the blood was released, it always left him with this cozy, warm feeling. So very addicting.

He slid the blade over the wound he had made hours prior, reopening it. Shudders wracked his lithe frame as he repeated the same action but with more force. Blood gushed from the wound and a smile found it's way to the blonde's face. He was sick for enjoying this but fuck he didn't care. He needed this.

I don't understand why you do this Kit.

'Shut up.' He dug the kunai deeper, tearing into muscle.

I can heal your physical wounds but am unable to help your mental state. You need help Kit.

His skin began to burn in the usual fashion as his nerves and tendons sealed themselves back together, albeit slowly.

'I don't need anyone. And they sure as hell don't need me.'

Kurama decided to wait silently as he healed his host yet again. It was blatant that the boy wasn't going to listen to him. This wasn't going to be an easy habit to break.

Naruto cleaned up what blood he could and set his alarm clock for 4pm. He flopped onto his bed, feeling content with the numbness, almost like a warm vibrating feeling that was wrapped around him, and drifted to sleep hoping his dreams wouldn't be wracked by nightmares yet again.