I don't own any Young Justice or DC comics rights.
16 Hours Later
METROPOLIS
Aqualad POV
"Kid, Artemis, Zatanna!" I call alpha squad to attention. Kid stops eating his ice-cream sundae (to eat at 8 in the morning), Artemis and Zatanna stop talking to each other. "As you all know, the Oceanmaster's worldwide smuggling operation has eluded us for much of the past year-" I pull up pictures of weapons recovered in Panama, Singapore, and Egypt. "-sending arms to criminal organization, revolutionary movements, and rogue governments around the world."
"So have we finally found bait to catch this fish?" Kid asks through his food.
"Of sorts." I pull up an image of a warehouse and a middle aged man. "This warehouse in Miami has been linked to arms being sent to Biyala, Rhelasia, and Santa Prisca as well as this man, identified as John Stilem. However, his facial recognition matches that of an Atlantean from Posideus called Val'kian."
"So our job is to capture, interrogate, and give any information we get to the Justice League," Artemis adds. "The fun stuff."
"No." I state in a way that grabs their attention. "This is a stakeout mission. Our goal is to find out how they are transporting the arms in and out of the warehouse. Kid, Artemis you two will patrol the streets in civilian wear. Track anyone coming in and out of the warehouse using all methods available. I want to know every building they go into and every person they meet. Zatanna you will check for any mystical energy that may be at play. I'll patrol the waters for an Atlantean presence."
"Got any room for one more?" A voice comes from my side that causes me to step back in surprise. Kid juggles his ice cream and Zatanna and Artemis get into battle formation. Though we all calm down a little as we see Di-Jason standing where the voice came from. "Boo," he states lazily.
"Can you please not do that?" Zatanna ask. "I hate it when you guys do that."
"It's not my fault your deaf." Artemis and Zatanna raise their eyebrows at his response.
"Because that's the problem."
"Please tell me you didn't hack to computer to not announce your arrival," Kid asks. THE COMPUTER DIDN'T ANNOUNCE HIS ARRIVAL! That was a truly awful week when Dick-
"Well I messed with the computer, but not to do that and not by hacking." I am not sure how to feel about that. Robin's presence will be announced by the computer, but he has done something else we have to worry about.
"Then how did you enter the Cave without us knowing," I ask scared of a newer Ninja Technique used by the Bats.
"[YAWN] I slept here last night," he tells us. This creates a puzzled look on our faces. Why Robin would sleep in the (non-bat) cave? "Sausage." He offered holding out a plate of sausage.
"Please!" Wally says using his superspeed to alternate between the plate of sausage Robin had given him and the ice cream from earlier.
"Why were you sleeping here?" Zatanna asks.
"Did the batcave get infested?" Artemis adds.
"Nah I'm hiding," he replies with a sense of enjoyment.
"From who?" I ask.
"[BEEP]"
The computer displayed video of footage of Batman from the Watchtower.
"Robin did you hack the Justice League computer?" Batman said in a stern, demanding voice.
"Nope," he responds with confidence none of us (including Dick) have never had when Batman used the angry Batman voice.
"Then did you block Superman from accessing the Zeta beam system after he entered the Watchtower." That would effectively trap Superman in space.
"Yes." The four of us look at the new boy wonder with surprise at his disrespectful move to Superman.
"Without hacking."
"Green Arrow and Plastic Man have horrible passwords." Robin shrugs. All of a sudden Batman tugs his arm back showing him holding the hand of Wonder Woman with money out. Batman then proceeds to take the money out of her hand. A rather petty display, especially for the Batman.
"Shouldn't have bet against Oliver's stupidity," we hear in the background audio. Batman during this period had kept the same face, but the aura of the conversation seemed to show his amusement.
"Can you explain to me why Superman felt a need to take an Oxygen mask and fly to Mount Justice?" Batman asks, having softened his voice.
"How long ago did he do that?" Robin asked with concern.
"About 10 minuets ago."
"[WHEW] He won't be able to get her for a few hours."
"Four hours, 37 minutes," Batman told his protégé. I don't think Zatanna, Artemis, and KF are catching it, but it seems as though Batman is giving his protégé advice on how to avoid Superman.
"Having a satellite tracking him," Robin says.
"You have your own satellite," Artemis asks. "Did you give him a satellite?"
"So why is Superman doing this?" Batman ignores her question
"Its a long story, part of which I am trying to piece together," Robin says scratching his head.
"Do I want to hear it?"
"Yes, but I don't think Supes wants me to tell you."
"[SIGH] What did you do?" Batman asked exhausted.
"HEY! I didn't do anything. It's his fault his side-hoe is mad at him," Robin responded. The bizarre statement. While I am not the most familiar with slang, particularly the rude ones, but I think Robin has found himself in the middle of a fight between Superman and his girlfriend. "Don't act like you didn't know about it?" Robin told Batman.
"Did you hear what I just heard?" Kid Flash whispered in my ear. Artemis and Zatanna were also asking each other something but I wasn't in range to hear.
"I think so," I whisper back. Even Batman seemed surprised at what Robin said.
"And she has every right to be pissed off at him," Robin continued. "The secrecy, the constant lies, the half-#$$edness of their relationship. I honestly surprised she didn't dump him earlier." At this point I wanted somebody to ask a (few dozen) questions. I am not the most aware of the personal lives of the Justice League so it might be embarrassing to ask: Who is Superman's girlfriend? Why did they break up? How did Robin get in the middle of it? Does the R carved into the mountain with a laser have anything to do this? "He should take some responsibility-"
"I'll talk to him," Batman interjected.
"-for his terrible parenting," Robin ignored and just kept going. Batman gave a nod of approval at that last statement, if I didn't know any better I would say I saw a small smile..
"Meanwhile you should investigate further." Batman then shut of the console. "And just send me the evidence."
"How dumb does he have to be to believe no one knows how to make babies?" Robin ignored his mentor's absence and continued to rant about... something?
"Are you guys understanding him," I ask Artemis and Zatanna. I don't have the best history with relationships, especially after what happened with Raquel and Tula, but it seems as thou-
"It involves Superman, his girlfriend, a breakup, and babies..." That seems like a fork in the road rather than a single path.
"So I'm not the only one missing something."
"No you aren't," Kid Flash, Zatanna, and Artemis replied simultaneously.
"-and he stuffed the dog food she gave him down so-" Superman.. is eating dog food?
"I should take notes," Artemis says at Kid, to a chuckle from Zatanna and I.
"Please don't," Kid begged. "I love food, I don't ever want to be scarred by food." He continues to stuff that sausage down his throat.
"Recognized. B13. Robin."
Did he just ninja away from us? While actively talking? At least Dick doesn't disappear mid-rant. I think I have to give him the speech on how rude that is again.
"Where are you going?" Artemis asks as Robin enters the Zeta platform.
"I forgot to grab a copy of the tape from Ms. Lane," Robin explained.
"What tape?" I ask as he starts to materialize.
"The tape that explains why I castrated Superman," Robin says as the materialization ends.
"Phhhhhhhhhhhew" Kid spits out his ice cream as the rest of us stare at the zeta-tube, wide-eyed and in silence.
"Did you all hear what I heard?" Zatanna broke.
"I don't think we all heard the same thing," I try to deny.
"It sounded like he cut Superman's sausage," Artemis said out loud, as we all judgingly stare at her. "WHAT?! I didn't say it! He did!"
"Yeah but... he had to have been metaphorical," I said, catching their attention. "He can't have actually done it?" The team starts to think. "Right?"
Zatanna Flashback POV
"AHHHHHHHHH!" The thug falls down with no hope of survival.
"ETATIVEL!" I scream as fast as possible.
"AHHHHHHHHHH!" the thug continued to panic despite the fact that he was no longer falling, he was 30 stories in the air.
"Robin why would you throw him off the building!" I ask the new kid.
"Did you not hear me?" he retorted. "I said if he didn't tell me where the weapons were from I'd throw him off the building."
"I didn't think you would actually do it!"
"OKAY OKAY I'LL TALK," a second thug said in panic.
"Your lying." Robin proceeds to throw this man off the building as well!
"ETATIVEL!"
"AHHHHHHHHH!" The thug continues to scream.
Kid Flash Flashback POV
"AHHHHHHHHH!" I look around and see everyone screaming in pain, grabbing their stomachs.
"Kid Flash, what's going on?" Miss Martian asked over the psychic link.
"I don't know, one second everyone's chatting and eating at this dinner the next people start screaming in pain!" I tell alpha.
"You didn't eat the food did you," Robin asked me.
"No," I lied.
"Well I poisoned the food so that's good."
"YOU DID WHAT!"
"I poisoned the food."
"Why?!"
"You wanted a distraction later."
"I didn't think you would poison a hotel."
"These are a bunch of drug dealing pimps! Why do you care if they get some food poisoning?"
"Their families are here."
"If you live off dirty money, your no better than those who got it."
"You still can't just poison people! This was a stealth mission! How is a bunch of people screaming stealthy!"
"Hold on."
"Attention visitors!" A British accent says over the speakers in the room. "A chemical weapon appears to have gone off, please stay put as we contain the situation."
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Panic engulfs the entire room.
"Sorry just had to give that announcement," Robin said.
"Why would you do that?" I ask annoyed by all the people running around me.
"[GRUMBLE]" My stomach is about to feel that poison.
"We infiltrated a meeting of drug dealers and you don't think we should make these guys miserable?"
"AHHHHHHHHHH!" people continue to scream in panic.
Aqualad Flashback POV
"AHHHHHHHHH!" Brick screamed on fire. Literally on fire! Robin and I stand 5 meters away from the burning Brick
"Robin what happened?" I ask.
"I lit him on fire," Robin told me.
"Why?" I ask.
"Why would I try to hurt a supervillain?" he responded sarcastically as he tosses a moldov cocktail at Brick.
"[BOOM]" new flames now cover his face an legs.
"How is this stopping him he is invulnerable?" I ask wondering if Brick is just pretending to be hurt.
"Invulnerability doesn't mean he can not feel anything," Robin reminds me. Brick is trying rolling on the ground desperately. But his weak attempts make him look like a beached whale. "So the flames are setting off his pain receptors."
"Is this not torture!" I say in horror.
"Eh," he sweeps it aside and starts walking away.
"Are you not going to put this out!"
"How? I'm not the water bender." Original.
"So what was your plan after lighting someone on fire?"
"Wait until the flames burn out on their own." I widen my eyes at his willingness to leave someone in this condition. "Fine I'll start carrying anti-fire equipment in my utility belt."
"Can you do something now?"
"I can pee on him."
"AHHHHHHHHHHH" Brick continues to burn.
Artemis Flashback POV
"AHHHHHHHHH!" The woman with the bomb strapped to her chest screamed.
"Robin can you disarm the bomb," I ask him.
"No its too unique," Robin tells me. 90 seconds.
"Its too late for her heroes!" Professor Pig said with a sour note on that last word. 80 sec.
Robin grabbed another bomb and trigger. 70 sec.
"What are you-" Robin takes the bomb and straps part of it around his neck and stuffed part of it in his mouth. Robin then walked over to the captured woman. 60 sec.
"Hold this and don't let go," he instructed her. He then started talking to Professor Pig. "That's a dead man switch, if she dies this bomb goes off." He says pointing to the bomb in his mouth. 50 sec.
"Yeer bleffeng," he says through the bomb. 40 sec.
"Why would I do that when the only way to get what I want is to keep it armed?" 30 sec.
"Beceese ye den't kell," he muffled through the bomb. 20 sec.
"Batman doesn't kill," Robin says before getting closer to his face. "And he ain't here." The smile on his face convinces even me. 10 sec.
"[GULP]" Pig then uses his non-cuffed hand to grab a remote and a beep comes out of the bomb around the woman. 1 sec.
And it's disarmed!
"Robin its disarmed!" I tell him joyfully. I go over to help use a knife to remove the vest from her. Robin also walks over. "Are you alright?" I ask a woman on the verge of a breakdown.
"Waaaaa," she cries a bit before going over the hug Robin. "Thank you!"
"I helped too," I mutter but not soft enough for Robin to send a smirk my way.
"I need to take this," Robin says, grabbing the dead man switch.
"[BEEP] [BOOP] [BEEP] [BOOP] [BEEP] [BOOP]" Police sirens.
"Go to the police," I tell the former hostage. "We'll handle this." The woman then walks towards the sirens.
"Deserm the bemb!" Professor Pig asks. Robin just gives him an intense stare, something I only thought Batman could do.
"Robin disarm it."
I'm not sure if he heard me as his hand was fidgeting with the detonator while wearing a serious look.
"ROBIN!"
"Oh please I told you don't kill," Pig bragged.
At this point Robin cracked a smile on his face.
"And I told you," he finally spoke getting down on his knees to look Pig straight in the face. "Batman isn't here."
Those words caused all of time to stop.
I wasn't sure what he was going to do. The confidence on Pig's face disappeared. In that moment the world seemed to consist of the three of us.
Robin's lips moved but I was so concentrated on his hands that I didn't hear what he said, but it caused Pig to beg with his eyes.
Then...
Then...
Then he did it. He threw the dead man switch in toward Pig. If Pig's face wasn't stuffed with the bomb he would have sucked all the oxygen out of the room.
"[BOOOOM]"
The deafening screech in my ears has me instinctively shut my eyes. I couldn't see what had happened. As I start to hear other things I open my eyes to see the room. The first thing I see is that a bomb went off to the right of Robin rather than in front of him. As I look around I see that Professor Pig's horrified face is still intact and a triumphant Robin smiling above him.
"He he he," Robin started to sadistically chuckle. "He he he. It appears I grabbed the wrong detonator."
So he wasn't ever going to kill-
"Let's see if this one works." Robin activates another bomb.
"[BOOM]"
This explosion is less of a surprise for me, so I prepare for it and am able to tell what is happening immediately after the explosion.
"Wrong one again," Robin says joyfully as he picks up another explosive. "Well third times the charm."
"AHHHHHHHHHH!" Professor Pig screams.
MOUNT JUSTICE
Zatanna, Kid Flash, Aqualad, and Artemis POV
HE MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN METAPHORICAL!
16 Hours Earlier
LOIS LANE'S BALCONY, METROPOLIS
Superman POV
"You should brown the sausage a bit more," Robin suggests to Lois.
"Is that how your dad does it," Lois asks the boy.
"More like granddad."
This has not gone down as I would have liked. The last thing Robin should learn, from what will probably be remembered as "The time Robin fell for a stalker's propaganda," is that he will get a meal cooked for him.
"So do you want to get to the serious stuff before or after we eat?" Robin asked.
"[THUMP]" I hear Lois's heart beat faster.
"Can't he hear us," Lois says in a softer voice to Robin.
"HE CAN HEAR US NOW!" Robin says in the voice he was probably using before, but because I was preparing for a whisper, it sounded like a speaker to me.
"My point exactly." Based on their footsteps I believe Lois and Robin have moved to her dining room.
"Found it!" Robin claimed in a victorious voice.
"What?"
"The answer to our problem."
"[SCREEEEEECH]"
Lois Lane POV
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" a scream comes from my living room.
"What is that?" I ask.
"Oh yeah this is an apartment where people might care about stuff like that," he says with legitimate revelation. He looks around and picks up a dog toy. "Do you have a dog?"
"I was looking after one a few days ago for a friends." Must have left it here on accident.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Allow me to deal with that," he takes the doggy toy and walks onto the balcony.
"AHHHHHHHHH-" the screaming continues. "-HHHHHHhhhhh-" The screaming softens, I don't think my neighbors will care now, but I can hear it takeover my apartment.
"Sorry but you brought this upon yourself," Robin tells Superman as he drags him by the legs across my living room, having stuffed his mouth with the chew toy and holding a green light in his hand. "Do you have a closet or something where I can put him?" Robin asks me.
"Ahh- In... In the kitchen," I reluctantly replied. Robin continues to drag him across the living room, displacing some of the carpet over Kal's yelling. After opening the closet, he stuffs Superman in there. Superman's legs resist, creating problems for Robin.
"-hhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhh-" What was that rise in volume?
"[SLAM]" Robin slams the closet door and walks over to the sink. Washing his hands of a red liquid that dissipates into the drain.
"Can I put on the TV?" he asks.
"S-S-Sure..." I say weakly, concentrating on the red mixture in my sink.
"Now and episode of Hello Megan!" The TV sounds out the screaming from the kitchen pantry with some old comedy show.
Robin sits down and starts to go through the scrambled eggs and bacon. "I haven't had anything since breakfast! THANK YOU!"
"Your welcome," I reply as I sit down with my own food. "Why are you here?" I forgot to ask that question when Kal first showed up with him.
"Oh," he covers his mouth as he gives his response. "You said he would handle him!" he raged.
"What are you-" Oh yeah... I shouldn't have told him about Robin. "I told him you were involved." I said grabbing my forehead at my mistake.
"Well I was also on the front page," he added, continuing to chew his food. "But I didn't want to be connected to telling you about Superboy." He finished chewing and revealed his mouth. "You could have just said that Maxima told you herself."
"But you told me first and wouldn't he be able to track my heart beat?"
"I don't know, I've seen Bats lie to his face, like that time he-"
"I'm not Batman."
"You could have just not mentioned me and showed him that tape you shot last night." He shouldn't have know about that.
"How did you-"
"Your ginger friend had a camera and you are a reporter." He need not say more. "Anyway, what are you planing to do with him?"
"Jimmy?" I ask with curiosity. "Why does he-"
"No, I'm talking about Superman." He says condescendingly to me. "I assume your going to dump him." I take time to process that suggestion. I'm certainly going to demand the truth: about his kid, about his kid's mom, and about any of his past loves... but...
"Huh." What should I do with him?
"He gets one shot at explaining," I declare clenching my fist. "And I need you to confirm everything he tells me." His eyes widen at that last demand and stop moving the fork in his hand.
"You know... can I get somebody else to do it," he says with concern.
"Why?" I ask. If he didn't have confidence in everything he told me before, should I believe Kal-
"I have to work with him," he states quickly. "Don't get me wrong I'd like to ask him why he was married to a supervillain, but given Bats record with supervillains I'd rather avoid the awkward questions." That's why he want's to leave? But that's not a good enough of an excuse for me. He's already as deep into this as I am. I grab his cheek before pinching it hard to send a clear signal.
"I see your problem, but if you abandon me I'll use my power at the Daily Planet to spread rumors about you that will never get off the internet."
"Do you have any idea what rumors are already on the internet?" he said with confidence.
The two of us engage in a an intense staring contest. I pinch his cheeks harder for an edge, but that just caused him smile more confidently. He blinked casually during the encounter, while I tried to keep my eyes open the entire time, thinking it would intimidate him. Though if I were to blink now I think I would just intimidate myself.
"Your fiery." He finally says. "You ask all the questions and keep Superman on the hot seat and I'll stay." I let go of his cheeks and let out a big breath. I look over and stare at the pantry where if I pay close enough attention I can still hear screams coming out of it.
"Why is he screaming?" I ask for... potential future reference.
"Sonic attack."
"A what?" An attack from where. He pulls out a small box from his utility belt.
"I assume you understand how a dog whistle works."
"Yeah-" A high frequency sound that can only be heard by- Oh.
"Its a more aggressive version of that for Superman." The device must prevent him from hearing what we've been saying. "Do you want me to get him?" Robin asks, having already assumed my answer and gotten up. "I'll give you the device once I'm done."
"Wait!" I call to him as he turns around to my devious smile. "Let me cook him something special first."
16 Minuets Later
Robin POV
"Now I'm ready," Ms. Lane announced. I took my eyes off the TV to talk directly to her.
"Now do you want to let him out."
"Go ahead."
I walk up to the pantry where I stuffed Superman earlier. I pullout the led sheath that I stored the kryptonite knife earlier. As I open the door I see the man of steel wobble around screaming with handcuffs behind his back and a doggy chew toy in his mouth. Even with the kryptonite here he could easily breakout. Super-strength destroys the floor, jump out of the building, ect. But he probably didn't want to damage what would soon be his (ex?)girlfriends apartment, so this was a once-in-a-lifetime chance.
"[CLICK]"
Superman turns around to stare at me as I hide the camera behind me. I undo the handcuffs before deactivating the sonic weapon. Superman removes the doggy toy from his mouth as I place the kryptonite back in the led container.
"You stabbed me!" he said pointing to the bloodstained part of his shirt. He clearly wanted to hear something from me, but rather than explain to him I turned away before starting to talk.
"Ms. Lane is it okay to stab somebody who forcibly took you to another city."
"Yes," she replied.
"But... you..." Superman continued to stutter at our lack of care, while holding out the blood stained parts of his uniform out of hope that one of us would pay attention.
"Boys sit down." Ms. Lane calls us to the dinner table.
I make sure to be at my plate before Superman takes it. On a square dining table Ms. Lane and Superman sat across from each other, with Superman looking uncomfortably at her and I between the two of them. I've never sat between Bruce and one of his dates for a dinner, and my dad went to jail before I was born, but I feel in the air as though this is what having parents, who are about to divorce feels like.
"Please dig in," Ms. Lane is the first to break the tension. Superman looks at his food before Ms. Lane explains. "I made beans for you." She didn't.
"Thank you Lois." Superman said. He picked up the first spoonful of 'beans' and put them in his mouth. His first chew is one of innocence, the expectation that this food is like all the other meals she had cooked him before. But the instant he closed his mouth his eyes opened and would not close. The taste was probably all his body could focus on, diverting no attention to hearing, sight, or the other senses.
"Your cooking is very tasty Ms. Lane," I say before he could respond. Then, just to mock him, I take some bacon and slowly chew. Piece by piece I make sure to look him in the eye while I eat. He holds the spoon above the food, stuck between trying to eat the food or claiming he was full after one bite.
"Thank you!" Lois said, exaggerating the flattery from my compliment. "I was experimenting with new ingredients." Like dog food.
"I prefer the old ones," Superman mumbled.
"Perhaps you would prefer your wife's cooking," Ms. Lane returns, increasing the tension in the air. Superman now took another bite of the meal Ms. Lane had prepared for him and swallowed it in a single bite. Probably to try and refute that last point. He then placed the spoon down and got up with a face visibly damaged by the poor taste.
"She's not my wife!" Superman says, slamming the table. "She's-"
"SHSUH!" Ms. Lane attempts to silent him.
"She's-"
"SHSUH!"
"She's-"
"SHSUH!" On that last one Superman stays silent. Ms. Lane pulls out a flash drive. "Robin can you play this." I grab the flash drive and plug it into my holo-computer. I recognize the footage as from the end of the incident last night.
"Well you've been a bad boy," Maxima told me. "The only reason I haven't punished you more is because my husband is friends with your dad and I'd rather not have him avoid me more." Superman looked at the footage with a prepared speech held on his tongue.
"Maybe your husband maybe your husband and kid would spend more time with you if you weren't an annoying bi-" I remember this next part.
"[SLAM]" She dented my armor in eight spots with that throw.
"How dare you insult the Royal house of Almerac brat?! I am here to help my husband-" I look over to see Ms. Lane is gritting her teeth. "-the champion of your world's future kingdom." Superman now looked at the footage.
"We aren't in your Kingdom!"
"Then perhaps we have to change that boy!"
"Superboy King of Earth? Doesn't ring!"
"My Superboy will be king of more than that!" Now Superman looked as though he was rethinking his pre-planned speech.
Ms. Lane and I turn away from my holo-computer to interrogate Superman with our eyes.
"Why should you believe her over me?" Superman said quickly.
"Maybe because she wasn't HIDING A CHILD FROM ME!" Lois raged.
"He's more like a little brother," Superman tried to argue.
"Just because you had a kid in your teen's, doesn't make him a sibling," I respond. Surprisingly Ms. Lane had a more dramatic response. I don't think she did the math of a 30's man and a 18 year old kid earlier.
"Has he been raised by his grandparents this whole time?" Ms. Lane asked.
"My parents died on Krypton," Superman declared hoping to avoid this conversation.
"The people who raised you," Ms. Lane added. Superman didn't know that I told her about his adopted parents. Right now he is probably trying to determine what she does and does not know. I take a bite out of the scrambled eggs to hide what I'm saying.
"She knows about the farmers," I whisper while eating. In my peripheral vision, Superman starts biting his lip.
"No..." he says softly.
"Then, I'm going to assume his mom-your wife-raised him."
"First of all we were never married!" Superman declared standing up and crossing his arms in an attempt to display dominance. As the two of us continue eating his form breaks and he sits back down.
"Robin can you present evidence that he is married." The two of them stare at me, hope that I would help their case in their eyes.
"It would take me a while," I reply.
"We have all day." Ms. Lane drinks apple juice in a way that I have only seen a (supposedly) victorious villain do. Superman meanwhile treated my goal with skepticism.
"Perhaps I should have called Superboy here," I mutter, not bothering to hide what I said to Ms. Lane. As I log into my computer, I realize the Pandora's box I just opened, and smiled.
"Perhaps YOU-" Ms. Lane points to Superman. "-should have invited your son to meet me."
"He's-" Superman feebly responded. I was checking for evidence, but I was more interested in this conversation.
"At some point in the past three years!" With the new clarity as to why she's angry Superman took a second to reconsider what he was going to say.
"That wouldn't have been possible."
"Why? Did his supervillian parent have custody?"
"Um... Sort of..."
"So you're kid has been living with her."
"She's not my... No he hasn't been living with her!"
"So he's been living with you!"
"No he hasn't."
"Does he live alone?"
"No he-"
"I'm not talking to you."
The attention suddenly returns to me.
"Robin!"
"Superboy? He-" my computer scan catches my attention. "-lives-" I slow all my words as I struggle to decide what to do with the photos before me. "-in a-" I shut down my computer because I probably shouldn't look anymore. "-cave."
The two of them seemed to be studying my recent reaction.
Ms. Lane held out her hands as though she was holding something and slowly moving them up and down, as though she was pondering two different questions. Superman meanwhile seemed to be the most lost as he was counting something with his fingers.
"Did you find the evidence?" Ms. Lane finally asked.
"I-I think so," I respond with uncertainty.
"What are you talking about?" Superman responded with anger.
"I don't want to answer that!" I say quickly, placing my hand on the kryptonite knife.
"EXPLAIN!" both of them yell.
"IIIIIIIIIII-" I continue to think about my options as they pressure me with their eyes. "-found her nudes." I state plainly. The air tension was dissolved and replaced with mixed emotions that masked what we were each thinking.
...
...
...
"Her?" they both ask.
"[DEEP BREATH] Maxima!" I respond with every anti-Superman weapon Bruce had ever developed ready. Lois jaw dropped and Superman looked everywhere as definitive feelings took a hold.
"Where?" Superman asked with more confusion than anger.
"On the Fortress of Solitude's computer." Where else did he think I would get it?
"When did you get access to the computer?" Superman asked.
"You gave HIM access to your computer?" Ms. Lane asked offended.
"During the Mongul incident I tried to contact the League, but the jammers stopped me. However, the system I used ended up sending remote control the Batcave after the incident and I just never gave it up."
"You hacked my computer."
"You took him to your private fortress!" Ms. Lane seemed more offended at that.
"Yeah, what did you think it was his sex cabin or something?" I ask Ms. Lane, to the (ex?)couple's blushing. "Of course the JL knows about it."
"Back to the nudes," Ms. Lane said awkwardly before giving Superman a death-stare. "Show me." I take a long pause to assess the situation while Superman ponders everything that lead to this. "Show me!"
"I'm not allowed to give out pornographic content," I reply. "Not after the last time." That last part visibly confused them.
"Were you explicitly told?" Superman asked.
"What did you do?" Ms. Lane asked simultaneously. "Accidentally release a sex-tape to the internet."
"Don't be ridiculous," I dismiss. "I did it intentionally," I say pridefully. The two of them take a step back and look at me, creating a new focus. Rather than answer I attempt to return to the old conversation. "He however is held by no such rule." Ms. Lane returned to death-staring Superman.
"Why did you have them?" I'm not sure if it was Ms. Lane's stare or him trying to remember why those photos were on his computer, but Superman considered every action that brought him to this point.
"They were from her home world," Superman finally responded.
"I asked WHY not WHERE!"
"The upper-class of her world walk around... in that state to display their beauty." Lois an I look at him with disbelief and a feeling of insult.
"That sound like something from a comic book desperately trying to appeal to a male audience," I tell him. Though that is a more creative lie than most cheaters I've seen.
"Do you honestly expect us to believe that?" Ms. Lane adds.
"It's the truth!" he states very defensively. "Those photos were sent to me by the Green Lantern Corp."
"That's a very fancy porn delivery service," I add.
"It was for research!" These are some really creative excuses. I am glad I stayed and listened to what he could some up with.
"You expect us to believe Superboy's mom is a nudist?" Ms. Lane adds. "Is that what you wanted me to do?"
"She's not his mom!" Superman attempts to deny while ignoring the other question. Ms. Lane and I give each other a look in which we silently agree to continue to push him, just to see where he goes.
"Superboy comes from half your DNA. Right," Lois asks.
"Welll... that's... mostly accurate..." Superman said with a voice that clearly had more.
"So if the chick from space, with kryptonian-like powers, claiming to be your wife isn't Superboy's mom-" I ask humorously. "-who is?"
"He doesn't have a mom." The two of us are taken back for a second as we contemplate how to follow.
"Do you reproduce asexually?" I ask him.
"No," he said, unsure of himself for a second.
"Does he have both pairs down there?" I ask Ms. Lane.
"No," they both respond, but Superman more forcefully and Ms. Lane casually.
"Then where did the other half of Superboy's DNA come from?" Ms. Lane asks. Superman spent a significant amount of time trying to come up with an answer.
"Lex Luthor."
Ms. Lane and I give him look that questions his judgement. Of all the lies you could tried: a random girl, someone who died, or even Wonder Woman... he states Lex Luthor. I want to see the creativity of an athlete caught doping. He had it earlier with she's a nudist.
"Do you think we're-" I attempt to ask before Ms. Lane cut me off.
"Do you think we are %#!$ing idiots!?" Ms. Lane yelled at him.
"No-" he tried to reply.
"Can you spontaneously change genders like a-" I start asking.
"NO!"
"I'm done with this!" Ms. Lane states and starts walking to the kitchen.
"Lois I can-"
"WHAT?! Can you explain to me how you hid your son from me for all these years! Or your wife! Or-" This is probably going to end soon, so I should start ninja-ing away.
Thanks for reading everyone! Let me know how you feel in the comments/like/follow.
Also I've written 23K so far for what was supposed to be a 5K chapter in my other story which I have like 20K words for but haven't published. Did not actually expect to be able write this much.
Well I think I'm going to publish for that story before I finish this story, but I see two or three more chapters and maybe an epilogue, but I also expected to do all of this story in a two shot so I'm bad at predicting.
Expect Conner to actually show up and not just be vaguely referenced in the fight between Lois and Clark.