CW: mention of attempted suicide

The next week or so was rather uneventful. The weather was trash so we pushed back the beach outing. The interesting part, though, was that Edward still hadn't shown up to school again. When I tried asking Alice about it in passing during English, when Bella could listen in, she said he had come down with something. The rest of the Cullen siblings didn't seem too concerned, but that could also be because their father is a doctor. Regardless, I dropped the subject and shot Bella a look to show her it was fine. She was still paranoid from when he avoided her like the plague in Biology.

Meanwhile, I was doing my best to refrain from acting like a fool in front of Jasper. Ever since he told me he and Alice weren't a couple like everyone thought, my heart would beat erratically around him. It felt so loud I thought he could hear. Maybe I was a little paranoid too. All of this still wasn't the biggest development of the week. The most exciting part of the week was when I found out my mom had scheduled an appointment for me to go in and see Dr. Cullen at the hospital. When I flipped out - with reason because who knew if he would say anything to his kids - she retaliated with, "And if you have another episode?"

We were seated at the kitchen table while we spoke. The small table felt too tiny and the room too claustrophobic for this conversation, but she wouldn't let me leave. She reached a hand across the table and held my limp one in hers.

"Mija, I know you hate talking about it, but you have to get used to it. You have your whole life ahead of you, what are you going to do? Ignore it forever?"

"Yes," I said stubbornly.

She sighed at my tone. "Well, I'm sorry, you're going whether you like it or not. Carlisle is wonderful and you're in good hands. This isn't Miami anymore."

I shrugged one shoulder. "I guess."

She stood up from the table, effectively ending the conversation. We had dinner soon after and I went up to my room, slamming the door shut.

I didn't want to talk about potential episodes, old episodes, any episodes. I hadn't regressed in months, not since Dad revealed he was cheating on Mom. That one… it was something else. That one landed me in the hospital after doing things I definitely regret now. We didn't talk about it anymore, and nobody here needed to know about that incident. Dr. Cullen wasn't even a psych! I threw myself onto the bed and rolled onto my back to stare mindlessly at the ceiling. If anyone found out about my episodes, I'd be the social outcast in seconds. I didn't care to be popular, but that didn't mean I wanted to be friendless.

That all happened on Saturday, and on Tuesday, I found myself at Fork General Hospital with my mother in tow. She promised she'd wait in the car at least, but she wanted to greet Carlisle. We were in the waiting room, waiting for my name to be called, when Rosalie came out of the hallway leading to the patients' rooms. I honestly didn't know what to make of this scenario. From what I'd heard from everyone, Rosalie was the most unwelcoming of the siblings. Emmett, I understood he was friendly enough, Edward was melodramatic, Alice was sunshine embodied in a goth outfit, and Jasper, well, he ran hot and cold. My mother noticed Rosalie immediately and waved her down, beckoning her over. Rosalie, to my surprise, actually walked over to where we were seated.

"Hello, Maria, how are you?"

My mom smiled brightly at the blonde. "Oh, you know, still getting back into it, but overall feeling better. Your father is a miracle worker. Right, Dani?"

I nodded, wondering still if this was the Rosalie people ever saw at school. "Yeah, my headaches have stopped and I only get nauseous occasionally now."

"That's good," she said. "Well, I have to go, Emmett's here to pick me up. It was nice to see you, Maria." She turned to me and gave me a hard smile. "Bye, Daniela."

She walked away and the moment she stepped through the door, my mom hit my arm.

I cried out. "Mom! What did I do?"

She looked furious. "What did you do to Rosalie? Did you see how she looked at you?"

"I didn't do anything to her! I don't even talk to her, we have different classes."

"Well, that's probably it. Would it kill you to be nice? I raised you better than that," she insisted.

I sank in my seat as people around us were laughing to themselves. "Mom, please."

She was oblivious to the laughter I guess because she continued her tirade until Dr. Cullen stepped through the same doro Rosalie had come through not three minutes ago. I had never been more grateful to see that man. She only stopped once the doctor was within hearing distance of us and was holding back a smile at the scene.

"Aren't we lively today?"

"Ah, Carlisle! So good to see you again."

The doctor nodded his head in agreement before his gaze swept over to me. "Daniela, lovely to see you again, and on better terms too."

I laughed miserably at the thought. "Yeah, no car crashes this time, just my own life crashing before my eyes, you know, the norm," I joked.

My mom sighed and stood from her seat. "I'm just going to leave before I say what's on my mind." She raised her hands in frustration and walked away, calling out a goodbye to Carlisle as she walked.

Once she was safely out of the vicinity of the hospital waiting area, Carlisle waved me over to the entrance of the hallway. We walked down the long hallway of patients' rooms and led me to his office. Closing the door behind him, he motioned for me to take a seat. I sat as told and waited as he took his own seat behind the large mahogany desk. He assumed the doctor pose.

"So, your mother asked I take you on as a patient during your stay here in Forks. She gave me a brief history of your medical record, but I wanted most of the information to come from you." He leaned forward onto his elbows and smiled. "Please don't be afraid to share. I'm aware it may seem strange to divulge all of this information to me as your friends' parent, but I am a doctor in this scenario. Your secrets are safe with me."

I kept quiet for a while, considering my words. I knew he wouldn't tell anyone, he hadn't given me reason to doubt him before. I just didn't want to go down this road because once we went down it, we had to keep going.

I sighed deeply. "I guess I don't really have a choice, do I?" Carlisle only folded his hands in response. I grimaced. "Well, I guess we start from the beginning? God, that was a while ago. Maybe it first started happening in… sixth grade? I remember I couldn't remember anything from school that day or even after classes when I went home. My classmates told me the next day, they said I acted out, got mad, flipped out on them. I didn't remember any of that. I went on about my week, and it just got worse. It got so bad a couple of weeks passed and I couldn't put my finger on it. I was just… on such a high, Carlisle. I was irritable, and still on such a wild rollercoaster. And then just like that, I dropped. I was so depressed," I said laughing, remembering the moment I knew something was wrong.

"I couldn't get out of bed. And there wasn't a reason for it! I just, from one day to the next, I had trouble waking up and going to sleep was like a relief. My mom was so worried. She took me to a psych and I hated it. He was an ass. Everything I did he invalidated. It got so much worse over the years and my mom kept taking me to him because hey, he gave me meds and I was stable. I didn't have as bad an episode as the first ever again. But then Dad, you know, cheated, and it threw me for a loop. I did things I wasn't proud of. I hated doing it, but I felt unstoppable, so I did it. One bad incident landed me in the hospital before I came to Forks. So after that, my dad was glad to get rid of me, I think."

I stopped speaking for a minute to collect my thoughts, and Carlisle took that as an opportunity to inquire about the one thing I wanted to avoid.

"What exactly landed you in the hospital, Dani?" His eyes were kind and open, letting me know there would be no judgement inside these four walls.

"... I jumped. Or at least, I tried."

Carlisle made a noncommittal noise and leaned back into his chair. "I see."

"A friend found me and called the nearest hospital. I was in there for a while. They didn't think I was stable enough. That's also why people stopped talking to me. Didn't want to be associated with the freak of the town."

"I see."

I shrugged. I felt a weight off my chest, not that I'd admit it. "Now you know, Doc. You can guess why I didn't want to run the risk of your kids knowing, or anyone really."

"I understand. I know the feeling of wanting to run from a reality, Daniela."

Carlisle left me seated there after handing me a refill prescription for my medication, telling me I was free to use the phone to call my mother to pick me up, or he could ask one of his kids to. I took him up on the latter. I didn't want to see the guilt in my mom's eyes. Every time we had to mention the Incident, she got all sad and it would shatter my heart. So I waited in the office, wondering what sibling would pick me up, knowing I hoped it was Jasper. The phone rang and I tentatively picked it up, feeling awkward answering Carlisle's phone, despite him saying it would be one of his adopted children.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Daniela, it's Edward. I'm outside." The smooth voice was a nice surprise. I expected the family to send Jasper as sadistic as they were.

"I'll be right out." Hanging up the phone, I picked up my bag and quietly exited the room. The stale smell of hospital made me uncomfortable, especially after revealing my darkest secret. I hurried my pace.

The sky was overcast today, I noticed as I walked out, the sun having disappeared behind some grey clouds nowhere to be found. I easily found the sleek car waiting in the parking lot. I smiled, not realizing maybe I missed seeing Edward around school, and happy that Bella could finally calm down. Climbing into the car, I greeted the bronze-haired boy.

"Nice to see you too, been a while," Edward mentioned.

"About that," I began. "Where'd you disappear to?" I couldn't hold back my intrigue.

"Visiting family," he replied, pulling out of the lot and onto the main road. "Went to Alaska for a family thing, saw some cousins, the usual."

"And nobody else went because?"

He glanced over. "You're awful inquisitive today."

I snorted. "'Awful inquisitive?' Who speaks like that nowadays?" I laughed to myself as Edward chuckled at his own expense. Turning to him in my seat, I told him honestly, "I'm glad you're back."

He raised an eyebrow at my confession. "Did you get another concussion?"

I laughed again at his bluntness. "No, school's just been boring without the whole Cullen family here to wreak havoc to the gossip mill. That and Bella hasn't stopped asking everyone where you could possibly be."

He made a noise. "You don't say." He turned a corner close to my house and I realized I had little time to get information out of him.

"Hey, Edward, what did happen between you and Bella? She told me a little about what happened in Biology, but I wanted to hear what you had to say." He turned one more corner and I felt my heartbeat quicken.

"She didn't lie. I did all of that. But I just had an off day. I plan on apologizing as soon as I see her tomorrow."

Smiling to myself about the good news, I let myself relax the last few minutes of the car ride. What I didn't expect was for Edward to ask about his brother.

"So Jasper told me you guys had an interesting conversation the other day. What was that about?"

I shrunk into my seat. "Nothing much, why? What did he tell you?"

"Something along the lines of you confessing your undying love for him, like you said, nothing much." He grinned wickedly.

I groaned and pushed the heels of my hand into my eyes. "I hate you Cullen boys. That's not what happened at all! And you know it!" I pointed a finger accusingly at him.

He tilted his head in consideration before laughing it off. "Okay, so maybe he didn't say that. But I will say this, I don't think you should get too close to him." Edward's whole demeanor changed. "You don't know the first thing about us, Daniela."

My anger flared at his words. "Listen, I've been here a week, of course I don't know the first thing about you. But that doesn't mean I'm not allowed to get to know you all. Hell, I don't know you all. And my mother works with yours, in case you forgot. So you're stuck with me whether you like it or not. So suck it up, buddy."

We had reached my house and I stormed out of the car and up my walkway. Edward called out after me, but I ignored him, glad my mother had gone to do groceries and didn't have to witness the inevitable scene if Edward didn't take a hint and leave. I heard him follow me up, and I shut the door in his face. He kept knocking and asking to let him in. I blatantly ignored him.

After a little while, he eventually left and I was left fuming in the living room. He had no right to tell me what to do. I sat in darkness until my mom got home, complaining about me being a vampire. I scoffed at the suggestion, thinking I was too heated to be a vampire, I argued. Vampires in literature were cold and cruel.

Dinner was a quiet affair. After, I did my homework and headed to bed. Once the lights were out and I drifted off to sleep, I fell into a restless fit. I dreamt about the red eyes again. I hadn't in a while, primarily because I had tried to resist sleep as often as possible after the break in and then the concussion. I would wake up in a cold sweat, fall asleep, and repeat. It had been a week and I still had the same nightmare.

But tonight was different. Tonight I woke up around four am and saw a figure in the corner. I thought I was hallucinating, so I didn't react. Instead, I went into the mantra I had begun telling myself years ago.

"It's not real, it's not real, Dani. It's your imagination. Just breathe." Again and again I repeated that until I lulled myself to sleep once more. The only difference was that I felt a cold sensation on my forehead. I pushed my face into it more, relishing in the relief. I didn't question it - that was my mistake.

The next morning, I woke up feeling refreshed for the first time in a week. I didn't know if it was because I finally voiced what I had been holding in for months or from the mystery cold I felt when I fell asleep, but I actually wanted to go to school and interact today.

My mom dropped me off and I wandered over to the van we all regularly gathered around in the morning. Without fail, Bella was there, staring at where the Cullens normally parked, praying, I'm sure, for Edward to show up. Deciding to keep his appearance a secret, mostly because I was still annoyed by him. Sure enough, the Cullens pulled up in their two cars, and Bella stood at attention, anxious to see who came out of them. I turned my back to the cars as a statement; I may be friendly with two of them, but the third I would consider myself friendly with had been a dick, so.

I kept talking with Angela about our Calculus homework, when we all heard Bella's deep exhale. Angela turned to her concerned whereas I already knew what it was. Glancing back, I saw Jasper speaking with Rosalie and Emmett while Alice and Edward spoke separately, looking over at where we were occasionally. I scoffed and tugged up my backpack, deciding it was late enough to walk to class. I bid everyone goodbye, but Bella chose to tag along.

As she walked beside me, she kept looking over at me. After the third time, I decided I would entertain the conversation. "Considering you keep looking at me, I'm guessing you want to ask something?" I smiled at her, letting her know it wasn't her I was mad at.

She exhaled with relief flooding her face. "I was going to ask why you had your back to them, normally you at least wave now at Jasper and Alice."

"Yeah, well, someone decided to be an ass, so I didn't want to."
"Did Jasper do something again?"

I laughed as she apparently recalled what Jasper had done the second day of school. "No, he didn't do anything this time, it was dear old Edward. He decided to say some shit I didn't quite agree with," I replied. "He picked me up from the hospital yesterday at Dr. Cullen behest and decided it was time to get all preachy on me."

"I wouldn't have had to if you would have listened." We both turned around to see Edward sidled up with his brothers, the girls off somewhere else, I guessed. "It was just some simple advice."

I laughed bitterly. "I'm sure. So you know for next time, Edward, I don't take well to being ordered around."

Jasper stepped up beside his brother. "Then can I ask if you want to head to class together?" He grinned at me, and I suddenly felt much calmer.

I turned my head away from the both of them. "That's fine by me." I eyed him warily. "But isn't your class in a different building?"

"Maybe," he replied easily.

I rolled my eyes at his answer. "Whatever, cowboy. Hurry up, then." I made my way down the hall with Jasper at my side, refusing to blush even when everyone kept staring.

"Cowboy, huh?"

Now I chose to blush, his stare all too compelling. "Don't you have a southern accent? It makes sense. Why? Don't like it?" I teased him, feeling the same sense of comfort as I did a week ago in the nurse's office.

"No." My heart dropped. "I love it. I could get used to it, ma'am."

"That, I cannot get used to, I feel so old!" I complained.

We made it to my Calculus class all too soon and I felt a deep sadness envelop me. "I guess I'll see you in Spanish?"
"See you in Spanish," he agreed, and walked away.

I slumped my way through the day, mindlessly doing the assignments given to us. All I wanted was for the day to pass and for Spanish to come, and I hated that I was thinking that. I pushed all thoughts of Jasper aside and focused on engaging with the people around me. For English, I decided to talk to Bella more, and even start up a conversation with Tyler about this weekend's beach excursion. He was all too happy to get me to talk about the beach. I told him stories about Miami beaches and spring breaks. Eventually, Jessica and Mike tuned in too, Erik and Angela being in a different period. For the first time since being here, I felt comfortable. And I loved it. Ever since yesterday's visit to Carlisle, I felt like I could breathe again. No one else had to know what I had gone through, and no one else would know. I was just me, transfer student extraordinaire.

Lunch rolled around shortly and I got excited at the prospect of food, and then Spanish. PE had left me sore and upset after getting hit in the head by a basketball, so I was ready to get away from the scene of the crime. We all packed into our small lunch table after getting our food, launching into debate over the prom theme.

"I'm not telling!" Erik insisted for the billionth time as we all pestered him for details.

"It's not fair! We need to get dresses and how are we going to know what to dress for if we don't know the theme? Honestly," Jessica grumbled.

Mike meanwhile was ogling Bella as she was at the salad bar. It didn't take a genius to know what he was thinking. Angela and I devolved into our own conversation about how Calculus was going to be the end of us when Jessica spoke up again.

"Oh my god, whatever, Erik. We'll just go anyway this weekend. Angela? We're still on, right?" She stared pointedly at said girl.

"Yeah, of course. How about it, Dani? Still don't want to go?"

Reflecting on how I felt today, how normal I felt, I decided it wouldn't hurt to go out and continue acting normal. "Sure, why not?"

Jessica looked thoroughly shocked, as did the rest of the table, save for Angela who just smiled and said, "Great. I'll remind Bella when she comes back. It'll be a nice girls' trip."

I smiled at her kind disposition, she was the best person at this table, hands down. I looked up from my lunch and tried to find Bella, only to find Edward standing with her at the salad bar, offering her an apple. The symbolism didn't escape me. We love a good temptation. I saw him crack a smile and guessed Bella must have said something funny. I shrugged it off and let my eyes wander the rest of the open room, knowing exactly who I wanted to find.

Our eyes met over the heads of our respective friends/siblings. I felt my heart soar at the fact he was also looking for me. What I felt for Jasper was indescribable, it didn't make sense. I didn't know the boy, yet it felt like I'd been searching for him my whole life. When he admitted he and Alice weren't together, my heart did things I never thought it was capable of. I felt crazy for feeling this way, and I knew the only person who could understand was Bella. She also had this strange pull to a Cullen. I wish I had the words to articulate what my body did the minute I was near Jasper, or even saw him.

A soft smile grew on my lips as I watched Rosalie pull him away from our gaze for something. He sank into his chair at whatever she said and I couldn't help but laugh at seeing Jasper act like an embarrassed child just for a moment. Erik heard me first and started pestering for an answer before his eyes wandered over to the Cullen table as well.

"Hm, so you've got it bad too. Thought it was just Bella," he said.

"You've got no chance with him you know," Jessica said scathingly. "He's with Alice."

"He's not."

Everyone's head shot to look at me.

"What do you mean he's not?" Tyler asked.

"I said, he's not, which means he's not with Alice. He never was. Just because everyone here jumps to conclusions doesn't mean the conclusions are right."

Jessica slumped back in her seat, knowing it was a dig at her gossip reels. "Well, whatever, you still don't have a chance. Look at him, he's perfect."

I rolled my eyes, not willing to sit here and argue with a petulant child. I didn't reply and kept eating, hearing a chair's screech against the floor, signalling Bella's return. I figured I'd ask her about her conversation later away from prying ears.